Arena The Fifth Basketball Draft (Winner: Point Given!)

L.A. Courtsiders


Active 12-man roster:


Starters:

PG: Magic Johnson, '86-'87 (30 minutes)
PF: Elgin Baylor, '61-'62 (34 minutes)
C: Hakeem Olajuwon, '93-'94 (39 minutes)
SF: Tracy McGrady, '04-'05 (35 minutes)
SG: Oscar Robertson, '70-'71 (10 minutes)



Bench:


PF: Dennis Rodman, '96-'97 (14 minutes)
SG: Dennis Scott, '91-'92 (0)
C: Chris Bosh, '11-'12 (9 minutes)
SG/SF: Vince Carter, '06-'07 (7 minutes)
SF: Adrian Dantley, '82-'83 (0)
SG/SF: Andre Iguodala, '07-'08 (6 minutes)
PG/SG: Chris Paul, '13-'14 (8 minutes)





The Denny's League:

Steven Adams, '16-'17
Tyreke Evans, '14-'15
Mark Price, '88-'89
Nate Thurmond, '67-'68

 

Let's get to the Fake Bill Simmons Mailbag and Predictions!

"Bill, if you were participating in this All-Time Draft with the Franchise Restrictions, what would be your strategy? Target the best player? Target teams with only 1-2 good players and screw the opponent? Fun Factor?

Tyler in Colorado"

It's a fascinating draft. And you have to let your strategy evolve over time. You start by targeting the best player possible. That always has to be your objective. If you don't do that, you end up drafting Marvin Williams over Chris Paul. Or maybe you do that because you're the Atlanta Hawks, and you hate your fans. But, then, as the draft unfolds, you have to consider pursuing the option in front of you. If you have the chance to, say, pair Magic and Michael, you take it. Every single time. Because you envision your practice sessions being nothing but the old McDonald's HORSE commercials. But, if you can't do something fun like that, you have to try to screw the opposition. I feel like the only lesson we can really learn from Wall Street is that - when given the chance, the best way to ensure your success is to screw over someone else. It's a simple rule. So, yeah, you put up a franchise like the Virginia Squires, grab a young Julius Erving, and force everyone else to waste a roster spot. As an added bonus, someone might draft "Fatty Taylor". Then, you kick a million bucks to your favorite congressman to pass legislation to make it easier for you **** over poor people. Okay, maybe the Wall Street analogy isn't perfect.


"Let's talk about sports bigamy... you have an owner who roots for the Yankees in baseball, Chiefs in football, Tar Heels in college basketball, Volunteers in college football, and probably the Dynamo Moscow hockey team in KHL. How is this person even capable of forming a thought on the NBA, let alone historical players? Should he ever be allowed to do a sports draft again? Can his fan privileges be revoked? Should he be forced to be mocked with the other Chiefs fan on the JCC?

- A Yankees/Cowboys Fan Without Irony"

Most of this is covered in my Rules for Being a True Fan. Simply put - there's not a single plausible way every coincidence needs to happen for this to be legit. Let me guess, your "friend" is also a fan of a European soccer time that magically happens to be funded by Oil? What we need are the three levels of Sports Bigamy Punishment for line crossing. I suggest as follows:

Level 1: One Hyper Fandom Too Many

You pick a few favorites, because you don't grow up near established professional sports teams, and you can only watch what ESPN will show, and they tend to show the same few teams too often, and over hype them. So, somehow, you've convinced yourself it's okay to root for the Lakers, the Yankees, and the Cowboys. The punishment here is simple: you have to renounce one team (your choice), and pick a new team in that sport. If there's one that geographically close to you, you have no option - that's your new team. If you still lack that, you can enter "fan free agency", but you can't pick a team that's won a title. Not even one, not even a long time ago (Super Bowl titles only in the NFL - you can pick a team that won an NFL Championship)

Level 2: Stacking On.

We see this one too often in American Soccer Fandom. Too many "lifelong fans" who have "suffered through" the "dark ages" for Barcelona or Manchester United or some other team that never really has a down year. I kind of covered this in my picking an EPL column. The punishment here is simple. Your friends have to pick a new team for you to support, and you have to go "all in". Maybe they force you to cheer for Everton, or Purdue Football, or the Sacramento Kings. You have no choice. You go out and buy t-shirts and pennants, and tickets, and watch the next ten games on TV.

Level 3: Unapologetic Bandwagoner

Your current favorite teams are: The Eagles, The Warriors, The Cavaliers, Alabama, Shaun White, The Astros, The Cubs, the Dodgers, and Real Madrid. Face it. You don't have any real fandom. You have no loyalty. You just like being in the shadow of a winner. You're also an ***hole. The punishment here is simple. You are now a Browns fan. They are your only team.

As to your friend - I think he's suffering enough, and probably needs an excuse to hop off the Tennessee bandwagon.

"A team starting five Shaqs? What's the best team you can put together that starts the same player from five different franchises?

LC in NY"

The Five Shaqs are tough to beat, so I'm going to modify this into a question I like better, and put together a few teams.

First, how about a team where the entire 12-man roster is the same guy?

I'm going to go with Joe Smith - my 12 man roster is Golden State 1995-96, Minnesota 1998-99, Detroit 2000-01, Milwaukee 2003-04, Denver 2006-07, Philadelphia 2006-07, Chicago 2007-08, Cleveland 2007-08, Oklahoma City 2008-09, Atlanta 2009-10, Lakers 2010-11, Nets 2010-11. Slight nod over Jim Jackson.

Second, is there a better starting five than All-Shaqs? I don't think so. 99-00 Shaq gives single-season dominance that no other guy who played on 5 or more teams can match. The closest I can get is this starting five for Moses Malone: PG 88-89 Atlanta SG: 74-75 Utah SF: 87-88 Washington PF: 82-83 Philadelphia C: 81-82 Houston.

Now, let's get to fun. Creating a five-man starting roster with just two players. One is an obvious choice, There's only one player you can slot in on two teams who you get in the prime of his career and MVP seasons out of twice. LeBron James. So, the question becomes, who do you want around him?

You can go traditional: Lebron (Cleveland), LeBron (Miami), Wilt (Lakers), Wilt (Golden State), Wilt (Sixers).
You can go Small: Lebron (Cleveland), Dr J (Philly) Dr J (Nets) Dr J (Virginia) LeBron (Miami)
You can Troll Cleveland: Lebron (Cleveland), Lebron (Miami), Durant (OKC), Durant (Golden State), LeBron (Lakers).

I'm going with three LeBrons and 2 Durants. Sorry Cleveland

"If you put up Lloyd's team of Shaqs against the greatest 80s movie villains of all time -- Johnny from the Karate Kid, Chas from Back to School, Stan Gable from Revenge of the Nerds, Chong Li from Bloodsport, and Barbara Hershey's character from Hoosiers... how does that play out? Is there a Hack-a-Shaq strategy? Does Chong Li use dim mak on Shaq? Does double-Zabka sweep the leg and then feign a leg cramp? How does this play out? Is Jonathan Cabot from Gymkata on the bench (and using the bench)?"

- Read Too Much "Page 2" Simmons Back In The Day

You obviously have a Hack-a-Shaq strategy. There's always a Hack-a-Shaq strategy. No question about it. And not only does Chong Li use dim mak on Shaq, Shaq turns around and uses dim Shaq back.

The better question here is what are the best movies from the 80's you can slot Shaq into? Here's my list:

5. A Few Good Men. Swap Shaq for Wolfgang Bodison. Suddenly, a Code Red seems even worse. No negative impact to the movie.
4. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Call it controversial, but I'm swapping Ben Stein for Shaq.
3. Return of the Jedi. We're making Lando Shaq. And Don't tell me the movie isn't better for it.
2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I'm making Shaq Indy's father instead of Sean Connery.

Just kidding. Want to see how many MAGA people I can piss off, that's all.

2. RoboCop. I'm going all the way here. Shaq in, Peter Weller out.
1. The Princess Bride. yes, Andre the Giant is iconic as Fezzik. Shaq would be even more so.


"With the Knicks not being picked in the draft, how much comedy was lost from Patrick Ewing's Gold Club trial testimony, plus the possibility of Carmelo Anthony and Kevin Garnett ending up on the same team so as to discuss the taste of breakfast cereals, let alone Charles Smith being stuffed in the draft (to add insult to injury)? Are there any other comedy combinations or opportunities missed from undrafted teams that you can think of?"

Dave in New York

The Loss of Melo, not once but twice, is mourned. So much for a Banana Boat team.

You hit the nail on the head with the best comedy stories, though.

A runner up, though, is Charles Oakley not being allowed to be drafted, from a comedy standpoint. I mean. He's been banned from Madison Square Garden, leading the fans to revolt even further - somehow, that was possible? - against the Dolan ownership. And, maybe Isiah Thomas of the Pistons. Plenty of material to go around with him ruining everything he touches.

The Strip Club Story Starting Five is pretty formidable though:

PG: John Wall
SG: James Harden
SF: Lamar Odom
PF: Charles Barkley
C: Patrick Ewing

"So, Bill, I don't if you saw the recent power rankings put out by DarthIntegral, but he has our team at number 2. Number 2? Frankly, and I don't if you're aware, but it's a well known fact, we all know, that DarthIntegral is just a pawn of the fake news media. The very dishonest media. How he can have us there, knowing just how good we really are, and I don't know you if you know this, but Michael Jordan has been in many McDonald's commercials, I've been in McDonald's commercials. Met Grimace in person. Very nice man, gets a bad rap. But that matters. These things matter. This is not something that should be overlooked when he calls the very great, very popular backcourt of Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant the second best backcourt. No. If you look at our numbers, our ticket sales, I talked to the owner of the Ocean Center, very nice man, great hair, but not as great as mine. And by the way, I want to thank the good people of Florida for hosting us. Great people in Florida. Wonderful people. The best. But you look at our ticket sales and we sold out so fast for every game. So fast. We sold out so fast and then if you look at the ticket sales for those losers over in Los Angeles that he called the best backcourt. They can't even give their tickets away. We have people lining up around the block and they can't even give their seats away. Right next to Jack Nicholson, doesn't matter. And speaking of Jack Nicholson, I feel like I need to let you know that he called us several times, back when I was doing The Apprentice, very great show, deserved the Emmy. But he called many times, multiple times just begging to be on it and I said no. I told our producers that this is a man, brings very low energy, I don't want him here. Who's going to tune in to see Jack Nicholson? And besides that, frankly, if we're talking movies, MJ and myself have him beat by a mile. Home Alone 2, great, Macaulay Culkin, great kid, wonderful kid. Misunderstood. But we're working hard over here. I have to give tremendous thanks to my assistant, Eric Bischoff, for getting us ready. And Gregg Popovich, even though he's said some very not nice, very unkind things about me, we kept him on. This is someone who I felt needed the job, he does those trashy commercials for a grocery store and I felt sorry for him. But I don't need him to tell me how to run a basketball franchise. And we have the best franchise, period. And the best backcourt, period. It's possible I may sue DarthIntegral, but we'll see. Maybe not worth my time.

- Donald Trump, Washington D.C."

(Afraid to say anything)

"Can 2016-17 Westbrook and Durant coexist on the same team or will their chemistry sink Game, Blouses? Will Westbrook demand rebounds to chase a triple double, and if so how will he convince Kareem and Wilt? Also with Kareem and Wilt, does Game, Blouses have the best actors outside of Team Shaq?

- Karl in NYC"

If the simulator has a shred of realness to it, 2016-17 Westbrook feeds Durant in the lane, then clotheslines him as he goes up for the shot, walks to the locker room, steals his car, and then burns his house down.

And, the Best Actors Power Ranking:

A Shaq of the Clones (Not just the Shaqs, but Uncle Drew)
new World order (MJ from Space Jam, Kobe from his apology press conference)
Game, Blouses
It's About Damn Time (Lebron and Wilt)

"Bill,

What if instead of an NBA Draft, it was a Porn Star Draft? And you could put forward a movie, and everyone else had to pick from that movie? What movie do you put forward? how many picks until a dude gets picked? how awesome would the team names be? And do you think Stormi Daniels ****ing Trump helps or hurts her stock. I think it hurts. Who wants to have his sloppy seconds? "

Yep. These are my readers.



Predictions:

Grantland Memorial League

new World order
Game,Blouses
the honolulu humuhumunukunukuapua a
It's About Damn Time



Talents in South Beach League

The Anti-Dentites
ABSOLUTE UNIT
Los Angeles Courtsiders
A Shaq of the Clones


Playoffs:

Anti-Dentites over Game, Blouses
new World order over ABSOLUTE Unit

new World order as the champs

 

Is there a concern here over:

 

Back to the Future with Shaq as Doc Brown

 

ABSOLUTE UNIT
First Team Roster
PG 88-89 John Stockton
SG 83-84 Sidney Moncrief
SF 08-09 LeBron James
SF 94-95 Scottie Pippen
SF 71-72 Rick Barry
PF 90-91 Karl Malone
PF 05-06 Elton Brand
PF 93-94 Dennis Rodman
C 14-15 DeAndre Jordan
C 82-83 Artis Gilmore
C 07-08 Tyson Chandler
C 01-02 Dikembe Mutombo

Pine Riders Unlimited
Tim Hardaway (Golden State, 1990-1991)
Jeff Green, PF (Thunder, 2009-2010)
Hedo Turkoglu, SF (Magic, 2007-2008)
Anthony Mason, PF (Heat, 2000-2001)

Minutes
PG: John Stockton (38min) / LeBron James (10min)
SG: LeBron James (26min) / Sidney Moncrief (22min)
SF: Scottie Pippen (37min) / LeBron James (11min) / Rick Barry (0min)
PF: Karl Malone (21min) / Elton Brand (17min) / Dennis Rodman (10min)
C: DeAndre Jordan (30min) / Tyson Chandler (18min) / Artis Gilmore (0min) / Dikembe Mutombo (0min)

 

Thanks for the championship prediction, Fake Simmons. I'll start planning my fishing trip now, then.

new World order

Starting lineup:

C - Moses Malone (1978-79)
PF - Kevin McHale (1986-87)
SF - Larry Bird (1984-85)
SG - Kobe Bryant (2005-06)
PG - Michael Jordan (1988-89)

Bench Mob:

C - Brad Daugherty (1991-92)
PF/C - Kevin Garnett (2007-08)
SF/PF - Billy Cunningham (1969-70)
SG/SF - Rick Barry (1974-75)
SG/SF - Glen Rice (1994-95)
SG/PG - Manu Ginobili (2007-08)
PG - Jason Kidd (2002-03)

G-League:

C - DeMarcus Cousins (2016-17)
PF/C - Paul Mokeski (1984-85)
PG/SG/SF - Grant Hill (2004-05)
PG - Derek Fisher (2013-14)

Minutes assignment:

PG: Michael Jordan 88-89 (30 min), Jason Kidd 02-03 (10 min), Manu Ginobili 07-08 (8 min)
SG: Kobe Bryant 05-06 (34 min) / Michael Jordan 88-89 (10 min) / Glen Rice 94-95 (4 min)
SF: Larry Bird 84-85 (32 min) / Rick Barry 74-75 (12 min) / Billy Cunningham 69-70 (4 min)
PF: Kevin McHale 86-87 (24 min) / Kevin Garnett 07-08 (16 min) / Billy Cunningham 69-70 (8 min)
C: Moses Malone 78-79 (28 min) / Brad Daugherty 91-92 (16 min) / Kevin Garnett 07-08 (4 min)

 

I think that's all eight lineups - @LloydChristmas - your post was saying "same lineup as preseason", am I reading you right?

I'll try to start sims over the weekend, but honestly it depends on the boys. If not, lunch hour Monday.

Edit:

OMG @tom, plz make a PhotoShaq thread for Photoshopping Shaq into movies, comic books and everything else.

 

lol i will defer to lloyd or someone with actual photoshop skills. i just searched that one.

 

I mean twist my arm

 

Also, never forget:

 

Game, Blouses with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar starting vs the honolulu humuhumunukunukuapua a with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the bench! Where else could we start the season but Madison Square Garden and force our simulated athletes into mid-series flights from New York to Hawaii! (even though the simulator thinks tom's home games are in Canada)

Game 1: Game, Blouses 135, honolulu humuhumunukunukuapua a 133 (OT)

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Box Score

Forty-eight minutes of basketball proved insufficient to find separation between these two teams. An extra five almost proved to be not enough, too.

Both teams went ice cold from the field at the end of regulation, with the last field goal scored with 2:10 remaining, when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar hit a jumper to Game, Blouses up 122-120. Anthony Davis tied the game at 122 with a pair of free throws with 50 seconds left. Dwyane Wade missed two shots from there, including being blocked by Anthony Davis, while Tracy McGrady and Davis missed shots for humuhumunukunukuapua a, with Davis missing what would have been the game winner at the buzzer.

Into overtime we went, with both teams jockeying for the lead. In overtime alone, there were four instances of a team grabbing the lead, and four instances of the game being tied up. Wade made up for his miss in regulation, hitting a jumper from the right with two seconds left, and only Allen Iverson being rejected by Wilt Chamberlain prevented this game from reaching double overtime.

The teams were almost as evenly match in the stat box as they were on the court. Game, Blouses shot 51.8% from the field, with humuhumunukunukuapua a at 51.1%. Game, Blouses enjoyed a 56-43 edge on the glass, including a 19-8 edge on the offensive glass, while their opponents countered that with a definitive edge from three - shooting 52.6% from outside, and making 10 threes on the day, compared to just three makes for the hosts.

Russell Westbrook had a triple double to lead Game, Blouses with 23 points, 12 assists, and 10 rebounds, while Jabbar 21 points, 13 rebounds (6 offensive), 6 assists, and 5 blocks. humuhumunukunukuapua a were paced by 27 points from Steph Curry, who shot 5-for-11 from downtown, and added 10 assists and 7 rebounds, and 24 points, 10 rebounds from Anthony Davis.


Game 2: Game, Blouses 114, humuhumunukunukuapua a 107

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Box Score

A long flight later, and another hard fought game, but significantly less drama in this one, with the result holding the same. humuhumunukunukuapua a were never able to get it to closer than five points in the fourth quarter. Game, Blouses used a 10-2 run starting at the 10:00 mark in the third quarter put some separation between the teams, and helped to guide Game, Blouses to victory.

Russell Westbrook again paced Game, Blouses, though he fell just shy of another triple double, with 27 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 assists. Kevin Durant added 14 points for Game, Blouses, and Dwyane Wade also scored 14, and added 10 assists and 7 rebounds.

humuhumunukunukuapua a closed the gap significantly on the glass, losing the total and offensive rebounding game by a single board each - 46-45 and 11-10, respectively. However, they could not maintain their hot outside shooting, making just 39.1% from outside, with Allen Iverson particularly struggling and missing all four attempts he took from deep. humuhumunukunukuapua a will likely also rue their lack of discipline, as they let Game, Blouses get to the line 31 times in the game.

humuhumunukunukuapua a were paced by 23 points, 10 rebounds, and 6 assists from Steph Curry, as well as 20 points each from Tracy McGrady (who added 9 rebounds and 5 assists) and David Robinson (who added 12 rebounds and 6 assists.


Game 3: humuhumunukunukuapua a 99, Game, Blouses 98

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humuhumunukunukuapua a nearly blew the 17-point lead they built for themselves in the first quarter. Game, Blouses came all the way back to take the lead - finally - with 17 seconds left on a George Gervin slam. But, David Robinson made what proved to be the go-ahead, game winning shot with 7 seconds left, and victory was assured when Russell Westbrook's driving attempt at the buzzer didn't fall.

humuhumunukunukuapua a got a magnificent inside/outside combination from Anthony Davis and Steph Curry to pave their way to victory. Davis scored 18 points, grabbed 10 rebounds, and blocked 4 shots, while Curry scored 20, dished out 10 assists, and grabbed 8 rebounds. Curry also hit three triples, one more than the rest of his teammates combined. Tracy McGrady added 18 points, and Allen Iverson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar each added 14.

Game, Blouses will lament their terrible outside shooting in the narrow loss, hitting just one of their ten attempts from downtime. Russell Westbrook was contained - by his standards, at least - with 13 points, 13 assists, and 9 rebounds, but also 6 turnovers. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lead the way for Game, Blouses with 20 points and 10 rebounds, and Wilt Chamberlain added 18 points.


Game 4: Game, Blouses 117, humuhumunukunukuapua a 115

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Box Score

Maybe, just maybe, there's something magical about Madison Square Garden.

Two Regular Season Games played, and two games down to the wire.

Down 5 with a minute to play, Tracy McGrady nearly willed his team to an improbable victory to split the series, and Russell Westbrook nearly gave it away. McGrady hit jumpers with 40 and 29 seconds left to cut the lead to 3 and 1, respectively, while Westbrook missed two shots and had an errant pass result in a turnover in a span of 35 seconds. McGrady then missed a go-ahead shot with 16 seconds left, and Westbrook could only split a pair of free throws with 14 seconds left, leaving a two-point game, and humuhumunukunukuapua a with the ball.

Wilt Chamberlain blocked David Robinson, though, and Game, Blouses held on to win the game, and take the series 3-1.

Despite struggling in the last minute, Westbrook scored a game-high 34 points, and added 8 rebounds and 7 assists. In a sentence that will be difficult for Thunder fans to read, Kevin Durant prove the perfect accessory to Westbrook, scoring 19 points, grabbing 9 rebounds, and adding 10 assists. And, Chamberlain (14 points, 12 rebounds) and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar proved a masterful inside presence, combining for 33 points and 24 rebounds.

McGrady lead humuhumunukunukuapua a with 23 points, and Robinson added 19 points, 9 rebounds, and 8 assists. humuhumunukunukuapua a also got 20 poitst and 8 rebounds from Anthony Davis.

 

Yeah. PG is like two plays from sweeping, and tom is like 3-4 plays from winning three out of four instead of losing three out of four. Crazy.

 

LeBron James vs. Kevin Durant! Scottie Pippen vs. Dr. J. Artis Gilmore and Artis Gilmore COLLIDE! It's the Battle For the United Center!

Game 1: ABSOLUTE UNIT 131, The Anti-Dentites 123

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The steady old combination of Stockton and Malone - with plenty of help from their new sidekick, LeBron James - ensured that ABSOLUTE UNIT got off to a winning start in the regular season.

John Stockton scored 22 points and added an eye-popping 19 assists, while Karl Malone added 19 points. The duo also turned the game around in a pivotal series, late in the fourth. With the Anti-Dentites grabbing the lead and keeping it away from ABSOLUTE UNIT for most of the 4th quarter, a Karl Malone floater finally pulled ABSOLUTE UNIT back in front with 2:59 to play. Stockton scored on the next possession to push the lead to three, and the Anti-Dentites would never again get closer than that.

Oh, and LeBron James? He ended the game with 33 points, 15 assists, and 7 rebounds.

All told, ABSOLUTE UNIT assisted on 46 of their 55 field goals (84% of them) thanks to the eye-popping assist numbers from James and Stockton. ABSOLUTE UNIT also absolutely crushed in on the boards, holding a 46-36 edge, thanks in large part to 18 rebounds grabbed by DeAndre Jordan.

The Anti-Dentites were lead by 29 points from Kevin Durant, 26 points from Tim Duncan, and 11 points and 10 assists from Derrick Rose.

Game 2: ABSOLUTE UNIT 130, The Anti-Dentites 102

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Domination.

Pure and simple, that's the only way to describe how ABSOLUTE UNIT handled this game. Pure and simple domination.

They shot 58.9% from the field. They shot 46.2% from deep. They had a mammoth 54-32 edge on the glass, and a 13-5 edge in offensive rebounds.

Scottie Pippen lead the way, scoring 33 points on a highly efficient 14-for-22 shooting (including 5-for-8 from downtown), and added in 8 rebounds. LeBron James dominated all around, scoring 24, dishing out 9 assists, and adding 5 rebounds. Karl Malone owned the paint with 21 points and 10 rebounds. And John Stockton ran the highly efficient offense, scoring 10, and dishing out 18 assists.

For The Anti-Dentites, the less said is probably better. Though, they did get 19 points each from Tim Duncan and Kevin Durant.

Game 3: The Anti-Dentites 111, ABSOLUTE UNIT 106

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After a downright embarrassing second game of the season, the Anti-Dentites picked themselves up off the mat and found a way to eek out a win in game three. Though, they tried their best to give this one away, too.

Up 12 with 2:17 to play, the Anti-Dentites looked to be cruising to victory, but a 10-0 run by ABSOLUTE UNIT keyed by two triples and an assist from LeBron James cut the lead to just 2 with 48 seconds left. After a Bill Russell slam to extend the lead back to four, James missed two shots that would have narrowed the gap again, and the Anti-Dentites rode two sets of perfect free throws from Tim Duncan to close out the win.

Duncan had a mammoth night for the Anti-Dentites, scoring 25, pulling down 8 rebounds, dishing out 7 assists, and blocking 6 shots. Kevin Durant was his perfect second fiddle, adding 26 points and hitting three of his four attempts from three, as the Anti-Dentites shot 51.8% from the floor. They also closed the gap on the glass, with ABSOLUTE UNIT holding only a 47-46 edge, with Russel and Moses Malone leading the Anti-Dentites in that category, with 9 rebounds each.

James lead ABSOLUTE UNIT with 25 points, 11 assists, and 5 rebounds, with Scottie Pippen adding 20 points and 11 rebounds, and John Stockton adding 12 points and 12 assists.

Game 4: The Anti-Dentites 112, ABSOLUTE UNIT 109

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After the second game in this series, it seemed like we had two teams heading in opposite directions, and ABSOLUTE UNIT would cruise to a sweep, or at least three wins in the four games.

As it turns out, the Anti-Dentites had other plans, holding on for a win that closer than it should have been and somehow - improbably - grabbing a split.

The Anti-Dentites entered the fourth quarter with a huge 91-74 lead, and appeared to be cruising to a win. But ABSOLUTE UNIT fought back, finding a 16-0 run, where they held the Anti-Dentites scoreless from the 8 minute mark until there was only 3:25 left in the game, and then ultimately took the lead at 106-105 with 3:00 to play on an Elton Brand dunk. Ultimately, though, that hole to start the 4th was too deep, ABSOLUTE UNIT spent too much energy on the comeback, and couldn't finish out the game, and wouldn't score again until a meaningless triple by LeBron James at the buzzer.

Kevin Durant lead the way for the Anti_Dentites, scoring 24 poitns and going for a perfect 6-for-6 from the charity stripe, as his team went 26-for-34 from the free throw line. Derrick Rose added 21 points, and despite only scoring 3 points, Tim Duncan pulled down 14 rebounds.

ASBOLUTE UNIT got 14 points, 10 assists, and 6 rebounds from LeBron James, with Scottie Pippen chipping in 22 points, and John Stockton adding in another eye-popping stat line with 14 points and 16 assists.

 

So many fouls in game 4 my goodness. Giving it away over here.

 

ggs heelso

 

The Hick from French Lick vs. The Round Mound of Rebound! Michael vs. Lebron!


Game 1: It's About Damn Time 121, new World order 100

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With 4:23 to go in the first half, Michael Jordan slammed the ball home to tie the game at 44, and have us anticipating a close match-up from there. It's About Damn Time had other ideas, though. They used a 16-4 run to close out the first half to open up a 12-point halftime lead, and then an 8-2 run to close out the third and extend the lead to 22 entering the 4th, and remove pretty much all doubt from the game.

Chris Paul lead the way for IADT, with a masterful 27 points on 13-for-20 shooting, and added 10 assists and 6 rebounds. LeBron James flirted with a triple-double, scoring 16, grabbing 9 rebounds, and dishing out 8 assists, while scored 26 points and grabbed 11 rebounds in his starting role (Wilt Chamberlain, in his bench role, was slightly less productive).

new World order got 20 points from Michael Jordan and 12 points and 17 rebounds, but will have to step up their defensive efforts, after allowing IADT to shoot 58.4% from the field and 58.3% from downtown.

Game 2: new World order 116, It's About Damn Time 97

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It was as if the scripts reversed in this game.

This time, new World order closed out the first half on an 18-3 run to take control of the game, and turn a tight, back-and-forth affair into a game that was never in doubt.

new World order didn't tighten up their defense that much - It's About Damn Time still shot 50% from the field and 45.5% from deep. But they improved their offense, shooting 55.8% from the field, and won the battle on the glass 38-34. Both teams were also aggressive in getting inside and drawing contact to get to the foul line, with new World order shooting 26 free throws, and IADT shooting 27.

new World order were lead by Michael Jordan, who scored on efficient 20 points on just 12 field goal attempts, and added 9 assists. Kobe Bryant added 14 points, but it was the bench for new World order that really shined in this game. Jason Kidd, Rick Barry, and Glenn Rice all scored in double figures, and combined to shoot 73.3% from the field and 80% from deep.

It's About Damn Time got 21 points and 8 rebounds from Charles Barkley, but not much else from his supporting cast. LeBron James struggled mightily, needing 12 shots to score 13 points and committing 7 turnovers. Wilt Chamberlain and Wilt Chamberlain combined for just 14 points and 11 rebounds on a fairly quiet night.

Game 3: new World order 119, It's About Damn Time 108

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This time, new World order didn't take long to assert control of the game.

A 15-4 run in the middle of the first quarter gave them a lead they never gave back, with Kobe Bryant scoring 7 of his 16 points during the run. It's About Damn Time trailed by as many as 18 in the first half, and their best efforts could only get the game as close as 6 early in the third, before new World Order pulled away again.

Michael Jordan lead the way for new World order with 23 points, 11 rebounds, and 9 assists. Moses Malone was a monster inside, scoring 24 points and grabbing 11 rebounds, 8 of them on the offensive glass, powering the nWo to a commanding 62-45 edge on the glass and a 26-18 edge on the offensive glass. Brad Daugherty added 15 points off the bench.

The giant disadvantage on the glass meant It's About Damn Time squandered some fantastic individual performances. Chris Paul scored 11 points, dished out 12 assists, and one was just one rebound from a triple-double, hauling in 9 of them. Charles Barkley scored 24 points and grabbed 11 rebounds, and Wilt Chamberlain scored 14 points and grabbed 10 rebounds as a starter, as Wilt Chamberlain scored 12 points and grabbed 7 rebounds in 18 minutes off the bench.

Game 4: new World order 101, It's About Damn Time 93

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new World order came out swinging in this one, their defense powering them to an early 11 point lead, just three-and-a-half minutes into the game, as It's About Damn Time could hit only one of their first six shots, and turned it over twice in the first 90 seconds.

It's About Damn Time was not going to go away quietly, though, using a 14-5 run to close out the first half and make a two-point game at the half, and battling throughout the third quarter to take their first lead of the game at 69-68 with 19 seconds left in the third quarter. They'd push that lead to six early in the fourth, but new World order would take the game over again through defense, holding IADT without a field goal make for over five minutes as they reclaimed the lead, and ultimately took the game and the series.

Michael Jordan was again the driving force, scoring 20 points, and adding 4 assists, and 4 rebounds. His partner in the backcourt, Kobe Bryant, added 19 points, 5 rebounds, and 4 assists. Larry Bird added 14 points, and Moses Malone scored 12.

It's About Damn Time got 17 points and 10 rebounds from LeBron James and 18 points and 9 rebounds from Charles Barkley, but saw Wilt Chamberlain struggle with only 6 points on 3-for-13 shooting.

 

Nice!

gg @Dark Lord Of The Empire.

At a glance, I like:

1. Balanced attack. Bench played their role, and everyone had at least one game where they were a major contributor.
2. Lack of foul trouble. MJ and KG had 4 apiece in game 2, but that was as bad as it ever got.
3. Turnovers under control. Keeping a tight grip on that rock.
4. Defense. Grit and grind. The Wilts were never really dominating.
4. MJ being MJ.
5. 3 wins.

I don't like:

1. Larry's lackluster shooting. Most likely this was LeBron keeping the clamps on him and having to defend him on the other end, but we'll need more from him going forward... even if he did get player of the game in game 4 (a somewhat dubious honor just going by the stat line).
2. No one reaching double digit assists in any game, even if MJ came close enough a couple times. Sure, there's no traditional PG in the starting lineup, but both are still brilliant passers and we have some of the best passing forwards ever on our team. The shot total in game 2 (and game 4 to a lesser extent) reek of isolation basketball. We're too good for hero ball.
3. Despite the first thing I liked, Jason Kidd laid a serious egg in three of those game. He needs to show me why I shouldn't just give MJ his minutes. It's not like he can't play 48 a game.

 

Too good for hero ball? You've got Kobe.