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JCC The Fecal Force

Discussion in 'Community' started by SLR, May 25, 2004.

  1. duende

    duende Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 28, 2006
    aw shucks, poopin' is just so fine!
     
  2. BLACKJEBUS

    BLACKJEBUS Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 9, 2002
    It was gritty. Looked like it contained sand. Also, my anal o-ring isn't perfectly round, so the stringy mushy turd had a bit of a "ribbon" look to it.

    I haven't crapped yet today, but my farts feel hot and they are creeping out on their own.
     
  3. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    Today I dropped four almost perfectly spherical dense turds. Two of them floated and two of them sank. Not sure what to make of that.

     
  4. Evil Incarnate

    Evil Incarnate Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2003
    The meaning depends on which order they came out in.

    Evil.
     
  5. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    Well how am I supposed to determine that?

     
  6. Evil Incarnate

    Evil Incarnate Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2003
    Well I can normally tell if it's going to sink or float by the way it feels coming out.

    Evil.
     
  7. BLACKJEBUS

    BLACKJEBUS Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Last night I was sitting on my couch watching something crappy on TV, when I heard my wife shouting my name in a panic from the bathroom. So I got up, ran down the hall, opened the door, and saw my wife sitting on the toilet with a painful, grimaced look on her face. Tears began streaming down her cheeks, and she was crying but also trying not to laugh. She needed me to carefully help her off the seat and wipe her butt. I was happy to do so (nothing unusual about her feces or anus, unfortunately), then I flushed the toilet and we went into the living room to sit down so she could tell me what had happened.

    Apparently she was taking a regular dump, and right before she lifted her butt cheek to wipe, she felt an urge to fart, so she pushed. This combination somehow pulled a large muscle on her back, giving her sharp pain all the way from her neck down to her pelvis, completely immobilizing her on the toilet. That's when she called for help.

    She fell asleep fine last night after a back massage, but she woke up this morning in a lot of pain. She made an appointment to see her doctor today because it's not normal to throw your back out just by farting on the toilet. So after some X-rays, the doctor found that my wife actually had a broken bone in her neck! It was the same bone she broke around 15 years ago, but when she was taking a dump last night she strained her farting muscles hard enough to fracture (and actually break off) that piece of her spine.

    I didn't think it was possible to squeeze so hard you break your neck. But now I know better.
     
  8. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    That may be the most beautiful thing I've ever read.

     
  9. A Chorus of Disapproval

    A Chorus of Disapproval New Films Fearless Vampire Killer star 8 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Aug 19, 2003
    Page 8...??? I'm sorry you all suffer from such mass constipation...

    Last night, I had the moment I waited for... it only hits maybe once a year...

    I had to run to the toilet with time slipping rapidly away and endure one of those glorious "System Shock" dumps. Nose started running so bad that I went through four tissues while simultaneously listening to my innards disengage through my other running nose. Sweat? Check. Rising temp? Check. Uncontrollable snot? Check. And, as soon as the session if complete, all systems back to normal. The human body is ingenious.
     
  10. Evil Incarnate

    Evil Incarnate Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2003
    Nice.

    I drank my first eggnog and rum of the season the other night. The next morning I was on the toilet as soon as I woke up unloading about 3-4lbs of semi-hard feces into the toilet bowl. About an hour later when I was at work I unloaded what felt like another four pounds of soft serve.

    Now that my eggnog cherry has been broken for the year, I doubt that I'll have any other irregular bowl movements from drinking this sweet nectar.

    Evil.
     
  11. Krusty_the_Clone

    Krusty_the_Clone Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2006
    I've taken 3 dumps today.
     
  12. TahiriVeilaSolo69

    TahiriVeilaSolo69 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2002
    Most amazing dump ever just now. I ate an entire bag of corn yesterday for dinner (yes it was cooked). Just a few minutes ago I had the worst intestinal pains and decided to pop into the bathroom for a dump. It was like an explosion of corn out of my cornhole! Literally. Like my butthole turned into a microwave and was popping popcorn in my colon. It was so ridiculous. Oooh, I feel a second wave of popcorn butthole coming. Report back soon.
     
  13. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    lol corn poops are the best!
     
  14. Krusty_the_Clone

    Krusty_the_Clone Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2006
    You should eat some nuts also
     
  15. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    Well today's dump was soft, floating, and looked like a big rotting snake carcass. Kinda smelled like one too.

     
  16. Only-One Cannoli

    Only-One Cannoli Ex-Mod star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 20, 2003
    Today I woke up to piss blood. :)
     
  17. Krusty_the_Clone

    Krusty_the_Clone Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2006
    You new you were gonna piss blood?

    I barely got home from lunch with a huge turtlehead licking my ankle.
     
  18. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    AIDS...or Kidney Stones...or a small tear in the urethra. The good news is that the body's own urine is sterile and won't exacerbate the situation. The bad news is that...well...you're pissing blood and that's probably bad.

     
  19. Jack1138

    Jack1138 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 8, 2005
    I have discovered that Bud Light facilitates very loose bowel movements no matter what the food.

    This past week and weekend I have had to drive 152 miles each day to and from Orlando to support projects. No big deal, I get paid extra for it. Trouble is I HATE all the other drivers on the road so badly. What do I want when I get back home? BEER! LOTS OF IT!

    Then there is the following morning. Ugh. George Carlin was right. There are farts that can end a marriage. In my case I never got that far, I would let one go and she would puke and leave never to be seen again. I can't say I blame her(s) I would have left as well if it had not been my own place. :(
     
  20. Krusty_the_Clone

    Krusty_the_Clone Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 4, 2006
    I took a dump at Barnes and Noble and Books a Million today.
     
  21. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    Hey kids.

    So I was challenged to describe the last dump I took using a movie title. I said, "True Grit" as my last dump was a scattering of shot-like pellets that left a brief but intense sting. I've been ill for the past week with a wicked cold/flu...not sure which.

    So...

    I pass this challenge on to you. Describe your last dump using a movie title.

     
  22. Darth_Smelly

    Darth_Smelly Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 29, 2004
    The Green Mile
     
  23. duende

    duende Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 28, 2006
    swamp thing
     
  24. duende

    duende Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 28, 2006
    black snake moan
     
  25. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2004
    Ha ha! Excellent!

    Today's dump was both preceeded and followed by some rather magnificent farts, so I'll describe it with the title "A Mighty Wind."