Saga 'The Emperor and His Weight Loss Worries' Comedy

Title: The Emperor and his Weight Loss Worries.
Author: MoeTharen
Genre: Comedy
TimeFrame: Durring episode 6, ROTJ
Rating: PG

Summary: The Emperor tries desperatly to lose weight and avoid chocolates, with no help from the Alliance. Who shall win? Will Power or Pizza Hutt?

Notes: I didn't write this on my own, HanSoloIsSoCute helped me more than I'll ever be able thank her for. Also Pelly-Wellys' story Too Sexy For My Empire sort of inspired it.




* * * * *
Vader stood in the death star docking bay waiting for the final load of shipments. He gazed at the stars...

Finally...our second death star will soon be complete. The rebels have no chance against us now!

He walked down to the main hanger as his awaited ship landed. The commander came out and stood by Vader and watched as the final finishings to the Death Star was unloaded. Once Vader saw everything was in order he turned to leave but the commander stopped him.

"Sir, there's this one very important item among the shipments..."

Vader sighed. What now?

"Yes commander?"

The commander solemnly handed him a small green and brown package. Vader took it and glanced down at the package...

Tofu soy rolls?!

Vader looked at the commander.

"Commander, you KNOW I cannot consume food orally---"

"I believe it's for the Emperor, he's on a diet sir."

Darth Vader inwardly sighed. This is not good, Sidious always was cranky when he didn't get proper nutrition...

* * * * * *

Sidious frantically paced from one side of his chambers to the other.

Where was his Tofu rolls! They were taking too long! And he was HUNGRY!!!

The Emperor sighed. He didn't want Tofu...he wanted something dipped in chocolate and fried in fat!!

But he was getting heavy...so he had to cut down on doughnuts, and other fatty treats...

The Emperor dejectedly flung himself on his chair.

It was hopeless!

Vader walked in with the package. The Emperor hopped up with a crazed look on his face that somewhat resembled giddy happiness.

"MY TOFU SOY ROLLS!!!!!"

He attacked Vader and ripped open the package with his teeth. He stood there franticly chewing, then he stopped. He frowned and spat them out.

"THOSE ARE HORRIBLE!!" He sputtered in disgust.

Vader calmly brushed the Tofu and spit off his armor.

The Emperor looked around with sadness. He desprately wanted junk food, and he had hoped the Tofu would taste better...

"Oh Vader, it's sooo depressing! I want goodies, but I don't want to marr my perfect body any further!"

Darth Vader glaced at the Emperors 'perfect body' and felt releived that it was shrowded in robes.

"Have you considered exercise, master?"

The Emperor looked away from his Pizza Hutt coupon to regard Darth Vader.

"Exercise? Poo. I can't waste my time lifting weights and doing tushie toners! I have a galaxy to dominate!"

Vader rolled his eyes behind his mask, it had become habit when he was in the presence of his master.

"Is your schedule REALLY so demanding that you cannot take half an hour or so to exersise?"

The Emperor considered...his adoring fans hadn't been beating down the doors lately(not that they ever did mind you) perhaps he could sqweeze it in.

His wrinkled face lit up with joy. "I'll do it!" He exlaimed happily.

* * * * * * *

The Emperor ripped open the cardboard box that contained his new exercise equipment. He grabbed a ten pound weight and struggled to lift it out of the box. He managed to get it over the edge, but then dropped it on his foot.

"AAAAAHHHH!! OUCH! OUCHIE! OUCH! OUCH!!!"

The Emperor hopped around on one foot and screamed at the top of his lungs. Two stormtroopers rushed in, but stopped to stare at him. They looked at each other and shrugged.

"He's just having one of his fits again." One of them said.

The stormtroopers left.

"I AM N

 

I LOVE this!! I KNEW you had it in you!!!!!




Where was his Tofu rolls! They were taking too long! And he was HUNGRY!!!

The Emperor sighed. He didn't want Tofu...he wanted something dipped in chocolate and fried in fat!!


lol! You're making me hungry.



The Emperor hopped up with a crazed look on his face that somewhat resembled giddy happiness.

"MY TOFU SOY ROLLS!!!!!"

He attacked Vader and ripped open the package with his teeth.



LOL!! I can just SEE him doing that!!! I may never sleep again!!!!!


Darth Vader glaced at the Emperors 'perfect body' and felt releived that it was shrowded in robes.


Yes, it IS a good thing.


"Exercise? Poo. I can't waste my time lifting weights and doing tushie toners! I have a galaxy to dominate!"


I was rolling on the floor laughing, yes.


The Emperor ripped open the cardboard box that contained his new exercise equipment. He grabbed a ten pound weight and struggled to lift it out of the box. He managed to get it over the edge, but then dropped it on his foot.

"AAAAAHHHH!! OUCH! OUCHIE! OUCH! OUCH!!!"

The Emperor hopped around on one foot and screamed at the top of his lungs.



I'm DYING!! I'M DYING!!!!


It would take alot more than that to lift the Emperors fanny. Darth Vader thought.

That is by far, THE funniest part!! lol I LOVE it!!!!



Vader nodded thinking... Might as well be ten credits richer.

The Emperor grasped it with both hands and stood up. He had a look of insane happieness on his wrinkled face.
He began to slowly tilt backwards, Vader leaned forward and blew.

The Emperor dropped to the floor still gripping the twenty pounder in both hands.

"Darth help me!" The Emperor squeaked.

"What about my ten credits?"

"I'm a Sith, I LIED!!!"

Vader stood there considering.

The Emperor pried his hand out of under the weight and zapped him.

"HELP ME OR I'LL FRY YOU!!"





I shall be checking into the funny farm for nessesary reasons. Everyone must think I am NUTS by now, I haven't stopped laughing through the whole thing!!!!
Oh, I LOVED the: "I'm a Sith, I LIED!!!"


And of, course, the BEST line:


"I RULE THE WHOLE STUPID GALAXY!!!! I'LL EAT WHAT EVER I WANT!!!!"

I shall love this fic until the day I die.

 

Oh god!!

Help me!!

That was hilarious!!

Please tell me there will be sequal!!

 

That was so funny
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
that cracked me up so bad

 

Hilarious. Thanks for the PM.

 

"Oh Vader, it's sooo depressing! I want goodies, but I don't want to marr my perfect body any further!"

Darth Vader glaced at the Emperors 'perfect body' and felt releived that it was shrowded in robes

:Shudders at mental picture of Emperor Palpy's old, wrinkled naked bod:

Loved this! You know, in the movie Spaceballs, the Jabba character is Pizza the Hutt!

He is soooo gross looking!

MoeTharen-

This was wonderful!

"Heart"

 

The Emperor hopped up with a crazed look on his face that somewhat resembled giddy happiness.

I think that one was my favoritest of all of them.



IOW: Dies laughing.

 

YAY!!! The most readers I've had in my entire life of fanfics! I LOVE YOU ALL!!

HanSoloIsSoCute I couldn't have done it without you sis!

obi-wanfan123 Hmmmm...I'll sure think about it. I have to finish my other fic 'Skinny and Moe Begins' first, but then I think I could.

Master_Jedi_Singh Lol, I'm glad you liked it!

Laine_Snowtrekker Thanx. It was my first attempt at comedy.

I_Heart_Han_Solo Oooooo...I'll have to see that! Lol.

PadawanKaterina Lol, I wrote it from personal experience at weight loss.

 

The Fanny Lifter!



This was too funny. Great job!

 

I must thank HanSolo for the PM because that was hillarious! Damn you Moe, now I really want a brownie!

Oh, and tell the Emperor to try some crunches.

 

KELIA Lol, I got that from an exercise prodram we HAVE! Lol I couldn't beleive they called it that.

ladie_padawan Yeah, my mom saw it she wants to make cookies now, LOL!

Oh yeah, obi-wanfan123, I thought about the sequel, and I think I'm gonna ask HanSoloIsSoCute to do it. Lol, I can't think of anything else to write in it!

 

Nicely done. I liked the Gollum referrence.

 

That was fricken FUNNY!!!!! I loved it!

Man I love the comment about the fanny. Great job.

 

What? More did you speak? I'M IN HEAVAN!!!

Mr_Fantastic Lol, Sid reminds me of Gollom alot. Their both probably over a hundred, both really ugly, and both NUTS if you ask me.

Darth_Funky_Monkey Yay! I's so glad you like it!

HanSoloIsSoCute is writing it, God bless her. Anyway do any of you want PMs' when its out?

 

HAHAHAHAH!!!

 

Lol, glad I made you laugh!

 

Ha, the Emperor can't even lift a ten pound weight. Funny Stuff.

 

I'l take the PM

 

Lol, you got it pal! One of us will let you know when its up.

 

I'd love a PM when the sequel is out

 

*wipes eyes* Oh, this was great! Bad mental images, but so funny!

 

*Blinks and watches as HanSoloIsSoCutes super-sonic speedy form zips past*

Man she's fast!

HanSoloIsSoCute has finished the sequel! Heres the link:

The Emperor and His Lipo-Suction

 

Cute story. I enjoyed him zapping Vader on a whim.

 

Lol, glad you liked it! I was hopeing some1 would notice.

 

Hahahaha...Must be comedy week at the ol' Empire!!