"The Face of the Enemy" ~ Jedi Apprentice sequel

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Lwyn'nya Kenobi, Aug 2, 1999.

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  1. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    *Hi everybody!! Mesa back! Okay, after much brainstorming, I've come up with a good thick plotline! I hope you guys like this one as much as you did "Recreating a Jedi". Criticism is always welcome

    WARNING: Parts of this are based off of the Disney movie 'Mulan'. Thought I'd let ya know before you read.
    *********************************************
    Prologue

    Jespani Valley.

    Literally translated in the Chelian language, it meant valley of the dead.

    Tonight, it had truly earned its name.

    General Xa'lon stood high above the plains, surveying the land from the cliff face. A smile of sadistic satisfaction split the Chelestian General's cerulean, chiseled face. Below him revealed the horrific outcome of the attack. The green grass of the plains were spotted and smeared with pools of blood. Hundreds of dead soldiers littered the plains, some brutally mangled, some charred beyond recognition, and the rest were speared and shredded by the Chelestian's energy-enhanced weaponry.

    The sickening smell of singed hair and burned , smouldering flesh rose to his nostrils. Xa'lor breathed it in, reveling in its sickening aroma. He glared down at the holocaust. The battle had been shortlived. The Aryslians weren't even suspecting an attack when they were ambused by Xa'lor's army. That, coupled with the advantage that Xa'lor's men held the high cliff grounds that encompassed the plains, resolved the battle in mere moments. Even though the Aryslian people were a rough and barbaric group, they had barely any skill for cunning, and even though they fought with a bloodlust, the Chelestian's secret weapon had once again rendered them at a disadvange and also rendered them dead.

    From behind, Xa'lor's men approached in a hord, torches blazing, weapons raised over their heads in victory chants. Xa'lor straightened with pride and victory as he disdainly kicked a rock over the ledge to the sea of corpses below.

    He smiled. The Aryslian resistance was slowly being whittled away. Soon their leader, an Aryslian known as Arysta Kii, would be nothing more than a corpse at his feet. The Theilan's goals would soon be reached, and then Xa'lor would stand at the side of the strongest ruler of the galaxy.
    *********************************************

    How's that to wet your whistle? I've got more coming, but I've gotta go study for my test tomorrow. I should be adding more later tonight
  2. Nanai Akira Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 1999
    star 1
    Hmmmmm... Flag Camp, Tests, "didn't know adults would like my stories" are you in college or high school??

    I was thinking post college, but maybe not! Yes, I am an actual certified adult and I follow your stories!

    I am so happy to see a new story - keep typing!!!
  3. Amarice Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 1999
    star 1
    I can't wait for you to continue this, if it's anywhere as good as your last one, it'll be great.
  4. Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 1999
    star 2
    Yea!
    *Naboo celebration music plays triumphantly in background*
    Lwyn'nya is back and back with style!!! Now you will have to listen to us bug you to write more, just like before! Keep up the wonderful work!
  5. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    Awww, you guys are soooo sweet But now I've got a standard to maintain *cringes* I hope this one will be as well-liked as the last Perhaps not so many death-defying situations, but lots of character development

    Actually, I'm 19 But I'm really glad that people of all ages are liking my stories!
  6. legacyAccount Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2012
    Ha ha ha (machiavelic laugh).
    Now, for your second "book", we faithful readers are going to be demanding, impatient, hard to please, and...
    Oh wait, I changed my mind. No we ain't !
  7. Kai Jinn Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 1999
    I am also a 'certified adult', and, as such, I know what I like ...
    And as to begging for more - I'm not above
    that....
    But, as the Master is so fond of saying, "We shall be patient."

  8. Amidala22 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 1999
    star 3
    this sounds great so far!!! i just finished reading the other thread(wow)and *with an uneasy smile* i just finished reading the second book in the Jedi Appentice series so i now know what is the point line of the other thread. please keep this up!!! i would of posted yesterday but my computer was stubbon and wouldn't let me on the internet(grrr..). BTW good luck on your test
  9. The Beef Chick Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 1999
    Okay, I just sent an army of battle dorids to your house that are programed to shoot you if you don't write. So get to it! And, um, lock your doors.
  10. Old Juan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 1999
    star 4
    AWESOME...AWESOME....AWESOME..MORE.MORE.MORE.
  11. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    *Hey everybody! I have a biiiig favor to ask. I need a name for one of the Jedi characters in my book. (don't worry, its a good guy/girl) I was wondering if someone would be sweet enough to let me borrow their screen name?*
    *********************************************
    Chapter 2

    "NOOO!!!"

    Obi-Wan clung desperately to the side of the ravine, his fingers bloody from clawing at the rough rockface to keep from plummeting to his death.

    Every muscle screamed as he found handhold after precious handhold. His teeth bared and his face gleamed with perspiration as he hauled himself upward to the ledge.

    . . . Almost . . . there . .

    Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, his right hand caught hold of the ledge of the ravine. His muscles were about to give out from the exertion. His left foot started to slip.

    No! I won't give up!!

    With a strength that was born of panic and sheer will, the young Jedi clawed his cut and bleeding hands into the ledge and yanked himself over the ledge and back onto solid ground.

    Gasping, struggling to breathe, Obi-Wan collapsed on the ground. His vision blurred due to the exertion and lack of oxygen, and for a moment the world went black. He felt as if his heart would simply explode inside of him.

    Relax. He needed to calm himself.

    Obi-Wan reached out to the Force. He could feel it flow around him, in the grass, the rocks, the trees. It brought a peacefulness to the air that he struggled to breathe. But even though he was in his late teens and had been studying and using the Force for more than a decade, it wouldn't flow through him today.

    It senses my fear.

    Shaking his head as if to clear it, Obi-Wan pushed his panic and fear to the back of his mind. Only then did he feel the waves of the Force flow though him, steadying his breathing, slowing his heartbeat.

    The young Jedi was so focused on this that he barely noticed his Master approaching him. Qui-Gon Jinn was a powerful Jedi Master, tall and strongly built with leonine features that gave him an uncanny gracefullness. He was Obi-Wan's teacher in the ways of the Jedi, as well as a close and trusted friend. His mahogany-colored hair, thiny streaked with gray, was worn long, and the sides pinned back so as not to hinder his peripheral vision. A thin mustache and a short cropped beard added to his authoritative, revered appearance.

    Obi-Wan, once aware of his presence, opened his ice-blue eyes to regard his Master. Qui-Gon was glancing down at his Padawan with a pondering look in his eyes, his face devoid of any emotion. The young Jedi sighed. Qui-Gon was the secretive type, not sharing much unless he had to. His calm, cool demeanor kept almost all emotion from being revealed, so it was often difficult to know what he was feeling, much less thinking. It was one aspect of Qui-Gon's that Obi-Wan found quite frustrating. The young Jedi could never tell if he had acted right or wrongly, if his Master was pleased or disappointed in him.

    No, that wasn't completely true. Obi-Wan always knew when Qui-Gon was disappointed in him. Ohhhhh did the Jedi Master ever let him know then!

    Obi-Wan grimaced as he stood up. He doubted Qui-Gon was in any way shape or form impressed by this!

    Qui-Gon kept the younger Jedi's gaze for a moment, as if judging Obi-Wan's thoughts. After a moment, he finally spoke.

    "Now do you understand the point of this exercise?" he spoke softly.

    A wave of self-anger and frustration crashed over the young man. Obi-Wan still didn't fully understand why they were out here, or why, after showing him the ravine and the deadly rocks below, Qui-Gon made him jump across it when there was a bridge only ten yards away! Qui-Gon's lessons, like the Jedi Master himself, were often far from the norm; the point of wisdom hidden so deep within that it sometimes took days or even years to fully understand it. Almost like making a diamond from coal, the lesson had to be laborously doug through, compounded and compacted though long periods of time in meditation, until the small gem of wisdom was obtained.

    "If you mean do I finally u
  12. Veridea Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 26, 1999
    *applause*

    That was great!!!! C'mon, give us more!! you know you want to!! And I don't know if my name suits whatever character you're creating, but feel free to use it if you feel like it...
  13. Old Juan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 1999
    star 4
    Holy **** biscuits Batman! Do you sense a totally kick arse story in the works..I know I do. Great Job!
  14. Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 1999
    star 2
    You are evil! You hear me, EVIL! You leave us with Obi-Wan literally hanging in the air!!! Arrggg!

    I love the story thought, it is going to be great! You are welcome to use my name if you'd like, but I imagine it's a little too cumbersome. Maybe if you need to name an obscure Jedi janitor or something.

    [This message has been edited by Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida (edited 08-04-1999).]

    [This message has been edited by Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida (edited 08-04-1999).]
  15. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    *Veridea ~ Cool! I've got your name slotted for one of the characters. (not the Jedi, but during lunch I had a great idea for another heroic character in the novel, and she's got your name on it) OKay, I still need one more name (something Jedi-ish)
    *********************************************
    Chapter 2 cont.

    A bone-jarring impact ripped Obi-Wan from his frightened reverie.

    I didn't make it.

    His breath caught in his throat, Obi-Wan opened his eyes to find himself sprawled on the ground on the other side of the ravine.

    I made it??

    Shaken, he slowly got to his feet, looking back over the ravine. The black, four-legged, slobbering beast was standing at the edge of the ravine, barking up a storm.

    "Now do you understand?"

    The young Jedi whirled to face Qui-Gon. "Wha- . . .h-how did I . . .?"

    Qui-Gon favored him with his strong gaze. "Careful planning and sharp rationale is essential; it is the backbone of the unifying Force of which you've been grounded on. But there are times in which you just have to close your mind and act. Follow your instincts. This is the essence of the living Force. When I had you exposed to the ravine for so long, I could sense that you were trying to logically come up with a way to get the maximum height off your jump, of how far you would have to run. But in taking so much time, deep down you started to question yourself whether you could actually make the jump. Having waited so long before you did jump, the ravine had the chance to weave its fear and uncertainty into you, and your body reacted in kind. You fell short of the other side and you were quite fortunate that your quick reaction let you hang on to the side before you fell to your death." Qui-Gon paused, and Obi-Wan waited patiently for him to continue, his rapt attention taking in every word his Master spoke. "Now when the Voloth was chasing you, this time you didn't think, you just acted."

    "It was all I had time to do," Obi-Wan admitted.

    Qui-Gon nodded. "Precisely. You knew from your last attempt at jumping across the ravine that you fell short the first time. But this time, you didn't let the fear take hold of you. There wasn't enough time to feel the fear. And you see, not only did you jump across what you fell short of before, but also cleared a wider distance. Your body knew it could do it, it was your mind that held you back. This is a lesson in the living Force, in trusting your instincts. Now I'm not saying that you should throw logic and reasoning out the window," Qui-Gon countered, holding his hand up, "Lord knows I would never hear the end of it from Yoda if he thought I was teaching you so. Rational thinking and wisdom will get you far, but it can hinder you when facing a daunting task."

    As Obi-Wan pondered this, Qui-Gon touched a finger to his forehead. "The unifying force exists here," then he tapped the finger to his chest, "and the living force exists [/i]here[/i]. That is why it is wise to be mindful of both. For when one fails to aid you, the other will pick up the slack. If logic and reasoning cannot solve a problem, try closing your mind and listening to your instincts."

    Obi-Wan stood there, impassive. His mind worked overtime to try to divest this information. The strands of logic to this lesson were starting to interconnect into a web of sense, but it wasn't strong enough yet to support him.

    Qui-Gon smiled. "Now come, Obi-Wan. The Council is awaiting us. And, I must return Taby here to your friend, Bant."

    Obi-Wan stared incredulously at the black beast, who was now sitting, looking up at the Jedi, his job done. "You mean this . . . thing . . . is Bant's pet??"

    Qui-Gon turned to look at him with humor in his eyes. "Much has changed since you left, my young apprentice."

    ****

    Slowly, Qui-Gon Jinn enterd the Jedi Council, Obi-Wan a step behind him. Everytime he entered this room, he was humbled by its beauty. It was a circular room, with twelve dais that sat around the perimeter. The Jedi did not believe in having one specific ruler, but a cadre of twelve, equally sharing the power, giving
  16. Kai Jinn Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 1999
    Lwyn'nya, again I am impressed. and I would be honored if you could use my name in one of your stories, but it probably wouldn't suit.


    [This message has been edited by Kai Jinn Kenobi (edited 08-04-1999).]
  17. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    Kai-Jinn ~ You got it! I may have to change the last part of your name slightly, simply because Qui-Gon's last name is Jinn. How about Kai-Jen?
  18. Nanai Akira Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 1999
    star 1
    Arg, wait, let me catch my breath! Poor Obi-Wan being chased off cliffs by mad rampaging beasties! Ack!!

    Wonderful, Wonderful beginning.

    Did I miss out on the name lottery?? I really should pay more attention....

    Please feel free to use my name - perhaps I could be a customs clerk or and certified accountant. I always wanted to be ... a LUMBERJACK!!!

    [This message has been edited by Nanai Akira (edited 08-04-1999).]
  19. Narianna Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 1999
    YAY!!! The 'Master' is back! And BETTER than ever (if that is even possible)!!! The suspense of it all!
    I don't mind if you use my name. And good luck in your story. May it be better than your last one.

    Nari-Anna Liras
    Jedi Pupil

    "In the Darkness, find the Light.
    In despair, find the hope.
    In the confusion, find the calm.
    In yourself, find the Force."

  20. Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 1999
    star 2
    I think that it is a sign that people love your story-- everyone wants to be a character!

    I love the story, but I have a question. Where is this ravine that they were practicing with? I am assuming that it is on Coruscant since they are near the Jedi Council, but am I wrong? Is is on a nearby planet or is it in an holodeck type thing?

    Once again, great job!
  21. legacyAccount Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2012
    Well, it IS an habit of Chancellor Vallorum, is it, sending Jedis for "secret" negociations without the full approval of the Senate...
    Let me guess : Obi-Wan WILL get involved, and that's why next time, during the Naboo situation, Yoda won't even bother to tell Qui-Gon to leave his padawan behind...

    Where is Mulan ?
  22. Amidala22 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 20, 1999
    star 3
    i agree with Sabe' but i'm agast that Obi-Wan is being left out(for the Moment )
    i would offer my name but it's already being used in TPM i have another name if you want to use it:
    Kari-Ann
  23. The Beef Chick Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 1999
    No! They can't leave Obi-Wan behind! Not my man!
  24. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    Hey everyone!

    Don't worry, I've got something in the works Like I'd leave Obi-Wan out! No no, you'll soon see

    Thanks for everyone donating names Actually, I've found a few more spots to add some more names in, and if I don't get them all in this one, there's another story in the works
  25. Nanai Akira Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 1999
    star 1
    Well, I hope we don't have to wait too much longer! It's already past my bedtime!
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