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Characters The Essential Guide to OC's: The Mini Challenge Revival - Prompt the Fourth!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by OCDatabaseSock, Nov 12, 2006.

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  1. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 9, 2001
    earlybird: That was a touching scene. :) The history of the Irellions sounds very rich, and I enjoy seeing nonhuman characters and uncommon environments.

    RX_Sith: I like the glimpse into the Sensi's fascinating culture and how much the shorter life expectancy plays a role. Mada's gift also sounds like a curse in some ways with how the other Sensi react to her and her family.

    Idri: I loved those negotiations. :) The banter and the verbal dancing for position was done extremely well. You had some great lines in there too-- I think my favorite was the "excruciatingly painful" lines, LOL.

    Alexis: Whoa, that's quite a dangerous mission for Alexis, and it shows a lot about how much she cares for her Master and even some of the background of why. She sounds like a good person who is well on her way to being a great Jedi if she can make it through this mission. Good job!

    DarthIshtar: I wish I had some Jedi around when I had to move furniture. :) I really liked your description and also seeing the transitions Amne is making from a university life to being a public figure. Pretty large adjustment.

    Raptor: Great lessons there! The upcoming diplomacy lesson made me laugh. :) Jef sounds like a good teacher, and I hope Gaen can learn a lot from him in how to think through his problems.

    Here's mine. This doesn't happen often, but I'm posting something that is not a pilot fic! :p This is my second group of interest, LOL. Not edited much. Please excuse any canonical errors as this was a confusing thing to research (did my best, though).

    "Last Line"

    I was tired. And that was the last thing I could afford to be.

    After all, we were only in the beginning phases of Operation: Skyhook, and there was still a lot more to do. It would have been a whole lot less complicated if the transfer to Liberty after Toprawa had gone well, though I had yet to be part of any mission for the Alliance to Restore the Republic that had gone smoothly.

    This, however, was less smooth than most.

    Tantive IV rocked violently under my feet as a blast from the Devastator hit, and the lights on the bridge went out briefly before struggling to flicker back on. For a moment the only illumination came through the bridge?s viewport: the reflected light from the brown wasteland of Tatooine below us. The deep, omnipresent thrumming sound of the ship ceased altogether.

    The bridge crew around me was probably even more tired than I was; they had been doing a lot more during these past fights and narrow escapes, trying to stay one step ahead of the constant Imperial pursuit. Still, they renewed their frantic scrambling attempts to control the ship and provide status reports to Captain Raymus Antilles. There was a new desperation in their voices and actions now, and even the captain looked rattled as he tried to coordinate and command. A ship without a main reactor is nothing, and we all knew it. Sure enough, it didn?t take long for us to be caught in Devastator?s tractor beam.

    The Security Net over my helmet?s headset suddenly got a lot more active. I listened as my fellow fleet troopers reported a first response team moving to the hatch where the Imperials would be boarding. More teams were on their way to support.

    Even though I stayed put, I readied my own weapon and relayed the information to the captain. I tried to calm my pounding heart.

    Soon a hull breach alert sounded at one of the bridge consoles, and it coincided with a huge burst of transmissions on the Security Net. I heard report after report of fleet troopers gunned down by an overwhelming number of stormtroopers. They were forced to fall back almost immediately. The casualties today would be staggering. I swallowed hard and broke into Captain Antilles?s perpetual stream of orders just long enough to let him know what was coming.

    My thoughts jumped briefly to my wife and two kids back in Aldera. Something inside told me that this would be the day I forced them to spend the rest of their lives without
  2. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Nifty. Even if we don't see more of this character, I like the last sentence.
  3. Raptor517

    Raptor517 Jedi Knight star 4

    Sep 12, 2006
    I like this one. Being willing to stand up to Vader and his shock troops with no hope is something stupid, and yet admirable at the same time.
  4. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005
    Inbetween stories are fun; it's nice to see the characters while they're in transition, so to speak. I'll be looking forward to seeing more of them! :)

    Part of my family is deeply Scottish, so I was rather amused by it. :p All hail the uniqueness of the "Q"! [face_laugh] Glad you liked the characters. My OCs from this set stories (so, Seline, Nyixa and the gang they later meet up with) all find themselves in very serious situations practically all the time, but they all have rather wry senses of humour. I guess they figure that all they have to keep them from going crazy under the pressure of spying is to make jokes. ;) After all, something has to be enjoyable about their work. [face_laugh]

    Great stuff! I really like Jef; he sounds like an excellent teacher and is rather charismatic in his own way. :p

    Thanks! Tamrin was a bit of an experiment (I was literally coming up with his backstory as I wrote his conversation with Seline), so it was a slightly different from writing Seline's dialogue, since I've already established a lot of her story in my notes.

    That's me, loving the banter. :p I seem to be into the banter-y type characters lately. Though sometimes it does feel like it ends up being a whole big set of one liners! [face_laugh]

    I love your piece. The last line is so deeply ironic, it's wonderful. I suppose this isn't something that I've given much consideration before, so it's nice to see a piece from the POV of one of the people who died on the Tantive IV before Leia was captured. His thoughts about not his wife and kids on Alderaan are a nice touch; though, again, deeply ironic, since we know they'll be joining him soon when the Death Star comes to call. :(
  5. Lane_Winree

    Lane_Winree Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 30, 2006
    Earlybird ? Lovely painting for your OC! Part of me has always wanted to see what my own character would look like in drawn form.

    I?ve never really worked with non-human characters all that often, so I?ll have to check out your fics to see how you?ve handled them. Well done!

    RX_Sith ? I have to commend you, child characters are really hard for me to write, original child characters even harder. Your handling of Mada is delightful and I love that you explore a child?s need for a sort of homefront stability.

    Idrelle ? Absolutely love the banter between your characters. They?ve got real unique voices that play off each other well. There feels like there is a lot of background behind these characters that really helps give them depth.

    Alexis_Wingstar ? Wow, quite a bit of an undertaking for poor Alexis! She sounds extremely strong in her conviction to do her mentors proud, but you have to wonder if all that tragedy may take a toll on her. Wonderful character you have.

    Ishtar ? I have to give you the same compliment I gave Idrelle. Your characters work really well together. The back and forth flows really well.

    The overall concept is a lot of fun. Mrs. Palpatine? Love it. Great work!

    Raptor517 ? You handle action really well with these characters. Trying to narrate blade combat has always been a difficult thing for me to do. Agreed with what Alexis said, very clever tests.

    Thumper09 ? Props for writing in first person! I?ve tried my hand at that a few times but never really did it to my liking. You on the other hand have a great grasp on it.

    I love the idea of replaying the skirmish on the Tantive IV from the eyes of one of the armed guards. Your last line was what really made this one work. Great job!
  6. Lane_Winree

    Lane_Winree Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 30, 2006
    Title: A Jedi and his X-Wing
    Author: Lane_Winree
    Rating: PG
    Timeframe: Roughly 42-43 ABY, set during Fate of the Jedi
    Summary: His piloting career was long over, but as Jedi Master Darvix Zorvan had come to realize, sitting behind the flightstick of an X-Wing was one of the few places where he truly felt comfortable.

    The character for this little ficlet is Darvix "Dap" Zorvan, a NJO and FotJ era Jedi Master and former military combat pilot. Dap has appeared as a primary or leading character in the "Darvix Zorvan Trilogy" of fics:

    X-Wing: Rise of a Rogue - [link=]Part I[/link] [link=]Part II[/link] [link=]Part III[/link]
    [link=]Redemption of the Exiles [/link]
    [link=]X-Wing: Resurrection of a Rogue[/link]

    In addition, he appeared as a secondary character in a longfic I finished up last month, [link=]X-Wing: Genesis of a Rogue[/link] (which stars the spawn of my personal favorite SW character, Wedge Antilles)

    If you couldn't tell, I have a bit of a soft spot for pilot-centric fics. Hope you all enjoy this little story.


    Darvix Zorvan shoved the flightstick of his Incom XJ7 X-Wing forward as hard as he could. He subconsciously ducked into his flightseat as green laser fire shot over the top of the transparisteel canopy, a miss that was entirely too close for comfort. Thinking quickly he juked his starfighter to port before slamming his controls the opposite direction, throwing the ship into a rolling, relative dive. The TIE Defender on his aft was not so easily shaken off, quickly recognizing the deke and compensating to follow Darvix, only allowing the gap between the two war machines to increase slightly.

    Gritting his teeth, he feathered the etheric rudder pedals. The X-Wing slipped from port to starboard, creating a slightly more difficult profile to hit. Despite his efforts several shots from his pursuer slammed into his shields. A quick glance at the control panel above him indicated that the overall strength of his deflectors had fallen to half capacity. He took his hand off the throttle control and flipped a switch on the deflector shield control array, shunting the coverage to a double-back formation. The front of his starfighter was now exposed, but that was fine. The immediate problem was directly behind him.

    Moving his flightstick in all directions, Darvix managed to evade another barrage of enemy fire. So far the Imperial pilot opposite of him seemed content to match his every move in an effort to stay attached to his tail. It didn?t seem to matter what he did, the TIE Defender was locked onto him and wouldn?t relent. He weighed his options. Throw his X-Wing onto a nose-spin to quickly change direction? That wouldn?t work. The Imperial starfighter was at full shield strength, he?d never be able to get off enough shots in time to cripple it. Go into a dive or climb? Probably futile, there seemed to be no shaking this buckethead.

    A thought hit him.

    Darvix needed to use this pilot?s insistence on staying adhered to the back of his X-Wing against him. He snap-rolled his starfighter onto the S-Foils ? at least, relative to the axis he had been on previously ? and yanked back on the flightstick with all his might. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that the TIE Defender had taken the bait. A wry smile formed on his lips as he suddenly pulled back on the throttle, cutting the speed output to one-third. Within moments his pursuer overshot him and veered into his blue targeting brackets.

    Resetting the throttle to full Darvix began his own attack. He coaxed the brackets ahead of the deadly Imperial ship. The moment it flashed green he squeezed the trigger. His four laser canons were set to single-f
  7. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    earlybird-obi-wan, that is really eerie and whistfull all at once. It makes me curious about the rest of their stories.

    RX_Sith, what a grim scene, but there is still hope as long as Mada keeps having her visions. When is this set?

    Idrelle_Miocovani, That was pretty awesome. I love the banter and the action. Those were three fantastically interesting OCs.

    Alexis_Wingstar, How ominous! I really hope she can handle it. Infiltrating the Dark Side isn't something just anyone can handle.

    DarthIshtar, I never much thought about Palpatine's family. Amne seems like a pretty capable woman. I bet I'd want to mess with things too if someone had moved in all my stuff for me.

    Raptor517, Nice training lessons! I guess there's a lot to be learned from failing.

    Thumper09, Nice! That's another view of one well-known scene. Although, the poor guy probably wouldn't have seen his family again, even if he had made it away.

    Lane_Winree, I like this Jedi Master. That was a really well-written dog fight, even if it was just a simulator. I feel like there need to be more trigger-happy Jedi out there.


    Title: Not the Best of Circumstances
    Author: SoA
    Timeframe: 3955 BBY, between the KOTOR games
    Characters: OCs: Kionee Rinnh and Veea Tewa
    Genre: nostalgia
    Summary: After a rather bad break-up eight years ago, Kionee meets her old co-pilot again for the first time since then.

    Although I've had Veea in mind as a part of Kionee's history, this is her debut outside of drabbles. Kionee is a sort of short story and vignette character. She has two stories of her own: [link=]Mishandled[/link] and [link=]Crux: The Siege of Taris[/link]. She also appears in my recently-complete epic Under the [link=]Shadow of the Builders[/link] as a side character, though doesn't start to play a big part until near the end.


    Kionee Rinnh stepped out of her apartment and locked the door behind her with a contented sigh.

    Her apartment and her door.

    It had been nearly six months since the Telos Restoration Project had granted her the small apartment on Citadel Station in return for regularly hauling cannoks, flipdarters, and shrubbery. The run from Onderon to Telos took her two days of hyperspace travel and granted her two more days of holiday on either end. During those two days on Telos, she had only to briefly supervise the Ithorians who unloaded her ship, then meet with their leader to take orders for her next run. The rest of the time was hers, and it baffled her.

    The regular runs between two and only two planets, the free time, and the apartment were something entirely new to her. At twenty-seven, Kionee had never before owned her own place and never before had such a predictable job. Her freighter, the Viridian, had been her home and her narrow bunk in the cabin her bed. After growing up hopping from planet to planet with her father, then working ten years freighting produce for the family business all across the galaxy, Kionee had not even considered wanting anything more.

    But now that she had stability?and importance?she couldn't go back.

    At first, Kionee hadn't known what to do with the studio apartment. The room was little more than a durasteel box with a few wide windows that looked down on the distorted landscape below. It came with a bed, a dresser, a table, and one chair. The blank, steely walls of the Viridian had never bothered her before, but she soon found the itch to decorate. She hung pictures of some of her favorite places in the galaxy?the Nubian planes, Ahto City, Drallish Meadows, Rodian jungles, and Telos before the war, among others?along with tacky posters from some of her favorite movies and holodramas. She soon made a point of bringing fresh flowers all the way from Iziz to put in the blue gl
  8. OCDatabaseSock

    OCDatabaseSock Jedi Master star 2

    Dec 17, 2004
    Sorry, I know, a week late, but in my defense? you know what, I?m not even going to bother.
    I?m amazed at the amount of posts for this one, AND the amount of unfamiliar faces in this thread. BRAVO!!!
    I did read each and every word of every single entry, but the volume forces me to keep my reviews short. Also, remember, all of these awards are just in fun, and actually ?popped? into my head as I read all these fabulous entries.

    So without further ado?

    Here are the OC AWARDS, or as some have come to call them, ?THE GEORGE LUCAS SAID HUMPH! WHEN HE READ THEM AWARDS?

    First off earlybird, it never ceases to amaze me when I see world/civilization building skills like this? could these be possibly Gungan ancestors? I assuming strictly from the descriptions and artwork ? so I hope so, because you?ve been presented:


    Eclipse of the Force
    Another great display of world & civilization creation with a unique concept! I find this hard to believe this is your first OC RX_Sith, but so be it, for you have been just awarded the coveted:

    Some Negotiation Required
    ?Nyx? was my kind of high-heeled green skin! ;)
    Now Idrelle, for better or worse; just as I start to read your piece, there is a car stereo outside my building blasting music. So: long fingernails tapped lightly on its surface, somewhat in time with the beat of the low music grinding out of the sound system in my head; has now been set to Kayne West?s ?Stronger?. Now the whole scene?s setting is set to that music (in my head), so without intent you have been awarded:

    Force Protect My Soul
    ?and?!?!, I knew you guys were going to hook me and then make me read your stories to find out the rest! Well Alexis, your no relation to me, of course OC has just won you the infamous?

    ?SURELY THIS IS NOT A MARY SUE? [face_worried] AWARD?
    So good ol? Palps like them young and vibrant, eh Ish? Good for him! I surprised when I saw your post so you received the:

    [hl=black]?WAIT! I THOUGHT THIS CHICK WAS ON HIATUS AWARD? (:p just kidding!)
    But, you now find yourself with the award for:

    Nice lesson there Raptor! First thing I thought of was, [/i]wait, he just couldn?t get shot, so why is he trying to take down all those clones?[/i]
    For that, you take home:

    Last Line
    Sweet snap-shot of one of the extras in ANH! :cool:
    Of course this still means you get:

    A Jedi and his X-Wing
    Geez Lane, I wish I had that talent for combat scenes, so for that you get:

    Not the Best of Circumstances
    And? SOA arrives, just in the nick of time with a piece that has garnished the seldom seen:


    Thanks and congrats to all who participated!!! :D

    & FelsGoddess


    Good Luck to all of you actually nominated for the ?real? awards this year!!!

  9. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Okay, I'm definitely putting that in my profile under Best OC Female and such.
  10. LaneWinree

    LaneWinree Jedi Master star 1

    Jul 13, 2005
    I humbly accept (steal) Thumper's Piloty Award Thingy and shall display it with pride. At least until Thumper steals it back from me :D
  11. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    Haha! I shall definitely put that on my resume.
  12. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    You know what? I'd tell you why I didn't finish my story, but my Non-Disclosure Agreement prevents me from doing so. :p

    I do have a story, though, so it'll be up when it's done. Well done to all involved! There were a lot of fantastically fun stories in this bunch. :D
  13. FelsGoddess

    FelsGoddess Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Sep 5, 2004
    [face_laugh] I did mine and forgot to post it. :p
  14. MsLanna

    MsLanna Jedi Master star 6

    Jul 8, 2005
    I even started the story and then realised it would be too long to post here. So I stopped writing it again.:oops:
  15. Idrelle_Miocovani

    Idrelle_Miocovani Jedi Master star 6

    Feb 5, 2005

    I will gladly accept the "GEORGE BUSH DOESN?T CARE ABOUT OCS" award. :D

    Lanna, you should start writing it again, because simply by saying that you've stopped and that it's too long to post, you make me want to read it. :p

  16. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    I so agree with that. :p I want to see more on your story arc, Idri.
  17. Raptor517

    Raptor517 Jedi Knight star 4

    Sep 12, 2006 challenge?

    Have your OC faced with a task that requires him/her/it to go against his/her/its morals. Do they go with it or no? The rest is up to you.

  18. Corellian_Ale

    Corellian_Ale Manager Emeritus star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Mar 3, 2008

    Make it so.
  19. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    Excellent. I can run with that. What sort of deadline are we looking at?
  20. Corellian_Ale

    Corellian_Ale Manager Emeritus star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Mar 3, 2008
    Let's make a post date of no later than Septemer 30th, then we'll have until the following Friday for voting. Same standard challenge rules apply.

    Sound good?


    Too bad.
  21. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    I like deadlines. They make a nice whooshing sound as they fly by. :p

    That said, I can work with this. I'll see if I can come up with something! And finish the last one. Uhhh... yeah, I've got some writing to do.
  22. Lane_Winree

    Lane_Winree Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 30, 2006
    Ooh, this one looks like fun. Not sure if I'll use Dap, Kasari, or a smaller OC pilot, but I'll definitely be doing something with this prompt.
  23. Corellian_Ale

    Corellian_Ale Manager Emeritus star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Mar 3, 2008
    Don't forget to PM the sock with a link!
  24. moosemousse

    moosemousse CR Emeritus: FF-UK South star 6

    Oct 3, 2004
    Guh, I don't think I can use any of my OCs for this. :( If I came up with a new OC they'd be so ridiculously cliché and Mary Stu it'd be silly.
  25. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    BEST ARTISTIC RENDITION OF GUNGAN HOT TUB NOOKIE.:) Love that and maybe my OC's are the distant relatives of Jar Jar. [face_thinking] They are intelligent water-creatures after all and could interbreed with some of the species they met on different planets.

    You will see them in Tetrahedron and they have appeared in Conscience
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