Saga The Galactic Correspondent (RR, new writers welcome) | Prompt 10 up! 15-30 June 2015

Ewok Poet - HAHAHAHAHA! Loved the whole "Amidala and her Gungan BOYFRIEND!" angle! Teehee! Methinks Sabé will probably be keen to shoot someone when she reads that bit of speculation, especially when there was a gorgeous speciman standing even closer to her with a ready-made leash behind his right ear. Great job!

 

Who, me?

 

From the Currency News and Data supplement of The Banking Times

Galactic Credit Standard hit by tax dispute
by Rupp Hert on Coruscant and Murd ’Okh in the Outer Rim

The Galactic Credit Standard fell to its lowest level for 10 months against aurodium as political paralysis over the disputed trade route taxation bill and rumours of an invasion of Naboo hit traders’ support for the Republic’s currency.

Traders from across the Galaxy have warmed to the credit over the years, to the extent that it became the major reserve currency even in those areas of known space that fall outside the Republic’s authority. The credit initially held its own after Chancellor Valorum introduced his controversial taxation bill in the Senate, but as political uncertainty developed it has lost ground and has now fallen to levels last seen before last year’s Eriadu Trade Summit.

The InterGalactic Currency Exchange System’s analysts blamed the political quagmire in the Senate for the credit’s sudden downturn. Magister Hego Damask II, chairman of Damask Holdings and member of the InterGalactic Banking Clan, also cited a recent sharp increase in the price of plasma as a further factor denting confidence in the Republic’s currency.

Magister Damask added that capital flight from banks across the Galaxy, and the multiple instances of merchants refusing payment in credits in autonomous areas of space, would lead to a deterioration in the Republic’s current account position. “What we are seeing is local currencies such as the druggat gaining ground against the credit in the Outer Rim, as well as in Hutt and Mandalorian Space,” he said. “In any case, the InterGalactic Banking Clan has taken advantage of non-credit inflows to build reserves, and account holders in Clan-affiliated banks need not worry about the safety of their deposits.”

 

Chyntuck - great entry from a "financial" focused journal! It has the ring of a crisp, concise rundown of the economic consequences of the whole Naboo situation.

 

Just the usual gentle reminder that the deadline for prompt 7 is tomorrow 15 May. I'll upload prompt 8 at some point on Saturday.

----------------------------------------------

A few reviews.

Goodwood Your "A defense of the Jedi order" entry struck just the right tone for me. I really enjoy Mr deSait-Exubre's slightly pompous style Also, great foreshadowing -- both of how public perceptions of the Jedi will evolve, and of the Sith's imperial ambitions.

Ewok Poet One emoticon: Where is that droid-fondling sex scandal?

Nyota's Heart One thing I like about Calionna is how she seems slightly nonplussed by things that happen out there in the real world -- first Jar Jar's transmission, and now the pod race. It's a great way to convey that the Jedi are spending a little too much time among themselves in the Temple and that they need to go out a bit more.

----------------------------------------------

Also, paging SabyneAmberle -- isn't Farla going to comment on Tatooine fashion? I can only imagine the delicate horror!

 

From page two of The Judicial Record, for internal circulation only

ON JUDICIAL JUDGMENT: A GUIDE TO LAW ON THE OUTER RIM
by Almonin deSait-Exubre

It's never a good idea to let yourself get roped into any kind of caper that takes one into the Outer Rim Territories without substantial backup; even the Mid Rim has its places of ill repute where the blue uniforms we wear hold little meaning. Worse, such appearances in the outlier sectors can even get you killed on sight, should you be foolish enough to parade around as though you were participating in a Senate review in Monument Plaza. It's no secret that the Hutts look down on those of us with legs, and their influence can even be felt here in the Core Worlds though many would wish to hide that little fact of life. Nevertheless, it is part of our duty as Judicials to 'hold the line' as it were, showing a presence on the frontier so that the unseemly elements of armpits such as Tatooine or Nar Shaddaa are kept at arm's length.

When it is our turn to man the cosmic ramparts, there are several things to keep in mind, not least of which is the fact that we are all too often seen by those beyond so-called 'civilized space' as the personification of arrogance. Alas, this sentiment is not altogether unfounded, since for the last thousand years the Republic has seen fit to mostly ignore the rest of the galaxy, which brings me to the second point: Humanocentricism. While the Republic is indeed made up of many thousands of species, it is a hard reality that many of those in positions of significant political, social and economic power, particularly on Coruscant, are Human. A Human wearing a Judicial uniform on the Smuggler's Moon may as well try to breathe vacuum as live for ten seconds after exiting his ship, for he represents all that those who are on the outside looking in loathe and envy all at once.

The value of sentient life itself is also something to consider when on the Rim, where slavery flourishes despite centuries of illegality; even in Republic space, there is an increasing trade in live flesh that spreads ever Coreward. Your life has a credit value to these people, and they will take you and sell you the first chance they get, despite the uniform and badge—assuming some other scum hasn't already blasted you. This will be one of your primary missions while on the border, that of anti-slaver patrol, intercepting suspected starships and ensuring that any captives are found and freed. Take it from someone who has been there: these wretches who bargain in living blood will not make it easy on you, nor will any pirates you are sent to take in. All too often, a slaver is a pirate as a pirate is a slaver, but sometimes their crew can be an unwilling one. Don't hesitate to use deadly force when it is needed, but be aware that sometimes, given the right push, an unhappy crew can be convinced to do the right thing by overthrowing their greedy captain and turning themselves in.

For those of you who are about to embark upon your first tour of the frontier, the best advice I can give you is this: trust your instincts, but don't let your gut rule you. Your emotions do you credit, but only when you are their master—and not the other way around. The Jedi say that those whose emotions are not held in check are instead controlled by their feelings, and they are right. In a ship-to-ship battle, it is well and proper to think of the engagement in terms of machine against machine, but in more intimate combat situations—from a running lightfight to a fist-and-vibroblade brawl—cooler heads will prevail. Those who fight with passion's hard fury are too often skewered by the blade they never saw coming.

Trust in your partner, your unit, and your commanding officer, and most importantly, the Force. It will be with you if you go forth with an honest heart, ever mindful and vigilant in your duties and responsibilities.

 

EXCLUSIVE: JAWAN scholar caught CHEATING with a ROYAL HANDMAIDEN! [VIDEO]
by Yilda Lami for Juicy Blabber, the celebrity section of Lightyear Holo

* Handmaiden seemed to be in love, making bedroom eyes at her Jawa hunk!
* Close friend said Het Nkik confessed his sex addiction in therapy session last month.
* Queen Amidala - did she suffer a wardrobe malfunction?
* Juicy Blabber reached out to Naboo's royal press officer, but they are yet to comment due to the Trade Federation blockade.

Strange things are happening to Naboo elite as the planet falls under Trade Federation's martial law.

Scroll down for holovideo

When Queen Amidala departed her lush homeworld of NABOO in time of need earlier this week; we exclusively revealed the news of her new boyfriend, a member of a prominent Gungan family. Meanwhile, our source traced the queen to the remote Outer Rim planet of TATOOINE and discovered more of the dirty laundry in Naboo's royal entourage!

One of the queen's handmaidens was seen near a hot lunch spot on the outskirts of MOS ESPA, with a group of friends, including her Jawa lover. Our source indicated that the Jawa's name is Het Nkik and that he was previously involved with a prominent mistress of a podrace champion; who abandoned him after he had molested a protocol droid. Nkik has a history of treatment for straying and it has been said that he cannot keep his hood on.


PHOTO CAPTION: The unnamed handmaiden, wearing a tunic matching the nearby R2 unit's design, looks on as her boyfriend approaches.

Queen Amidala herself was nowhere to be seen [editor note: Yilda, pls insert what she was wearing when you didn't see her and add "cuts a glamorous figure" to it, tnx] and we speculate that she ran out of spare dresses. The queen's boyfriend was keeping company to the handmaiden, a Jedi and a suspicious R2 astromech droid. He seemed to be clearly distressed when the group entered a local junk dealer's business.



We are left wondering who is the child the promiscuous handmaiden spoke to at the shop and if the shop owner is the pimp responsible for fueling Nkik's droid fondling fetish.

Watch this space!

 

[live holostream]

THE HUMAN QUEEN DEPARTEN TO TATOOINEY WITH JEDI BOYOS AND A R2 MACHINEEK, IN A SKEEBEETLE, SPAKE THE ONLY NEWSFILMSI I CAN GET UNDER DA BLOCKADAD, LIGHTYEAR HOLO. DEYSA ALSO SPAKE SHE INVOLVEN WITH UNA GUNGAN. WESA NOT INTO SUCH SPEKULAITENS, EX SQUEEZEE US. TANKEN YOUSA.

COMEN UP NEXT: WHAT DOEN IF DA TRADE FEDERATION ATTACKEN WESA UNDERWATER CITIES? MESA SPAKE WITH A BOYO FROM GALACTIC GEOGRAPHIC.

FROM DEFINITELY NOT TATOOINEY, FO DA GUNGAN INQUIRER HOLONET EDITION, POLLO DORKS.

[end holostream]

 

Prompt 8 is up! The deadline is 31 May 2015. It covers DVD chapters 15-16: Fateful Meetings – Dinner Conversation (from 00:35:52 to 00:44:16).

Remember to include the following information in your post:
Publication title: (e.g. Awesome Newspaper)
Article title: (e.g. “Funny or not-so-funny title”)
By-line: (e.g. “by Fareed Blitzer-Kristof in Coruscant”)
... and whatever else you think is relevant.

 

From page 5 of the Tatooine Suns

More information emerges about Gungan tourist in Mos Espa
by Het Nkik, Jawa affairs correspondent

There might be more to our Gungan visitor than meets the eye, if the information we gathered earlier today during an incident involving galactic podracing champion Sebulba is to be trusted. According to a vendor from one of the many food stalls that line the central street of Mos Espa, Sebulba displayed his usual aggressiveness when he assaulted the Gungan, who was casually strolling by, after a dried frog landed in his bowl of soup under circumstances that remain unclear. The brawl was luckily averted thanks to Sebulba’s podracing rival, young Anakin Skywalker, who cautioned the Dug that the Gungan is “a big time outlander.” Skywalker did not elaborate any further and declined to be interviewed for this publication, and the nature of the visitor’s connections to the Hutt leadership of our planet remains to be investigated.

Editor’s note: A well-known sludgenews flimsi has embarked on a muckraking campaign to discredit our journalist Het Nkik with a series of accusations so ludicrous that we will not reproduce them here. The entire staff of Tatooine Suns stands by our correspondent and we will be examining all legal avenues to put an end to the slanderous claims of this contemptible publication.

 

Ewok Poet You just are the queen of comedy around these boards and Chyntuck LOL superb rebuttal in your journal

 

Haven't got an article to add yet, but I wanted to drop back in say that I'm enjoying these windows into the GFFA.

 

Some replies:

AngelQueen - I'm yet to grasp why Sabé has such a cult following among fans and why Obi-Wan is handsome, but thanks for the comment. IT CAN ONLY GET WORSE FROM HERE.

Darth_Furio - Yes, you.

Nyota's Heart - Thanks, I guess?

Comments on others' entries:

Chyntuck -

The Banking Times, prompt #7
At this point, I am wondering how come nobody else thought of this before? Of course that, with a strategically important invasion, there's got to be a currency drop.

Galaxy Watch, prompt #8
I read "Wilhuff Ignorance" and for some reason, it seemed right. Ohwell... This magazine has a faithful reader somewhere in the inner rim of some mediocre galaxy in the future.

Tatooine Suns, prompt #8:
As far as Het Nkik and Yilda Lami go, this was fun. Love the word "sludgenews".

At the same time, he seems to be VERY intrigued by Jar Jar Binks, implying that his behaviour is more out there than we may think, even in-universe!

Goodwood -

Love how even the very title of this bulletin screams impossible. An article about law in a world that may as well be lawless to begin with. I would not want to be any of the unfortunate souls who are intended for whatever Outer Rim mission is being planned here.

 

Jumping the starship! Is Queen Amidala set to leave her Gungan boyfriend, following his fishy drama?
by Yilda Lami for Juicy Blabber, the celebrity section of Lightyear Holo

* Jar Jar Binks - he cannot seem to stay out of trouble!
* A famed pod racer steps in! Does Amidala perhaps dig the Dug?
* Which planet has wackier dinner customs? Naboo or Tatooine?

Is Queen Amidala's interspecies relationship crumbling in the light of her boyfriend's antics?

Scroll down for holovideo


HOLO CAPTION: Jar Jar Binks enjoying his lunch in the sun

Forget the handmaiden. The recent happenings in the merchant quarters of MOS ESPA may be a sign that things are no longer rosy in the Amidala camp!

Queen Amidala was still nowhere to be seen when her boyfriend, whom a source has identified as a Gungan outcast named JAR JAR BINKS, ended up in the middle of a fight in the middle of the Tatooine town's popular open market. Binks had picked up a meal for himself, when he accidentally managed to launch it in a nearby cafe dweller's drink. Did anybody say FOOD MALFUNCTION?

The enraged being was no other than the famed podracing legend, SEBULBA and he attacked Binks, who was pulled out of the uncomfortable situation by the blonde human youngling we had seen chat with the promiscuous handmaiden in a junk store at the time of writing the previous article in this sensational series.

This resulted in a SHOCKING turn of the events, when the whole group ended up in the youngling's home, apparently in an attempt to escape our holocamera and our reporter's keen eye.


HOLO CAPTION: The group RUNS AWAY from our reporter.

We have, however, managed to get a sneak peek into their privacy using the next generation holocam bug droid manifactured by DOBY of Nubia and what we have seen was pretty wacky. While our co-ed is researching the Naboo and Tatooine dinner etiquette in past issues of our affiliate magazineflimsi Galactic Winning and Dining; we are pretty sure that the concept of pre-meal GUNGAN TONGUE MASSAGE may be one of the strangest things we have ever seen.


HOLO CAPTION: A Jedi knight gives Jar Jar binks a tongue massage

Jar Jar Binks has either slept his way to his current position or his ego has just raised to an enormous level thanks to being the Queen's boyfriend - we have no other explanation so as to why is the unnamed Jedi Knight [editor's note: Yil, find this person's name!] providing him with the said ritual massage, when the HUMAN WOMAN serving the whole group would have been a much better choice [editor's note: Maybe she has long nails? Make sure you holoshed her hands, thereby making a perfect excuse to insert our list of designer nail varnish for our readers to purchase!].


HOLO CAPTION: The group having dinner at their hideout

At some point during the hearty gastronomic meal provided by the unnamed woman, Jar Jar Binks managed to stick his tongue out and eat our bug droid, so we had to edit the following holovideo in order to cut out the part that shows the insides of his stomach.


VIDEO CAPTION: The dinner at the unnamed youngling's home

We apologise to our readers for this inconvinience and assure you that we did our best to provide you with the continuing story of the promiscuous handmaiden, the state of Binks' relationship with Amidala and the identity of the unknown youngling's father, as he appears to be living in a broken home.

And, just like you, we are waiting for this exciting story to unfold further.

Notes

Spoiler

Yes, there is a George R. Binks. Not canon, but funny to use here.

Holoshed would be a product by Doby, basically Photoshop in GFFA, and these two have previously appeared in my fic, The Black Star.

 

^^^ ^^^

Because there aren't enough people scarred by years of deficit-surfing among SW fans?

 

Because nobody from the times of Nazi Germany's hyperinflation is alive anymore, or, if they were, they're not into SW; so...a resident of the second and third former Yugoslavia old enough to remember a 500 000 000 000 dinar bill was needed to appreciate it.

 

Goodwood:

Very well-phrased! I like how this gives an inside view of just why there is virtually no law on the outer fringes of the Republic. Yes, it's been neglected by the Senate but there's also an understandable caution on the part of Republic forces to even go there. And this helps to illuminate the reasons.

Ewok Poet:

Liked the editor's comments (in pink, even!) And then we have Pollo Dorks in allcaps commenting on the rumors: "DEYSA ALSO SPAKE SHE INVOLVEN WITH UNA GUNGAN. WESA NOT INTO SUCH SPEKULAITENS, EX SQUEEZEE US. TANKEN YOUSA."

And the photo illustrations are perfectly chosen. "Gungan tongue massage." Umm. Ooookay.

Chyntuck:

Perfect tone of indignation -- and I love that there is a Jawa affairs correspondent. Wonder what the usual topics are, when there aren't any Gungans around.

The interconnections in these articles are awesome and make them twice as funny.

Galaxy Watch is perfect -- Rakata conquest plots, Jedi in on the plasma market, speculation about Valorum's motives... meanwhile, the Sith have their blurry photo on the front page.

 

Just the usual gentle reminder that the deadline for the current prompt is Sunday 31 May. You actually get a bit extra time if you choose to chime in, because I won't be around on Monday, so chances are I won't upload the next prompt before Tuesday early morning EEST (that's still Monday if you live on the Pacific Coast of the US and Canada, though )

 

[live holostream]

Pollo Dorks: GUNGAN INQUIRER HOLONET EDITION LIVE FROM THE MAIN BUNKER. POLLO DORKS HERE WITH GALLO CART FROM THE OTOH GUNGA EMERGENCY AND WARTIME DEPARTMENT.

MY UNDERSTANDEN, GALLO, THAT YOUSA HAVEN NEVA DONEN ANYTHING BEFOUR?

Gallo Cart: NOSA, MY EVACUATEN EVERYBODYS FOR THE FIRSTS TIME.

Pollo Dorks: SO, WHAT ARE WE TO DO IF WE SPOT BERRY BIG DANGERS UNDERWATER? SPAKE, IF UNA TRADE FEDERATION BONGO ARRIVEN, WITH MASHINEEKS?

Gallo Cart: UNA TRADE FEDERATION BONGO? WEAR? WEAR? MAMA! MAMA!

[Both hide under the model of planet core-wide shelters they were supposed to present to the audience]

[end holostream]

Notes:

Spoiler

I am not implying that Gungans are cowards, not at all. They're brave! I am implying that this Gallo Cart, named after the great Gallo is a coward and that he is capable of causing mass hysteria.

 

(reserved)

 

Prompt 9 is up! The deadline is 14 June 2015. It covers DVD chapter 17: Preparing for the Race (from 00:44:16 to 00:52:05).

Remember to include the following information in your post:
Publication title: (e.g. Awesome Newspaper)
Article title: (e.g. “Funny or not-so-funny title”)
By-line: (e.g. “by Fareed Blitzer-Kristof in Coruscant”)
... and whatever else you think is relevant.[/quote]

 

Argh! With all the stuff going on, two weeks went by and I almost forgot about this thread. Here's an entry from me. Other than that, the new prompt goes up tomorrow, yada, yada.

 

*chuckles* Seriously, Galaxy Watch has some major resources if they're able to get so much information from so many different places. Coruscant, Tatooine, Naboo, the Trade Federation, and so on. How do they do it?

Great job!