Beyond - Legends The Gift (Starring my own OC: Xander Kenobi)My First Story!!![Feedback/Comments Needed] 11/29

First of all, i'd like to thank my cuz EmilieDarklighter for all her help with this first part. Now, on to the other stuff

Title : The Gift
Rating : PG I guess
Characters : Xander Kenobi, Luke Skywalker, Ben/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Disclaimer : Lucas is da boss, he owns it all, mesa no making any moola off dis viggie
Summary : It seems like a ordinary day to Luke Skywalker when suddenly a mysterious ship appears carring a mysterious cargo...

Now, on with the viggie!

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It seems like a normal day at the newly formed temple on Yavin 4. All of the sudden, sensors pick up an unidentified ship entering the atmosphere. It is a beat up delivery speeder with only one lifeform onboard. Luke senses a familar presense and tells the gunner not to shoot it. It lands harmlessly in the Jedi Academy hangar. Luke, lightsaber at the ready, steps a few meters away from the access door. The door opens slowly and loudly. At first glance the figure seems to be humaniod and possibly, human. The figure walks slowly toward Luke. Luke, nerves twiching, ask who the tresspasser is. The figure says "I am Xander Kenobi, son of Obi-Wan Kenobi."

* * *

Luke sits meditating in his quarters. "How, how can this be?" he thinks silently to himself. Meanwhile, Xander dreams innocently on his sleepcouch. He is awoken by a voice he hasn't heard in a few days. "Hello again my son." Xander suddenly realizes who that voice belongs to. Standing there in front of him is none other than Obi-Wan Kenobi. While Xander was in space, fending off space pirates, his father was with him every step of the way. In fact, if it wasn't for his father's wisdom and courage, he would be space dust. "Yes father." Xander says respectfully. "Son, you have made it to Yavin 4. Luke Skywalker can help you more than I can now. Therefore, I give you a gift. In my current form I can't just hand one over...I have to become it."Obi-Wan states. "I don't understand. Will that mean I won't see your face again?" Xander asks. "Yes, but I can forge my spirt within it so you can have the wisdom I have whenever you posess it. And now I say good-bye my son. I am proud of you and I have a feeling your mother would be to." All of the sudden, Obi-Wan's face illuminated in a blinding light. Xander shielded his eyes instantly. Then the light vanished along with his father's presense. Where he stand, there was a metal stick of some sort. He bent down to obtain it. As he picked it up, He felt his father's touch that he felt a few moments before. He knew when he gazed at the stick, His destiny had suddenly changed.

(This is the "metal stick" I was talking about)

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Well, I hope to have chapter 2 up soon. 'Till then, I would like some feedback on this plz!!!

 

Congratulations on your first story, it has great potential.

One question though, was that use of the present tense intentional?

 

umm, I think so I just type what comes to mind.

 

Ah, not to insult your style of writing or anything, I am only trying to offer help and advice, but normally writers use past tense in their scenes.

It still has great potential though.

 

oh, I know, im just kinda new at this and need more exp. writing stories. Its okay.

 

uppity up up up

 

Nice job for a first-timer!

 

Thanks -JediKnight-

 

up, I need more than 2 reviews ppl!

 

You'll get some in time. Try and give update notices on the thread with mentions of characters and the like. Readers will be attracted that way.

Plus if you go to Writer's Resource there is plenty of little societies you can join that will help you with readers.

 

thanks Spike2002

 

up

 

up(again, lol)

 

Joining in the ups