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Before - Legends "The Floating World" - OC Story Dueling Circle Halloween Challenge

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ceridwen1977, Oct 31, 2005.

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  1. ceridwen1977

    ceridwen1977 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    This is a response to the OC Story dueling circle creepy Halloween challenge which asked us to think about ancestors.

    Many thanks to my Master Oqidaun who kindly read my offering and provided lots of useful tips to hopefully make it more coherent.

    And thanks to all the fantastic writers in the OC Deathcoaster who have helped to inspire me recently :D

    ****************************

    She always remembered how her mother spoke to her about the floating world, the one between the sky and where the darkness held sway.

    The spirits come there Kaley, for one day every century they are able to leave their wanderings. They come to the floating world and come back to us?.

    Come back to us?

    Even as a child she had questioned everything. Her mother always seemed to have an answer. It was only as she grew older that she found out most of the things she knew about the Galaxy came only from her mother?s imaginings.

    Yes, if you know how they can speak to you. Those with ability, like you Kaley.

    Like me?

    Yes, one day I?ll show you my dear. We?ll go together; we?ll climb Trefan and speak to your Dai. Would you like that?

    Yes.

    And she had played with her mother?s dark curls, feeling safe in the warmth and the light.

    She had never felt that safe again, something which she reflected on as she trudged through the long, wet grass. It was meant to have been the day she came with her mother, she had promised they would go together. But sometimes the things desired more than any other were the ones first taken away.

    Where do we speak to them, do they come to us?

    Oh no, we must go to them. They have so little time whilst we have our whole lives ahead of us. They cannot delay for the night is all they are given.

    She climbed the steep winding path formed by rocks that had tumbled down the mountain?s side?as if they had been shaken in a violent rage. Clouds descended as she climbed. It grew colder and more desolate. The wind shrieked and she drew her cloak closer. She fancied she heard whispers on the wind. The higher she climbed, the closer she got to the floating world.

    They say you must climb to the very top, where the clouds always cover and the winds never cease. That is where the floating world makes contact; where you can speak to those who have gone.

    How they can speak to us when they are gone?

    No-one knows child. It is a gift they say was given to us long ago by those with greater power than ours.

    She remembered playing with the beads around her dear mamma?s neck, feeling them cold and smooth between her lips. How her mother had laughed and given her a piece of huffin to chew instead. But she had preferred the beads. She wondered where they were now, the same beads her mamma had been wearing the day she had gone missing.

    Who would you want to speak to mamma?

    Logs hissed and cracked in the grate as they were devoured by the fire.

    Oh our family, my dearest, most of them are gone now. They would have loved to have seen you grow. They would love to see you now.

    She never mentioned any of her relatives by name except that one day she mentioned Dai, her father. Vague recollections came to her now and then, being held close and kissed softly on the cheek. He had brought her small presents of a beautiful pebble or striking flower. Now they lay collecting cobwebs in the shadows of drawers, forgotten until she remembered. But she could never remember her father?s face?

    A face that was always in shadow.

    And there is so much wisdom to be learned from them, they see things which we cannot.

    Can they see us now?

    Oh, of course they can, they can see everything. That is why you must be careful my dear to always be true. They will see through it.

    Her mother had fidgeted then, now she was older she did not always like to have her on her lap. It was a rare treat.

    Come on, it?s well past the time for your sleep. They
     
  2. Zane-Marit

    Zane-Marit Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2003
    Nicely written...reminds slightly of Amidalas' funeral scene. Kind of like a behind the scenes snapshot.
     
  3. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    This drew me in right away, from the opening lines:

    She always remembered how her mother spoke to her about the floating world, the one between the sky and where the darkness held sway.

    It had a lovely flow to it! Bravo! =D=
     
  4. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    That was a lovely challenge response, like VaderLVR, that first sentence just pulled you in.
     
  5. PadwanKayla

    PadwanKayla Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 2, 2005
    That was so eerie and so beautifully written. Your images of the mountain painted a wonderous picture. As shame her mother hadn't given her the whole story, about the need for one sacrifice. Excellent work! =D=
     
  6. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    You know how I feel about this delightful piece. :D
    Great work.

    When I read it I kept getting these strange fusion images of Dios de los Muertos and the Scotish Highlands.

    Fabulous resolution at the end. =D=
     
  7. AnakinGirl05

    AnakinGirl05 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2005
    A haunting piece...very well done. You definitely captured me from the first line and held me until the end. Great job on this challenge!
     
  8. the_wandering_shadow

    the_wandering_shadow Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    Excellent story. Very gripping and interesting, a unqiue legend. It makes me very curious. Admittedly, for just a minute, I thought it would be sort of like the Sixth Sense, where the woman had already been a spirit yet didn't known it.
     
  9. Lovely-in-Orange

    Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2005
    I really liked the haunting and riveting style and the imagery of being where the mountains meet the clouds. Interesting legend!
     
  10. ceridwen1977

    ceridwen1977 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Zane-Marit - I love Padme's funeral scene, it is so slow and haunting with the mist, that is the feel I wanted to achieve

    VaderLVR64 and Healer_Leona - thank you, I am glad the first sentence hooked you it is always a tricky one!

    PadwanKayla - I actually was inspired by a mountain climb on Snowdon - I really wish I could live on a mountain, you can see the whole world and maybe I am morbid but it would be a wonderful place to end life as well

    oqidaun - well Master it was only thanks to you that I felt confident enough to post it... thank you ever so much for your help!

    AnakinGirl05 - I am glad after all your excellent posts you can enjoy mine too, thank you

    the_wandering_shadow - it's funny you mention that as I at first thought she would be a spirit and not know but I changed my mind halfway through so some elements must have still been there!

    Lovely-in-Orange - aha well I have much experience of walking mountains in the wind and the rain so I have always loved it. It is like being in another world at times!

    Thank you for all your comments I am feeling confident to maybe write more :D








     
  11. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Nicely done. Very creepy that the mother enticed her to participate in the ritual, knowing what would happen.

    Your master should be very proud, so proud in fact she shall give you twenty lashes for trying to challenge her superiority.
    :p
     
  12. ceridwen1977

    ceridwen1977 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    There are many evil fathers in SW but to my knowledge fewer evil mothers... this is a start in that direction!
     
  13. Lola64

    Lola64 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 10, 2005
    That was so chilling! Like one of those eerie movies. The "I see dead people" kind.

    No wonder her mother disappeared. And her having no idea she was being called back to make the same sacrifice? OMG.:eek:

    Wonderful. I absolutely loved it. =D=
     
  14. ceridwen1977

    ceridwen1977 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 7, 2005
    Thank you Lola64 i love creepy and eery stories and it was fun trying to invent my own!

    [face_blush]
     
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