The Flirt Thread version 2.0

100th post. I own this thread...

 

No, my fricking computer screwed up and AIM crashed...sorry about that...

Afraid just got the 100th reply!

 

A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
A graduate with a Law degree asks, "Who gave it a permission to work?"
A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like fries with that?"

 

A Marketing Manager got married to a woman who had previously been married eight times. On his wedding night, his wife informed him that she was still a virgin. This was her explanation:


My first husband was a sales representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, "It's gonna be great"!
My second husband was from software services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me the documentation.
My third husband was an accountant. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether or not it was his job.
My fourth husband was a teacher, and he simply said, "Those who can...do; those who can't...teach".
My fifth husband was an engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
My sixth husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.
My seventh husband was a help-desk coordinator and he kept teaching me how to do it myself.
My eighth husband was in technical support, and he kept saying, "Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now."
The wife said sweetly to her new husband, "Now I am married to you, a man of marketing". The husband looked at his wife and simply said, "I know I have the product, I'm just not sure how to position it".

 

You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.
Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.
Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.
Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.
Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.
Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.
Judge: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.

 

*laughs out loud*

 

I think there's a joke thread somewhere...you should tell them some of these.

 

Continued....

Economist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.
Statistician: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.
IRS auditor: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.
Manager: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts.
Consultant: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn how to fix a plane.
Salesperson: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.
Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.
Teacher: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.
English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.
Comparative Literature major: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.
Dramatist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.
Modern Painter: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.
Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.

 

*Walks into Flirt Thread 2.0*


*Looks around with eyes wide open*

 

*runs up to dag* hello.......clarice! [face_red dragon]

 

*Hugs Zam*


My AOL is down

*Runs back to the Flirt Thread*

EDIT : MY 2,000th post! *Does an Anakin yippie!*

 

Congratulations on your 2,000th post, Dag...I was just looking in your bio and noticed it.

 

*shrugs and kisses him lightly* what do you think of the jokes I've posted?

 

*Returns to Flirt Thread 2.0 with all of the bar equipment and drinks*


Here you go doggans!

 

Thanks for getting the stuff, Dag.

 

Congrats on your 2000th post!!! I'm so proud of you! We must celebrate *imitates yoda's voice* yeeeeees. *goes and puts 20 shot glasses on counter*

 

Hey everyone.

 

*Walks in carrying a 20 lb. sledge hammer*





*Raises above head and brings down on the floor as hard as possible*


*Continue's tearing up the floor*

*Alternates between sledge hammer and crowbar*

 

*walks in*

morning all.

 

*Falls asleep on couch, clutching hammer*

 

*pokes Dag*

It's not safe to fall asleep with a hammer...

 

Hi SJ.

 

Hey Blood

what's up?

 

Not much.

Oh well. I'm 14 now.

 

That's kewl. I have to wait till i'm 14 *sighs*