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Characters The Essential Guide to OC's: The Mini Challenge Revival - Prompt the Fourth!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by OCDatabaseSock, Nov 12, 2006.

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  1. OCDatabaseSock

    OCDatabaseSock Jedi Master star 2

    Dec 17, 2004
    We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive!

    NYCitygurl refuses to let me let this thread die, and I agree.

    So how's about a MINI-Challenge everyone???

    The OC Awards
    Yes, yes, I know, there are already OC categories in the regular awards, but this will be special. I want to celebrate everyone's participation, so I'm going to host an awards ceremony specifically for this challenge. Special awards, or "No-Prizes" (for those Marvel comic readers) as you will, all in good fun, as invented by me, for each and every entry.

    Teh Rulz:
    One Post, one pan, one tasty meal! Post an all new OC vignette in this thread (plus any R&R for stories posted before you), please no more than 5k words, between now and 11:59pm Friday August The 13th. I will post category winners the following day.

    As with awards excerpt submissions, you may post some authors notes and a link to any stories related to your characters as well.

    Any other questions post 'em here, and good luck.


    P.S. NYC & I are trying to go forward with an OC Thread in NSWFF Resource, so if you post stories over there with prominent OCs (not background, or secondary characters) PM this sock with NSWFF in the subject, and once I have enough to start I thread, I will. (please include the fandom in the info)

  2. moosemousse

    moosemousse CR Emeritus: FF-UK South star 6

    Oct 3, 2004
    Yay! I've always wanted to win an award! [face_dancing]
  3. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003

    I'll have to see what I can rustle up for this. :D
  4. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    Hoorah! It's not dead!

    I'll definitely have to ponder what I can whip up in the next couple of weeks. Exciting!
  5. Exeter

    Exeter Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 2, 2005
    Sounds like an awesome way to necromance this thread back into action. Count me in?and before your sass gets rolling, I really mean it this time, ale.

    No, seriously [face_plain]
  6. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005
    I've recently became more interesting in writing OCs, so I'm totally in for this. :D

    edit -- does the challenge want us to write a vigentte for a completely new OC, or can we use OCs that we've already written about?

  7. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    This is fun and I have a new OC

    This is his story but his offspring appears in




    Author: Earlybird-obi-wan
    Timeframe: 54.000 bby
    Characters: OC?s
    Genre: challenge
    Disclaimer: Star Wars is owned by G.L.


    The last member of the Sheir-Irel tribe was coming home. He came from Moniron and had said goodbye to his offspring living in the great oceans of Moniron. A smile passed on his grey and black skinned face. ?Falga my little granddaughter will be alright. She wanted to stay on Moniron with her friends.? Webbed hands took the controls and guided the sleek black and white transport down to the single spaceport on Irellion, under the shallow waters of the ocean. His ancestors were born on Irellion and had left 3000 years ago to explore the galaxy. And they were just one of the explorer parties.
    The extensive communications network between the Irellions ? exploring watery worlds ? had provided him with more data from the other parties. And the dreams; many dreams were filled with images of Sheir-Irel meeting aquatic creatures and becoming friends and even lovers when they discovered that they had much in common. He was a Sheir-Irel, gifted with great powers and knowledge about the unifying Force as it would become known to beings discovering that aeons later.
    And he wanted to study and teach the members of the Sheir-Irel more about what he had discovered on Moniron. And he knew that the Sheir-Irel coming from Varanko, Manaan and what would become known as Lingala had more to teach.
    He landed his transport on the small stretch of natural stone, headed to the airlock and closed the inner hatch. He waited for the water to level out and popped open the hatch. Like his Irellion ancestors who had returned to the seas aeons ago he needed oxygen to breathe and he swam to the surface.
    - - - - - -
    The last member of the Sheir-Irel was waiting, bobbing on the surface. He was waiting for the moon to appear and he smiled when the dark ocean became luminescent. Algae and numerous sea-creatures had all what made his skin quite different from what could be seen at daytime.
    A beautiful pattern became visible when the first rays of the moon shone on his face and he saw more Sheir-Irel coming to the surface. And he began to smile when the girl from his dreams surfaced. She was real and whispered his name in basic ?Shei-kan, now we are together.?

  8. Corellian_Ale

    Corellian_Ale Manager Emeritus star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Mar 3, 2008
    Either is more than welcome. I assumed most would use characters they already have which is why I made point of having particpants add links to related stories. So do whatever your heart desires! :)

    earlbird is already over achieving... ;)

    Good too see the interest, now just make sure you all follow through! :p
  9. MsLanna

    MsLanna Jedi Master star 6

    Jul 8, 2005
    hmmm, maybe if I poke Nashara, she will come to life? [face_thinking]
    if I'm not too lazy....:oops:
  10. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005
    Either is more than welcome. I assumed most would use characters they already have which is why I made point of having particpants add links to related stories. So do whatever your heart desires!

    Sweet. :cool:

    And naturally I didn't see the part about posting links to related stories. :oops: :p

    Well... I just killed off the characters I want to use, so I'm going to go find a time machine and write about them in situations BEFORE the story where they all died. :p
  11. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    Hahaha, I did that with an OC I actually ended up loving- he was tested out in mini-challenges in the old OC thread, and the first time I let him out in his own vig he ran off and got himself killed. I've written a lot of backstory fic just so I can pull him out more often. :p

    I'll be back with feedback and hopefully a story soon. I'll see which of the old gang I can poke into action. :D
  12. FelsGoddess

    FelsGoddess Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Sep 5, 2004
    Hmm, might have to do this. [face_thinking] Now which OC to use is the question.
  13. RX_Sith

    RX_Sith C&G Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Mar 13, 2006
    This is my one and only OC that I have so far written.

    From: [link=]Eclipse of the Force[/link].

    Mada had a sensitivity to things that others in her race called the Sensi had not. She could predict things before they would happen. Some of her race disliked these predictions because mostly they were of dangerous things that were going to happen to their planet called Eclipse. After eons of bombardment from the asteroids that encircled their hidden world the Sensi had become a nomadic race due to the constant disruptions caused by each successive impact.

    The race had long ago built their society into the fragile crust of their home-world, but each new impact fractured their societal framework to nearly the breaking point. A Sensi's life term was a mere twenty years normally due to the consistency of their world being constantly struck. This required the Sensi to have children at the first available opportunity, usually in their early teens.

    Mada's family was far from normal. Besides still having parents, she also had an older sister as well. Nata was just entering her teenage years while Mada herself was only nine years old. Her father, Hesu was thirty-one while her mother Veron was twenty-eight. To have lived even this long brought contempt from the other Sensi who were mostly much younger then her parents.

    It was because of Mada that her family had even still existed. Due to her predictions, they were able to move to a new location before their previous one would be destroyed by meteoric destruction. This did not bode well with their status amongst the other Sensi that did not have these warnings to guide them. Also, it was because of this that they now moved more due to distrust than disaster.

    "Will we ever have a permanent home?" Mada asked inquisitively to her mother.

    "Child," Veron comforted her, "What do your senses tell you."

    "It's very cold," Mada shivered as she closed her eyes and let go of her feelings.

    "Calm now," Veron stated as the family huddled together, "We have no control over the fate of our lives. We must continue on, no matter how dire our circumstances may become."

    "But, what about my visions?" Mada inquired hesitantly.

    "They will have to protect us in the meantime," Veron remorsefully answered, "Each new place is a new opportunity; a new start."

    "Here's to our next new start," the family huddled in agreement.
  14. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005
    First of all, I LOVE that painting! [face_love] Gorgeous! I haven't read the related fics, but I'm interested to check them out. I love reading about non-humans, and the Sheir-Irel are certainly interesting! I've only created a completely new species once (and they are more or less the Author Created Species of Plot Device :p ), so I really like this snapshot of what their culture is like. Plus species from water worlds = awesomeness. :cool:

    Awww, poor Mada! I feel sorry for her, wanting a permanent home which she may not get. And to have other members of her race be prejudiced against her because of her visions (Force sensitivity, I take it?)... :( But I do like how the family has hope, with each new place being a new start. Nice. :)

    Here?s my entry. My Muse kind of went a little berserk on it, but I was having fun with the characters, so there. :p It?s under 5000 words, though, no worries (not by much, but it?s still under! Haha!).

    This hasn?t been edited at all, but I did look over it a few times after finishing... but typos are my friends. :p :)

    [b]Title:[/b] Some Negotiation Required
    [b]Author:[/b] Idrelle_Miocovani
    [b]Timeframe:[/b] Galactic Civil War
    [b]Characters:[/b] Seline Orion, Nyixa Lin, Tamrin (OCs)
    [b]Genre:[/b] drama, spy story!
    [b]Notes:[/b] Tamrin is an all-new OC of mine, based off some of the quirks of some characters I?ve been playing around with for non-fanfic stuff. Seline is new-ish, as she?s only mentioned in a fanfic, but I?ve had her backstory developed for a very long time because of her complex relationship with Nyixa. Tamrin and Seline are humans, Nyixa is Falleen.

    Nyixa is a protagonist in [link=]Dead Man Walking[/link] (which is a completed story, W00T!); Seline is mentioned and has a fairly significant role even though she only makes one sort-of appearance. Tamrin didn?t exist when I was writing DMW. :p


    Seline stared across the table. Her long fingernails tapped lightly on its surface, somewhat in time with the beat of the low music grinding out of the sound system. The corners of her mouth twitched, neither smiling nor frowning.


    The target of her gaze ? a greasy-haired man named Tamrin, who, in Seline?s opinion, deserved a better lot in life than he had been granted him, like being at the bottom of a garbage heap ? looked back at her, the traces of a sneer on his lips. He swilled the remains of his drink around the bottom of his glass. ?It?s your move, Seline. I?m just waiting for you.?

    Seline leaned back in her seat. ?I didn?t come here tonight to have a staring contest.?

    ?Oh dear. And here was me expecting you to find some inner stirring of your emotions whenever you looked me in the eye.?

    She chuckled, her eyebrows raised. ?You hardly fit my calibre.?

    Tamrin clucked his tongue. ?What a shame, what a shame.? He raised his near-empty glass in a mocking toast and drained it in one gulp.

    ?Are you finished? I would rather not sit here all night.?

    ?My, my, you are impatient.?

    ?And you are getting on my nerves.?

    Tamrin shrugged. ?I hear it?s a talent of mine.?

    He snapped his fingers. A serving girl appeared, silently refilling his glass. Seline eyed her as she approached; judging by Tamrin?s perpetual smirk and the way his eyes followed her every move, he was familiar with her. [i]Disgusting man,[/i] Seline thought. From the girl?s anxious movements, Seline doubted that she was secretly employed by Tamrin?s people, but you could never be too careful.

    Seline didn?t trust anyone in this cantina ? it was one of Tamrin?s favourites. Her visits with the corrupt Imperial always stank of potential betrayal, but that was what made him such a good informant. He could go either way. As long as she stayed on top of the game, he would come to her and the Empire wouldn?t know any better.

    Seline sighed and waved a hand at the girl, signalling a refilled glass for her benefit, too. ?And to think,? she said, observing Tamrin with one eyebrow raised, ?that you managed to get so>
  15. darksideyesplease

    darksideyesplease Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 12, 2005
    Boy I'd really like to write something up about Zafii but I'm afraid even a 10k post won't do her justice. There is not really that much that jumps off the page about her. :_| Which is both a good thing and a bad thing I suppose... Maybe I can think up something for Aflitco Advonerous? I've written him but I haven't posted it for anyone to see. [face_thinking]

    I'll see if I can think of something interesting before the deadline. [face_peace]
  16. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005
    You could do a snapshot, dsyp. A sort of "an hour in the life of ___." :p :) I didn't think I'd be able to fit in a story about Seline (much less a story with Seline AND Nyixa) into less than 5,000 words, but I chose a snapshot moment and it worked fairly well. ;)

    I hoping to see more entries. :D This is fun! 8-}

  17. Alexis_Wingstar

    Alexis_Wingstar Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 16, 2006
    I haven't had a chance to R&R the previous entries, but I promise to get around to it (though I love earlybird's painting :) ).

    My OC, Alexis (no relation to me, of course :p ) appears here: [link=]Soul Shadows[/link] and [link=]Sweet Release[/link]
    Here is a related story with Master MqCray: [link=]Captive Soul[/link]

    This is kind of a spoiler for Soul Shadows, as was the other two vigs.

    Force Protect My Soul

    ?Do you remember your birth parents, Alexis??

    ?Yes, a little,? as the eighteen-year-old padawan answered, her brow furrowed in a puzzled frown. She wondered what her birth parents had to do with the matter at hand. Her adopted father, Bryont MqCray, had been captured by a Sith Lord who wanted her to turn herself over to him in exchange for the life of the man who raised her. ?They died in a speeder accident when I was very young.?

    ?It was no accident that took your parent?s lives,? Grandmaster Arl Koon quietly informed her, ?they were on the run from Darth Incindious, the father of Darth Umbrae who kidnapped Master MqCray. Your parents, Trei and Shia Vortex, were both force sensitives who chose not to train with the Jedi. Incindious wanted their offspring... you... for reasons we can only speculate upon. The two went into hiding, taking the name of Wingstar and travelled from system to system to avoid capture. They contacted us for asylum, and Bryont was going to meet them on Corellia when three of Incidous? minions caught up to your parents. Thankfully, he was there to rescue you.?

    She remembered.

    Wind was blowing through her hair, and she was singing. Her mother was smiling back at her while her father drove. It was a nervous smile. There was something wrong. Fear was in the air, and Alexis? young mind only wanted to make her mommy and daddy happy. They were always happy when she sang, so that?s what she did. Suddenly, there was a rough bump and the speeder started pitching from side to side and spinning.

    Alexis cried.

    Her mom reached out to her without touching, yet she felt an embrace and calmed down. She felt her mother?s love. Everything was going to be okay.

    Then the landspeeder rolled over. Metal screeched against pavement.

    Then everything was still.

    And dark.

    The air was filled with smoke, and Alexis coughed. It was hot.

    Suddenly it cooled and she felt a slow, gentle movement as the landspeeder magically righted itself. The air cleared, and as the youngling looked up and coughed one more time, she saw a head framed by curly red hair appear above her. Verdant eyes twinkled as hands reached down to release her from the restraints that held her in the back seat and gently picked her up.

    ?Hi there, little one,? a deep voice cooed. ?It?s going to be alright.?

    Alexis struggled in the stranger?s arms. Not because she didn?t trust him. Indeed, she instinctively knew he was there to help her. ?Mommy!? she cried out as she successfully turned around so that she saw the burnt wreckage. ?Daddy, don? leave me!?

    It was already too late. The bodies of her parents were lifeless husks. The smell of their burnt flesh filled the air.

    The stranger held her as she wept into his shoulder. A familiar tune vibrated through her as he hummed. It was the lullaby her mother always sang when it was bedtime. There was a gentle stroke across her mind, and she relaxed into sleep.

    The stranger had been Master MqCray, then a newly appointed knight. At the behest of the Jedi Council, he adopted her, even though he was unsure if he would be a good father. He married his fiance, Maci, and Alexis grew to love them.

    ?She shielded me,? the young woman said of her birth mother. ?She... kept me from burning even as she was dieing.?

    The grandmaster nodded. ?Though untrained, desperation and love gave her the strength to protect you.?

    Alexis was silent a few moments in respect to her parents who gave their li
  18. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005
    Poor Alexis. :( I do like how her remembrance of her birth mother's death has given her inner strength. Good girl - fight those inner demons! "Force protect my soul" - very appropriate.

    Out of curiosity, why does "MqCray" have a "q" in it? Too Scottish to have a "c"? :p (I'm joking, I think it's cool. [face_peace] )
  19. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Well done, all. I think I was most engaged by Idrelle's amusing characters, but I liked the originality of earlybird's characters, the intelligence of RX's and Alexis' usual flair for novela-style heartstring-tugging.

    Here is a bit that features three of my favorite characters: Amne Selrieen Palpatine and her two guards, Zia and Amia.


    Today's events were meant to be handled by the Chancellor's staff. Following the rather sudden departure of Chancellor Valorum, the Chancery Mansion had been closed off for a record-breaking cleaning. Five hundred servants were temporarily assigned to ensure that the official residence of the Supreme Chancellor and his family was ready by the time the Palpatines returned from the memorial on Naboo.

    They had not been hired in vain, of course. Lady Palpatine returned to find that her new apartments were in pristine condition. The Alderaanian rugs looked as good as they had when a previous Chancellor had ordered them installed sixty-seven years ago. Her clothes were arranged with fastidious care in the closet that dwarfed her meager wardrobe. Even the floor-to-ceiling windows in her private office were gleaming in the morning sunlight.

    Lady Palpatine officially approved of the staff's work. She commended them for their diligence and made a valiant effort to memorize at least a few of their names. Amne Selrieen Palpatine, the very recent bride of the new Supreme Chancellor, let the door close behind her and immediately set to work fixing things.

    She started with the small things. As someone who had too recently been a university student, she liked a little chaos in her life. She felt ridiculously rebellious doing it, but she reorganized her closet according to what matched instead of by season, fabric and color. Whoever had tried to make her collection of clothes look impressive had done an excellent job, but she deftly mixed her casual blouses with formal gowns and stuck her hiking boots next to the dress shoes that she had worn to the recent Senate vote that had officially made her First Lady of the Republic.

    She was elbow-deep in the bookshelf closest to her office door when a knock sounded. "Come in."

    It was impressive, really, that her personal Jedi protectors had let her out of their sight for more than an hour, but they had left her in the capable hands of the Chancery guard and gone to report to their superiors. When they entered to find half of her datapacks on the floor, they both drew up short. Zia looked amused--she was young enough to remember how to smile--but Amia looked disapproving.

    "Do these," she indicated the pile at Amne's feet, "displease you?"

    "No," Amne called over her shoulder. "I simply haven't decided what to do with them."

    "Ah." Amia stooped to retrieve one of the fallen items. "Might we help?"

    If they had arrived with her, they probably would have intervened with a claim that the First Lady should not be hauling her own boxes. Instead, they were subjected to her compulsive need to do things her way. She also had hoped to keep the 'remodeling' quiet so that none of the staffers would be offended by her initial impression of their hard work. It wasn't done wrong. It just looked as if she had taken no part in setting up their new home and that displeased her.

    "I suppose so." She turned, her arms stacked with the old-fashioned print volumes that she had collected over the years. "You're lucky I didn't enlist your help earlier when I was in the mood to move furniture."

    "I thought that desk was against the window," Zia commented. "What was wrong with it?"

    "I'm not my husband," Amne stated. "He may like being framed against a sweeping cityscape, but I'd prefer to be tucked away and unnoticed in a corner."

    The setup of her office now looked as if her classroom at the academy had been expanded. With any luck, it would stay that way.

    "You should have waited," Zia informed her. "I like furniture-hauling."

    Before she had completed the sentence, eighty kilograms
  20. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005
    Thanks, Ish! [:D] Glad you found them amusing. :p I think that was part of the point. ;)

    I love Amne. [face_love] Your concept for her character and the stories she features in is brilliant (i.e. Palpatine having a wife) and executed very well. I get a bit of a laugh in this scene from her reorganizing her closet to make it chaotic. That sounds like what I do all the time. 8-} Zia and Amia are excellent counterparts for her, I like how they play off each other.

    Good job! :)
  21. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Thanks. I liked writing this one because that series covers 18 years. Book 1, she's a 22-year-old social studies teacher at a local high school on Coruscant. Book 2, all of a sudden, she's 32, has been the First Lady for ten years and has a political backbone. I really want to write some in-between stories.
  22. Alexis_Wingstar

    Alexis_Wingstar Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 16, 2006
    earlybird: As always, your characters and stories are unique (that's a good thing :) ).

    RX: I remembered this when you wrote it for the Dare Challenge a couple years ago. I'm glad to see you expanded on it. :)

    Idrelle: The characters and the scene were thoroughly enjoyable. I fear Alexis hasn't even begun to know 'inner demons' as yet... but she will... oh, she will. [face_devil] Oh, and it's interesting you suggested Bryont was too Scottish for a 'c'. When I first came up with his character and his family he grew up with, they definitely had a Scottish mindset (I even had his father speaking with a thick brogue). But I actually put the "q" in there just to make it unique [face_laugh]

    Ish: I always liked Amne, and her Jedi protectors as well. I look forward to reading more of those in-between stories :D

  23. Raptor517

    Raptor517 Jedi Knight star 4

    Sep 12, 2006
    Was checking in and saw the challenge, and had some time. So here it is!

    More can be found in [link=]Metamorphosis[/link].

    Give us this day our daily lessons

    A white-blue energy blade clashed against its emerald opponent, and Gaen Revik stepped back swiftly as both lightsabers crackled.

    ?Good,? Jef encouraged, Gaen?s master holding his weapon in the guard position. Gaen accepted the compliment with a small surge of pride and began to circle his master once more.

    ?Don?t cross your feet ?? Jef warned with a frown, just as Gaen launched himself forward with a Force enhanced leap.

    For a brief, fleeting second, Gaen was smug. He made the fundamental mistake on purpose, to draw his master?s attention and create an opening to exploit. The Force did what his crossed feet could not, providing power instead of his leg muscles. As he soared through the air in a flip that brought him over his master?s defenses, Gaen was giddy with the realization that for the first time in over fifteen years, someone besides the Niin?Vor would best Jef in a duel.

    The anticipated glory left him along with all the air in his lungs as Jef?s booted foot caught him just under the rib cage as the Altrenian Jedi completed a perfect spinning heel kick.

    Gaen crashed to the ground, a burning sensation in his lungs and on his leg.

    Rolling over with a groan, Gaen?s out of focus vision caught the blurred sight of his still ignited saber lying on the ground. The handle flipped through the air and deactivated before landing in Jef?s hand.

    Gasping air back into his lungs, Gaen sat up and examined the nasty scorch mark on his leg, doing his best to ignore the man who crouched next to him.

    ?What was that?? Jef asked solemnly, dropping the silver handle in Gaen?s lap. ?If your saber hadn?t been powered down to a training level, you?d be down one leg and a liver.?

    ?I wanted to beat you,? Gaen muttered. ?I thought that would work.?

    Jef snorted. ?Hardly. Think about it, Gaen. If that had been a real combat situation, I?d have rushed you. All but the most skilled Jedi or Sith would be exposed in their initial leap. If I failed, you land behind me harmlessly. If you don?t leap, your legs are tangled.?

    Gaen scowled. ?Then what should I have done??

    ?Not crossed your feet,? Jef responded, pulling his padawan closer in a sideways hug. For a moment, they reflected, then Jef slowly stood, his movement followed by his dark haired student.

    ?New lesson,? Jef said brightly, leading the way through the woods. They soon came upon an obstacle course, and Gaen?s eyes brightened.

    ?Easy,? Jef warned. ?Here?s how this works. In the first section you are being fired upon. Successfully avoid being shot. In the second, you are attempting to apprehend a criminal ? two innocent bystanders will be endangered by him in some manner. You must save the bystanders quickly enough to apprehend the villain. Finally,? Jef smiled. ?You must defeat a single opponent.?

    Gaen nodded, igniting his saber. ?Anything else??

    Jef nodded. ?This test targets your mind, your intellect, your perceptions, and speed. Keep that in mind.?

    ?Gotcha,? Gaen said, a little too quickly, and darted through the entrance of the course.

    Robots built by Jef and dressed with old clone trooper armor from the battle of Altrena were the first challenge. Standing in ranks, the front group took a hypothetical knee, the two main lines leveling their blaster rifles.

    ?Surrender, Jedi,? the robot voice droned, and Gaen threw it a haughty glare. ?Never!?

    The ?clones? began firing, rapid shots that concentrated on Gaen. He was gone in a heartbeat, attacking the right flank and deflecting the low power bolts that came his way as he prepared to decimate the droids.

    To his shock, the flank pulled back and apart, while the rest of the formation spread out, encircling him.

    Gaen reached the first droid and slashed the target on the chest, and his opponent shut down. Moving on to the next, Gaen was shocked by the sheer volume of blasterfire bearing d
  24. Alexis_Wingstar

    Alexis_Wingstar Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 16, 2006
    I like your OC's, Raptor, and those were very clever tests. It seems what Gaen needs to learn most is to think under pressure. This made me want to read Metamorphosis.
  25. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    RX_Sith Love Mada and the description of her world

    Idrelle: Tamrin is a fun to read about as well as Seline. Great action

    Alexis: Nice to see Alexis coming alife in those words

    Darth Ishtar: Fun to see Palpatine having a wife with Jedi-protectors

    Raptor517: Loved your whole story Metamorphosis, great action and drama and likeable OC's

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