Beyond - Legends The God of Second Chances (DDC 2015) 12/23/15 (OCs, Solos) Complete (Cover posted 4/24/17)

I figured that Lando and Han would stay close. It makes sense that they would be her hold parents. Blue got talkative for a change here, and he continues to open up to her. They really weren’t in a good place to get married, baby or not. You’re right, without him pressuring her, she can come to her own decisions. Blue’s in a strange position of effectively being exiled, so the fact that Bree’s family treats him like one of their own is precious and meaningful.

Hee hee. Lando has excellent taste. Thank you for your reply!

,
Thanks! Lando and Tendra don’t get a lot of press, and it’s a shame. They would be perfect hold parents for Han’s youngest child, plus they would spoil her to death. Lando always struck me as a showman, but with a moral conscience under all that flash. He would do whatever he could to help the people he cared about, even coming to pick up his hold-daughter and her boyfriend in a possible hostile area.
Blue and Bree are maturing as a couple. Their troubles have made them more perceptive about what their relationship really means. As for the passion, I don’t think I’ve ever created a romantic couple that jumps into bed more than these two. Sheesh. They give L/M a run for the money.

Thank you for replying!

Thank you for such a thorough and thoughtful reply! Bree and Blue have been through the wringer. What is interesting is what they learn about each other in the process. Bree has never really dealt with Blue’s addiction issues before, and here they are in her face. His viciousness really showed her a side of him that he keeps carefully hidden from her. Now she knows what he is like at his worst, and although it hurt her deeply, in the end she still loves him. Not in a foolhardy, “I’m gonna fix this broken man” kind of way, but she understands that this is the monster he fights hard to keep at bay. She gets the struggle now, and she loves him because she knows he hates that monster too. Bree got very caught up in the idea of becoming a mother and having a baby, and it was hard to let that dream go. It’s no wonder, like you said, that new grief brought up all the old.

This disaster has made their alliance even tighter. Blue does feel responsible for what happened to Bree, even though it was clearly not his fault and he went well above and beyond in saving her. But he puts unrealistically high standards on himself, out of guilt for his earlier negligence in the death of his friend. On top of that, he feels terribly uncomfortable with the fact that he made the decision for Breha, and she didn’t get a say in what happened to her. This goes against his religious beliefs, where each person in a relationship should have an equal and consenting voice. He had to assume that she would have wanted him to proceed the way he did. Bree has a revelation – it wasn’t all about her loss. There was true pain behind his behaviors.

You’d have to assume, based on all the various religious beliefs we have here on our little planet Earth, that there are thousands of different religious beliefs in the GFFA. It’s a topic that is occasionally brushed on, but not in regard to any of the major characters.

Lando and Tendra are a great couple, and they would be doting hold parents to Han’s daughter. I can see Tendra especially having “girl’s days” with Bree, just to get away from the guys for a change. And Blue is lucky to be called “the kid” – it means Han likes him.

Yup! Lando has an eye for quality and beauty. And apparently works by this artist are quite valuable. I was thinking about that first installation she did, in the beginning of your work. Whatever happened to it? I guessed that someone loved it too much to allow it to fall to ruin, so at least some part of it was saved. And it would up with Lando.

Thanks! They are really sharing a lot of their feelings with each other, and they are better for it. (Now, Ayesha has to stop bottling all her emotions up!) Bree and Blue really do love each other deeply, and they are secure enough in their relationship to tease each other, but you need to be able to talk honestly too. And that honesty has to be with yourself, not just with your partner. Blue knows he made a mistake by pushing the marriage issue earlier.

To be honest, Corellia and the GA have not seen eye-to-eye, and there have been canon insurgencies, but this was kind of my plot excuse to bring Lando and Tendra to the party. As for the upcoming betrothal ceremony, yes, you called it: there will be complications, and the plot against Jaina’s family will not go unanswered. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

 

[32]

We ate on the observation deck. After a wonderful meal of seafood and fresh greens (no, I have no idea how Lando and Tendra pulled that one off), we relaxed with tea and cafs.

Eventually the conversation turned to our residency. Since returning to the Alisander was out of the question, we had some decisions to make. Lando leaned back in his chair. “You two need to figure out where you plan to stay,” he said. “My job is to bring you to Ossus. But from there, it’s up to you.”

I sipped my caf and then put the mug down. “I have to go to the Imperial Remnant first, for my sister’s engagement ceremony. It should only take about a week, then I can come right back.”

Blue stayed silent, and I was concerned that he was still hurt that I hadn’t asked him to come along. But I saw no reason to jeopardize his safety, especially for an event that was so relatively insignificant. This wasn’t her wedding, after all; it was just a formality. Why put him at risk when I’ll be back so soon?

Tendra, perhaps sensing the awkwardness, leaned in. “Bree, what citizenships do you have?”

“Let’s see. There’s Coruscant, of course. But I don’t want to go there. It’s too foreign a place now, too changed. And I have post-war resettlement citizenship on Ossus.” I frowned. “I have Corellian citizenship due to my father, but that isn’t going to work either. There’s New Alderaan citizenship through my mother, and I can claim preferred residency in Naboo because of the service my grandmother and her family gave to the planet.”

“Anything sound appealing?” Tendra asked, turning to Blue.

He had been staring at the table, and he looked up at her. “I’m sorry. What?”

“Where do you want to live, Blue?” Lando repeated.

He looked at me. “Wherever Bree wants to go, I’ll go.” He started tracing the edge of his teacup with his fingertip.

“What would your status be on these planets?” Lando asked, turning his attention back to me.

“Well, on Corellia, it looks like I’m currently not welcome. On Ossus, I have standard citizenship rights. Although I wouldn’t have automatic citizenship, I would have favored status on Naboo, due to my connection to the Naberrie family. Since I’m the descendent of a Princess of Theed and a former Queen of Naboo, I would be welcomed in all the royal heritages. On New Alderaan, I’m a member of both the former royal House Organa and the current House Antilles. In fact, my cousin from the House Antilles is on the throne there now. I’m not sure if they would expect me to take part in the government as the daughter of the last princess of Alderaan. I hope not.”

Lando sipped his hot chocolate. “Anything special about these places?”

“I have aunts and cousins on Naboo, and they’ve always welcomed me. New Alderaan is very lovely, with a wonderful climate, but the population is so small, I don’t know if it would be diverse enough for our tastes. My family lives on Ossus, of course, but they aren’t actually there most of the time due to their missions.”

“Which one appeals to you most?” Tendra asked.

I looked at Blue, who was still tracing little circles around the rim of his teacup. I reached over and put my hand on his. “Blue? What are you thinking? What do you want?” I asked.

He was quiet for a few moments. Then he looked up at me. “I want you to be happy.”

“And I want you to have a say. Tell me where you would like us to live.”

Blue looked at Tendra and Lando. “Could you excuse us for a moment?” he asked, rising.

My holdparents nodded, so I stood up with him and we walked upstairs to the upper level of the observation deck. Blue walked over to the reflecting pool, then he crouched down and trailed his fingers through the still water. “What is it that you want, Blue?” I asked.

He stared into the water. “You’re going to the Imperial Remnant for a week. I want you to promise that you’ll come straight back home to me, regardless of where we decide to live.” Blue looked up at me. “I don’t really care where we live. It’s who I live with that matters. I’m just as happy on a refugee ship as on a yacht as long as you’re with me. If you still aren’t comfortable taking me with you to Jaina and Jag’s ceremony, then at least promise you will come directly back to me. Please don’t start getting caught up in things that exclude me.”

I sat on the edge of the reflecting pool, eye level with him, and watched the dissipating ripples from where he had disturbed the water. “I can’t live away from you, Ryoki,” I said quietly. “You will always be my true home.” I reached over and touched his shoulder. “This is something I promised Jaina, and I’ll be back to you as soon as I’m done.”

He considered my words, then nodded. He moved to sit quietly beside me, taking my hand, then finally he asked, “What does your heart tell you, Bree?”

I blew out a deep breath. “There are so many choices, but my thoughts keep coming back to Naboo. Theed is lovely, you know. I have some family there, and there’s an excellent medical school at the Royal Academy. You can finish your education; finally get your medical degree and become the doctor you’ve dreamed about being. Who knows? Maybe I could finally get my degree, too.” I ran my fingers across his palm. “We could live near the lake country. I know it’s not the ocean, but until we can go back to your own home in Baroli, it might be enough.”

We stood up, still holding hands, then Blue looked me in the eyes. “Promise me. You go to the Imperial Remnant, then come right back to me. Then we live our life together.”

I nodded. “I promise to come right back home to you. Always.” I kissed his cheek and he smiled. We went back downstairs and approached the table, where Lando and Tendra were waiting.

“Did you decide?” Lando asked.

Blue spoke up. “We’re going to try Naboo.”

 

Love the way the discussion ran. Weighing options etc. Bree and Blue at the reflecting pool - how delectable was that! Awww. And a reflecting pool at all! Nice.

Naboo has many advantages personally and pragmatically. Plus it's lovely and not all different like Coruscant and even though New Alderaan sounds a wonderful place, there might be pressure for Bree to become involved in political stuff.

 

Bree certainly does have a rich cultural heritage! I'm glad they've chosen Naboo, it seems a nice fit and it may do Bree good to be around her Naberrie relatives. Although I have a bad feeling about Jaina and Jag's wedding - I don't think the attack on the Alisander was the end of it!

 

Yikes, but with the Imperial Knights and dudes like LaRone LOL - and any Chiss guards - nope, nothing much will probably slip by. Hopefully.

 

[1]
A lot of this just smells of trouble as well as some secrecy and timidity. The description in the first chapter and reassurance at the beginning of the fourth remind me of various other girls' diaries, including my own and my friends', from the days when we used to read that stuff to each other, because we were just that weird. Therefore, I don't expect the story to be all rosey. Hadn't I know of the True Blue epilogue, I would've probably thought that Bree and Blue were heading to a complete failure.

In other words, well-done!


[2]
Glad to see Alta and Tara, I liked them so much and I am glad that Alta and Bree can remain close. Working together is a plus.

There is always this one person who is at the right place at the right time and says or does the right thing, or presents the protagonist with something they were unaware of. This is what I think Alta was for Bree in the original story.

As far as Bree's "true purpose in life" goes, I assume that there may or may not have been a period of time when she needed to assure herself that she was useful, before getting to the point where she was really feeling what she is doing, with every single fibre of her being. I assume that the said point would've been during those three years and I sort of regret that it wasn't explored.

The implication that Bree and Blue are only sharing some stories about their families now may be a sign that they are still in the honeymoon phase and that they still need to learn *a lot* about each other. That said, how long was that phase again? Three years...hmm, I totally don't think this is a coincidence.


[3]
You totally need to borrow the daughter of the moron journalist writing the vile gossip in the Galactic Correspondent Thread. Her name is Yilda Lami Jr. The stuff Bree talks about in the third paragraph sounds like something she doctored together with her elderly mother.

And niiiice trope aversion with the man who said no to sex. Every person should say no when they're not feeling like it.


[4]
Is that actual doubt in the first paragraph? And is that some...stigma I see? Pressure. Funny, but freaky at the same time.

Love, love, love the infodump on Barolian face tattoos and religion based on math. This is the kind of stuff I am reading fics for - awesome worldbuilding and attention to each and every single detail. The patron thing reminds me of families having patron saints here and the concept of Slava. Mixing that with a semi-pagan, semi-math concept is quite challenging!



[5]
We haven’t actually lived together for more than a couple weeks at a time since we’ve met. - I smell a problem. And Han is right.

Blue says why make humans the argent standard as to what makes a culture meaningful? - LOVE THIS LINE.

I looked at my cards and tried not to show my disappointment. I had dealt poodoo again. - Get daddy to help ya out...because mom, siblings and the uncle won't be helpful.

Glad to see the crew again, even more glad that they're accepting Blue.



[6]
Aaaaaand here it comes.

The trick is to love them when everything come crashing down.

And yes, that is what love is. In this particular case, it's tricky and extra-challenging. But yes, it's everything from changing their diapers when they're terminally ill, to holding their heads when they're sick.

The detachment mentioned in @Chyntuck's comment here can be the firsthand coping mechanism, but other than that...nope. Bree will have to learn how to channel her empathy on case-by-case basis.

A friend has a relationship like this.


[7]
FINALLY. A REALISTIC DESCRIPTION OF ANXIETY IN A FANFIC, SOMETHING I WON'T BE OFFENDED BY AND GO LIKE "HEY, IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT!"

And routine helps. A lot.

I turned to see him take a kitchen knife and flip it expertly, catching it by the hilt. - OC template inspiration, I get?

The vulnerability thing is - sadly - true. Sentients are kriffsliders. But I can see that it's another thing that triggers Blue and his stream of thought here just reeks of serious anxiety - it's not making any sense, whatsoever.

These two need to find their own blend of normal. It will take a long time.


[8]
Bree's sudden hyperproductivity is a case of Arbeit macht frei here.

Sometimes, the line between being ashamed of what your other half may do in public and wanting to protect them is very, very thin.


[9]
I kind of...assumed that Thom may be responsible for something at some point, looks like I was right. :s

He looked at me, irritated. “You did it on Tanis. Remember that party with your friends? You got drunk and I had to get you back home.” - Classic excuse and probably the reason both of them should be sober, 100% of the time.

At this point, everybody is wrong.



[10]
The spooning "frame" was wonderful and I love how there wasn't make-up sex. That stuff would've indicated they're doomed.



[11]
The last three paragraphs of this are super-paranoid-freaky and rationalisation Bree displays here makes me wonder if Blue's anxiety has rubbed on her.


[12]
Why Blue didn't want to treat Zara? Hmmm...

Love the part about injustice for the disabled refugees. I mean, love how it's approached and observed, not that it's happening.

AND HERE IT GOES. WE ALL KNEW IT, ANYWAY.



[The other 12 ]
Holy bantha poodoo, is this how Han had explained how is babby formed and how girl get pregent to his chlidren?

Other than that...hmm. Just hmmm.


[13]
Precisely what I expected to happen after 12, re: Bree almost throwing a jealous moment Zara's way. Glad they talked it through, though there is still a fear that it could happen again, through some anxious, abstract pattern where Bree could assume that Blue thinks he can relate to Zara more because of rape.

And yeah, not sure if input from person who has GAD is appreciated by all readers here, but I couldn't care less - this story is supposed to appeal to us, too; it's easier to identify with these characters than some other OCs.



[14]
Love it how Blue assumes that the baby is a she. And the tech stuff is top-notch. However, knowing how writing goes...there is no way in heck this baby will make it, making the whole scene bittersweet.



[15]
Leia is kinda bossy, isn't she?



[16]
Oookay, his turn to get posessive. I can guess that this may follow them throughout their lives; given fear of abandonment they both clothe and feed deep inside. Then again, legal stuff can be a PITA among countries on Earth, I can only imagine what it's like in the GFFA.

The willing amputees are just plain freaky. But it's better if they're liars than, err, fans. Does this even make sense?

Last paragraph - re: what I said in comments to [7]



[17...O, HAI, U MISD A NUMBUH. THE KITTEH ATE IT.]


[18]
A.whole.starship.of.anxiety. Mass hysteria, too. This was scary.



[19]
Does somebody really hate the passengers on this ship?

Also, while it's acceptable to be a bit more unstable in the face of danger, I wonder if this is yet another demon of Blue's past.


[20]
One long word: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK.



[21]
I have said this for True Blue and I will say it here - I love Han in this story. A wonderful dad, whose Muggle bond with his daughter is as strong as his wife's Force bond with two living and one dead Jedi child.

The thing with specific instructions about Zara is...well, very specific.

And everything that happened here is a) what I doubted would happen; b) what I read stories for - dose of harsh reality. Despite that, it was extremely painful.


This is where I will stop for now, as things appear to be getting more and more complex from 22 on and they will require slightly more attention.

 

Lando and Tendra!!!!!!!! We don't see enough of them, and I love, love, love that they're Bree's holdparents!!!! And I love Blue and Bree coming to a consensus of where to live. They're right on the cusp, but I fear that our dear jadelotus has hit the nail on the head with her reply... Amazing, and beautifully written, as always, lady!!!

 

Ok, a long list of replies today! Thanks so much to @Nyota’s Heart, JadeLotus, Ewok Poet and ginchy for your comments and insights. They are always appreciated.

Thank you for your reply! Bree has a zillion choices, and Blue has one – go with Bree. At the end of the day, what they really want is for each other to be happy and to feel that they made the decision together. And, if you check out the schematic of the Lady Luck on the Wook, there really is a reflecting pool. Totally didn’t make that up myself. No idea what would happen if they went zero G, though.

I can see them in Naboo – it suits them both. And Bree is just not political. She’d rather work from the sidelines.

Thank you for your reply. Bree has a lot of options to choose from, but Naboo gives them the peace and quiet that they both need to recuperate. And relatives around are always a good idea. As for the upcoming ceremony in the Imperial Remnant, well, when do things ever go as planned when the Skysolos are around?

Aw, thanks! Yes, there is a great deal of secrecy in the beginning of this journal, and they do face immense challenges. But the epilogue is the little sneaky peeky as to where they wind up, at least in five years.

I like Tara and Alta, and I don’t think we’ve seen the last of them. Bree (and Blue) seem to have many of those people find who step into your life when you need them. But then, Bree has the kind of personality that makes people trust her.

I agree. Bree feels superfluous at best, a burden at most. Finding something that makes her feel that she makes a positive difference is important to her.

When you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. Guys can get that way as well as girls. That’s an excellent point. The idea of consent and choice plays a big part in this story.

Yes, there is a lot of doubt and stigma still floating about, especially from Blue’s POV. And thank you for the compliment! And although I have never heard of Slava, I have definitely heard of patron saints, and that was the inspiration I drew from.

Yes, the crew of the Alisander is back from True Blue. I’ve expanded on Derek a bit (as I did in the other site, too, in TB) and added in Thom. I would think they would be pretty supportive of each other, for the most part. Two months is a long time to hang out with people you don’t like.

Good point. Otherwise she’ll exhaust herself, and get too burned out. Choose your battles.

Thank you! I have a family member who has anxiety issues, and you are so right about routine and order. Blue does have anxieties, compounded with guilt and self-doubt, and they overwhelm him at times. You have to wonder, do the addictions cause the anxieties, or vice versa? And does it even matter at this point since they feed into each other so much?

Lol – I actually hadn’t seen that movie when I wrote this. And Blue stinks at throwing knives and at martial arts. That’s Bree’s territory. She bends ‘em, he mends ‘em.

It will take a lifetime. “Normal” is a moving target.

Very true. Especially if they aren’t really in control of their behaviors.

Yeah, Blue is full of excuses here. Funny how nothing is his fault. And Bree isn’t having any of his crap. But confronting and accusing him is probably not the best way to handle it. They definitely need to rethink what their priorities are.

Thank you! They knock boots a lot, but sometimes the best thing is just waking up beside each other.

Thanks, I was actually going for super-paranoid. You mention in a later comment about their mutual fear of abandonment; here is Bree’s in full force. If I hide the thing I love then no one can take it from me. Blue’s anxiety doesn’t do much to temper her fear and paranoia, either.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to treat her, it’s that he won’t treat – or touch- her without her consent. Consent and equality is a huge thing for him, both religiously and in terms of his personal past. He calls Bree over because he suspects Zara would be more willing to deal with a woman than with him. As for disabilities, I would think that those people who are dealing with physical or mental disabilities are the most vulnerable. Blue would be sensitive to their needs, seeing his own addiction issues could be viewed as a type of disability. His anxieties and Bree’s depression definitely are.

Oops! Can’t count.

Lol! Bree is not pleased with Blue’s reaction at all.

Bree is still insecure about losing Blue, if it means to an assassin, to social pressure, or to another woman. Blue and Zara share a horrible experience in common, but Blue’s intention was not to exclude Bree. He wanted Zara to know she wasn’t alone. He can help her recover, whereas given the circumstances of his abuse, his option was self-medication. He lets Bree in on his “secret” at the end, but she is aware that there are many other things that he hasn’t brought himself to talk about yet,

This is the scene where they have accepted the pregnancy and are finally truly allowing themselves to think of a future as a family – they are allowing themselves to picture a dream that they hadn’t even dared to imagine. The more they fall in love with this dream of a child that they could love as parents, the riskier it is for them.

She tends to get what she wants.

True, he is being possessive. But he is also insisting that he be treated as an equal parent to this baby, and that is his right. She is taking away his right to be a father by not allowing him to act like one. In my version of the GFFA, both parents have the right to be equal partners in raising the child (at least on Baroli).
The issue of fear of abandonment hits it exactly on the head. They feel abandoned; Bree by her brother’s death, Blue by his de facto exile. They deal with this fear in diametrically opposite ways: Blue isolates himself so that he won’t get close to anyone (that way when they inevitably leave him it won’t hurt so much – he did that all the time in TB), and Bree over-controls and refuses to let what she loves out of her sight. He pushes away and she smothers.

Bad Kitteh!!! Actually, since I had two 12’s, this came out even.

This is a nightmare for Blue. He has to balance more things than he is really capable of doing. He’s the doctor, mediator, cop, and security guard. Blue’s anger is an issue he has been burying. He has a lot to be angry about, but he won’t deal with it because he knows he can’t really control it. A lot of things are quickly spiraling out of his grasp.

Han really has a close bond with Bree, as you pointed out, since they are the only two in the whole Skysolo family who aren’t magical beings with superpowers. They are ordinary humans living with demi-gods. They naturally stick together. But there is also a tremendous amount of love there.
And yes, their dreams were smashed to bits. Now they have to try to pick up the pieces, and decide if they can survive without the dreams they made. This is the real test of their relationship, and there will be long-term consequences of decisions made and actions taken in the stress of the moment.

Thank you so much! I’m so glad you’re still here, lady! Yes, I figured that Lando and Tendra would be great non-Jedi holdparents for Han’s non-Jedi child. Han and Lando are probably still close friends, and Lando and Tendra don’t have a child yet to spoil, so Breha makes out like the proverbial bandit with these two doting holdparents. And your suspicions have merit – the incident on the Alisander may have passed, but the repercussions of the attack have not. Besides, what wedding in that family has gone as planned?

 

[33]

Ossus is a strange world. I remember the old Coruscant, the one from before the Vong war. Of course, as the daughter of the chief of staff I had the advantage of living in the former palace and not in the lower levels, but I still remember the way the city-world’s lights always glittered, even in the dark of night, and the constant humming of traffic and machinery. It was a magical, exciting place. Ossus, however, is nothing like that.

It’s a world of duality. There are two suns, and the planet has two moons. There are two major populations, the humans who have settled there and the Ysanna, the indigenous people. And then there is the duality of the residents: those who, like the Ysanna and the Jedi who have chosen this world as their new base, are Force sensitive, and the rest of us who aren’t. This is where my parents made their home, and for the second time in two months I was landing here.

Lando gracefully maneuvered the Lady Luck into position on the landing platform at the spaceport just south of the regional capitol, on the continent to the east of the one where my parents lived. The first sun was beginning to set, casting golden hues that reflected at low angles from the metallic ships and equipment; there would be a brief period of dusk and shadow before the second sun began to rise. After the ship settled in and the ramp lowered, Tendra and Lando walked us down to the landing pad. The four of us entered the dock facility, where we found my dad waiting for us in the lounge. Dad got up to greet us, and I gave him a huge hug. He embraced Blue, then clapped Lando on the back. Finally, Dad put his arm around Tendra in a friendly embrace.

“Any problems getting them home?” Dad asked.

Lando grinned widely, opening his arms and tilting his head. “Of course not. Everything went smoothly.”

Dad grunted in reply. He invited Tendra and Lando to stay for a meal, but Lando demurred, saying that they had business to attend to. Blue and I thanked them again for coming to get us. They really went out of their way, and it was appreciated.

We had one night on Ossus before Dad and I had to leave for the Imperial Remnant. To save time, Dad had flown the Falcon here last night and it was waiting for tomorrow’s pre-assigned takeoff in a nearby docking bay. We would spend the night in a hotel and leave early the next morning.

I explained to Blue that it would be best if he went on ahead to Naboo to find a place for us to live. That way, he could start settling in and it would make things easier when I got back. Truth be told, though, I was worried about keeping him safe. He was still vulnerable physically and emotionally, and he needed peace and quiet to aid in his recovery. The last place he needed to be was in a region that was borderline hostile to members of the Galactic Alliance. Our treaties were so new that they hadn’t even been completely encoded yet. Hostilities were known to break out over the smallest excuse. Besides, having so many influential political figures and Jedi in my family, and all gathered in one place, it seemed reasonable to think that there could be some kind of trouble.

I’m pretty sure he knew he wasn’t coming because I was protecting him. I know he felt a bit hurt. It didn’t seem to matter to him when I pointed out that Tenel Ka wasn’t going to be there with Jacen, either. And besides, this wasn’t the actual wedding. This was a tedious betrothal ceremony, with questionable food, uncomfortable formalwear, and long, boring speeches made by mind-numbingly dull bureaucrats. However, the decision was already made; it was our last night before Dad and I left, and neither of us wanted to spend it arguing.

The next morning Blue and I ate a quiet breakfast together in our room. Then he stood beside me in the warmth of our little balcony as we waited for my dad to arrive to take me to the spaceport. Blue kept touching me, and I knew he was missing me already.

I busied myself with smoothing the wrinkles of his shirt with my hand. “You have a recovery check-in on Centaxday evening. Don’t forget it,” I told him.

“I’ll remember. I won’t miss it.”

“I’ll contact you when we get to subspace, right before we enter the Remnant. After that, I’ll have to send you messages.”

He nodded, silent. “It’s only a little over a week,” I reassured him. “Two days out, three days with the ceremony and my family, then two days back. I’ll see you next Benduday.”

Blue smiled sadly. “I know. But I’ve just gotten so used to you being here.” He touched my hair, twisting one of my curls around his finger, then placed his hand on my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb. “I love you, Bree. Be safe.”

“Why wouldn’t I be safe?” I said, chuckling. “It’s a betrothal ceremony. The worst that could happen is that my gown will need last-minute alterations. What trouble could I possibly get into?”

Blue raised an eyebrow and shook his head knowingly. “You’re a Solo. Trouble finds you.” He sighed and smiled half-heartedly. “Try to duck, okay?”

I laughed quietly. “I’ll be careful.”

He got serious again and took my hand in his. “Come home to me, my Bree. Promise you’ll come home to me.”

“I promise.” I curled my hand around his and drew him tightly to me with my other arm. I closed my eyes, memorizing the way my skin felt next to his and the warmth of his body. He smiled faintly, then looked into my eyes before kissing me, the kind of melting, deep kiss that melds us together and lasts so long it’s as if he didn’t want to ever let me go.

We held each other for as long as we could. Finally, I heard the rap on our hotel door and Dad called out my name. I sighed as I broke away from Blue, then I opened the door. Dad stood there, leaning casually in the door frame. “You ready, Bree?” he asked. He looked over my shoulder at Blue. “Hey, kid,” he said.

Dad walked into our room and picked up my duffle bag as I slung my other bag across my back. “I made arrangements for you to get a passage to Naboo,” he said to Blue. “I set you up with a week’s stay at a hotel to get settled. It’s a pretty nice place and you’ll have a good time there.”

“Not too good a time, Dad, right?” I said, warning in my voice. There was no way that any temptation should be within a hundred clicks of Blue in this stage of his recovery.

Dad looked at me, insulted. “Of course not!” He shifted the weight of the heavy duffle bag and turned back to Blue. “On that note, there are some people in Theed who I mentioned your arrival to. If you want, contact them and they’ll take care of you. We aren’t just leaving you there to fend for yourself, Blue.”

Blue nodded. “Thank you, Han.” He crossed his arms and tried to smile. I went back to him and put my arms around him. “Don’t worry,” I whispered to him as we held each other. “I’ll be safe. I’ll be meeting you in Theed before you know it.” I kissed him again, on the cheek.

Reassured, he let go of me. “I know,” he said. “I love you, Bree. May the Force be with you both.”

I hated to leave him but we had to go. “I love you too. May the Elementals guide and protect you, Blue.”

The door slid shut and Dad and I began to walk down the hotel corridor. “You okay, sweetheart?” Dad asked.

No. My heart was breaking with the thought of Blue all alone in that hotel room, and here I was walking away from him. But I nodded. The sooner we got off-planet, the sooner we were in the Remnant, and then the sooner I could come home to Blue.

 

Why do I have a baaaad feeling about this? There are so many things that could go wrong between Ossus and Bastion, on Bastion, between Ossus and Naboo and on Naboo... The poodoo is bound to hit the hyperdrive in one or more of these places.

On the other hand, I know that there's a great person Blue could meet on Naboo and I'm waiting eagerly for that encounter

*rewinds to previous entry* Again, I adored the description of the opulence of the Lady Luck -- sooo Lando. I also liked how Lando and Tendra sought to include Blue in the conversation about where he and Bree would live. I can just imagine the scene of everyone talking while he draws circles around his cup with the tip of his finger. Somehow the gesture feels very much like what we know of the character.

One thing that I was curious about in the latest entry is why Bree and Blue stayed in a hotel on Ossus if that's where the family made their home. Did I miss something about them wanting privacy? Or do you mean by home a base of sorts but not somewhere they have a family-house-home?

And then there was this typical situation where they worry about each other... But then who am I to speak, I worry about both

 

I hope all that icky stuff around the sabotage with that virus is as low-down bottom as our dear ones are gonna have to go through. Because for one, the "second chance" arose when Bree survived the attack and chose to stay with Blue in the aftermath of all that happened. If a new thing happens, any "chance" that is granted for them to have a future would actually be a third one. LOL

I feel Bree's sincerity when she promises to come back and be safe. Hopefully she can keep it. But for her and Blue, it feels like abandonment.

 

Loved the description of Ossus as a planet of duality - a reflection of Blue's nature perhaps, and of their relationship? Lovely goodbye between them, although of course tinged with sadness and a bit of apprehension, and beautiful that they bid each other goodbye with the other's words.

I love that Han arranged for Blue to have some support on Naboo, he's such a good man.

 

Thank you, Chyntuck, Nyota's Heart, and JadeLotus for stopping by to leave replies!

Well, there is still a lot to go yet in this story. And what could possibly go wrong???

Anyone who can carry off a cape has an opulent sense of style, right? And as for the circle-tracing; that’s kind of a Blue thing to do. He doesn’t talk much around others but he thinks a lot.

They have really been through a lot because of the virus. Bree did get a second chance when she recovered from it, and Blue got a second chance when he went through rehab and got a grip on his addiction issues. However, life keeps throwing curve balls them.

I hadn’t thought of the duality as representing them, but it does in a way, doesn’t it? And again, the duality of Blue’s nature, too – how he is when he’s in control vs how he is when he’s under the influence. They do use each other’s words as their goodbyes. Their worlds are blending. And Han is a great guy. He would want to take care of Blue, if not for the kid himself, then for his daughter who so obviously loves this guy. Besides, Han has had his issues with the bottle himself. And if Han asked a favor, how could you say no to him?

 

[34]

Dad and I made it to free space without any problem, and the jump to hyperspace was flawless. We had two days to travel, dropping in and out of hyperspace as needed to send messages and to save power, so I had lots of time to myself. On the second day of travel, to pass the time and to get some of my restlessness out, I spent about an hour running a kick-boxing program that we had installed on the Falcon a few years ago. I was sweating, but it felt good to move. It made me think of something other than my decision to go to Bastion without Blue.

Dad came around the corner just as I finished a barrage of kicks and a quick upper jab. He made his way over to the seating area, and then, with a grunt, he lifted his left leg onto the cushioned bench. “Good thing you already have a boyfriend,” he deadpanned. “Any guy seeing you attack that sim would run away in terror.”

I laughed as I switched it off, then grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat off my brow and plopped down on the bench, next to him. “How’s the leg coming?” I asked.

He shook his head, grimacing. “Still can’t believe it. All those years of taking such good care of this ship, and then the old girl decides to close a bulkhead door on me.”

“You could let Blue take a look at it. He’s offered. He’s a really good healer, Dad.”

Dad snorted. “No way. I have my own healer. I don’t need the kid telling me to take it easy, too.” He put his head back on the cushioned rest. “Don’t worry about me,” he said, in response to my worried look. “I’m just getting old.”

I laughed, gently shoved his shoulder, then got up to start preparing us a meal. “No you aren’t. You’re still the baddest pirate to ever fly the Kessel run,” I called to him over my shoulder.

“Doesn’t change the fact that I’m still old, sweetheart.”

After a quick stop at the sani-steam to freshen up, I scrounged around in the galley for something to eat. Prepackaged food packs lined the storage unit. Let’s see: Ribenes, ribenes with sauce, nerf steaks, nerf loaf, toggah meat pies… ”Dad? When did you become a straight-out carnivore? All I see are meats.”

He called to me from the adjoining main room. “Are you going to start worrying about my diet now?” I heard him muttering. “Next she’ll be telling me to lay off the salt.”

I laughed to myself, then threw two ribene packs into the food preparer. Minutes later I placed the steaming bowls on a tray and brought it out to the main room. I put the tray down on the dejarik table, placing one bowl in front of him and taking one for myself. I tucked my leg underneath me and began to pick at my meal.

We ate for a few minutes, chatting about nothing in particular, then I put down my utensil and looked over at my father. “Dad? Did I do the right thing?” I asked quietly.

He looked up at me. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, leaving Blue. What if he has trouble with his health? What if he starts craving? Maybe I should have stayed behind with him,” I sighed, looking downward.

Dad started to roll his eyes but caught himself. “Look, Bree,” he said, stretching back on the seat. “Blue’s a grown man. He doesn’t need you to hover over him.”

“But what if—“

“Bree. Are you trying to drive him away?”

“What?” I stared at him. “What do you mean by that?”

Dad shook his head. “He can handle himself. Think about it. The last time he did rehab, he was twenty years old, completely alone, and in prison. And he still managed to stay clean for eight years. You think he’s gonna fall apart if you’re gone one week? Don’t you have any faith in him?”

“Well—“

“Lemme put it this way. You just spent an hour practicing your martial arts. Do you remember when you were younger and you used to fall down all the time when you practiced? What would I say to you?”

“You’d tell me to get back up and do it again.”

“Right. Stop crying, get off your butt, and do it again. Because that’s how you learn, Breha.” Now he was gesticulating, pointing his finger for emphasis. “You do it again and the next time you do it better, and soon you aren’t landing on your butt anymore. Same with Blue. Let him fall on his butt, and trust him that he’ll make the right decision and get back up again so that he can do even better next time. He knows what to do if he runs into trouble. You’ve gotta stop swooping in to protect him. He’ll grow to depend on you, and then he’ll resent you for it. And vice versa – you’ll start to think this is your job, and you’ll start to resent him.”

He was on a roll, apparently. “And another thing. Give each other some space to breathe or you’re both gonna feel like you’re drowning. I’ve seen thermo-mag locks that aren’t as clingy as you two are.”

I was beginning to feel a little hurt. “So you think it’s a bad thing that we’re close?”

Now he really did roll his eyes. “Okay, maybe right now you’re both still a little hurting and a little frightened. He’s scared he’s gonna lose you because he came damn close to it when you were sick. You’re scared he’s gonna relapse again and this time he won’t come out of it. You both went through some tough times. I get that. But you’re tough people. There’s supporting each other, and then there’s sticking to each other like a mynock to a hull.”

I looked down at my half-eaten food as Dad put his hand on my forearm. “Kid, the best relationships are those where the people choose to be with each other, not the ones where they feel obligated to be together. Your mom and me – we don’t have the same interests all the time. I don’t stop her from following her desire to become a Jedi, and she doesn’t keep me from going off on my own adventures. That doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. In fact, it gives us new things to learn about each other, and that makes us closer.”

Satisfied that he had made his point, he leaned back and put another forkful of drippy ribenes into his mouth and chewed. We finished our meal, and I cleaned up. Then I came back to sit with my dad as we put in a holodrama to pass the time until the next hyperspace clearance.

I thought about what Dad said. Blue and I did spend most of our time together, and although I loved him dearly, I had to admit that it was awfully nice to have some time alone with my father, too. Blue was on his own this week, and I had to trust that he had the strength and the resources to take care of himself if anything should come up. (I suppose the point was moot anyway. It wasn’t as if Dad was suddenly going to flip the Falcon around and head back.)

I moved closer to my father and leaned my head against his shoulder. “You aren’t really that old, Dad,” I said, referring to his earlier remark.

He ran his hand through his short gray hair. “I’m sixty-three, Breha. I ain’t young.”

“Yeah, but that’s just about middle age, though.”

He shifted. “In years. But that’s not how this body feels.” He put his arm across the back of my seat, over my shoulder.

Dad looked over at me, and I turned to him. “I don’t exactly expect you to be rolling in a repulsor chair at the old spacer’s home any time soon, Dad.”

“No,” he admitted, “but nonetheless. This aching leg of mine keeps reminding me that I don’t bounce back the way I used to. So maybe it’s time for me to let you kids do the hero work for a change. Let you in on some of the fun.” He smiled crookedly and raised his eyebrow at me.

It’s an odd feeling, knowing that my parents are getting older. I don’t think of the years passing; I don’t see the subtle shifts of age in their faces. But they are aging, and strange as it seems, someday they would be gone. I don’t like to think about it, even though I know it’s inevitable. But at that point right then, I was sitting with my dad on his ship, and there was nothing more comforting to me.

I felt like if I listened closely enough, I was sure I could hear the echo of all the other times my siblings and I had traveled across the galaxy with our parents, as if the memories were imprinted onto the Falcon’s very walls. If I closed my eyes I could still see my dad sitting in the pilot’s seat while my mom got us four kids under control. I could hear Jaina and Jacen bickering over something while Anakin poked me playfully. And if I really tried, I could burrow myself into Chewbacca’s soft, warm fur and fall asleep.

No wonder Dad waited for me to come with him to the Remnant long after everyone else had left: those memories must be twice as loud for him. I hugged him, put my head on his shoulder, and we watched the rest of the show in comfortable silence.

 

I love love love love Bree and Han's relationship! They are so sweet, but still undoubtedly Solo's, will Han giving her some excellent life advice. And Han getting a broken leg from the bulkhead

This passage was lovely - such beautiful memories!

 

Han is so wise. Having friends (as I do) who are a sweet and indispensable blend of gentle wisdom and clarity - it's a literal blessing! He is so right about everything. Bree and Blue will be stronger and closer for being able to be apart and then come back together. And of course each feels fragile/vulnerable without the other because of everything they just went through. And the what ifs - they will gobble you up and spit you out. I am very happy Bree is able to relax and enjoy family time.

 

I love Bree and Han together like this, with time to talk, to be a family. I love Dad!Han and how they interact with each other. Wonderful!! And I think a little time apart can be a good thing, like Han was saying. It allows them to be together without suffocating one another. Of course, I can understand Bree's fears, too. Excellent update, gal, as always!!!

 

Note: If you are interested, I have added author’s notes at the first entry to this story, including a link to the fanon posts associated with it.

Thank you! Yes, RL makes a little cameo in my story. It segued nicely to what I wanted to add, so I threw in Harrison Ford’s broken leg. And as someone who is seeing her own kids grow up and move on, I could really empathize with Han. Sometimes you just want to slow time down a little. I could see Han getting very annoyed with Bree and her behavior. She needs to leave Blue alone and let him do things himself. She needed that talking to.

Thank you! Han is an amazing dad. He is just what Bree needs most right now, and she didn’t even know it. The test of a relationship is how well you can do when you aren’t together- it’s easy to be in love and faithful and understanding when you are with each other all the time; when you can do that apart too, then you really have something special. Bree and Han have a special relationship, and she is smart enough to appreciate it.

Thank you, lady! Dad!Han doesn’t get enough attention. I think he is a very loving parent, and he has so much wisdom to share with his kids. The bond that he and Bree share, being the only non-sensitives in the family, brings them even closer. On top of that, Han and Leia’s relationship shares certain parallels with Blue and Bree’s, so they have that in common too.
There are fears, certainly, on both Blue and Bree’s side. But Han points out that you can’t let yourself be guided by fears. Thankfully, Bree listens.

 

[35]

After another day of travel, we finally arrived at Ravelin, the capitol city of Bastion. A complicated interchange of tunnels connected the docks to the outlying buildings, and speeders buzzed past on their way to their destinations. The gray imperial palace towered behind the busy docks, bluish lights illuminating the interior. Technicians began to scurry around the Falcon, attaching hoses and unlocking panels, as the ship settled on its landing pad, depressurized steam escaping from newly opened vents. I could see a number of blue-skinned Chiss among the workers here.

As we completed shut down, a squad of four red-armoured guards arrived and waited at the bottom of the ramp. I glanced at Dad. “Welcoming committee,” he noted sardonically.

We finished powering down the ship and walked cautiously down the ramp. The air smelled of fuel and dust, and the gravity was slightly lighter than what I was used to. One of the four guardsmen, a darker-complexioned human man, broke rank and waited for us. He greeted us when we got to the bottom of the ramp. “General Solo, Miss Solo, welcome to Bastion. I am Commander Rigby. Her Excellency, Jedi Solo, has requested that we escort you to the palace. She sends her greetings.”

He handed a disc to Dad, who held it up in his hands. “You don’t mind if my daughter and I take a look at this in private, do you?” he asked.

“No sir. We will await your orders here.”

Dad and I went back up into the ship, where he inserted the disc into the dejarik table’s projector. An image of my sister in her Jedi robes came up. She began to speak. “Hi Dad and Bree. Welcome to the Imperial Remnant. Things are still in flux here, as you know, and my first concern is for your safety. Jag has authorized me to select those imperial guards who demonstrate particular Force talents that I find useful, and I’ve hand-picked four of these guards to be assigned to my family as you visit. Commander Rigby is in charge of them and you can depend on them for anything you need. The others, Prinz, Mollari, and Barjuna, are also available to you.

“If you ever feel that your safety is compromised, if you suspect anything might be out of place, tell them and let them investigate for you. Any one of them will be loyal to Jag and to me, and any orders from you are to be considered orders under my authority. Hopefully you won’t need their services, but if you do, they are the people you want on your side.” She smiled, then the image flickered and went out.

Dad switched off the disc and placed it in his pocket. We returned to the base of the ramp, and I leaned into the support strut. “Thank you for coming to pick us up. My sister speaks highly of you.”

The red-headed human man, the one Jaina identified as Prinz, spoke. “Jedi Solo speaks highly of you too, ma’am.”

“Please, it’s Bree,” I corrected him. “I don’t think I can stand being called ‘ma’am’ all week.”

Rigby nodded and continued. “His Excellency has asked us to be your escorts and assistants during your visit. Should you require our services, please do not hesitate. You are soon to be the family of our emperor, and we will defend you as we would him.”

Commander Rigby gave us both a comm device. “Jedi Solo wishes for you to have these in case you need to contact us.”

Dad thanked him as a transport spun into the hangar behind us. A quick scan of the hanger revealed another detachment of guards about twenty meters away, and I noticed that each of the guards with us carried a lightsaber in addition to a standard issue blaster. Neither Dad nor I wore our weapons (visibly), but all that firepower made me itchy for a trusted blaster strapped to my leg, just to make sure the odds were fair should things go nova on us. (“Fair” meaning, of course, that Dad and I had the advantage.) However, I reminded myself that we were here for a betrothal ceremony, not a gunfight.

Once we went to the imperial palace, I met up again with the rest of my family, who were hanging around in the common area. I can’t express how wonderful it felt to be with them all again. Mom came over to us and gave Dad and me both a warm embrace. Jacen was there, too – he looked good, rested even. I’m glad for him. He seems to be doing so much better, and I suspect Uncle Luke’s trust in him in allowing my cousin Ben to work alongside Jacen is a huge boost to Jacen’s confidence. He and Ben were smiling and laughing when I got there. Luke and Mara stood off to the side, speaking to each other. I think Ben grew another half a meter since I saw him last. (He’s thirteen now and he is becoming a scarily strong Jedi. I always knew Ben was smart as a nexxu-tail whip, but he is really mastering all the skills of a Jedi at an incredible speed.) Jag’s family was there, too; the baron and his wife, and some of Jag’s siblings.

Everyone was here, in fact, except my brother Anakin. I still almost expected him to come racing around the corner, apologizing for being late, then giving that trademark Solo grin that makes every sin forgivable. My heart sank a little bit. Then Mom came over to me and hugged me. “We all miss him, sweetheart,” she said quietly. She put her hands on my shoulders. “Your brother would have loved this, having everyone here again in a celebration.” She smiled, and I smiled a little too. I hugged Mom back and thanked her for always knowing what to say to make me feel better.

After dinner, we retired to our rooms for the evening. They were comfortable but not extravagant, especially considering that we were in an actual palace. My gown for the ceremony was hanging in the closet, and I pulled it out and inspected it. It was rather severe for my tastes, but this is not my ceremony, or my world, and my opinion was not really relevant.

The next day was the betrothal ceremony. Each culture has unique marriage customs, and here the customs are heavily influenced by Chiss traditions. (Jag was, after all, brought up with them.) Since the Chiss really don’t observe “marriage” but rather more of a kind of family realignment, the ceremony between Jag and Jaina was very utilitarian and efficient. Jaina was wearing a red gown with black trim, her long brown hair pulled back into a twist, and Jag was in his military uniform. I wore that black and wine-red gown that Jaina sent me, and I blended in well with everyone else there who was similarly attired in black and red clothing. (Uniformity plays big out here, it seems.) My role was really more like that of a notary or witness than a bridesmaid. The entire ceremony took less than ten minutes, and most of it consisted of signing documents and having official holos taken. I wondered if the images would make it to Naboo. I imagined Blue settling down on the sofa to watch the news and seeing yours truly show up in one of the stories. The thought made me smile a little, then I remembered that the official holos are supposed to be all seriousness so I put on my best regally somber expression.

The day after the ceremony, I was in my guest room relaxing when the comlink that Commander Rigby gave me went off. I frowned curiously at it. To my great surprise, there was a message summoning me to Jagged Fel’s private study.

Lieutenant Mollari, one of the four imperial guards that Jaina had assigned to us, met me in the hallway. She told me that she had been instructed to bring me to my destination. This was becoming stranger by the minute.

We made our way through the palace corridors until at last we came to pair of heavy wooden doors. “Here is where I must leave you, Bree,” she told me. “I’m to wait outside until you’re done.” She pressed a recessed panel and the doors opened to reveal a huge room with dramatically high ceilings. Natural light streamed in through the stained glass inserts overhead. Rows of actual bound paper books lined the walls amid other artifacts, and there were tables and chairs set up for conferences and research purposes. At the end of the study was a smaller set of doors which I presumed led to a private room. Seeing no one in the great room, I walked its length to the end and opened the smaller doors.

These doors opened to a smaller, almost cozy room. Inside I found Commander Rigby sitting in a comfortable arm chair. My sister Jaina perched on the edge of an ornate carved desk. She motioned me inside.

“What’s going on?” I asked.


Jaina tilted her head, her loose brown hair falling across her shoulders. “We have a situation that involves you,” she said. “Hear us out, and see if you are interested in helping us with it.”

 

Superb update! I like and am relieved by the tight security measures. Jaina was cryptic there at the end Felt a strong empathic twinge there with the nostalgic missing of Anakin. Struck just the right tone of melancholicness but I am happy that Bree was able to immerse into the celebratory features of the occasion. The color schemes for the gowns BTW sound amazingly elegant.

 

22
I would be really, really interested in learning more about your Zeltrons through a fanon entry (yes, it's annoying when a person pops out of nowhere and demands the second fanon entry in a short period of time - sorry); because I totally didn't get Zara until this one and until your comments on my first batch of replies. The way she jumps in to help in know-how fashion, as a hairdresser, even if it's "just" her empathy and the intensity of her retelling everything to Bree...I just cannot imagine a better character to serve as the one to inform us of what happened offscreen.

The concept of emotional intimacy - if that makes sense - is incredible. And a Zeltron that's able to tell "cool, a body!" from "she needs my love, the other kind of it" is such a breath of fresh air.

Blue.



23
The number of disorder and the chapter of disorder. Not sure if you did this on purpose, but I find it interesting, nevertheless.

Love Bessa Tawn's speech pattern. Then again, I love everything that reminds me of Car Broke, Phone Yes? Hawt necklace, too.

The rest of the chapter was...incredibly painful to read. The worst scenes from Christiane F - the book, not the film - come to mind. The physical withdrawal was described in a way that makes me shiver. Great stuff.

And then the reveal at the end...EEEK.


24
Niiice parallelism with that trading card where Vader is lamenting the loss of Padmé and there is that mural of her. Bree is the exact opposite of a spirit in the material world here, yet her muggleness allows her to properly lament and cry the way most of her family cannot, because of the risk of turning evil.


25
The pathos of the very first sentence...ummm... O_O

I am a bit confused by the idea of a rehab centre where one can bring their loved ones and one can see that the surroundings might be unhealthy for Bree already. Her spasm-like state between hate and love gives me chills. I may be wrong, but I think a part of Blue's psyche, consciously or unconsciously drew him to a suicide attempt that he's now trying to recognise. I am not doubting that a part of him genuinely wanted to help, but from what I know about ex-addicts who still occasionally relapse or use, they may romanticise everything and give it all a higher purpose, grandiose delusions et al. Not to mention manic phases where they're not doing anything, yet managing to be sure they're doing a lot. Like running in place. Self-medication is one of those odd rationalisations, too.

If Blue was the famous person and Bree was the random somebody from a different culture, this would never, ever work out in the end, period. That said, the less scrutiny, the better!


26
My first cousin is doing this sort of stuff and, by how my aunt describes it, it's very realistic. Bree did the right thing here.



27
...another significant number. You know what I mean, right?

And another grim, grim entry. I am aware that a famous person's relapse and willing to stand up again can have both positive and negative effects in terms of motivation, but I mostly see the negative. I guess that's what happens when you know people who use drugs because the famous person was "more creative when on them" and other similar freaky things.

Just like Blue had his rationalisations, Bree now has them, too. The transition between the third and fourth paragraph is really nice; though neither of those things is 100% true.

Lark served his purpose. I assume he's an one-shot character, but he's a great one at that. Somebody had to explain Bree how the mechanism of addiction worked.


28
Still a pessimist, hope I'm wrong; as at this point, it would be a tragedy.


29
Great, great mood whiplash. A private beach, a great setting for s...

...haring the story of how the baby really died and why, giving it a name of a dead relative. As you do!

Gonna finish this tomorrow, hopefully.

 

Thank you! I am not sure how things are in the actual EU timeline (it’s been SOOO long since I’ve read those books) but in my timeline, the GA and the Empire have only recently become allies (probably to fight the Vong). I also moved up Jag’s ascension. (Oh well, that’s an AU story for you.) Jaina knows that one of her family members has already been attacked because of her connection to Jaina, so Jaina is going to get a tight lid on security. I also wanted to create a plausible backstory for the Imperial Guards, who are Force sensitive. In my headcanon, that’s something Jaina started.
Bree is actually better about losing her brother, and I’m glad that you caught that. She still feels the sting but she can put it aside to celebrate with her family.
As for the color schemes, I had written this part a while ago. Turns out that Jaina must have hired the same clothing designer who worked for the First Order. Oh well.
Thanks again for the reply!

I’ve written something up for the Zeltron fanon and added it to my entry. I haven’t forgotten the request for the Naboo entry; just haven’t figured it out yet.
I like Zara. She is one tough cookie, but she has such a sweet heart to her that her ordeals have made her a stronger person but not a bitter one. She went from the most vulnerable person, literally cowering in a corner, to running the show during an epidemic while Blue self-destructed. She’s a real hero.
Yeah, Blue’s a mess at this point now. They’re trying to mop him up.

I was not aware of the number of disorder, but disorder reigns here. I figured that if Yoda can speak a twisty form of Basic, then other cultures should too. And I gave it to a Togruta lady. The necklace is something that is traditional with Togruta, they take the bones and teeth of their first kill and wear them as a trophy. Shaak Ti had a headress, as did Akosha.
I did some research into the physical effects of heroin withdrawal and it is a brutal experience. In my headcanon (again), once you’re hooked on spice the effects “imprint” and you never quite clean it out. All you can do is learn to work around it. So even though Blue didn’t take spice, his mind “remembered” it and treated the other drug as if it were spice.

Thanks! I hadn’t had that scene in mind when I wrote this (in fact, I used that scene as a basis in a chapter much further on). I was going for the cold, unfeeling marble statue juxtaposed with the weeping young woman sitting at its base, her emotions never reaching him and his eyes never seeing her.
Interesting interpretation to her grief! I hadn’t thought about how her muggleness allows her to feel things without any fear of turning to the dark side. Even if she does get caught in feelings of anger or hatred or a lust for revenge, it probably won’t lead to a galactic crisis, and she can work her way back without worrying about the “taint” of evil in her powers. This is an advantage that she has over her Jedi relatives that she isn’t even aware of.

Ok, bear with me, as there is a lot to break down here.
As I understand it, the accepted idea in RL is that the patient alone goes into rehab. But my research tells me that addicts often recover if they have strong emotional connections to others. In my story, the addict brings his/her closest emotional tie with them to help them both learn to establish new routines and set new priorities. Blue gets this when he announces that he will always love Bree more than the drugs. I also thought that it would be useful for Bree to get some hard-core education about how to deal with the challenges of having someone like this in her life. (And a little therapy wouldn’t hurt her either, since she puts her needs to the side to deal with his a lot.) She is dealing with a lot of emotional stress right now.
As for Blue’s suicidal thoughts, they aren’t new. He comes right out and considers taking his life in True Blue, when he believes he is headed back to prison. Bree mentions earlier that she read his toxicology report, and although he was meticulous about recording the dosages at first, toward the end he was shooting up whatever. If you think about it, that corresponds to the time when he thought Bree was dying and he had failed to save her. He may not have deliberately tried to kill himself but he didn’t care if he lived, either. So I think you’re right, one of the things that Blue has to reconcile is that he is self-destructive.
Blue goes to some dark places, but Bree does too, although not to the same extent. But they recognize that in each other.
I think that Blue is truly a good guy, and he wants to help others. I agree with you about the running in place part; I think in his case, it’s more running from things. In the beginning of this story especially, Blue is really good at not acknowledging that he is slipping, and the more he insists that he is fine and Bree is worrying over nothing, the scarier it is for him, and the more they argue.

Whew! Lots of analysis here.

Very true! If Blue were the famous, rich person struggling with addiction, his people would never have let her close.

{{hugs}}

People tend to invent reasons for their behavior, whether it’s because “they’re more creative” when on drugs, like artists, or if the are in denial, like Blue. It’s hard to look the truth in the face. Your creativity doesn’t come from drugs, and closing your eyes to the problem doesn’t make it go away.
Yes, Lark is pretty much a one-shot character, and that is exactly his purpose, to give her the “insider” look at why Blue lashed out at her. The conversation also serves to show her that there are people like Fillion who are worse off than Blue.

Perfect romantic scene – a glittering beach at moonrise, the wind in your hair, the girl you love sitting beside you. The perfect evening to put your arm around her, pull her close, and explain to her why you let her pregnancy end. Yeah. But it was something that Blue had to tell her. His guilt over his decision was literally killing him, and it drove him to the brink to step back and let his own unborn child end. If you think about it, there was something deeply self-punishing in his decision to run the genetic tests on the miscarried fetus. There is a part of Blue that really dislikes himself.

Thank you for your insights!

 

[36]

I sat in a comfortable leather seat, opposite Commander Rigby. Jaina took a deep breath before she began to speak.

“Ordinarily I wouldn’t even bother you with this, Bree,” she said, “but since it concerns you so closely, I felt you had a right to know. We’ve been tracking those who were behind the attack on you and the rest of the people on the Alisander. We’ve arrested the man who was the financial backer for the assassination attempt, and we’re looking for the three people who created the toxin that Marsh Tor deliberately introduced to the ship.”

I frowned and rubbed my neck. “How do you know it’s them?”

Rigby turned to me. “Moff Ardon had political motive to discredit Jedi Solo, as he was vying for control of the Moff Council as a way to eliminate any other contenders to the imperial throne.”

Jaina nodded in agreement. “Jag recognized that Ardon was undermining him at nearly every turn, usually in a way that gave Ardon a political advantage. Ardon was maneuvering his own people into potential positions of power in anticipation of a coup. He wanted to make me look vulnerable and incompetent, and by extension make Jag look weak, so that Jag wouldn’t be installed as emperor. He had everything to gain by attacking my family, and you were his first target.”

She handed me a data packet. “Here is the evidence. He had contacted a biological weapons producer on Phaeda to create a specialized nanovirus based on your genetic code. Oh, he wasn’t so obvious, of course – he hid it as medical research – but it didn’t take much to figure out that there was very little that could be cured with the research he was funding, and that the pharmaceutical manufacturer was a subsidiary of a company owned by a weapons developer.”

I swiped through the information. “Where’s Ardon now?”

“Awaiting trial,” Rigby said. “His agents, the three people who created the nanovirus and specialized it as an assassination instrument, are still out there. We’re narrowing in on them.”

Jaina got of the edge of the desk and switched on a map of the Imperial Remnant and the Unknown Regions. “We’ve sure it’s on Phaeda, and most likely in this sector,” she said, as a part of the rotating map turned yellow. “Phaeda was hit hard by the Vong, and their reconstruction has left a lot of openings for crime and sedition to thrive. There are many people there who still believe that the Peace Brigade was right, and that the Jedi resistance to the Vong only added to their planet’s devastation. But Phaeda is rebuilding and it has a strong manufacturing base, so we could trace the location based on the examination of the materials used to create the delivery device.”

“What delivery device?” I asked.

She waved her hand at the map projection to clear it, and pulled up another image of a small object. “This was in Marsh Tor’s skull, right behind his left ear. It’s a subcutaneous insert, small enough to go undetected in an initial boarding screening unless your ship had software specifically looking for it. The serum containing the virus was stored in this receptacle here. When he crushed it by pressing on the insert, it injected the serum into his body, and within hours he was running a fever.”

Another image appeared, a device that looked like a concave lens with some kind of sensor or transmitter overlaid on it. “That’s not the only prosthetic that Marsh Tor used. He wore this on his eye. It’s a detachable communications device that he controlled through eye movement. He used it to slice into the communications system of your ship.”

“Why didn’t we pick up any of these prosthetics?” I asked. “I would think we would have noticed them aboard the ship.”

Jaina nodded. “The eye lens was removable, so he probably only wore it when he needed to access the ship’s communications system so he could send and receive his own messages along it. It has a flaw, if you will: it reflects light due to the elements used to make it, so it looks unnaturally shiny. Too noticeable for their needs, you see – a real refugee would never have such a sophisticated bioadaptive device – so he only wore it when he sent messages or images to the other conspirators. As for the insert behind his ear, it was so small that you couldn’t see it unless you knew to look for it, so unless he had a noticeable head trauma, which he didn’t, Blue wouldn’t have examined his scalp. Besides, many people wear prosthetics of some type. If it caught the device at all, the ship’s systems probably identified it as a hearing assistance device.”

I sat quietly for a moment, thinking about this new information. “Who was he, anyway?” I asked. I remembered the man; a quiet person who didn’t interact much with others. I had interviewed him myself and found his story to be unremarkable. It gave me shivers to think I sat, pleasantly professional, with the man who was determined to kill me.

“Marsh Tor was a loyal member of Ardon’s circle and a native of Bastion. He had a history of expressing his distrust of Jedi and felt that Jag was an unworthy outsider who was interfering with the true course of the empire,” Jaina replied. “That true course, naturally, was to place Ardon’s puppet on the throne instead. He was willing to die to keep Jag from succeeding.”

I sat back in the chair and let out a long exhale. Finally I turned to my sister. “You mentioned something about a situation. What was that?”

She tapped the desk thoughtfully, then met my eyes. “We've narrowed our search for the three missing accomplices, and we expect to arrest them any day now. As the victim of their crime, you have the right to see them brought to trial. Your testimony will be important to bringing them, and Ardon, to justice. If you choose, you can stay and see this trial through.”

I rubbed my eyes, then ran my fingers down my face to rest my jaw on my fingertips. “How critical is my testimony? Can the trial be run without it?”

Jaina shrugged. “The trial will go on with or without it. But having you there will underscore the point that there were actual victims here. You survived the attempt, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t have injuries. If the court could hear first-hand what suffering you and Blue, and the others on the Alisander, went through, it would add a level of intensity that mere recorded testimony wouldn’t have.”

“In other words, my personal appearance could be the emotional evidence that sways the jury.” Oh, the irony. For years, I had been recording the stories of refugees, hoping that the testimonies of their personal experiences would strike an emotional chord and generate sympathy for their plight. Now it was my turn to tell my own story. “How long will this take?”

“These trials are over quickly,” Jaina said. “Jag has a legal team working on the evidence we already have, and this is a priority case. In fact, Ardon’s trial is in four days. You could give your testimony then.”

“And the three accomplices?” I asked.

“When they are captured, their trial will be over within a week.”

I was silent for a few minutes, thinking over the situation and deciding what course of action I should take. I knew my sister well enough to understand that she wouldn’t have asked me if she didn’t think it was productive, if not downright necessary, for me to participate. “All right,” I said finally. “I’ll stay for the trial.”

That night I composed a message to be sent out with the next diplomatic packet. It should reach Naboo in about four days. I sat in front of the recorder for a long time, collecting my thoughts, before speaking.

My love, I miss you and hope that everything is going well for you. You are a strong person, so intelligent and so caring, and I know you will make the right decisions. Please be careful and don’t let your anger or worry cloud your good judgment.

Jaina has asked me to stay and testify at the trial of the man responsible for all our troubles. His trial is in a few days, and my testimony may be powerful enough to show the courts how his actions resulted in such pain and misery for us. I know this is not what you want me to say, but I have given a lot of thought to my decision and I feel it is best, not just for me, but for you too, and everyone on the Alisander who suffered because of Marsh Tor’s treachery, that I stay here for a little longer.

There are others besides the one on trial who are responsible for this assassination and mass murder plot, and they are being hunted down as I speak. Their arrests are imminent. Again, my testimony will bring justice.

I have to weigh my longing to come back to you against the right of the victims to be heard. I can’t ignore this. I have a duty. If I don’t speak up, if I let the stories of your suffering, my anguish, our baby’s miscarriage, the pain and fear of the sick – all those voices – if I let them fall silent, then those who committed these crimes will never see the consequences of their actions. They will never hear the pain and sorrow they caused. I remember waking up on the hospital ship, learning that the baby was gone, and feeling as if a part of my heart had been gouged out. I remember your agony as you fought the withdrawal, and your heartbreaking grief as you told me about the decision you were forced to make. I remember Zara explaining how physically painful the fear and sickness was to her, like a constant sharp hammering in her nerves. I remember how sick Thom was, the fever burning through him like fire. I can’t allow these injustices to be silent, to let their voices fade into oblivion. Their pain, their stories, must be spoken.

My Blue, I miss you with every breath. I wish I could hold you, feel my arms around your shoulders, my hand on your beautiful face. I love you more than you can know. Be strong, my Blue, and be patient. I will not be coming home with my father, as planned. But I am coming home to you, my love. I promised. And I always keep my promises.

 

Thank you and thank you.

If this is no a misspelling of Ahsoka [Tano], I guess I have no idea who it is. But yeah, I had no idea about this when I was coming up with my fanon on one certain iconic headdress from ROTJ. Cool!

All spot-on, from what I know (I am straight-edge, so it's not me, but I know people...) and your headcanon is pretty spot-on, the way I see it.

That is...heartbreaking beyond belief. Especially the ending. Like a painful, painful curse. I love it, but it makes me sad. It sort of goes well with the [accidental] "inner wall" missunderstanding theme occasionally going on with Blue and Bree, in relation to spice et cetera. Blue cannot listen sometimes because of his spice curse, Anakin cannot listen because he is dead. The pain of one-sided communication...breaks my heart, yet you described it so perfectly.

Han is aware, luckily. And this also juxtaposes her against Blue's problems. In both cases, she's free and the Jedi and the addicts have an invisible rope, or a chain around their necks, and it can suffocate them at any given time. In this interpretation, everyday people like Bree and Han are truly, truly free, but that also turns them into those who will be beaten, hit and hurt by everybody else's emotions.

Sure, there are extremes, like Zara, but those extremes were...literally born to deal with that?!

Hey, it's me. No disclaimer needed.

*shiver shiver shiver*

And with that explanation, it makes sense. People slip without support. One of those situations where power of love - any kind of love - really matters.

Yes, that is precisely what I thought and I have meditated on the "light" side of that strange series of events, and there is also the dark side: addiction often mimics symptoms of schizoid and schizoaffective personality disorders and they're all about shutting everything out, fear of emotions. Elimination of emotions and attachment at any cost is almost a reflex.

Addicts also tend to adore people...and keep them further away, chase them away, hurt them because they initially want to hurt themselves. A person needs to be truly selfless in some way to remain anywhere near them and get over shutting out...not to mention the courage it takes to help them work on it.

Knowing that there is an entire Jedi family in the story, this is also a stark contrast to their intentional, learned detachment. Goosebumps and shivers, every single second.

I think that early stage recoverees are more likely to acknowledge their mistakes, as there is still strong need from redemption. These withdrawal moments out of nowhere are what's scary. His battles now, at this point in the story are far bigger and far more important than whatever cold turkey moment he had offscreen, before he even met Bree.

Because they want to control the person, cash in and be slimey sycophants; so she would be seen as an insane fan. And that often leads to seeing oneself as insane, power of suggestion is incredible. That's like being a human wall, stuck between people crazier than you on both sides and being the designated bad guy/girl.

And no, I am not suggesting an even more painful AU, it was just a hypothetical what-if.

Denial is still better than romanticising one's addiction, IMHO. That is why having an artist's story in comparison is VERY effective here, Bree can see that there are more sinister paths to take and that Blue didn't take it.

We all have our own Fillions and their Larks, who come out of nowhere when we are one step short of giving up. They are there to remind us that it's not so simple and that it will never be simple, never be black and white.

The latter is precisely what I had in mind. Self-punishment is common even with people suffering from far less debiliating things like GAD, and in these cases, it goes beyond all possible beyondness.

And I truly feel for both of them here - for Blue because of all those demons in him that can only be silenced and never removed from his psyche, and for Bree, because her life was never easy and now this...

 

What a fascinating batch of details about the way the scheme and contamination was carried out. Yes, I do agree her testimony is crucial! Love her eloquence, she is Leia's daughter too. And her words to Blue personally. Melty melt! Yup, love them just like chocolate, Ghiardelli style.