Saga The Gift- A First Sentence challenge

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Maeti, May 19, 2007.

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  1. Maeti Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2007
    Author: Maeti
    Title: The Gift
    Author Note: This is the first sentence challenge from the [link=]From Before to Beyond: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan discussion thread.[/link]

    The Gift

    She lifted up her hand and from the ring that she wore there issued a great light that illuminated her alone and left all else dark.

    She peered carefully at the figure kneeling before her, the moment of his forgetting still present.

    It was always this way, the moment of change, when one would forget all that had come before in the immediacy of adjusting to new perceptions.

    "Do you not know who I am, dearest Knight?" She chided, a ghost of a touch of her fingers brushing his shoulder.

    He lifted a puzzled face, eyes taking in each exquisite detail of her face, the awe and love that she had known from him all those years he had served her beginning to dawn once again, in this, her noblest of all.

    "I do know you, but what I know cannot be!"

    Her laughter surrounded him, calming his heart, and healing his mind. She stretched forth her hand in indication she wished him to walk with her.

    "That I appear as woman? What other form would you prefer? I will take it."

    He stopped, looking down at the beautiful face. He slowly shook his head in denial, "the form is perfect. It is me that is lacking.?

    She paused once again, placing a hand on his arm, "you have been my faithful one. It is for this purpose that you have been allowed this boon, the one that crosses the wide divide, shining light into the darkened placed, perhaps giving this one chance to save all living. My mate granted it, for the honor you gave me."

    She could see he was remembering, all those times he knew she was close, and obedience to her will was all that was important to him. He served past convenience to others, for the good of all others.

    "Who is your mate?"

    Her laughter added further light, and the color of the flowers of the path they were on burst into brilliance. "You were not unfamiliar with his decrees, although your companions listened to him to the exclusion of understanding that if I were not obeyed, his will becomes as nothing. He cannot shed light to the future if the present is not understood." She raised a hand to brush his arm, "even those that use our darker power do not seem to understand this. Cleverness will give way to pride and ineffectual ability. It will cost them dearly.?

    "Are we to see him?"

    She stopped to pluck a rose from a nearby bush, "Soon, but not yet. There are too many answers you are still finding.?

    She continued her way to a bench, sinking with grace upon the marble. She watched with concern knowing that the immediate shock would be over, and that soon pain would fill his being . It was a temporary thing, a necessary dissolving of ties to his place. His next question made it clear that he was on the path to the severing.

    "What has happened to me, milady?"

    It was pointless to tell him because she could see the memories of life were filling his soul. There were those that he loved, cherished, taught, and saved. A lifetime lived in the short space of a moment.

    His shoulders shook with sobs as he remembered everything he had valued.

    She smoothed through the locks of hair, "There is more, sweet Jedi Knight."

    "What more?" His voice was one of pain and longing for home.

    "That is the most important question, love, because there is no death, there is only peace. You, my faithful Qui-Gon Jinn, are being given the power over death, to do with what you will. We, the Living and the Universal Force have found you worthy. Serve us well.?

  2. BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2005
    star 4
    Wonderful Maeti! =D=

    The Living Force personified, (I knew it from about halfway through ;) ) a gift to Qui-Gon to see her after serving her for so long.

    I guess Maul was happy, at least until he split with himself. ;)

    A great response and a superb viggie!
  3. ratna Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4

    I can just SEE the Living Force as Galadriel!!!
  4. Jedi-Ant Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 3, 2007
    star 4
    "That I appear as woman? What other form would you prefer? I will take it."

    LOL! Great line. :)

    "That is the most important question, love, because there is no death, there is only peace. You, my faithful Qui-Gon Jinn, are being given the power over death, to do with what you will. We, the Living and the Universal Force have found you worthy. Serve us well.?


    Wow! What a fab ending!!! :D Great job, Maeti, and welcome to the boards! :)

    Ant. ]-}
  5. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Great job. Loved that the Living Force appeared as a Galadrial type. Love that they found him worthy.

  6. earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    wow, a real great fic and I loved it.
  7. Fifilla Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 9, 2006
    star 3
    =D= That was great, I loved it very much! =D=
  8. Laine_Snowtrekker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2003
    star 5
    This was cool. Nice little ficlet!
  9. immortalimp83 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2007
    star 1
    I love it! Great story... ~Anastasia
  10. Maeti Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2007
    BrentusofGath My first reply here. Thank you! I am glad it met with your approval.

    ratna I could too.... obviously :p but I am glad to have some people that agree.

    Jedi-Ant I thought it was a good line. I imagine it takes a minute to understand what is happening at death. Even Qui-Gon could be confused, eh?

    dianethx Thank you. I appreciate you reading my fiction.

    earlybird-obi-wan Glad you loved it

    filfilla Ditto!

    Laine_Snowtrekker Again I appreciate your reading it!

    immortalimp83 Thank you for reading

    Thank you so much for the support everyone!
  11. Gina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2003
    star 4
    Excellent fic, and so beautifully written! =D=

  12. Kestrel_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Welcome to the boards and the Qui&Obi thread Maeti! Sorry for the late reply I've had lots of exams recently!

    Anyway, what a beautiful first fic. Gorgeous writing...I loved the images you conjured up. And excellent use of the first sentence!

    Bravo =D=
  13. Azeria_Jade Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2001
    star 4
    Oh that was lovely! I love Force-personified fics and I've only read- Well, yours would be the second. :oops: Great descriptions of the Living Force. It was beautiful. :)

    I'd love to see this idea expanded upon.
  14. Bale Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 9, 2005
    star 4
    I'll confess, you had me pretty confused until the end. Nice work. :)
  15. Maeti Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2007
    Gina: Thank you so much. I am honored you read this fiction!

    Kestral_Kenobi:I knwo about being very busy! Thanks for making the time and the welcome to the Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon thread. They are my favorite boys!

    Azeria_Jade: When I read that first sentence and I thought of the image of Galadriel, all I could see was her as the force. I am glad it worked enough that someone might want more!

    Bale: I didn't mean to confuse anyone! Thanks for reading.

    Again, thanks for the support everyone![face_love]
  16. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6

    What a powerful and poignant piece.

    How wonderful Qui was found worthy to be given power over death.

    Very nice response to the challenge

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  17. Maeti Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2007
    Kelia- Thank you for reading! Yes, it was a very good thing Qui was given that power. :)

    Again, thank you so much everyone for reading this ficlet.
  18. BzzzzMaster Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2007
    star 1
    Great response to the challenge. Living Force as woman, great.
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