Discussion in 'Community' started by SLR, May 25, 2004.
So...I had to leave work today early because I haven't pooped in 3 days. I went and got some fruits and veggies at Whole Foods during my planning period and then suddenly...extremely painful pressure on the colon. I pretty much ran home and unleashed operation Colon Blow part uno as soon as I walked in. I even had to strip down naked for it from the poop sweats.
Tell me of your stories in which you have had to leave work early, end a date, etc because of the poops.
I poop at work like a true man.
My commute home is too long. I don't want the poop sweats while stuck on a crowded train.
^^ Sounds glorious ^^. (Tahinisaucewhatevername)
Aside from ingredient-related color changes or whatnot, I am still the most regular guy I know. It is business as usual twice a day... where I catch up on my reading. This week's wonderpalette came courtesy of sitting at a sushi bar til midnight pounding Oshinko. It had the comparable effect of dropping glowsticks. High friggin art.
I just don't have enough breaks throughout the day to poop. I have a solid 3.5 hours in the morning of straight teaching, then lunch, then around 1.5 hours of teaching and then planning. On Wednesday and Friday I have a planning period in the morning but sometimes the colon isn't ready to poop! gah!
@A Chorus of Disapproval: Call me Eden
How are you able to leave work with that kind of schedule? Do you go to the office and ask them to call a sub in because you've got to take a monster ****?
I recently found out that a friend of mine never poops anywhere but his house. He doesn't have OCD or germophobia, so I cannot explain this odd occurrence.
I drop at work. I work from home. I may or may not be typing this from my "library".
Well...I am very comfortable with my fellow English teachers and I straight up told them what the situation was. Then they were able to scramble together to cover my last two classes today. One of my colleagues has been texting me about how the dump is coming along. To be honest, I spend more of my day with them than with my man ().
The only thing that makes me want a smart phone would be to update this thread.
How is that a bad thing? I know your man. He's like a giant walking turd.
But I like to snuggle him, even though he acts like a turd sometimes.
That final time I was banned from here, I actually got the banscreen while sitting on the toilet. Fitting, in a sense...
SHUT UP! I had the same thing happen to me!!
Is his name Paul Finch?
Put a laxative in his mochaccino so he has to **** so badly that he does it in the ladies' room.
some blackmailers have threatened to place feces-contaminated cans of red bull in grocery stores in order to punish red bull for some reason. i have never consumed red bull but i would absolutely drink it from a can slathered with fecal matter.
So I made chili the other day. I had six hours to do crock-pot chili, but I forgot to soak the beans overnight. I had to do the "quick-prep" method and boil the beans for five minutes, which of course didn't work well and even after six hours in the crock-pot my chili still had somewhat undercooked beans. Not crunchy, but not soft either.
If you love to fart like I do...I mean really love to fart, prepare beans this way. They're not as much fun to eat but the results are worth it.
i heard a guy release a nine-second-or-so fart today. it was like a fart sentence - started up high and slowly, slowly went down in pitch. then at the very end, there was a short flourish that made me think of an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. it was quite brilliant. i wish i understood what that fart was saying.
Reason # 976 why I totally love my girlfriend: Whenever I Dutch Oven her she usually does it back. One time she put a little too much effort into her rebuttal (I used that word on purpose) and sharted. Amidst her shrieks of horror and the running to the bathroom, there was still laughter.
The ring is almost paid for.
do not ever let her go.
I shan't. I used that word on purpose too.
That seems a tad presumptuous.
I don't have any cool poop stories.
I was once a member.....long ago.....
Number of times you have gone poop in your lifetime:18,829timesNumber of poop logs you have produced in your lifetime:62,136logsNumber of times you have had explosive diarrhea:941timesIf we stacked your poop, end to end, it would have reached the top of the Empire State Building:5timesNumber of times you have sharted:9timesNumber of times you have wiped:94,146timesAmount of toilet paper used:1,883rollsNumber of trees killed by pooping if you don't use recycled paper:1.88treesNumber of times you have flushed the toilet:19,771timesAmount of water you have used from flushing:31,633gallonsAmount of times you have ran out of toilet paper before you finished wiping:160timesAmount of times you have farted while pooping:33,893timesAmount of times you have clogged the toilet103timesAmount of days you have spent pooping:105days