RPR Archive The Game Designers Guild

Hi there. I am new to the boards (with in the last month) I had an Idea for a game and wanted someone to give me some feedback on it before I posted it to the RPF.

---

[hl=black]
----------[color=orange]Star Wars[/color]----------
------[color=orange]Echos In The Force[/color]-----
-----------[color=orange]Asylum[/color]------------
[/hl]


[hr]

[b]Planet of Adamar 3.5BBY[/b]

They wheeled him down a long hallway. It was bright and the light hurt his eyes. He could only catch snippets of conversation here and there. He gathered from what he heard that there had been a accident, though he couldn't recall being in one, he was injured and in a medical facility of some kind. He heard the name Miranda, and something began to nag at him. A bit of information just outside his consciousness.

Miranda?... Miranda...Ah yes Miranda was his wife. He laughed to himself, how foolish of him to forget something like that. He thought back to his last memory of her. She was sitting there in the speeder, continent, happy. They were expecting their first child and everything was right...

flashes of twisted metal and burnt flesh intruded on his pleasant memories. His mind reeled as the memory turned to a nightmare. The screeching of metal, the screams of his wife, the look of terror on the bus load of pedestrians as his speeder broadsided them.
[i]?You killed them.?[/i] The voice came from no where and every where. [i]?Its your fault.?[/i] No that's not true, that's impossible! I tried everything he could to avoid the bus. [i]?Not enough. Not nearly enough.?[/i] What else could I have done. The bus had pulled out and blocked the road. It wasn't my fault, I didn't kill anyone. It was an accident! [i]?Murderer.?[/i] No it wasn't my fault! I tried everything! I could never do such a horrible thing! [i]?You enjoyed it.?[/i] I did not! [i]?I did.?[/i] Who are you?! [i]?I am.?[/i] What do you want. [i]?To be.?[/i] To be...what? [i]?To be you.?[/i] To be me? What the kriff does that mean? [i]?Goodbye.?[/i] What? Where are you going? [i]?Not me silly.?[/i] Wha...

He screamed, a sound almost as hideous as the mangled flesh that his body had been rendered to. Doctors and nurses rushed around trying to sort things out, to save this man's life. Then in a single heart beat the scream turned to a laugh. A cold, malicious, terrible laugh that promised nothing but death. The glow panels surged and shorted out, ceiling tiles cracked and anything electronic violently ceased to function. The bacta tank shattered, spilling the precious life saving liquid all over the floor.

The medical staff stared in disbelief as the mangled form rose from the gurney. They could hear the snapping of bones as he stood on broken legs. The laughter never ceased. He raised his hands, and bolts of purple energy erupted from his finger tips. The bolts struck a nurse. She convulsed once and hit the floor, dead in an instant. He locked eyes with the Doctor, and when the Doctor looked away the laughter was in his eyes. He grabbed the first person he could and strangled them.

The medical staff screamed as death claimed them one by one. The Doctor finally cutting his own throat. Guards burst finally burst through the unpowered doors, blasters in hand, and were struck down by the maniacal form of a laughing nightmare.

Three hours later a strike team from the local Imperial Garrison prepared to assault the hospital. What survivors had escaped wove a tale of carnage and terror, and the Governor had asked for Imperial assistance. The Stormtroopers made their assault with Imperial precision, they still died. From the holocams the team wore, the Imperial saw their death, burnt to a crisp by an unarmed man that looked like death it self.
?In the name of the Emperor, how is that even possible??
[b]?You shouldn't underestimate the Force, Commander.? [/b]
The Officer spun around, and was face to chest with the Dark Lord himself. Darth Vader loomed over the officer.
?My Lord... I didn't realize you were in the system. I...?[b]
?Spare me your pathetic blathering. I am here for it.?[/b]

 

I lvoe thee idea. It´s a horror story, it is a good concept, strong mystery and a Resident Evil in Space hasn´t been done so far. Actually I would be very tempted to join it, if you brought it up. BUT . . . a few things to remark.

BBY stands for Before the Battle of Yavin. If it is a few years AFTER the battle of Yavin you should rename it accordingly to ABY.

Also there is one spot open to a NON-Star Wars Character, the character must be from a different major Universe (Marvel, DC, most Main stream Movies) or be approved by me.

I would strongly reconsider this, because it takes away a lot credibility from your game. Many people don´t join games like that. Where Multiverse stuff happens. You basically scare away all purists.


The rules are to long and to much common sense and board rules are reposted there. If you want players to join who are actually a little longer around, this make your game look like you are only for total newbies.
Posting rule 9 takes away a lot of the fun, actually. I would consider having players killed. Maybe tell the players from the start they won´t make it and then have them play towards their doom. That can be fun.

My first impression. For a first game, this is incredible. I am really impressed.

 

Thank you for the feedback DarkLordoftheFins.

Ok so I changed the BBY to ABY (a clarical error, I am in another RPG and we're in the Clone Wars so I had BBY on the Brain... BBY on the Brain, hmmm sounds like a System of a Down song...but I digest)

Took out the Meta-verse aspect (I wasn't sure about it in the first place so thanks for confirming it for me)

Shortaned and changed some of the rules

---

[b]
1. [u][color=red]PM all character sheets to me for approval. Do Not post your sheet in the thread without approval from me, because your character WILL be ignored until you send me a sheet for approval. If you can't PM because you have less the twenty posts then visit this [/color][/b][/u][link=http://boards.theforce.net/welcome_new_users/b10181/29841673/p1/?793][color=orangered]thread[/color][/link].[b]
2. GMs word is LAW. If you disagree with a decision I make, please PM me. If you have complaints PM me.
3. No godmoding.
4. Canon Characters are accepted in this game. No blatantly evil characters will be accepted. Original Characters are also welcome and encouraged. Also I will only accept one Jedi Character (In 13.5ABY Luke is the only known Jedi in the Galaxy). Exception to this rule: Force Sensitives, different Force religions, or Jedi Wannabes will have a chance at being approved. Rule of thumb: Impress me with you character.
5. Your character can die, and there is a good chance they will. However, there may be a way to keep playing (becoming a Force Ghost, or introducing a new character, or even switching sides [face_shock] ) so don't let that discourage you.
6. Have fun! [/b]
[hr]

Also the story is still evolving. But I'll save that for the actual game.

Fins (If I may call you Fins) I would be happy to PM you when I put the game up if you want.

And as always criticism is welcome.

 

Fin or Fins is totally fine. And I would like to have PM, indeed. Even though new games usually don´t escape my attention for long.

 

I was mulling over the character type for my game. Originally I wanted a random group of characters suddenly finding themselves in an unknown facility full of horrors with no knowledge of how they got there. Then I began to wonder if I should have a more structured group (a Search and Rescue dispatched to the facility, or a ship in trouble needing repairs docks at what appears to be an abandoned station, or a mixture of both) would be better.

Can anyone give me some feedback on what they think would flow better, or provide a better story line.

 

I think a random group is more about the mystery, while the organized group is more about the action (as they expect to have some). I think the latter is easier, and therefore not good. It has a lack of player vs. player dynamics (not violent, but sympathies and such things) and general character driving dynamics. So, I think the original concept is the better one.

 

Well..not to upstage Sinrebirth...but I have a game..I would like a bit of feedback on.


This game, is purely for fun. Lots of folks seem to be taking stuff QUITE too seriously lately..and Im starting up a new game for the Non Star Wars side of life.


So, I plan to Introduce a game..in the same vein as Mystery Men....





*Ducks behind shield*

Next post will give opening intro.

 

Ok guys...Let me know what you think!

*Dons armor*
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Omni League


No job too small,
No Hero too Ridiculous,

We get the Job done!
[/b]



...Eventually....


(Sign posted on building in middle of Omni City)

---------------------
"Mystery Men? Oh you mean them guys over in Champion City? Yeah, I've heard about them."

"Yeah...Real fancy nancies who fancied themselves as Heroes. They seemed to do a bit alright though. But now, everyone wants to go and get in the Superhero game. Cant walk 20 feet without dripping over em, some places got so many of em. Course, some jerks wanna play the bad guys too. Fine with me. Just gives me someone, who's butt I can kick!" - The Blue Maverick

Its five years after the famous (infamous?) group known as the Mystery Men banded together to save Champion City from the evils of Casanova Frakenstein, and the Disco Boys. A ragrag team of superhero wannabes, who somehow managed to come together and save their city.

It was enough, that other cities started letting a few others try. The local police departments are already busy with normal crimes. They dont really like it, but When 'super villians' started to appear, they started asking for help. Actually, the cops see them as costumed vigilantes, and as 'cannon-fodder', so they have no problem sending them in first. But

But hey, who ever said it was going to be easy....

Now, you too can be a Superhero. You can decide to join together to become a group, or try and fly it solo. But remember, being a super hero dosent let you off the hook. You must still abide the rules as well...unless you are a Villian. Now it is your turn to show the city what you are REALLY made off.

... Hopefully, not literally.



===========================================================================

In this game, you can choose to be a Superhero, and help out the citizens of Omni City. You can also choose to other side, and become a Bad guy. Or you can be what would be known as a sidekick, someone who wants to learn from others. The pay might not be great, but you get lots of recognition. And press.

But it also gets you enemies. Both super, and not so super types. So your character must watch his step. No genius types here. No billionaires with unlimited funds. No major mutant abilities. We aint the X-men. Nope, we're your simple Joe/Jane Does who had found out that they have a 'special?' ability or talent that they have put to use, in either fighting crime, or becoming a part of it. You can also be a regular civilian, or someone who builds those fun toys that superheroes need.

Any equipment you have, you have pretty much jourey rigged, or altered to make it work for you. Be creative. But you may find other things along the way, to help power you up even more.


Wont you join us?



***************************************************************************
Notes:


PM all character sheets to me for approval. Do Not post your sheet in the thread without approval from me, because your character WILL be ignored until you send me a sheet for approval. If you can't PM because you have less the twenty posts then visit this thread. http://boards.theforce.net/welcome_new_users/b10181/29841673/p1/?793


The GMs word is final. If you disagree with a decision I make, please PM me. If you have complaints PM me, and we can discuss it. Dont clog up the game.


Even in this relm, your character might die. (More so actually, with all the crazy powers running around.) So you may run up to two characters, or have another character ready, in case something bad happens. Or we can come up with something else... *Evil grin.* IF you run two characters, they must be on the SAME SIDE..either Villans or Heroes.. Not one of each.




----------------------------------

Character Sheets




Name:
Gender:
Age:
Race:
Appearance:

Personality:
Bio:

If you are a SuperHero:

Secret Identity:
Weapons/Specialty toolsif any)

Powers and points. :
1.
2.
3.




You a

 

I laughed for Five minutes.

I would definitely join this game.

Out of curiosity does the game have a structured story or is it sandboxy?

 

Hehehe.. Glad you liked that power.

The game has a small structured story..that is set up for the players, but the rest is all Sanadbox. The players decide what direction to take it. Course, something things could happen, if they ignore certain items...


hehehe



Hope that helped.

 

Okay Ktala, I give you the short version and have a long one posted later.

I love it.

 

Thank you!!

 

I can't wait to play that game Sinre.

I posted this game a short while ago, and I was just wondering if there is anyway to improve it....given the low interest rate. I can always start up a new version or correct it witht he suggestions you guys give, so it will be of some help

[image=http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb132/4umTroll/Gol_D__Roger.jpg]

Wealth, fame, power. The man who had acquired everything in this world, the pirate king, Gold Roger!
These were the last words of Gold D. Roger, king of the pirates, as he was beheaded before a sea of onlookers.

?You want my treasure? You can have it. I left everything I gathered together in one piece. Now you just have to find it!?

[image=http://i299.photobucket.com/albums/mm312/ployploy34/one_piece_3.jpg]


His execution was supposed to herald the end of era. His end was to instill fear into the hearts of anyone dreaming to be pirate and roam the sea freely. Instead it brought on the golden age of piracy, most dreaming and scurrying the world for the treasure Gold D. Roger spoke of. Some just inspired by his drive and passion, knowing if they explored the sea as Roger did they would find their hopes and dreams somewhere there as well.


In any case though there are more pirates in the ocean then there are stars in the sky, no crew has found the legendary One Piece, Roger?s fabled treasure. Many have been stopped by the Marines, many pirates have been stopped by the hands and blades of their own, some are just stumped where it is. All anyone knows is that the One Piece lies at the end of the Grand Line, a hellish and wondrous strip of Ocean that encircles the middle of the world.


A part of the globe, the World Government guards jealously and draconically and will always do so. For the Grand Line is itself a treasure box in its own little way. Whatever a person could ever dream of lays there waiting for him to take it, if he has the skill and determination of course. Things considered rare and invaluable lay there, things to be impossible. Flowers bloom there that cure any disease, islands that hold supposedly extinct animals, pearls the size houses, and the true history of the world are just the tip of the iceberg.

But those are things the World Government, the organization that runs most of the world, doesn?t want that to happen. There are dreams that are permitted to happen, then those that aren?t. If someone looked around the Grand Line long enough, they would uncover secrets the World Government wants to stay secret. The truth if uncovered and exposed to the world would be more dangerous than any army or navy possibly raised against them.

Because of this the Marines where formed long ago. The right arm of the World Government; they are the ones who protect the World Government's interest both in the world at large and in the Grand Line in particular. They are the largest obstacle for any pirate, but they are an obstacle that must be overcome.

Still this is the place where dreams are possible, a place where adventure awaits!

[image=http://i530.photobucket.com/albums/dd345/xXAxelxXxRoxasXx/One%20Piece/Mugiwarasmen.jpg]


Our adventure begins with our newly assembled crew gathering in the North Blue port city of Bishop Shore, a port that's main significance in the world is that its somewhat close to an entrance the Grand Line. There are cities and ports much closer to the Grand Line, like the crew's inevitable destination Lougetown, but as one even gets closer to the Grand Line things get more dangerous, and the necessity of frequent and numerous ports becomes paramount. Still, this is one of a few ports that does not smile warmly on pirates, and the crew decides to lay low and not make to much of a fuss.

[image=http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb132/4umTroll/Oro_Jackson.jpg]

---

[u][b]
Basic Info about the One Piece world[/b][/u]

This site has a lot of nice info that will help when crafting a character and flesh out the world will we all be playing in. This is AU so any information about people currently living in the One Piece world is usele

 

Okay, I am not a usual guest here, as I do not design games. Well, I did once but it never saw the light of day. Anyway, my thoughts on Ktala´s Omni League from a player perspective.

A while ago RachelTyrell made a paper on Genre for the SummerChallenge and it came to the conclusion that there was not a single comedy around here. I thought that to be a shame. We are´t that serious around here, are we? Therefore I truly appreciate someone doing a game with a more funny approach. And it looks like it could set a standard, there.

First off I laughed a lot while reading the opening and realized I could come up with not one but nine different characters from the power list alone. The sheer amount of creativity could make this game an endless story. I like a lot that you have so much freedom with your character, I also like the powers a lot. And I think it leaves a lot to players, which means you could really develop your own ideas as a player. That is something few games allow you. Especially sandbox games often have a lack of "framework" that allows you not to do what you would like, but only some random stuff. This feels considerably different from the opening post. And I have trust it would be/will be . . . only thing I wondered. Is the storyline really so serious/success oriented that you can´t allow two characters to be on two different sides? Because if I don´t send them against each other I could imagine it to be fun to play both of them. After all, these people are pretty much the loosers among the superheroes.

All in all, this is a pretty advanced OP, I´d say. Little to add, actually. And very appealing. If it ever comes up, despite being on limited duty, I would join.

---

To the other two games. One must really say, I have no idea about One Piece. Or any other Manga series, for that matter. And therefore I must say it is not very attractive for me. I think those of the younger, Manga-wild crowd should comment on it.

Regarding Sinre´s game . . . aren´t Jedi registered? In general? Why the big fuss if the Rep wants a list? Other than Superheroes Jedi usually don´t work incognito. I alos feel the "Senate is taking over" idea is not working as well, as it reminds too much of the current books. Otherwise the game idea is great. A civil war among Jedi. I think you just might need another entry point. Something different than a school district blown away, which in galactic scale should be . . . something that happens.

I would suggest: A fallen Grandmaster. Republic wants Jedi under Non-Jedi control. The Jedi want to stay free. Just my first idea. Maybe other GMS have something better.

 

Sinre, you're attempting to shoehorn in a very ham-fisted comics plotline into the Star Wars universe and it really shows. Your post just straight up rips scenes from the plotline, but in the context of Star Wars it really doesn't make sense. I don't even know what they're complaining about. Unlike in Marvel where unmasking leads to your family getting attacked, most people don't hide their identities nor do they have anything resembling personal antagonists. The only thing protecting your annomynity in conventional society is the utter apathy and/or ineptitude of others. I get this feeling that I'm not supposed to like the registration act just because the Marvel one couldn't go on without degenerating into an extremely tired fascist analogy. And where is this going? Civil War sort of wheezed once Cap got capped and his superbro Iron Man got fed up with the whole thing, but I don't see how the anti-registration group is really supposed to win unless the registration group is revealed to be evil or something, considering that the registration group has a military behind them and I don't think there's going to be a galactic rebellion just so a bunch of superpowered kids can proverbially drive without a license.

MiB, you've got much more of an uphill struggle here (I'd charitably describe it as "Red Line"). The only thing that everyone on this board is familiar with is Star Wars. Everything else is an uncertainty. Anime and manga are a smaller interest of the boards, shonen smaller still, and of them Naruto has a much higher market penetration due to the series not being hamstringed by earlier efforts. So despite the fact that my opinion of One Piece is full of what amounts to an absurd amount of positive superlatives, there aren't many people on this board who have any actual interest in it. So the burden is entirely on you to sell the world. Another problem you're facing is that One Piece is extremely character-driven, where the plot is in theory dictated by the desires of the main characters (which usually boils down to "I am going to help my friend"). So if you want One Piece, you're going to need a cast of characters. Good, interesting characters with lots of good interactions, believable dynamics and strong, irreplaceable relationships. That is something of a tall order around here. The third problem (and the biggest, at least for me) is that you are not Eiichiro Oda. Strangely enough, I have more of a problem with this than the fact that no one in the SWRPF is George Lucas. This is because the world of One Piece is insanely detailed, full of strange and fantastical things as well as mysteries that manage to completely blindside the fanbase while still making a great deal of sense. As a GM, you'd have to fill in the blanks of the world yourself, and to be perfectly honest it will take a great deal of effort and imagination to avoid something that isn't either a half-baked idea or a complete retread of the original. Of course, my obsessive fannish neuroses are my own problem, but if you want to make the RPG, you're going to need to put in a ton of work on your own part. Honestly, I'd recommend figuring out why you want to make a One Piece RPG and then putting in a ton of work to make an RPG world of your own built on similar reasons. You've got to make them come to you, so you might as well make something you can call yours instead of one that will be compared to another.

 

Thank you SirakRomar. I will give your comment about letting folks play both sides some thought. I'll probably drop that. I'll think about it. Thanks for the feedback.

And thank you to JediHighlander. I probably will launch this game sometime soon.

================================

Sinebirth
Star Wars: Jedi Civil War.

Hmm. Jedi X-men. Im kinda leaning towards LightWarden on this one. As Jedi dont really HIDE, I cant why I should care. Unless the registration act, is in fact something evil. Maybe a Jedi has stumbled upon a horrible plot to get rid of the them.

And also, why just Jedi? Wouldn't ALL Force users be under attack? I dont really see Dark Force users simply jumping on board...course they would be very happy to turn in Jedi. hehehe.


TheMaininBlack
OnePiece

Wow.

You really like tackling hard projects. I love Anime..but this one, eh. But that aside, its REALLY hard to have folks deal with a game, if they have NO IDEA about the world that is created. It would be almost impossible for a person who didnt know the world, to make head or tales of what you are talking about. No talk about the oddities of OnePiece itself.

It would be nearly impossible for a person new to the boards to phantom. Or hunt down a bunch of onepiece fans...

 

OMG! Ktala, your game is hilarity on a stick! I was laughing madly as I imagined caped crusaders and villains with these outlandish abilities engaged in turf wars!! It was too funny for words!!!

Some really interesting team-ups could take place as well. I'd give it a go just to see how far we can take it! Woot!!!

 

Wrong thread. Sorry. I´ll give my thoughts on the games presented later.

 

Thanks for the positive feedback..

I've launched the game.

 

I have a question.

How many in-game posts does it take for someone to say a game was successful?

-JH-

 

Oh, that will be an interesting discussion.

How many posts before you are successful? I read page two is a success, lately. Some say a thousands posts is IT. Others say when first players hit the hundred. If you ask me . . . you hit the post-button for a post called "Game-Summary" and PM the Mod to lock the thread, because the story is over . . . everything else was a nice try. A good games is played to the end. When the story is done, you´re done. No game that ever got finished could have been bad. Or people would not have stayed long enough.

But the thing is, don´t worry about success. Worry about doing a good game. Everything else will happen. Just like . . . THAT . . .

And I feel people throwing stones at me, already . . .

 

Eeh... Fins ... I don't quite agree.

I feel that the success of a game is a measure of how much fun you and your players have, regardless of post count or even if you finish. Of all the games I've been in, I've only played one to the finish line - but if you ask me which ones I consider successes, the list is much longer. I had fun in 11 BBY and Aria of the Soul (two games that didn't finish) and would consider Tide of Flames and A Breaking World successes if they ended now, which I hope they won't, because I'm enjoying them too. So IMO, it's a matter of how much fun you're having.

If we're talking about the absolute minimum post count to consider yourself having succeeded, though, you need 50 posts - IC or otherwise - to qualify for a Best New Game award. While people can (rightly or otherwise) debate the validity of said award, I think 50 posts is a decent bottom margin. For that number, you'll typically have a handful of CSs, a handful of questions/answers, and little over a page (if you have it set to 25ppp, as I do) of IC posts. That's decent. Get 50 posts on your first game and you can pat yourself on the back even if it ends there.


(By the way, you also don't need a minimum number of players to consider a game a success. This I agree with - I was the last player standing in a game once and liked it immensely anyway.)

 

Well, let me now confuse everybody by disagreeing with both of the above

First, Fin is right. The premium-discipline is having player,s dedication and quality and the ability to get through the slow and rough parts of playing and actually bring it to an end . . . but that´s by no means the measure of succesful games. It´s more like . . . perfection added to success.

Concerning the 50 posts rule . . . that isn´t really it. I mean look at the roster of 129 ABY. How can we not get 50 posts with 30 CS posted? One post per player and we got it. But I doubt Sinre will consider it a success if nobody makes a second post, actually.

If you got three or four players, like you do, JediHighlander, or I do in 133 ABY The Cold Embrace . . . 50 posts is really something.

So, I would say there is no fixed number of posts. You simply know when it is a good one. Because a game reaches more than a beginning, players stay with it and true to it. A game is successful when your people come here to read your next update. When they invest in their characters. Then you have a successful game.