Discussion in 'Community' started by SLR, May 25, 2004.
all my stuff looks like chili now. has for years.
Anyway, I got a new wetsuit last week. It's got a titanium lining as opposed to open cell neoprene like my old wetsuit, which absorbed farts nicely. I'm anxious to see how a fart feels in this one. I bet it'll feel slippery.
Yesterday I was super gassy after having one glass of milk; looks like the lactose sensitivity is still around.
But on the plus side, I had a nice long "snake" in the bowl this morning.
Josh asked me this morning why it feels so good when you poop.
I had no clue the FF was still around!
all hail the Fecal Force!
Mort, I am sorry to report that once my binge-bought licorice supply expired, my stool became quite average.
I know what I'm getting every one of you for Christmas.
Harps, the best part of that whole thing is just how much utter joy the woman has on her face while she is willingly prepping to crap inside her pants. She is truly one of us.
Just took my fourth wet, juicy dump of the day. Probably around 27 to 33 percent moisture. Smallish, roundish wet turds just slide right out.
Here is a summary of what happens to your turds when they reach the sewage treatment facility (WARNING - naughty language):
I found this very educational.
[link=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYW6C44zo24]I found this very educational as well.[/link]
I took several epic ***** while I was underway, and ever heard of some from the rest of the crew.
My favorite was about a foot and a half long and about an inch and a quarter in diameter. Our toilets looked somewhat like [link=http://americanhistory.si.edu/subs/operating/aboard/habitability/images/commode.jpg]this[/link], with the giant ball valve used as a flushing mechanism(the giant level on the right). Even it was not able to take what I left in the bowl, so I was forced to grab a foxtail from under the sink to push it down the valve opening. The smell that this monster left behind was equal to it's size and density, leaving the head smelling like satan's ***hole for the better part of an hour.
The best story I heard on board was of someone who wasn't able to take a dump for close to a month and was too embarrassed to tell the doc about it. When doc finally have his some pills for it, it came out part black and part calcified. I don't envy the guy who had to experience that.
Some pranksters hacked into digital road signs in Denver...
That is friggin' great.
So yesterday my bowels reacted to Irishfest. I tried to mow the lawn but I had to stop three times to run inside and poop...actually I didn't run. I had to pause, squeeze my cheeks, and then hobble gingerly into the house hoping I wouldn't let loose along the way. Each dump was like expelling a handful of those mini M&M's, except they were soft and clumped together. By the end of the night my butthole burned like crazy too.
It was a good day.
Sara sang "Ring of Fire" while we sat around the bonfire too in an all too appropriate tribute to my tribulations.
What Irish food did you eat? There are certain things that will absolutely set your bowels to defcon 1. Bangers, corned beef & hash, and boxties. Boxties will exit your digestive system about 3 & 1/2 minutes after you've ingested them.
Only some Shepherd's Pie and Reuben Rolls, but I drank a bit of beer...ok, I drank a lot of beer. I'm not sure what was up with my digestive system.
I have been having great poops for the last week or so - big, bulky, solid, odorus but not completely repulsive scent, and easy to wipe up.
The Raisin Bran every morning is working wonders.
I had to bump this thread to page one because during the great blackout I drank a lot of beer and initiated a fart war with my girlfriend. Last night she Dutch-ovened me pretty fierce but I was able to hold my ground and cloud up the room this morning.
I am pleased to report that another FANTASTIC dump was taken in the downstairs bathroom again, causing her older daughter to flee the premises. Seriously. It was so bad she actually got off the computer and went outside.
What's wrong with you people? Page 4?!!!
Anyway, two important announcements: One, The Fecal Force has its own facebook page now. I couldn't wait for Steve's permission to create it, as the urge to do so was ready to explode out of me like the aftermath of a night of chili and beer.
You all know the feeling.
Two: Last night, while laying in bed, I said to Sara, "Hey guess what?" She said, "What?" Then I farted. It was a glorious fart. It changed pitch and tempo three times and seemed to convey a deeper level of juiciness each time. As we both guffawed, I leaned forward into a crumpled position to comfort my belly-laugh, and stuck my head between my knees, successfully absorbing the full strength of the cloud of methane.
As rotten as it was, it remains one of the funniest fart moments of my life, if not the funniest.
Sara, between gasps, exclaimed "WTF?! Did you eat a cadaver?! Are you decomposing?!"
It was that rancid. I have never been more filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment.
I will remember to assume the same position the next time I rip one that potent on the bed...it gave me the full effect of my gastrointestinal prowess.
Like I said...pride.
OK, let us discuss the topic of "Swamp Ass!"
Now for me, I just moved to a first shift position at my place of work, used to be a second shift. Trouble is that my bowels did not follow suit.
So I start the morning, coffee, OJ, nice breakfast. Get to work at around 7:30am. All is good. Then 10am hits and the stomach remembers last nights beer fest.
So I must go. This TP may as well be sandpaper! HORRIBLE! So after lunch I start to notice where I have been sitting, It is a mix of ass and armpit and it is terrible!
I have 4 hours of work left! What is one to do?
Oh yeah, look for "Cannonball Dookie" on YouTube. You'll be glad you did.
Cannonball dookie. Freakin classic
Taco chili. Lots of beans. Still ripping many loud farts. Two very moist dumps.
We must find this book.
It's on Amazon. I'm getting next order I make