Saga The Fall - RotS duel, rather strange - one post

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JediNemesis, Sep 22, 2004.

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  1. JediNemesis Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2003
    star 4
    Title: The Fall
    Author: Yours truly :)
    Timeframe: End of ROTS
    Genre: Action, drama, weirdness
    Characters: Anakin Skywalker as was, Obi-Wan Kenobi
    Author's Note: Now this really is a weird one. It sort of naturally fell into something like a series of haikus (well, not very like, actually), so I left it that way.


    DISCLAIMER: It's Lucas' universe, which I don't own, and Lucas' money, of which he has given me none. :p


    Warning - This is based on what little can be inferred about the E3 duel from the preview on the OT bonus DVD. If you consider that spoilers, you may wish not to read on. :)


    Obi-Wan stood on the fragile bridge, breathing hard.

    Lava hissed and boiled somewhere far below as the weary Jedi looked at his adversary, silhouetted against a lightning-spattered sky.

    Lightning flashed as the fire blazed in Anakin's eyes.

    * * *

    There was nothing left of the Anakin Obi-Wan had known.

    Something else stood there, breathing in a rasp, hair flying wild around his face.

    The lightning behind him cast his face into shadow - with the light behind him all that was left was shadow, shadow and pain.

    * * *

    No longer human.

    Obi-Wan could only describe him thus.

    No longer human; something far beyond human, beyond reason, beyond compassion, feeling only hatred, driven only by the incandescent thirst for revenge.

    * * *

    Obi-Wan heard the wind keening, the howl of a damned soul, as Anakin towered against the dark sky.

    He saw the light flash along the hilt of Anakin's 'saber as he twisted it in one hand, drew it back for the killing blow . . .

    . . . and dropped his guard.

    * * *

    For a split second Obi-Wan saw him exposed, vulnerable.

    It was time enough for him to lunge forward, throwing his whole weight against the younger man.

    The saber spun from Anakin's hand, a flash of silver arcing away, falling into the pit of lava and vanishing in a spray of sparks.

    * * *

    Obi-Wan saw fear in his eyes then, and anger; the same anger at his own helplessness that Obi-Wan had seen so many times before.

    Anakin staggered backwards as he tried to regain his balance on the treacherous surface. He fell to his knees, his back to the abyss.

    For a long moment there was silence.

    * * *

    Anakin dragged himself upright with the grim precision of a machine.

    He was met by the humming blue bar of Obi-Wan's lightsaber, summoned to its master's hand from where it had fallen less than a minute - it seemed like an eternity - before.

    "You can still come back." Obi-Wan said quietly. "Anakin, there is still hope."

    * * *

    "No." Anakin said flatly.

    It was the first word he had spoken since the duel had begun.

    Obi-Wan wanted to cry. "Anakin -"

    * * *

    Anakin moved faster than Obi-Wan would have thought possible, catching the Jedi's wrists in both hands.

    Metal fingers scored deep lines across Obi-Wan's blade hand as Anakin fought to prise the lightsaber from his grip.

    Pain lanced through him as he and Anakin staggered back and forth, pain that threatened to overwhelm him.

    * * *

    With the last of his strength he shoved Anakin backwards once again.

    He rolled to his feet as they hit the ground, his 'saber cradled in his bleeding hand, and with a heavy heart brought the tip of the blade to rest at Anakin's throat.

    It must end here.

    * * *

    Anakin tilted his head, bracing himself against the slippery surface with both hands as he strained away from the glowing blade.

    "You cannot win, Anakin."

    Obi-Wan felt Anakin's hatred clawing at him, trying to drag him down into the abyss.

    * * *

    Still he held the blade steady, willing himself not to move, knowing that if he allowed Anakin time to stand up, the younger man would show no mercy.

    Somehow he heard the reply even above the storm, Anakin's voice burning in the cold air.

    "So be it."

    * * *

    Time seemed to slow.

    Obi-Wan saw Anakin tense, saw his fingers release their crushing grip on the ed/>/>/>
  2. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    The short, cropped style really worked here, Nem. It made it more visceral somehow. It seemed as hard and unforgiving as Anakin was, somehow, and that gave it that extra bit of power. Very well done.

    I like these experimental pieces - and it's always good to see something new. Great job!

    Shaindl
  3. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Whew! I think I'm exhausted after reading this. I agree, the clipped style, the precise way that it is written adds to the eeriness of it. WONDERFUL work and I'm quite jealous!

  4. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Nem, I really liked the short, snapping style of it. Made it immediate and sharp, like the duel itself. I could just picture it all. Great job.
  5. JediMaster_Jen Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2002
    star 4
    I like the style very much. Sharp and quick, and very haunting. Good job.
  6. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Wow! That was great! Excellent job! Short and cropped it still portrayed the angst of feelings. Great work!
  7. Arwyn_Whitesun Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 2002
    star 4
    That was very well done! After having just watched that ROTS feature this morning on my SW DVD, I must say you really captured the energy and the pathos of what is going to be, in my humble opinion, an incredible sequence, both exciting and heart-breaking.
  8. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
  9. JediNemesis Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2003
    star 4
    Hey there! :D

    Shaindl The short, cropped style really worked here, Nem. It made it more visceral somehow. It seemed as hard and unforgiving as Anakin was, somehow, and that gave it that extra bit of power. In the RotS preview, you can see it in his eyes - he's Vader in all but name (and appearance :p ) And Lord vader does not forgive. I'm glad you thought the weird style brought that out. :) Very well done. Thanks!

    VaderLVR Whew! I think I'm exhausted after reading this. I agree, the clipped style, the precise way that it is written adds to the eeriness of it. I'll take it as a compliment that you're exhausted - it wore me out to write as well. :p I did try to keep it, well, precise - end result it it's really short. WONDERFUL work and I'm quite jealous! Well. . . er . . . :D

    diane Nem, I really liked the short, snapping style of it. Made it immediate and sharp, like the duel itself. I could just picture it all. Great job. I tried for sharp on purpose. It's a heck of a sequence, or looks like it, and the speed is phenomenal - I didn't want to get bogged down in morasses of angst and slow down the action. :p So, thanks! :D

    JediMaster_Jen I like the style very much. Sharp and quick, and very haunting. Good job. Thanks! :)

    Kynstar Wow! That was great! Excellent job! Short and cropped it still portrayed the angst of feelings. Great work! Glad I still managed to get some idea of the emotions across . . . thanks [face_blush]

    Arwyn_Whitesun That was very well done! After having just watched that ROTS feature this morning on my SW DVD, I must say you really captured the energy and the pathos of what is going to be, in my humble opinion, an incredible sequence, both exciting and heart-breaking. Thanks. :) I couldn't agree with you more - Anakin vs. Obi-Wan will be spectacular, but it's the fact that they're fighting at all that's so sad . . . and the knowledge in advance of what it will turn Anakin into. :_| Glad you liked!

    o_e Very nice. Thanks pal. :)

    Thanks everyone for reading!

    Nem :)
  10. spiritgurl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2003
    star 4
    Nice! Interesting style but like other's said it worked. The emotions of the characters come through very strongly in the story as well.

    sg
  11. darththunderbird Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 25, 2003
    star 4
    the howl of a damned soul

    that part just got to me...it gave me shivers

    wow
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