JCC The Fecal Force

has anyone ever had to ask a stranger for toilet paper?

Guys don't talk in the bathroom. If you do you get ***** on.

 

No, I don't have a square to spare. I can't spare a square.

QGM

 

Not one ply!?

 

why not...?

 

Anyone ever taken a dookie only to discover that there was NO toilet paper available at all???

 

Great thread. I watched Lord of the Rings last night and had a few beers and this morning I have major beer farts.

I hate the time when your at work and you are so busy and have to crap and you finally have a moment to drop a load. You run to the bathroom and you start sweating because you cant drop your pants fast enough.


What is a fart?????










Its a turd honking for the right of way.


Edit: I have updated my sig

 

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"

"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

 

lol

 

New slang term for your arse : Fartbox

 

at least he didn't Shart himself.

 

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?" The man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead, 7 nothing." A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, "What was that?" She replies "Touchdown, tie score." The man lays there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he craps in bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."

 

Damn smelly, ass sweat on the seat. That is gross. The other thing thats pretty sick in public restrooms is when dry yellow piss is splattered on the seat and an ass hair is laying on the seat as well.


LOL Snerd.



Anyone ever give their companion a covered wagon or fart on their brothers pillow so he has a surprise later on?

 

at football camp, one of the guys tried to light his farts on fire.


He ended up singing his hairs, squirting a stream and totally embarassing himself.

 

I had a friend in high school who worked at a furniture warehouse. His job was to Scotch-guard cushions and throw pillows. Well, of course he'd fart into some of the pillows right before Scotch-guarding them and sending them off. I thought that was hilarious.

And yeah, I've farted into my brother's pillow when we were kids. I've given the wife the ol' Dutch oven a few times too. I don't think that'll ever get old.

 

I was dropping a load one time here at work and this co-worker came into the stall next to me. This guy sounded like he was dying. Ever see dumb and dumber and Harry had the green apple splatters. Well, this guy sounded just like that. I started to snicker and hold it in, but he kept it up and I just busted out laughing and he goes "what so funny?" I just replied, my god man, wth did you eat. he said it was the taco salad from the night before

 

ahhh yes...good old mexican food...that and beans can help clear the tailpipes good

 

We have got to have this in this thread.


http://www.doodie.com/

 

You guys were nice brothers. My older brother (who outweighed by like 100 lbs) used to hold me down and fart on my face.

Edit: Obi-Ben-Kenobi, Leia Princess, and DarthenBiscuits are now official junior members.

Edit 2: Fare, of course it is alright to put the Fecal Force in your signature.

 

lol, I gave my brother a wedgy so bad one time that i ripped his underwear and pulled the elastic band over his head. My mom was a tad pissed at me.

 

Anyone ever see smeared poo on a bathroom stall? I hate it when people miswipe and feel compelled to brag about it by wiping it on the wall.

 

My son has just sharted. I must go change a sharted-upon diaper now. I shall return.

 

My son has just sharted. I must go change a sharted-upon diaper now


Ahhh. Like father like son.

 

yes i have. When I worked at a Best buy once during college, the rest rooms got cleaned on rotation by each dept for a week. Well, this one night after closing, my boss asked me to go clean the restroom. Well, i walked in to clean it and saw someone had smeared crap all over the far stall. i walked right out. He said that it better be clean since I was only gone 5 minutes. I said i'm not touching it and he said why. I told him what happened in there. He didnt care and told me to just go clean it up. I refused and told him he can write me up and he did for not cleaning the restroom. I laughed at him and took it to the store manager the next day. The manager got bathroom duty for a month on each of his shifts. lol, take that you fat ****.

 

^^^ lol

Smelly, that is really disgusting and yes I've seen it. In fact, when I was in high school and working at a supermarket I had to clean it up. In that case, some jack*** decided to paint the walls by the stall w/ his poop. It was so disgusting I was gagging the whole time and almost barfed.

 

While I have no bathroom stories to add to the convo, I would just like to say that reading all of yours have made me laugh so hard I'm almost crying.

Good job guys.


And I'm NOT putting that I'm a member in my sig, SLR!!