JCC The Fecal Force

I think my co-worker is letting her dog eat some weird substance. When I went over to her house today, I casually noted that the dog mess was green. Now, I know that blue food dye can do that, but why feed the dog blue food?

 

The answer of course is to be able to enjoy the aesthetics of the dog's poop.

Oh yeah, I wanted to share this: [image=http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/filestorage/few-things-more-satisfying-confession-ecard-someecards.jpg]

 

This morning my blind dog pooped on the sidewalk. I was glad of this because I needed to check out her stools and make sure she didn't need to be dewormed and plus she is still pooping, peeing and eating and is alive. My husband did not share my joy over the dog's poop and muttered about having to make it through the landmines.

As I left the house I noticed that upon one pile of poop a butterfly had alighted and was gently fluttering it's wings oh so gracefully. I wished I had a camera to immortalize the moment but alas I didn't!

 

That image brought a tear to my eye.

 

I turned out about a kilo of poop today. Slightly uncomfortable but - ye gods - I felt light as a feather afterwards. That is all.

 

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v667/KUKBACCA/spray.gif]

 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's art.

 

i've seen that before, but i could still watch it for hours.

 

Sweet image.

 

Excellent! I would love to have a dog that could do that on cue.

In 6 weeks time I'll join the senior managment team where I work. LOL. They put me through a whole bunch of tests (data analysis, presentation, problem solving, psychometrics) as well as a couple of interviews and they STILL gave me the job, rejecting 5 perfectly sane short-listed candidates in the process. Not sure whether the company directors are mentally challenged or whether they have a highly developed sense of humour but, apparently, it was my vision for the future of the department I'll be heading that nailed it. I guess the data warehousing, silent reporting system and real-time data won them over, but they seem to have missed the fact that it's my bowel movements that will be represented in a punchy graphical format throughout the building. I guess I may not have made that entirely clear with the proof-of-concept work I did but, hey, it just shows that they didn't ask the right questions.

 

Holy epic turd Batman! I just finished my Sunday morning "sleep in, have a cigarette and some strong coffee" routine which led to the expulsion of my girlfriend's awesome Mexican lasagna. It had to have been about two feet in length and came out with a slight popping sound, as each pocket of fart passed my sphincter. The room filled with a foul aroma the likes of which I've been missing for a while.

Wow I feel great.

 

I think it's about high time I joined this fine discussion, as I've had intestinal irregularities for a few weeks now. Rather than stressing about it, why don't I celebrate it?

This morning I pooped three times, and it got softer and squishier with each trip to the loo!

 

That is excellent news! I award you the golden turd!

[image=http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/golden-turd.jpg]

 

I hate those automatic flushing toilets. Cant stand up and admire a good turd.

 

I hate those too. For the same reason. Not to mention they're upperdeck-proof.

 

Fun fact: for most adults it takes 24-72 hours to digest a meal.

Today's accomplishment: I pooped my lunch in less than 6 hours!

 

So today we came back home to find out that the cat had a present for us: a good smear of dried-up diarrhea on the bedroom door. My guess is that she had a very soft poop coming and decided it'd be a good idea to spread it onto a white surface. By the time we came back it had slid down and had a nice crust around it. My husband spent a good few minutes scraping it from the door.

I of course, immediately thought of you guys.

 

I'm I the only one still stuck on that gif of the dog?

 

Maybe...until I searched for this thread to talk about my epic dump today. Now I've forgotten what I was gonna say.

It's hypnotic.

Oh yeah, look for "Cannonball Dookie" on YouTube. You'll be glad you did.

Also I took a big dump today, but again...the dog gif has rendered me incapable of recalling it right now.

 

After starting back at work, I was deeply saddened to learn that all the factory grade art work in the stalls has been removed. Apparently some wrote something to offensive about the management and now you can get fired for it.

 

I think you know what you have to do.

 

I with great pooping comes great responsibility....

 

and then?