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Saga The Emperor's New Groove (Palpy, Humor, one shot)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Vongchild, Aug 29, 2004.

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  1. Vongchild

    Vongchild Jedi Master star 5

    Apr 2, 2004
    did you know that clicking burns .02 calories?

    Title: The Emperor's New Groove
    Author: Vongchild
    Genre: Humor
    Summary: Palpatine decides he doesn't like being bald

    Emperor Palpatine, ruler or a thousand worlds, conqueror of a million species, former senator of Naboo, Dark lord of the sith, and bald, ran a hand over his shiny, hairless scalp and decided that he didn't like it. He had always loved his shock of white hair that he took such good care of, grooming and combing and conditioning, and now, ever since he had taken over the galaxy, it had fallen out and not grown back.

    Being evil had negative effects on one's folicles, he decided, because Maul, Asajj, and Vader were also, irreversably and inarguably, bald.

    And Vader had had such nice hair, too. Just the color Palpatine had always wanted...

    But never mind that. He needed to get his hair back. And fast, before he had to squash the rebels. He wanted to have hair in his victory speech broadcasted across the thousand worlds.

    Anxiously, Palpatine picked up the tube on his desk. A tube of Miri-grow hair solution. He squeezed a dollop of it into his palm and rubbed it onto his head. Someone knocked on his door - a large wooden panel made from the finest Wroshyr tree hearts - and, startled, he capped the tube and shoved it into a desk drawer. One of the moffs, he didn't remember which - they all looked the same, came in and adressed him.

    "Sir, we have located the rebel base," The Moff said. Palpatine scratched his head - Sith, did it itch! - and looked at him.

    "Well?" Palpatine asked, fed up and scrating some more.

    "They're on Hoth," The Moff said. He then looked at the emperor and asked, "Are you feeling okay, sir?"

    "Of course I'm okay!" Palpatine snapped, taking his hand away from scratching long enough to force-choke the Moff to death. Drat, he thought, fifth one that week. He'd have to get less iritating moffs. Palpatine stood up, scratching as he walked, and went to the mirror in his private fresher. As he watched, long, curly, black hairs sprouted from his head, framing it in a fuzzy black cloud.

    Palpatine screamed a long, hoarse, girl-ish scream. He'd rather still be bald than sport something as frivolous and scruffy as what he had now...

    ...the dreaded...


  2. Me262

    Me262 Jedi Youngling

    Aug 28, 2004
    That is great Vongy! Drat, he thought, fifth one that week. my favorite line! Nice humor viggie.
  3. Pelly-Welly

    Pelly-Welly Jedi Knight star 6

    Jan 10, 2004
    [face_laugh] Best. Fic. Of. The. Weekend!!!!! awesome! Man, I loved this! I can't stop laughing at the mental image of Palpatine with an afro!
  4. Handmaiden_Rabe

    Handmaiden_Rabe Jedi Master star 5

    Nov 2, 2003
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] You should be proud of yourself, Vongy. This was great! (chocks on laughter, then drops to the ground) I'm. O. K.

  5. Miladry

    Miladry Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jul 21, 2003
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] That was great! [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  6. Vongchild

    Vongchild Jedi Master star 5

    Apr 2, 2004
    Wow! Thanks, everyone! I'm glad you liked it!

    Pelly- oh my! such high praise! *bows* you really think so? :D
  7. Pelly-Welly

    Pelly-Welly Jedi Knight star 6

    Jan 10, 2004
    Yes, I really do think so. In fact, I just read this again and it still gave me giggles. Gods....Palpatine with an afro. *grins* :D
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