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The Fortress *Ladies Only*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by empress of justice, Feb 4, 2002.

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  1. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx

    Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 23, 2000
    Post 9900!! We're oh so close.

    * * * * *

    Jaxx wanders deep into the chasm, knowing that there is no way back. Instead, he is going to have to work his way deep into the chasm and hopefully find his way to the Ultimate Uber Supreme Villain of Doom.

    On his search for UUSVoD, he is sure to find plenty of trouble.

    Aw cripes. That's what I get for being a ninja. I'm gonna have to do this all alone.

    We hear a loud clattering noise and suddenly, a figure appears from nowhere. Jaxx is trying to discern who it may possibly be, and is clueless. But the figure seems almost as clueless as Jaxx is.

    However, as the figure steps into the light, Jaxx figures out who it is.

    Ken Watanabe?! What are you doing here?!

    Ken Watanabe: Well, um, I was in the process of watching The Last Samurai and realized what a good movie it was up until the very end when we find out that Tom Cruise's character is the ONLY ONE that lives and I realized how horribly it finished. Then I came here because everyone else was making a cameo.

    Jaxx: Cameo?

    Watanabe: Yeah, it's all the rage now! It's good for any washed up stars like William Shatner or Harrison Ford, guys who are trying to cling on to any last shred of dignity they may have.

    Jaxx: Hey! Harrison Ford isn't washed up! He's had an awesome career!

    Watanabe: Name two recent movies by Ford.

    Jaxx: Um, What Lies Beneath and that one with Anne Heche.

    Watanabe: See my point?

    Jaxx: Damn you! But now you realize you're lumping yourself with them, don't you?

    Watanabe: That's ok. Career revival is why I'm here. Although The Last Samurai was my first English-speaking movie, it killed my career because Cruise ruins everything by being the last one standing.

    Jaxx: Ok, but why are you HERE? With ME?

    Watanabe: To make sure that you're not the only one left standing. The Fortress is under heavy attack. I'm here to help.

    Jaxx: Um, thanks, I think. Let's um, go this way.

  2. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx

    Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 23, 2000
    Better do this one. Page advance.
  3. MasterYoda34

    MasterYoda34 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 5, 2002
    Excal: 34, would you hurry it up?

    34: I just finished it! It should have worked! Where is the moon?

    Yoda: Please don't tell me you got it wrong.

    34: I couldn't possibly have gotten it wr...Shoot, what's the last word?

    Excal: You've got to be kidding me. You can't remember it?

    There is a sudden CRACK! and there is instantly another person on the battlefield.

    Gandalf: I come back to you now. At the turn of the tide.

    34: Gandalf! When did YOU learn to apparate?

    Gandalf: Professor Dumbledore taught me. I was just visiting Hogwarts when I felt there was a need for me. He should be along any-


    Dumbledore: Ah, Mithrandir, there you are.

    34: Oh man, this is great!

    Excal: He can't remember the last word in the incantation to switch the sun with the moon.

    Gandalf: (with a little chuckle) It's Mellon. I seem to have trouble remembering that word sometimes, as well.

    Yoda: I'm glad you're hear, Gandalf. And Professor Dumbledore, sir. We could definitely use both of your help.

    Gandalf and Dumbledore suddenly realize that they are surrounded. This new bit of information seems to unsettle Gandalf more than it does Dumbledore.

    Gandalf: Legolas? Well, there must be thousands of him!

    Yoda: Hundreds of thousands, actually.

    Excal: And he's been camping out on our doorstep for the last few days, trying to knock our walls in.

    Dumbledore: Isn't this the elf you told me about who did so much for good in your Fellowship?

    Gandalf: He has obviously become corrupted by his own Elven beauty. This is the work of the Shadow.

    34: Well, what say I finish this incantation now?

    Excal: Please do! It's taken you long enough.

    34: Gandalf, Professor, sir, get ready for some REAL wizardry. Oh yes, and I would suggest that all of you put in some earplugs. This could get messy.

    Each member of the band of Fortressians inserts small foam earplugs into their ears...except for the Punisher, who was too busy shooting at nothing in particular to have heard the warning.

    34: Cloudless sky?

    Excal: Check.

    34: Bright sun?

    Excal: Check. Final word?

    34: Check. MELLON!

    The sky suddenly goes much darker as the brightness of the sun is replaced by the paler, cold light of a full moon. The Legolas Clones, many of whom have gone back to their compact mirrors, suddenly transform from their attractive elf form to a rotting, skeletal ugliness.

    The clones erupt in piercing screams that are similar to those of little girls. Excal, Yoda, and 34 give each other satisfied looks, as the clones are rendered temporarily paralyzed with horror.

    The Punisher falls to the ground in a faint, unable to withstand the sonic pressure of the collective clone screams.
  4. thegreatyoda

    thegreatyoda Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2001
    Qucik notes. I've got to go and do some financial aid stuff before I post.

    EXCAL: Don't destroy the Star Trek crossover people. Kirk and Archer rock. Tiberius is fair game though.

    KEN WANTABE: K-19 the Widomaker, and Hollywood Homicide. It was a bad year for him, but not the end of his career.
  5. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx

    Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 23, 2000
    Blah, you had to get technical with Ken Watanabe's career :p

    I remembered reading somewhere that the Last Samurai was his first major English speaking role. So perhaps that's it. I dunno. Oh well.
  6. C3SoloP0

    C3SoloP0 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 10, 2002
    wow to all these things that seem to be happening simultaneously! lol!

    As for this Ken W. dude, I've no clue who he is...but I'm sure he's cool, or was cool or whatever! :D

    On to my next bit of doom!


    Some hours Superman and Solo are trying to come up with some kind of way to escape but coming short every single time, there are marching footsteps heading in the direction of the cell.

    Both Superman and Solo try to make themselves as invisible as possible by hiding in dark corners of the cell. No such luck.

    In comes Darth Vader followed by an entire garrisson of stormtroopers.

    Solo: GREAT! Not only did we have to deal with Legolas clones back at the Fortress, now I have to deal with these guys???

    Without any word, 2 stormtroopers grab Solo by the arms and drag her all the way down to the dungeons...or whatever it is...this place I've never seen before.

    Once there....Solo realizes that this looks an awful lot like the Cloud City facilities...

    Oh no....not good....if this is what I really think this is, then this really REALLY sucks!

    There are stormtroopers surrounding some hole on the floor that doesn't look very appealing.

    Solo to stormtrooper #1: Say dude, what's all this for?

    No reply.

    Solo: So chatty. Please, feel free to shut up anytime.

    Solo starts wishing that whatever she thinks this is for is really not what she thinks when down comes Vader.

    VADER: This facility seems crude, but it should be adequate to freeze General Solo for her journey to the ESMV (Or is it the UUSVoD? Are these 2 dudes the same person?)

    At this moment a voice can be heard on a the speakers

    LANDO CALRISSIAN VOICE: You're being put into carbon freeze.

    Solo: Lando????

    VADER: Enough of this chatter. Put her in!

    Solo is lowered into the Carbon Chamber and wonders if her friends at the Fortress will ever find out what happened to her.

    She has one more thought before she leaves the world of the conscious.... *Maybe I'll get to find out who this ESMV or UUSVoD is.....*

    ---The platform is lowered and a big WOOSH!! of smoke covers the entire area---

    Vader: Well Calrissian, did she survive?

    LANDO CALRISSIAN VOICE OVER SPEAKERS: Yes, she's alive. And in perfect hibernation.

    VADER: Good. Calrissian, take General Solo to my ship.

  7. Stormtrooper_Shrink

    Stormtrooper_Shrink Jedi Padawan star 4

    Feb 11, 2004
    I'm feeling ever so out of this thread, but since I see we're spiralling quickly towards 400 pages, I had to come and say hi. :p
  8. thegreatyoda

    thegreatyoda Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2001
    JAXX: I was talking about Harrison Ford. You had Wantabe making cracks about his career. As far as I know Last Samurai was Wantabe's first American film. His second is going to be Batman Begins :D
  9. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx

    Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 23, 2000
    Right, so that explains my confusion. :p Of course, I hadn't seen either K-19 or Hollywood Homicide, so oh well.
  10. C3SoloP0

    C3SoloP0 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 10, 2002
    Hollywood Homicide was really funny guys!
  11. Starlight-Pixiedust

    Starlight-Pixiedust Jedi Youngling star 1

    Mar 16, 2004
    *gets caught up on all missed posts*

    This is awesome guys! So funny!

    And btw GreatYoda, I like nice, nerdy boys...
  12. Anakins-Angel-Padme

    Anakins-Angel-Padme Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 9, 2002
    GAH sorry guys, we got this really funky problem with our computer not allowing me to post yesterday. ANYWAYSSIT
    Sorry guys, I'm not really in a mood to write. Maybe later. :(


  13. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx

    Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 23, 2000
    That's ok. Sometimes we get in a funk. Although I'd love to write a post at the moment, I need to get ready for the Date Auction that we have on campus every year. And then the massive amounts of work I need to do follow shortly.

    Bleh. Work. :(
  14. MasterYoda34

    MasterYoda34 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 5, 2002
    I also have work and such to do and personally am waiting for others to post more to the wars before i do, because i need some more inspiration.

    but now, i'm off to do some drafting. My final ground plan for Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House is due tomorrow in Scenic Design class, so I need to work on that.

    Hope to see more soon. Have a great night if I don't post again. :)
  15. C3SoloP0

    C3SoloP0 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 10, 2002
    I know what you mean Jaxx

    I had to study for a midterm I had today.

    And now that I've encassed myself in carbonite, I don't know what to do! I have to follow what someone else writes so I'm just waitin' ;)
  16. Anakins-Angel-Padme

    Anakins-Angel-Padme Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 9, 2002
    I've come to a decision: after the boards turn over I'm going to leave. We need to start a new fortress, but I don't think I can be a part of it anymore. Life has so many turns it's ridiculous and sometimes it's hard to see what's going to hit me next. The boards are part of my past, of who I used to be. I need to break completely off of my past and be in one place again. I don't know if this makes sense or not, but anyway, it won't be 'til the boards turn over anyway.

    EDIT: Is it just my computer or is everyone else's computer not showing our icons/mark-ups anymore?

  17. C3SoloP0

    C3SoloP0 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 10, 2002
    I think that's kind of the feeling for a lot of us AAP.

    But it's not over yet! Together until this is over!
  18. Grand_Admiral_Jaxx

    Grand_Admiral_Jaxx Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 23, 2000
    I agree. I think a lot of us are going to leave after this. Perhaps we can have a mod lock this place so that the Fortress remains forever ours (AFTER the 10,000 mark, of course!!). I don't know, let me know what you think.

    The Fortress is a special place, but it also remains in a certain time. I think most of us are just about ahead of its time. Sooner or later, we'd have to outgrow it.
  19. thegreatyoda

    thegreatyoda Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 10, 2001
    I understand exactly how you feel AAP. Perhaps the time of the Fortress (or at least this incarnation of it) is coming to a close. If that is the case I would be in favor of allowing a mod to lock the thread if everyone else here agreed to it. We shall see.

    However, we do have 81 posts to go so I say we focus on the task at hand.
  20. C3SoloP0

    C3SoloP0 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 10, 2002
    AMEN to what all you dudes say!
  21. MasterYoda34

    MasterYoda34 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 5, 2002
    Like many of you, once the boards switch over, I probably won't be coming back. I mean, if enough of you move over with the switch, then maybe I'll come back, but really, I almost always only come to the Fortress. There's like 2 stories that I'm reading, but not on a regular basis.

    We'll have to find some way to keep in touch though, if this incarnation of the Fortress does indeed come to an end.

    But let's continue with the war, shall we? 10,000 posts is just around the corner!! :D

    79 POSTS LEFT TO 10,000!
  22. Anakins-Angel-Padme

    Anakins-Angel-Padme Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 9, 2002
    Bah, I'm so sick, I had to leave practice early today. i wish I knew when the boards would turn over. If a mod/admin reads this, any info regarding the switch is appreciated. :) I'll write something short, not very long today.
    AAP's mind was racing, she had to find a way out of this mess! She didn't have any good ideas at the moment, so a mediocore one would have to do.
    Fishing through her pocket, she prayed she still had it in there...YES! She did, and pulled the quarter-sized pin featuring the face of none other than Legolas on it (and yes, I really do have a pin like this ;) ) Holding it up in the air with her only free hand, she flashed it in front of the clones' faces. Just as she hoped, they dropped her and all began fighting for the pin. Taking the oppurtunity, she swiftly took care of 2 of the clones by kicking them over the cliff that was supposed to be her own fate. Using her other "special" abilities she knocked one of the clones unconscious. The other clone was so obsessed by the pretty picture on the pin, he wandered off and no longer posed a threat.

    Now... I have to warn the others about the .... AAP thought. Just then, she was crashed into by a man swinging on a vine.

    AAP: Indy? *pushing him up, she prepared to land a punch in his face, when he held his hands in the air and pointed to his hat*

    AAP:You got your fedora back? How? Wait... can I see that? *Indy reluctantly hands her his fedora. Looking on the tag on the inside it said FEDORO CO. AAP laughed to herself. It's generic... it must be excal's. *

    AAP: Very nice. Now let's get back before the D-....

    Indy: It's too late! Look!

    Just like the rising sun, the gray dome of the Death Star appears on the horizon.

    AAP: C'mon! It's not too late. We can be heroes yet. We have to warn the others!

    Indy: And I think I know a way to get there fast enough. *grabbing her hand, he pulls her back to the vine* C'mon, grab ahold!

    AAP: *squints up into the cloudy sky trying to see where the heck this vine is coming from* Um... no. No. No. And... NO.

    Indy: :rolleyes: *grabs ahold of AAP's waist, which, I must say, she didn't mind* Let's go!

    They take a step off the cliff and begin to hurtle towards the battlefield. The wind is so strong AAP has to squint her eyes. Indy holds desperately onto his hat.

  23. Stormtrooper_Shrink

    Stormtrooper_Shrink Jedi Padawan star 4

    Feb 11, 2004
    You'll be missed, AAP, and any of the rest of you who decide to leave when the boards turn over. I haven't been very visible at all, but I do lurk around here, and this place won't be the same without you.
  24. excalibur2358

    excalibur2358 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 13, 2000
    GENERIC hat? Was that a jibe at me, AAP? I'll have you know that hat, like my car, my jacket and my busted body, is anything BUT generic ;)

    I discussed this with TGY on AIM, but my vote is that the Fortress be locked after we conclude festivities here. Push it past 10,000, say goodbye and let her be. I'm a big shipwreck fan, and I know that for years there were discussions of raising at least parts of the Titanic, of offering commercial flights to the wreck...and to that, I say let the old girl lie. She is a reminder of what was. With the Fortress, we have a happy version of that. Should these boards be eaten up by the servers, then let it be locked before it goes. I'd almost be opposed if there was a second Fortress in the new boards.Let there be new places...because this place won't be replaced.

    There. My piece has been said. Can you tell I'm a nostalgist?


    *Excal surveys the moonlight

    34: Ask and you shall receive!

    Excal: Perfect. Thanks. Now my part. *jumps up on platform* HEY YOU MISERABLE VOMITOUS MASS OF BLEACHED BLONDE BEAUTY QUEENS! THINK YOU'RE THE FAIREST IN THE LAND? TAKE A LOOK AT THIS! (34, if you would?)

    34: With pleasure. OCCULOUS APPARATE! (a giant mirror appears, revealing a ghastly gaggle of half-decomposed Legolas clones. Needless to say, their perfect locks of lucious hair-if they have any left on their rotting heads- is not clean or shampooed and conditioned)


    Excal: Do you think we have their attention yet?

    34: I'd say it's a good bet.

    Excal: When did you learn Hogwarts magic?

    34: It was a snap.

    Excal: Was that another pun?

    34: No...I literally snapped the knowledge. How do you think I learned Gandalfian magic? Or gained the ability to reboot? You think they have a Dummies Guide for Otherworldly Voodoo?

    Excal: That you do?

    34: I'm gonna stop that Bowie Labyrinth copy before one of those clones snaps him in, complete with spandex pants, crazy 80s hair and wacky wardrobe.

    David Bowie: These cameos are getting ridiculous. But at least I'm the best looking male out of this bunch.

    34: Oh David. Golden Years these are not for you. *zaps Bowie back into bygone years*

    Excal: Where's TGY?

    34: I think he's taking care of Tiberius and company.

    Excal: If I knew Trek better, I'd know how to handle that situation better. But I'll let TGY write his own ending for that.

    34: Whoa. Check it out. It's like they're bubble wrap!

    *The two friends watch as the screaming Legolas clones spontaneously combust in random locations*

    Excal: Well, if we wait long enough, I'm SURE that they will all be gone. There can't be that many of them.

    34: Oh no, there are.

    Excal: How many?

    34: My last guesstimate was over 2 million. Give or take 575,340. More or less. Rought estimate.

    Excal: *looks at 34* And that was a ROUGH estimate? Jeez. So how long would it take for all of these guys to go up in smoke?

    34: I don't know. I'm not a math person.

    NASH: Approximately the course of your natural lives.

    Excal: Wow! John Nash as played by the always crazy Russell Crowe!

    34: Hey Russel, if we give you enough beer, do you think you could give us a hand in the skull cracking?

    Russell: Not a *bleep* chance mates.

    Excal: Some of them are members of the Academy.

    Russell: Give me a *bleepin* wood beam or a rock, I'll run them into the ground. Show them the thunder from down under!

    Excal: I wonder what gratuitous cameo we'll have next?

    34: I don't know. It's not like there's any logic in any of this.

    *Leonard Nimoy as Spock appears, complete with pointy ears*
    Nimoy: Perhaps I might be of assistance.

    34: Okay, as much as I love Spock, THIS is DEFINITELY ridiculous.

    Spock: But not illogical. There is strategy in the enemy's plan, captain.

    Excal: He's not a captain. He's a general...whatever. What's the logic?

    *But before Nimoy can reveal the battle plan, a blinding light causes everyone to b
  25. MasterYoda34

    MasterYoda34 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 5, 2002
    Well, all, sadly this is probably my last post before we reach 10,000 posts. :(

    The reason for this is because I'm heading to Florida in the morning to see my grandfather, who got diagnosed with congestive heart failure a few months ago, and they don't know how long he's going to live. He seems to be doing somewhat better than he was, but you can never know about these things. So me, my parents, and one of my sisters will be down there with him and my grandma. It's a weird thought to think that it might not be too long and he won't be there anymore. As of now, I still have all four of my grandparents. Anyways, I'll be back probably on Tuesday.

    So, before my post, I guess I'll say my piece to everyone.

    AAP - I've really enjoyed getting to know you better in the short time I've known you in the Fortress. Good luck in your theatre endeavors and I hope that Les Mis is awesome!

    yoda - You've been with the Fortress since the beginning, and I admire you for that. Keep on fighting the good fight, and perhaps one day our paths will cross in real life. But we can keep in touch through Xanga, too, so I'm happy about that.

    Solo - It's been really great getting to know you in the Fortress, through AIM, and in your Xanga (when I have time to read). I hope one day we can meet (and I'll make you watch Star Trek and quell your fear of it. ;) ). You are a really special person and I'm glad to have gotten to know you.

    Jaxx - Knowing you in real life, as well as here in the Fortress and in yours and excal's fics, has been so fantastic. I wouldn't trade any of my memories of time spent with you for anything. Thanks for all your help and advice, especially about studying abroad. I turned in my application for off-campus study today! Now all I have to do is fill out the application for the program. And all that is due largely to you getting on my butt and encouraging me to do that. So thank you so much. And take care. But I can't imagine I'll never see you again. I'm sure a visit to Jersey will be in order again sometime. :)

    excal - What can I say, other than what I always say? You are my hero, buddy. I can't tell you how glad I was when you came back here to help the Fortress celebrate and attain 10,000 posts. You are seriously one of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do without you, pal. Never stop fighting for what you know is right. And, to quote Professor Lupin in Prisoner of Azkaban, "I feel sure we'll meet again someday." I mean, how could we not? So, from one founder to another, Fellowship forever.

    Well, that said, on to the post.


    Excal: So, how are we gonna get out of this one?

    34: Good question. Umm...I can set my visor on a wide beam and see how many of them I can take out.

    Excal: It's worth a shot. Pun intended.

    34: Hardy-har-har.

    With that, 34 adjusts a knob on his visor, setting his optic blast to the widest beam possible. He looks at the circle of clones, finding the spot where he can take out the most clones. This is fairly futile, though, since the elves have encircled the Fortressians and their stolen, copyright-infringed friends. So he takes aim and lets out a blast. It knocks out about 65 clones.

    But the sudden blast startles and the remaining 1.5 million clones, who haven't received so much as a dent in their numbers from this effort. And it pisses them off. The clones prepare to fire.

    34: Oh dear.

    The clones fire. 34 has the presence of mind to cast a forcefield around the group exactly at the time that Dumbledore yells out,

    Dumbledore: IMMOBULUS!

    Most of the arrows stop in their tracks from Dumbledore's spell, while some of them bounce off 34's casted shield.

    34: Uh, foreseeable problem...

    Excal: Yeah?

    34: Our group of freedom fighters has grown so large that I don't know how long I can hold the shield. I've never casted a shield around this big a group before.

    Excal: That is a problem.

    Gandalf: But it's a problem that I think I can help with.

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