JCC The Fecal Force

I don't usually have anything interesting to post here, but last night I woke up to the sound of someone violently squirting poo out of their butt. My cat has left a spray of liquid feces + a puddle in the corner of the room.

 

See this, this is the stuff. Quality, relatable narrative.

This is what's missing from so-called great works of literature and the thread about SLG's life. So Adrian Leverkuhn was stricken with genius, who cares unless we hear about his greasy turnout after a night on the beer?

Shakespeare's Richard II peopled his prison cell with thoughts over which he governed, what's the ****ing point if we aren't introduced to the contents of his slop bucket?

See, people think god died because of Hume's dialogues on natural religion and Kant's critique of pure reason. Actually, they tend to think it was Darwin, but Hume penned the concept of evolution almost a century before the origin of species and the idea kicked around a fair bit before Darwin 'scienced' it. The point is people think it's down to all the arguments for god's existence being soundly squished.

But no. The two great philosophers of the 20th Century, Derek and Clive know better. It's because of all the Important stuff that was stripped out of the bible. Did Jesus take a ****? Then why wasn't it noted? Did he take a ****? Why isn't it down?

If we had a poop-inclusive narrative to relate to, we'd all be singing hallelujah with Pope Jim Bowen and being all good and ****ing holy with Christ's coprolites in all the relic boxes from here to Rome.

*language warning*

https://m.youtube.com/watch?list=PL3EA5F196C32D72FD&v=9wD-9HV96HU

 

Always happens at the worst times, when you really need to go out and do something.

Sometimes - after, say, the 8th wipe - I get a little gurgling in my guts that tells me there's more to come. My first reaction is 'for ****'s sake, really?' but then I realise that if I can go two consecutive rounds of pooping without even trying then I must be some kind of faecal god.

 

sometimes after some poop has already left the stable, i'll feel like there is maybe a small chunk still clinging, and i will resist wiping until this little chunk has detached itself. it is very satisfying when this eventually happens. i do not really know why.

 

oh my! does it smell like smeg?

 

I don't know. A friend posted it on fb, I'll ask him.

 

K, he says it smells of MSG. Probably dyslexic and means SMEG.

 

Adventures in pain medication....

As many of you know, I recently had back surgery. I've been home from the hospital since 'Sunday night. My dad has been staying with us this week, because my medication is pretty hardcore right now (starting Friday, I'll be working with an in-home nurse to get the med situation figured out. While my dad's been here, I've been able to rest a ton, but after this week, I've got to function as a single parent again, and I want to do this in the best way I possibly can,\

Anyway... that's not what I meant to talk about.

Last night, the pain meds caught up with me, and the resulting constipation was a nightmare. I tried, several times to cause some movement but no luck, At one point, I took my hand and felt what was in there... it was, like, a brick. This was around four am, and I saw no sleep or relief in sight, so I decided to go in.... manually. I then spent, I don't know how long, breaking up and pulling out chunks of poop. When I finished (and washed/bleached myself), what I saw in the bowl was astounding. I shed a tear.... really.

 

Ah, yeah, opiates do that. Strong coffee and prune juice in the morning may help a little.

Rest well, Harps. Lots of protein, plenty of deep sleep.

~hugs~

 

Thanks.... love you guys.

 

mmmmmm..... protein.
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5830947-natural-harvest---a-collection-of-semen-based-recipes

 

Gross

 

I figured a natural food enthusiast, such as yourself, would find a treasure trove of usable recipes in that thing.

 

I'm sure it has a great nutrient profile but I'll pass, thanks!

 

My poops have been lengthy which cuts the Dragon Age time down which makes me sad.

 

Oh boy, do I have a poop story!

My cat has been on Prednisone for a few days now, and it makes her poop runny. On the way home from visiting relatives, she poops in her carrier... and sits in it. When she gets out, she has poop all over her legs and her tail and is tracking it everywhere. I clean her off several times and go through half a roll of paper towels, and then I have to mop the kitchen floor where she tracked poop.

Later that day, after dropping off Lil Miss Poopy Butt, I go to see more relatives. We noticed that someone had tracked poop in the house, and we're all checking our shoes and we assume that it was one of the kids who stepped in it. I went outside and scraped my shoes off while my sis-in-law cleaned hers, because we stepped in the poop that was tracked inside.

Later, when we thought we've dealt with enough poop, my nephew comes strolling into the kitchen, holding out his hand, with a big glob of poop on it. We all leap from the kitchen table and huddle in the corner like he's got the plague and plead with my sis-in-law to do something because that's her son with the glob of poop. Sis-in-law takes him out of the kitchen to clean him off, and we find out how he got the poop; he fell outside.

Then, his cousin comes in with poop caked on her shoes.

Yesterday was a poopy day.

 

That lad has a bright future ahead of him.

 

So, my pain meds have continued to create concrete cinder blocks within my bowels.... been eating tons of fiber, drinking tons of water and juices... nothing. I had to do another manual evacuation of my ass a couple of days ago. I'll spare you that story, and just give you with two words... bloody carnage. So, my home nurse recommended a super turbo nuclear laxative. I purchased it yesterday, and took the maximum dosage... then about five hours later, another max dosage... and this morning.... poop! I literally cried tears of joy.

 

That's one of the beautiful things about being incapacitated in some way, it allows you to really savour life and find real joy and triumph in something as simple as pooping.

I'm glad the apocalýpse-strength laxative did its thing

 

Force that fecal Harps!

 

DRINK YOUR POOP