Saga ~The Fall of Anakin and Padme (A/P love story) rewrite of padme scenes in ROTS~

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by RebelSkywalker, Jul 4, 2005.

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  1. LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 2002
    star 5
    nice scene...I like the way you had Padme wonder about Palpatine....

    I'm going to give you the same advice that I have given a couple other people recently....it's better if you don't put something like PLEASE READ in the subject...a lot of people get turned away with "begging for readers." I found this out the hard way when I first started posting on fanfiction.net.

    The important thing is that you are posting your story, enjoying it...if other people comment, wonderful...if not...then they're missing out on your story.

    I have never been one to draw huge numbers of comments to my stuff. And you know what...that's all right. Comments are wonderful, but it's more important to have to not care so much about readers...and comments...but to just think of your story and writing it

  2. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
  3. RebelSkywalker Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2005
    i changed the title. i kinda wondered if it would turn away readers.
  4. MasterSareBabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2004
    star 3
    If you write it, they will come. :cool: If you want readers, a good way to get them is to read other people's stories first.
  5. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    well actually, i have lingered in here for a long time, i have just started ur fanfic, can't wait to read!
  6. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    if anyone here has fanfics they want to share with people pm me and i will read them asap!
  7. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    sorry guys i just found out that i skipped a scene. even with editing, i will not be able to add this scene. i hope u still enjoy my fic though!
  8. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    Chapter Eight

    Again Padme had Obi-Wan?s company, and Anakin?s absence. Obi-Wan had stormed into her home, while Padme had been sitting in horror of the senate events.

    ?Have you seen Anakin?, no sooner than he had reached her floor had he exclaimed this. ?Jedi were supposed to be patient? Padme thought

    ?No, is he in danger?, Padme said. Padme instantly got up when she said this, but Obi-Wan immediately sat her down again on her sofa with him.

    ?In more than a few ways?, Obi-Wan responded.

    ?I?m sorry, I am not preparing you for this well? Obi-Wan said this gently.

    ?Obi-Wan? What has happened with Anakin? Padme?s face was full of fear and apprehension.

    ?Your eyes do not tell me you can handle this.? It was amazing how much Obi-Wan could calm down over the course of nearly a minute.

    ?Obi-Wan, please tell me, Regardless of if I am ready. Padme was getting impatient.

    ?The attacks made on the Jedi?? Obi-Wan looked at her, deeply; telling her what was coming in itself. Padme was looking strait ahead in mad horror; she did not like what he was starting with.

    ?Anakin is the culprit. He did it under the command of the Chancellor: the Sith leader we have been searching for.? Padme still was looking strait ahead in horror, her eyes had widened slightly.

    ?No!? Padme stood up, ?You?re lying!?

    ?Padme, listen to me. I know he is the father. I know he is your husband." Padme looked puzzled. Her eye brows had met in a frown.

    Padme had dropped to the floor. ?No, no!? Padme was going insane; Crying, and screaming. It was as if Anakin had died. Maybe Anakin had died. She fainted while in her state.
  9. sithrules70 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2005
    star 4
    that last chapter was awesome.i realy need to see the next one.PM please.
  10. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    sithrules70: thank you! i tried to make a cliff hangar!
  11. LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 2002
    star 5
    For fics...you could read my Notes stories...any number of them you want ;) The link is on my signature, and you can pick and choose whatever one(s) you would like to read. I have links to the specific ones off of that link in the signature.

    hmmmm....she seemed to have taken the news of Anakin (Vader) very hard...

    let's see how you rewrite the scenes that take place afterword
  12. InLoveWithLordVader Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2005
    star 1
    Nice job. I really wish we could have seen more of Padme's character and Padme Anakin interaction in ROTS. Hopefully the DVD release will add more.
  13. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    lukeskywalker20001: beware the next few scenes are dramaticly different than in ROTS, just know that you may soon like the film version better.

    inlovewithlordvader:yes they need more interactions in ROTS. there is one deleted a/p scene in the movie, you can tell because padme's poster-outfit never appears in the film.
  14. Idrelle_Miocovani Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2005
    star 6
    I like how you're re-writing the Padme scenes. :)
  15. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    Idrelle_Miocavani: thank you! i thought they came up short in ROTS...
  16. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    Chapter Nine

    Padme woke up in a hospital bed on a ship Obi-Wan had taken. Oddly, Padme remembered everything. Since the droids? attention was elsewhere she made her way out of the room. On her way out she felt stomach pains. Instantly she knew she would be returning to that bed later, wheather she wanted to or not. She made her way to the front of the ship. The cockpit was empty, the door was open and the ramp was out. Scanning for droids that may have been tending to her, she stepped down the ramp. She found herself in a region filled with lava. She knew she was on Mustafar. Walking out from under the ship she found herself in the midst of a lightsabre battle between Obi-Wan and Anakin. ?Oh no?, she thought.

    ?Obi-Wan stop!? Padme screamed in horror. Tears began to stream down her face. They slowly fell to her neck, some to the ground. ?Please?, she whispered. ?He is all I ever wanted.?

    The last thing Padme saw was Anakin making an attempt to fly to Obi-Wan. Instead, he landed into lava. She could feel his pain within her. She had witnessed her husband?s near-death without saying good-bye.

    ?Noooooooooo? she screamed. She was on her knees, crying. Suddenly she grabbed her stomach.

    ?Anakin??
  17. Jadie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2005
    star 4
    Sorry I didn't reply before, Angel. :oops:

    Anyway, those were really good. I think that your writing improved a lot since those first chapters! You are writing deeper feelings really well!

    Let me tell you that I'm impressed! ;)
  18. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    Jadie:
    Thank you! i was afraid of just the opposite! i thought i had lost the story after the nightmare chapter. it's okay... tis better than never:p p.s. i like how you alwways put my name in bold![face_devil]
  19. Anissa Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2005
    I very much enjoyed your scene rewrites! It was nice to get more of what Padme was thinking and feeling. I loved ROTS but I didn't think she received enough time in development (not that there wasn't tons of ground to cover excepting her).

    Please write more and please PM me when you have!;)
  20. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    Anissa:
    thank you for reading! so, was that your first post? i agree with you on padme.
  21. MasterSareBabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2004
    star 3
    These chapters are really short! Let's have them longer! :D
  22. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    MasterSareBabe:
    thank you for reading! i know they are short. it's because the story is supposed to be dense with detail on her thoughts and things from padme's point of veiw, so diologue happens rarely and it seems shorter. to each his own... writing style. plus, if i can't rewrite it because i am finished with the story... i am just leaving you hanging;)
  23. LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 2002
    star 5
    Hey, sorry for the lateness in my reading and replying to this...I was trying to finish my OT stuff before reading...

    Anakin landed IN the lava? Hope he's not dead.....

    And Padmé...hope she gets medical attention soon, and that her children are all right

    Thanks for the update notice, and I am interested in knowing what happens next
  24. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    LukeSkywalker2001:
    well... you'll see...[face_devil]
  25. angel_of_the_force Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2005
    star 3
    Alright, alright, here is the scene i have been neglecting to post...
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Chapter Ten

    Padme was in a sweat, struggling. Doctor Droids surrounded her. Obi-Wan was hovering over her. He was holding her hand, providing the help he could.

    ?Focus Padme, on the children, not your pain.? Obi-Wan advised.

    ?My real pain has nothing to do with childbirth?, Padme was focused on Anakin.

    Padme let out a yelp of pain. She could not stand this. Living an almost elite life Padme had never experienced this kind of pain.

    ?We get through it Padme, we get through it?, Obi-Wan encouraged.

    ?I won?t give up?, Padme whispered.

    Padme shrieked again in pain.

    ?It?s a girl?, an electronic voice said.

    ?Leia, she will be called Leia?, Padme said. ?My Leia? She said running her hand on Leia?s cheek.

    ?Someday she will make an impact as great as yours, Padme?, Obi-Wan knew she was hanging onto her life by a thread, his statement was flattery disquised as encouregment. Obi-Wan took the baby girl from the nurse droid. Padme let out a small yell.

    ?This should be over!?, her scream ended in a whisper do to her situation. Padme let out short painful breaths.

    ?She is carrying twins!? another droid said. Again Padme screamed

    ?Padme, we are losing you, fight Padme, fight!? Obi-Wan knew it was both her and Vader?s will to die.

    ?Padme, please, don?t give up your life because you have lost someone dear to you. He is a different person now.? Obi-Wan could not let her die.

    ?Obi-Wan? he is still out there? the man? I married? I will? fight for my life ... Only in me, he can be preserved?, Obi-Wan did not agree with this.

    ?Padme, fight for your children, not for Anakin!? Obi-Wan was desperate. Padme let out another scream. The second baby was out.

    ?It?s a boy?, the droid said.

    ?Anakin? after my love?, Padme suggested.

    ?Padme please,? Obi-Wan said. ?Let him go. Let your past clear your future. You don?t need him.?

    Padme starred at him in astonishment. He cared for her situation deeply. Padme and Obi-Wan were bringing the better parts of Anakin back to each other. They both needed Anakin, but could let him go if they had the friendship of one another. Padme?s entire view had changed in a moment.

    ?Luke,? Padme said. ?He will be my Luke.?

    ?And I can train him??


    Epilogue

    Contrary to medical belief, Padme survived her childbirth. Obi-Wan went to Mos Espa to train Luke from infancy in the Jedi arts. Meanwhile, Padme went to Naboo to teach Leia all she learned as a politician. It was their belief that they could fight the Empire at a suitable age together and live in the memory of they?re great parents.

    R.I.P Padme and Anakin
    May their separation be fitting in every way.
    ----------------------------------------------------

    and that, my friends concludes my first fanfic.[face_batting]
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