Beyond - Legends The God of Second Chances (DDC 2015) 12/23/15 (OCs, Solos) Complete (Cover posted 4/24/17)

Wonderful news for Blue! And yet my heart breaks for Bree - she's been through so much and the guilt just keeps piling on - she has to realise that while mistakes have consequences, they don't need to haunt her for the rest of her life. If she could only show herself the same understanding and compassion she has for Blue.

 

Playing catch-up again... although I have to say that splurging on big batches of chapters is always a pleasure!

Entry 34

I don't know if it's because I picked up with this chapter, but the similarities between Bree and Han struck me throughout the 8 entries I just read. More on that as we go along...

Fantastic father-and-daughter moment, and great advice from Han on how to handle her relationship. With, of course, the bonus of Han-speak thrown in: “I’ve seen thermo-mag locks that aren’t as clingy as you two are.”

I also loved the hints at the fact that Han is becoming old: “Next she’ll be telling me to lay off the salt”, “I don’t exactly expect you to be rolling in a repulsor chair at the old spacer’s home any time soon, Dad.” She's growing up

Entry 35

What was I telling you about the fact that she's her father's daughter?

Again, her father's daughter. I bet she has the grin too. It's bittersweet that she'd be thinking of this while missing Anakin -- but in a sense it also shows that she's coping better with his death than a few chapters ago. That reflection at the foot of his statue on Ossus seems to be bearing fruit.

I loved how you inserted here (and in the next few entries) a few bits and pieces on Chiss culture. Austere Chiss Imperial pomp, all summarised in a few lines. Which segues perfectly into...

Entry 36
... Jaina already easing into her role as the Empress, taking decisions, managing situations, and being the quiet but super-efficient boss.

I liked the explanation about the conspiracy that took place aboard the Alisander, and I liked it even better a few entries down the line, when more details were revealed (see, I told you that binge-reading has its positives!)

The letter to Blue was lovely and so Bree! I suspected when reading it that it wouldn't be quite enough to assuage his fears, and I saw later that I was right. But hey, Blue didn't have the daddy-talk with Han!

Entry 37

Okay, Bree is also her mother's daughter. You can see where that sort of eloquence came from.

Entry 38
Oooh, I don't like the idea of Bree being used as bait -- and somehow I sense that Blue wouldn't like it either.

Loved the internal dialogue with Mara, Blue, Leia and Han -- the people who really matter in her growing up. And of course, “Shoot first.” What else would he say?

Did I say already how much I love it when Bree plays detective? Fantastic process to bring the pieces together, and a nice wink to the reader when the diary plays a role in it!

Entry 39

I'm telling ya, her father's daughter. Han has these hunches all the time. She had a baaad feeling about this!

The combat scene was wonderfully written, but really, Bree, as you said yourself it was not the smartest thing you could do. What are the Imperial Guards for? Tsk, tsk.

And here comes the Chyntuck question, who's at the other end of the communication device? Because a birdie's telling me that this isn't over yet!

Entry 40

Channeling daddy again...

Entry 41
At last a bit of good news with Blue's job and Barolian parole board! I wonder if the SkySolos know who else had a view on that lake at a turning point in their life. Maybe the view is what inspired Bree's thoughts:

I love how, after all these Han references, you brought back Bree's Jedi heritage at this point, as she stands near the very spot where Anakin's downfall began. A lot of emotions and thoughts to untangle there, and the place lends itself to it...

This was a great read, as always!

 

Thank you! Bree has to find a balance between being a public figure and her desire to have a private life. It’s a hard trick to master. But her home life is finally settling down. Sia is a saint and she has done more for Blue than she ever needed to.

Thank you for replying! Bree had never been in combat before. She knew about it in theory, but she wasn’t ready for the emotional aspect of it. This is really affecting her conscience.

Blue is really catching a break here. Sia didn’t have to report his actions (he couldn’t really claim them himself), but she feels responsible for him in a guardian’s way. It paid off big time for him. And Bree... yeah, she’s hard on herself. But her family has set very high expectations.

There’s a really strong bond between Han and Bree. He relates to her the most out of all his kids, and he grounds her in a way that her Jedi family can’t. And writing Han-snark is fun. If I can hear Harrison growling the line, then I did it right.

Yeah, she does have the grin. She flashes it in "True Blue." And her feelings about the loss of her brother are evolving. It doesn’t dominate her life the way it used to, which is a good thing.

I’m not as fluent in Chiss culture as you are, but I can poke at it. What would the Grand Admiral do?

Thanks! Bree tried to break it to him slowly, knowing how he tends toward worrying about her and knowing that he is not quite out of the woods yet with his addiction issues. The daddy-talk really helped forge her decision here. Blue can’t get into the habit of depending on her, and she can’t take on the role of his governess. That’s not a healthy relationship.

Thank you! Bree’s a smart cookie.

Thank you! That was one complicated scene to write. And yes, Bree was leery of it the whole time, but when the action started her common sense went out the window. And as for the communications device, well, that’s a plot hole I guess. It doesn’t go anywhere. I guess I’ll have to retcon that!

They aren’t on the same lake as Anakin and Padmé, but they are in the same general province. But the villa at Varykino will play a part in the story soon!

Being on Naboo is having the unintentional (for Bree, not unintentional on my part) effect of bringing her closer to her heritage and her family’s history. There is an interesting parallel between Anakin and Padmé and with Blue and Bree- the desire to hide their relationship, duty vs love, etc. Naboo will have a strong influence on their relationship.

Thank you to everyone who stopped in to read and/or reply! Always very much appreciated.

 

[42]
The documents are all finalized now, and Blue and I moved into our house the day before yesterday. All our possessions from the Alisander were still in their storage boxes from the hotel, and we haven’t had a chance to unpack them. We have no furnishings other than a bed that was delivered the day we arrived, a table and some chairs. But we don’t mind. We’ll have a long time to fill it. The house is actually a caretaker’s home, part of an old estate that had been parceled up, built here before the newer, larger homes were established. It’s nestled near a lake, and we can see the water from the solarium. A small path leads down to the water’s edge. On the side of the house is a space for a little garden. I have to admit that the idea of planting flowers and watching them bloom is oddly exciting to me.

The location is perfect, too. It’s just a short walk from our neighborhood to the public transportation system, which is important since Blue cannot get a license to operate a speeder (part of the condition of his parole, since he was convicted of vehicular homicide). He can make it to his job at the hospital in Theed in under an hour. The first night we were there, Blue came home from work with some take-away food and a couple bottles of flavored sparkling water, and we sat on the floor of the solarium and watched the evening fall around us. It was beautiful, and I have to admit, very romantic. It wasn’t long before we had forgotten dessert and wound up moving from the solarium to the bedroom.

We fell asleep wrapped in each others’ arms. My peaceful sleep was abruptly ended when I awoke in the middle of the night, short of breath and sweating. I sat up in a panic. In my disoriented dream, I felt Zill’s knife draw close to my neck again. But this time, no Jedi or imperial guard came to save me. Oh, stars, but the dream was terrifying. My hand grasped my throat and I gasped as I imagined the blade begin its descent into my flesh.

Disturbed from his sleep, Blue glanced over at me and became suddenly wide awake. He took me in his arms and whispered soothingly to me until my shaking stopped. Still holding me tightly, he asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I replied by tightening the embrace.

Eventually I felt secure enough to let go of him. He kept one hand on my back and ran the fingers of his other hand through my hair. “You need to talk to me,” he said. “You can’t lock this inside.” He looked at me with such deep sympathy. “What happened to you, my Bree? Let me help you.”

I wanted to tell him. I really did. But Blue believed each life was sacred, and as a healer he had taken a vow to protect all sentient life to the best of his capability. How could I tell him about what I had done? How I had helped hunt and trap three people, who would surely be executed? How I had sunk my blade as deeply as I could into Zill’s back, trying to end him? How I had willingly approved of the death sentence of Moff Ardon?

I was covered in death. I reeked of it. How could Blue ever love me again if he knew that my hands overflowed with their blood?

I started to cry, heaving sobs that seemed to tear me apart. Blue took a deep breath, let it out, then slid his hands off me. “Come on. Get up. Let’s talk.” He got out of bed and began to dress.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“We are going to the solarium. To talk.” He held out his hand and I took it, pushing the sheets aside and getting up.
I threw on some clothes and followed him into the solarium, the room that faced the lake. It was still nighttime, and the stars reflected their silvery points against the still surface. A water bird cried somewhere off in the distance. Blue had taken a blanket from the bed with him, and he put it over my shoulders to keep away the pre-dawn chill, then he went into the kitchen. A few minutes later he returned, sat on the floor where we had eaten our dinner the previous night, and put a cup of tea in front of me. He sipped his tea patiently until eventually I unfolded all that had happened on Bastion.

“I sent a man to his death. I can’t forgive myself for that now,” I said finally.

Blue thought for a moment, then put his tea down. “His death was unavoidable, Bree. Moff Ardon knew the consequences when he chose the actions.”

“But maybe if I had advocated for leniency instead of –“

Blue interrupted me. “Even if you had voted for a leniency, Jag would have had no option but to overrule it. An attack on a member of the emperor’s family is an attack on the emperor. He can’t begin his administration by allowing this to go unanswered.” He sighed, shaking his head. “This isn’t a democracy. Power must be established and held.”

I turned away from him and stared out the window at the starry water. “I feel like I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done,” I whispered. “I have so much blood on my hands now.” I looked down and blinked hard.

Blue pushed his tea aside and pulled me closer to him. “You have to. Bree, one of the things that the counselors at the centre kept reinforcing was that there are just some things in life you can’t change, some things you can, and you have to know the difference. You can’t change that Moff Ardon and the others set out to try to kill us, and they paid the consequence. There was nothing you could have done differently. You can’t blame yourself for it.”

I rested my head on his shoulders and silent tears slid down my cheeks while he caressed my back. “You have to forgive yourself. Oh, my Bree, we both have blood on our hands. I killed my best friend. It’s hard to forgive myself for what I did. But I have to try, and so do you. I’ve spent a lot of time talking to counselors and therapists, and I’ve learned that I can’t undo the past. Neither can you. Instead, change the things you can. Take the better part of yourself and go forward from there. Take the guilt and make it forgiveness. Turn the fear into compassion. Turn the anger into a sense of justice. Then help others to do the same.”

I sat quietly and absorbed his words as he wiped my tears with his hand.

What a strange life we have, Blue and I. Our lives are delimited by death; the arcs of our lives intersect there. If Anakin had not died, I would have never felt compelled to run, and I would never have met Blue. If Miko had not died, then he would never have been there on the Alisander waiting to meet me. Death and loss and grief comprise the grammar in our common language; it’s the same dark grey on the fringe of both of our lives.

We sat there, just holding each other, for a long time.

“Blue?” I asked finally.

“Hmm?”

I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked at him. “Tell me. What happens when we die?”

He seemed surprised by my question. “You mean biologically? Or spiritually?”

“Uncle Luke tells me there are planes of existence in the Force beyond death.”

“Oh.” Blue paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. I lay my head back on his shoulder and he stroked my hair while he spoke. “Well, remember how I said your life is all about balance? Each event in your life is a function, and the summation of those functions represents your soul’s accomplishments. When you die, there are no more additions to the summation; that’s the endpoint. If your summation is greater than zero, then you have either balanced or exceeded in your life. If your positive functions, your good deeds and virtuous actions, have been greater than your negative or neutral functions, and your soul transcends this dimension to go to the next, where we’re closer to the Elementals and the other gods. If your summation is less than or equal to zero, then your soul is reborn and you have to try it again.”

“So my soul isn’t just mine? This is someone else’s recycled soul?”

“Your soul doesn’t belong to you, you belong to your soul. Your soul is your real existence: It’s infinite and immortal; the body that carries it is not. But the soul influences the life you lead. It’s rare that someone can have a young soul, a perfect summation on their first incarnation. Most of us carry old souls. We screw things up all the time, make mistakes, take wrong turns. Then we have to come back and try to amend those mistakes. And we do this reincarnation over and over until we finally figure out how to make it right.”

I nodded, then I held him tightly again. He kissed my forehead and gazed out toward the lake. “Look. The sun’s coming up,” he said.

I raised my eyes to see the brightening shoreline. Trees emerged in the faint sunrise, and I could see a family of waterfowl swimming in the distance. Mist swirled in ghostly patterns on the surface of the lake. We continued to sit together, embracing each other, as the sun emerged in vivid slashes of pinks and yellows, the colours mirrored in the lake. Finally the sun broke through the horizon and began its ascent.

He looked at me again, his features coming into focus with each growing moment of sunrise. “Put it in the past,” he said. “Forgive yourself for doing what couldn’t be avoided. Learn from your mistakes and turn them into something better. Every dawn is a new day, and every new day is a second chance.”

I put my head back against him and closed my eyes. “Do you think ours are new or old souls?” I asked.

He laughed quietly. “My love, we are very, very old souls.”

 

I love Blue's wisdom about what to do with the past and how to make a better future out of it as it comes to things you cannot change & the things you can and even the things you regret- using them to make things better for yourself and others.

 

Ooh, I can see why you said that you needed to go back to your fanon post for this entry! Beautiful, beautiful talk from Blue here. “My love, we are very, very old souls.” SQUEE!

I loved all the Anakin/Padmé references -- dinner sitting on the ground near the lake, Bree waking up from a nightmare and Blue trying to comfort her ("I was covered in death." -- shudders), Blue explaining how political power is built, and finally the two of them watching the sun rise above the lake. I'm really curious as to how Naboo will impact their relationship; also from what you said in your replies, apparently it will re-balance it in a way.

 

Replies 10-27

Blue’s made the decision to not allow the destructive things in his past dominate his future. He knows how easy it is to use past traumas as excuses for current behaviors, and he won’t fall for that. In a way, it’s part of his never-ending fight for sobriety, since such excuses make it easy to justify drinking or using, too. Helping her to deal with her own crisis allows him to take his background and use it for something good. Thank you for your reply!

Thank you for your reply! There are a lot of parallels between Anakin & Padmé and Blue & Bree, and being on Naboo seems to bring it out even more. There is a significant difference – Breha and Blue discussed her fears and worked through them, whereas Anakin internalized and hid his fears. They have a remarkably open and trusting relationship. Blue can be a total pain in the rear to her, but then he has his sainthood moments that make up for it. No one else could have comforted her the way he did.

 

[43]

Over the past couple of months, Blue and have I settled into life on Naboo. He loves that we are so close to the lake country, and we spend a lot of our free time at the public waterspaces. His work at the hospital keeps him busy, and he has made some friends there. I’ve started classes at the university and I’ve met some people, too.

We’ve also discovered that since Theed has attracted people from all over the galaxy to settle here (especially in the aftermath of the war), there is actually a small ex-pat Barolian community of about a hundred or so people. There is even a temple for us to attend about a day’s travel away by speeder. I’ve started taking lessons there with one of the clerics. Blue misses his home, and this way he can at least be with his own culture a little.

He’s determined not to let himself slip into his bad habits again. He sees his counselor every week, and he attends his recovery meeting faithfully twice a week. Every day, no matter what, he makes sure he starts his morning by having some quiet time. Sometimes he meditates, sometimes he prays, most times he just stands in the solarium, sipping his tea and watching the early morning sun on the water. Once he has that quiet space around him, he comes back into the main room and we have breakfast together and then he goes to work. His schedule fluctuates a bit, so this doesn’t always work out that way, but even if he works a later shift he tries to get up and keep the routine going. When we get back home we go for a walk by the lake if the weather permits.

That’s not to say that it’s been without any difficulties. All couples have their moments, and we fight like anyone else. Just the other day, for example, we had an argument. I had gone shopping after class with one of my new friends, and I bought some things. Okay, I bought a lot of things. Blue looked at the bags and overreacted, saying that I needn’t spend so much money on clothes and shoes and accessories and makeup, especially after we went and bought furniture and a speeder. I told him not to worry, it isn’t coming out of house money, then we started fighting over what constitutes house money and what’s my money and what’s his money. Stupid stuff.

But all in all, it’s been good. (I mean, there was that one night where Blue’s anxiety got the better of him and we were up for hours. He had been off for a couple of days leading to this, and then it had been a bad day at work for him – a speeder crash that reminded him too much of his own crash years ago, with a young woman about my age who didn’t survive. He commed me and told me that I need to come pick him up at the hospital, he was sick and he was taking the rest of his shift off. I cancelled my plans for that afternoon and drove our speeder to the hospital, where he was waiting for me. He kept it together until he got home, and then the trembling really kicked in and he threw up and that was it for him. I held him and talked him through his panic, reminded him of his training, helped him to ground himself again, and then, after a while, he got control of his emotions. The trembling calmed, he took a sedative, and then he went to sleep.) But honestly, overall, it’s about as good as one could hope for. He can recognize the signs better, and if he doesn’t recognize the signs I usually do. He listens to me and doesn’t just dismiss my concerns.

One of the nicest things about where we are living is that the Naboo have such a strong sense of culture and history. There are so many fascinating places to visit. Mom says Naboo reminds her of her own homeworld of Alderaan in so many ways. When she was visiting a few weeks ago, we went to the open market in Theed and then we had lunch at an outdoor café. I could tell she was homesick for her lost world. Just the art and the music and the general pace of life here is so much like Alderaan was.

Mom told me how she didn’t know about her Naboo relatives for a long while. In fact, had she known, Jaina would have had the middle name “Amidala” not me, since it can only be taken on by a direct descendant of the queen. (“Amidala” is the nom della reignet, or Queen’s name, and not my grandmother’s real name, which was Padmé Naberrie Skywalker. In that respect, “Amidala” is as much of a title as a name.) I lucked out; by the time I came along mom had discovered that she still had relatives on Naboo, so I got the title and not Jaina, who was named after our grandmother on Dad’s side, and who, keeping with the Corellian tradition, doesn’t have a middle name. “Amidala” is also my mother’s middle name; it’s the one her mother gave her at birth. She had no idea that it was her given middle name until she discovered her Naboo heritage, but now that she knows, she uses it.

I’ve often felt the weight of my family’s influence here. My grandmother was a beloved queen, and hers is a venerable family, especially in this province. That’s why it was such a pleasure to receive an invitation last week to visit Varykino, the villa owned by my mother’s Naberrie family. The invitation was from my great aunt Sola Naberrie. She’s the matriarch now, and one does not say no to Sola Naberrie. Besides, it was her generosity that provided Blue with a place to live when he first got to Theed – the suite he stayed in belongs to the Naberrie family. We were honored by her invitation to visit her, so Blue put on his best suit and I wore a light green, flowing floral dress as befits a lady of Naboo, and we made the two-hour drive north to the Lake Country.

I remember going to Varykino when I was a little girl. It was a strange, the memories that resurfaced as we traveled through the beautiful Lake Country. Everything seemed vaguely familiar, resurfacing through the haze of long-ago memories. The four of us kids spent hours playing in the lake, swimming and boating. I remember campfires on the beach and formal dinners in the dining hall. I even remember a little bit about my great-grandmother. (She died years ago.)

Varykino matched the beauty that I recalled. We were ushered into the salon, where my great aunt Sola sat in a soft red-upholstered chair, waiting to greet us. She may be in her 80s, but she’s still as active as ever. Great aunt Sola took us on a tour of the villa and she showed us the room that used to be my grandmother’s, and then she sat with us and went through holos of the family, sharing the details of their lives with us. We had a wonderful visit with her, and I was thrilled when she talked freely about my grandmother and what she recalled of my grandfather. She said he was very handsome, and she remembered teasing her sister Padmé about her new boyfriend. “She made light of the claim, of course, but there was no doubt they were in love,” she recalled. “Padmé told me once that Anakin used to call her an angel. And she looked at him as if no one could ever take his place.”

I filled her in on the things my brother and sister are doing. She seemed very impressed with Jaina and Jacen’s achievements, and I couldn’t help feeling a little like I was not up to their standard. I think she must have sensed that, since she took my hand and patted it. “We all serve in different ways,” she told me. “You are still young. Your path will come.”

We were invited to stay for lunch, and before the meal was served Blue and I took a moment to enjoy the view from the terrace overlooking the lake. I thought about my grandmother and how she loved this place. I understand why. It’s so peaceful here. I leaned on my arms against the stone wall, closing my eyes and letting the warm breeze float across my face, and Blue came up from behind me. He stood beside me and reached up to gently caress my back. “I was thinking about what Sola said about your grandparents. You’re not an angel, you know, Bree,” he said quietly.

I laughed. “I know. I get into more trouble than I’m worth.”

He shook his head. “I’m no good with words. That’s not what I mean. I mean that it’s a good thing. You get into trouble and you make mistakes and you can be infuriating and irrational, and that’s what makes you human.”

I turned to face him. He stood beside me and took my hand in his. “I lived so long as a number, a nobody under an alias, a throwaway parolee, that I forget sometimes what it means to be a real person. Your humanity makes me feel human again. You make me feel loved and valued. I don’t want an angel. I want you, a real woman, by my side.”

For someone who claims to be no good with words, he seemed to know just the right thing to say.

The day sped by and soon it was time for the long drive home. Sola hugged Blue and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he returned the affection to her. Then Sola came over to me. She put her hands on my cheeks and looked wistfully into my eyes. “Oh my dear girl, you remind me so much of her,” she told me quietly. “My sister was intelligent and kind and generous, always putting others before herself. She was a skillful diplomat and a brave fighter. But most of all, Padmé had an amazing capacity for love. Breha Amidala, you have that same trait. There is so much love about you. You shine with it, just like she did.” Then she held me close, and I felt for a moment that for her, the years slipped away and some echo of her long-gone sister resurfaced in my own being. I didn’t mind. I know what it’s like to lose a beloved sibling. Padmé lives on in her children and grandchildren, and I’m honored to be able to bring some memory of her back to Sola.

 

Marvelous feels! First the settling into a rotine and finding friends. The slice of life moment with the "did you have to buy all that?" The mutual support and the sweet/bittersweet memories with Leia and Sola but mostly the affirmations of Bree's wonderfulness from Blue and Sola. Bree is another one who is luminous. She blesses those whom she chooses to love.

 

Yay, update!

It's nice to see Bree and Blue settling in a routine and paying ever more attention to each other's needs -- Bree learning about the Barolian religion, giving Blue me-time and space every morning (it looks like that chat with dad helped ), managing Blue's rehab and even arguing about "stupid stuff" like money. I found that last tidbit interesting, because despite everything that brings them together, the differences between the granddaughter of two queens and the Barolian parolee are still there, they just handle them better.

I loved your portrayal of Sola. I've seen her depicted many times as the kind old lady, but I love the idea of "one does not say no to her." It was wonderful to see the Anakin/Padmé parallel again, but this time with the roles inverted -- Bree as Padmé in her flowery dress and Blue caressing her back, but then rejecting the idea that he should think of her as an angel. And of course...

I found this paragraph to be very touching. Beautiful aunt/niece interaction and understanding

 

Replies November 3

They are settling down, finally, after what has been one crazy year. The quiet is a nice change, and little ordinary things, even their quarrels, would be welcomed compared against the trauma of the past months. Of course Leia would come visit her girl, and the family in town would want to keep up the connections, too. I would think, since Bree would be about Padmé’s age, that it would stir many emotions in Sola. It would be like having a glimpse of her sister again. Thank you for your reply!

Thank you for replying! They are getting into a routine. Bree has learned to give him his space, letting him ground himself every morning and managing his rehab without confronting him or accusing him. The last bit was telling; they aren’t fully there yet. She’s a bit tone-deaf as to the reason behind the argument: he’s a guy who has known homelessness and dire poverty, stealing scraps of food and being willing to work in exchange for a safe place to sleep. Right now, he is underemployed, and that has got to frustrate him that he can’t seem to find anything better. She, on the other hand, has rarely had to worry about money. If her family doesn’t have it, her holdparents will get it for her. But they do handle it much better than before, with neither becoming defensive over it.

The Padmé/Anakin parallel continues here on Naboo. They share many similarities, but the essential difference is that Blue and Bree have the advantage of experience on their sides. Earlier in the story Bree was willing to keep everything completely hidden, like Anakin did, but she feels less of a need for secrecy as her confidence grows. Blue is also considerably older than Anakin and as such has a more grounded appreciation and love for Bree, less the idolization that Anakin felt for Padmé. Blue doesn’t want a woman on a pedestal. He wants an equal.

And as for Sola, I pictured her as one of those grand dames a la Downton Abbey. She can be genteel and kind but don’t forget whose home you’re in. The steely reserve under the sweet exterior is a Naberrie trait, passed down three generations.


Author’s note: The dessert mentioned in this next chapter, reignets, is an invention of the very talented Leiamoody. Check out her post http://boards.theforce.net/threads/the-fanon-thread-index-updated-13-oct-2015-discussion-world-building.50024318/page-7#post-52277099]here[/url] for more delicacies. Thank you for allowing me to borrow!

 

[44]

The other night was my twenty-third birthday. Blue bought me a beautiful gold necklace with a luminous firejade pendant. I wore it when we went out that evening for a birthday dinner in the city and for a walk along the river promenade. The gem really complemented the yellow and cream colored dress I wore. (He wore that tan shirt I bought him the other day. He’s so handsome, and I love knowing that everything under that shirt, from his muscles to his heart, belongs to me.) The evening had been so romantic that we came home and (surprise) would up right in bed again. To be honest, we started kissing at the door and barely made it to the bedroom. I blame that tan shirt.

Afterwards, we were just relaxing together in bed when Blue said he had something else for me. He leaned over to the side table next to the bed and retrieved a small bakery box and placed it on the bed between us. He opened it and I peered inside the box to find a pair of flaky, powdery pastries. Blue took one out, then, holding one hand beneath it, he turned to me. “You have got to try this,” he said. “They make them at this bakery near the hospital.” He smiled broadly. “They’re called reignets. It means ‘little queen,’ so of course I thought of you.”

I opened my mouth, birdlike, and he fed it to me, laughing. He was right – they were delicious. Delicious, but messy. Crumbs fell off my chin and onto the sheet I had drawn up over my chest, and the red rianberry filling smeared across my lips. I looked like a slob. Blue used his thumb to wipe the rest away from my mouth, then leaned over and kissed me. It does not get much better than this, having this beautiful, wonderful man kiss the sucre from my lips.

We finished the pastries (more kisses) and just relaxed in each other’s arms until fatigue caught up to us. Then Blue commanded the lights to five percent and I put the bakery boxes on the floor. We could clean them up in the morning. Blue nestled in to sleep and I lay my head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, put my arm across his body, and closed my eyes. He put his arm over mine and, with his other hand, he gently stroked my hair. He was soon asleep, and in a few moments I was fast asleep, too.

I knew I was dreaming, and yet it was so startlingly real. My brother Anakin stood at the foot of the bed, his arms crossed and his hands hidden in the wide brown sleeves of his Jedi robes. He smiled crookedly. “Hi, Baby Bree.”

In my dream, I sat up and pulled the sheet around me. “You finally come to visit me, and you waited until I was wearing nothing more than a sheet?” I asked. Stars, he looked so young. So young.

He laughed. I had almost forgotten how easily he laughed, what a joyful sound it was. “Are you happy, Bree?” he asked, smiling.

I turned to look at Blue, asleep beside me. “I am now,” I said.

Anakin nodded his head. “He’s a good man. I like him.”

“He’s my everything. I wish you had the chance, you and Tahiri, to know how this feels.”

His smile turned rueful. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

The pain of our separation hit me. “Are you all right, where you are?” I asked. “What’s it like?”

Anakin shifted his weight to the other foot, and a blue haze blurred and shimmered around him like an aura. “It’s…different. The Force is alive here. And time is different.”

“How so?”

“I dunno. It seems like only a few minutes since I saw you last. And it seems like a hundred years.”

I had to know. “Have you seen – did you ever –“

Anakin raised his eyebrow. “Things are very different here. But the spirit, the soul, of the baby that would have been… it’s here. It just exists as a thought or a whisper, and not in a distinct form. But there’s no pain or loneliness, so it isn’t sad.”

I absorbed this information quietly. Longing and loss sank over me. “I miss you so much, Anakin.”

Anakin smiled sympathetically. “Yeah. About that. That’s kinda why I’m here, Baby Bree.” He paused. “You’ve been thinking a lot about Ianos lately, huh.”

“The god of second chances.” My recent religious instruction had focused on second degree gods so I had been thinking about Ianos, and the second chances we had been granted. Where was he going with this? Did he believe that I didn’t deserve a second chance?

“Ianos is the doorway god. He sees the past and the future simultaneously, right?”

“Yes?” What was he getting at?

“Well, there you are,” he said, gesturing with his hand as if his declaration was obvious. Swirls of blue haze sparked with the movement. “You have your memories of the past, and your promise of the future. But memories are no place to live. You have to let the past go and get on with your future. That’s what faith is all about, Bree – trusting that things will be okay, even though you don’t have the hard proof. You have to let your guard down, let yourself be vulnerable, and trust that it will all be okay in the end anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

Anakin’s blue eyes glowed iridescently. “Love doesn’t end just because someone dies. I’ll always love my little sis, and you’ll always love me. But it’s time to step through the doorway, leave the past, and get on with it. You can’t hurt my memory by living your life.” The blue haze seemed to spark even more brightly, and Anakin’s form became increasingly transparent. “Don’t you see? I’m your past. He’s your future. You’re on the right path, at last. Step through the doorway, baby sister. Do it now.”

I awoke with a start to find myself back in Blue’s arms, just as I had been when I fell asleep. I sat up and glanced around. Was it just a vivid dream? Or did my brother really appear through the Force to me? Or maybe my mind and my heart finally synched to accept Anakin’s loss and put it behind me for good? The darkened room was just as it appeared before I fell asleep, but everything was different now. I felt as if everything had finally clicked into place and for the first time in a very long time I was sure of what I was doing.

I lay back down beside Blue. He stirred, then sleepily opened his eyes. “Everything okay?” he asked.

I looked at him, emotion flooding over me. My Blue. My future. My everything. “I love you, Ryoki. With all my heart.”

He yawned, then put his arm around me. “I love you too, my Bree,” he said softly, closing his eyes again and resting his head against mine. “With all my heart.”

I nestled in closer to him. “Marry me, Blue,” I whispered.

He was awake now. He stared at me for a moment. “What? Really?”

“I love you. I know what I want, and I want to spend my future with you. I’ll put it formally: Ryoki Jonn Akahai, would you honor me by consenting to marry me?”

He laughed quietly. Then he shifted position so that he could look straight into my eyes. “Yes, Breha Amidala Solo,” he said. “Yes, I will consent to marry you.” He leaned in and kissed me, a long kiss that ended with the gentlest, most tender brushing of his lips against mine. And with that, he wrapped his arms around me again, and we fell back asleep in each other’s embrace.

 

Beautiful evening with the candlelit dinner and walk along the river. Bree's necklace and dress sound lovely.

Nummy part here:

(He wore that tan shirt I bought him the other day. He’s so handsome, and I love knowing that everything under that shirt, from his muscles to his heart, belongs to me.)

That dessert sounds amazing and him feeding it to her and then kissing the frosting and berry filling away. Oh squee!

Pure wisdom here:
...You have to let the past go and get on with your future. That’s what faith is all about, Bree – trusting that things will be okay, even though you don’t have the hard proof. You have to let your guard down, let yourself be vulnerable, and trust that it will all be okay in the end anyway.”

This just turned me into an unashamed gooey mess:

I looked at him, emotion flooding over me. My Blue. My future. My everything. “I love you, Ryoki. With all my heart.”

He yawned, then put his arm around me. “I love you too, my Bree,” he said softly, closing his eyes again and resting his head against mine. “With all my heart.”

I nestled in closer to him. “Marry me, Blue,” I whispered.

He was awake now. He stared at me for a moment. “What? Really?”

“I love you. I know what I want, and I want to spend my future with you. I’ll put it formally: Ryoki Jonn Akahai, would you honor me by consenting to marry me?”

He laughed quietly. Then he shifted position so that he could look straight into my eyes. “Yes, Breha Amidala Solo,” he said. “Yes, I will consent to marry you.” He leaned in and kissed me, a long kiss that ended with the gentlest, most tender brushing of his lips against mine. And with that, he wrapped his arms around me again, and we fell back asleep in each other’s embrace.

Totally - totally scrumptious start to my day!

 

*melts into a puddle of feels*

This was all absolutely lovely.

Lamest excuse ever!

But most importantly, Ghost-Anakin!!!!

That's what she really needed to hear, isn't it? It was nice to see the story overtake its title and how the element of Barolian religion is seamlessly integrated into Bree's understanding of the Force -- she's making sense of it now.

 

This entry is elegant, from the beginning description of the walk along the river promenade (and the firejade pendant…it sounds gorgeous) to the proposal .

I find the particular use of my dessert to be…very, very creative. . Also I really love the meaning you gave to the word “reignet”. I’ll admit that I never thought of that when I came up with the word, although it does make sense in retrospect. This is a great example of what happens when others manage to find hidden aspects of the original writer’s own creation. It’s an interesting aspect of the creative process. J (Looking at the prior entry, I saw the reference to Padme’s regnal name and the term used to describe it, “nom della reignet”. Is it possible from your perspective that the dessert might have its origins on Naboo?).

The visit with the ghost of Anakin provides an interesting look into the afterlife of your story. The simultaneous feeling of the ghost’s perception of time as brief and eternal is very…well, sad. Rather than time being nonexistent, it seems to exist in a state of quantum fluctuation, which makes Anakin acutely aware that his sister has gotten older and can evolve through life while he remains in a static mode. Immortality has its price…

 

[40]

Now, this was really nice.

After (yet another) set of troubles behind her, Bree is beginning to explore more aspects of love - like, just lying together next to Blue, while that is still as much of intimacy as, well, something else would be. Understanding that people love each other's little and big imperfections. And, as eerie as this may be, realising that they both have a limited time in this plane of existence, just like everybody else.

Once again, Bree's mortality may have been something that she had a skewed picture of, before everything that happened to her on this journey towards oneness with Blue. Once again, when you live with demi-gods and when you're sheltered until your Holden Caulfield moment, how much do you actually know about it? And, once it hits you, how are you going to process it? Is it going to leave you out of breath, both for real (nice and realistic metaphor, even if unintentional) and figuratively?

This time, she didn't even need Han and his mere mortality, similar to her own, yet so abstract in the past, to come to all these conclusions. And that says a lot.


[41]

Tut-tut, you should have used my authority on sludgenews.

Just like Bree and Blue, as individuals, had to meet the world and its good and bad sides, the time has come for the world to meet them - together. Exposure can lead to so many different developments and I think that, one of the rare things that will leave them alone in comparison to what happens to famous couples in our universe, is the fact that GFFA is so.much.bigger. The chaos of the Vong war - I dare to say - helps in this case, too.

That said, I'm glad that the media left them alone once they found out Blue was a random nobody (by their standards) and not some major heart throb. I sure as heck hope that they're not going to dig out the dirt. Had they followed Blue, as he was getting back to actual work as supposed to basically volunteering under his parole conditions, it could've gotten weird.

Loved that Blue did not go and say "I'm Breha Solo's lifemate, trust my word, I'm great". There are so...so many people who get recognition for being related to this or that person and he's chosen the admirable, long and hard way. Bravo!

...

All of the above said, Blue's good news are even better. And Captain Sia is a champion!

...

Did not quite expect another avalanche of Bree's self-doubt at the end, and I especially did not expect a compliment from her mother to provoke the whole series of negative thoughts, but knowing how one's mind work at that age, it makes sense.


[42]

Bree's doubts in this chapter reminded me of a very young Luke and it was only fitting that there was a reference to him later on. She did not want blood on her hands.

Seemingly, her willingless to forgive even the worst of the worst in some way, reminded me of Padmé, and it was only fitting that the scenery was something Padmé lived through.

...and then, in the arms of her lover, Bree realises that she's been all the great things those before her were, in her own way. But that those things were not to be granted by birth, but achieved and discovered, unwrapped one after another, until she is a complete person.


And this has got to be the best part of the entire story so far, all forty-two chapters!

Maaaaybe, just maybe, 42 IS the answer to the universe etc etc.

 

They had a wonderfully romantic evening, but that’s how Blue planned it for her as her birthday present. They have a playful sense with each other, which is sweet, because they don’t really show that in public much. There’s much love there for each other.

Aw, thank you! Thanks so much for the reply. Once she had that “conversation” with Anakin, with her past, she realized what she had to leave behind and what she had to embrace. The proposal was the next step to take in her life.

Thank you for replying! I’m glad you liked it. And yes, that was a lame excuse, to blame the shirt for her ardor. She just wanted to get her hands on him.

I deliberately left it ambiguous as to whether or not she dreamt this or if her brother’s ghost actually came to visit, but in the end it doesn’t change the breakthrough she has. She has got to stop looking behind her when her future is lying right beside her. She can’t go back to trying to control everything around her. She has to leap and trust that the net will appear. And yes, she is starting to integrate her new faith into her existing one, and together they help her understand her unique life.

Thank you, and thanks so much for the reply. The night was gorgeous, as planned, for her birthday. Only the best for his girl.

I’m glad you liked the …unorthodox…way that Bree and Blue enjoyed your dessert. I did think about the idea of “reignet” as a derivative of “reign,” although I know that your invention derives from “beignet,” which colors the pronunciation. I also considered the idea that the villa scenes from The Clone Wars were filmed in Italy, so I created a Naboo “language” that was a mix of French and Italian. This led to the “nom della reignet” comment in the previous entry, referring to “Amidala” as Padmé’s regnal name. So in my Fritalian, “nom della reignet” would mean “name of the young – or little- queen.” It would not be unheard of if some bakery in Theed created a dessert to celebrate the “little queen,” rather like the pavlova celebrates the famous ballerina, so it looks like I placed its origin on Naboo.

Thank you for your reply! If this is Anakin’s ghost, which it well might be, his visit to his little sister is a strange experience for them both. She is shocked by how young he is, since he died at 17 and she has just turned 23. (That and the fact that she is clearly with her lover is a far cry from the 16 year old she was when he last saw her.) Her big brother looks like a kid to her now. As for him, it’s as if he dips in and out of living time. How does one divide infinity into understandable fractions? A hundred years and a few minutes must seem like the same thing.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond so thoroughly to the posts. Bree is shaken so badly by the physical and emotional experience that all she wants to do is feel safe and comforted, and the only one she wants is Blue. She loves him dearly, and all she wants is to be beside him. He understands this and gives her what she needs. As she reflects, she is always acutely aware of mortality, and she is starting to understand that there isn’t much she can do about it. Death comes to us all. What matters is what you do with your life. Yes, she has had others help her, like Han, but in the end she has to figure it out for herself.

You are absolutely right. They (that is, Bree) have taken great measures to hide from the public. But now she is beginning to understand that this is unreasonable. She is born to a public family, and now that her sister is the soon-to-be empress and her brother is the consort of the Queen of Hapes, she will always be a public figure. There must be a balance between their private lives and their public appearances. Blue’s background and his necessary black-out of his past makes it more complicated, but it can be done. They actually address this in the next post.

Blue could have used his relationship to Bree to get ahead. He didn’t, though, because he has a sense of pride (blended with a little of his sense of shouldering his penance of atonement) and does not want to ever take the easy way out. He accepts help when offered but he doesn’t take advantage of things.

Thank you so much for this. It’s where she needs to be going. Bree is a composite of her family members who went before her, but she is her own person too. She is a little bit of all of them,. Blue is the constant in her life, the compassionate friend who loves her far more than he loves himself and will always be there for her. She has grown into her own person.

Who knows?

 

[45]

I have, understandably, been very busy these past few weeks, so I haven’t had much time to write in this journal. We decided to get married sooner rather than later, and there have been so many details to plan! On top of that, I’m still taking classes at the university and Blue still has his job to do. My mom handled most of the invitations, but Blue and I have had to take care of arranging everything here in Naboo, from selecting the banquet items to purchasing our wedding clothes to hiring the musicians. Aunt Sola generously offered to hold the wedding at the Naberrie family villa, Varykino. It’s gorgeous here, and it has been the site of many weddings over the years. However, it’s all the more special for me because this is where my grandparents wed, too.

Blue and I spent some time discussing what we would do for the official notice of the ceremony. The last thing we want is for someone to surreptitiously record the event then sell the footage to some sludgenews outlet who will create their own narrative as they go. I contacted my Uncle Lando, and the very next day I had a media solicitor at my service. She arranged a contract between us and the Theed society magazine, Magnifique, to cover the wedding and to record an interview with Blue and me in the near future. There will be a reporter and a recorder at the wedding but only from Magnifique. Anyone else who obtains or attempts to sell the coverage of the event will be dealing with Magnifique’s lawyers. We made some money in exchange for the exclusive rights to coverage, but not enough to make me feel like I “sold” our wedding, and we have some control over what gets presented. Besides, I know Magnifique, and they have a reputation for respectful and tasteful productions.

The most important thing, of course, was the ceremony itself. We were able to arrange for a Barolian cleric to come and perform the ritual and blessing. Since we were not having the ceremony in the temple as it would normally have been done, the cleric came a few days early to oversee the physical arrangement of the rooms. This is very important. There must be four doorways: a private entrance for me, a private entrance for Blue, and a back door should one of us choose not to continue with the ceremony, and a front door through which we would emerge together as a married couple. Fortunately, one of the salons fits this requirement. The caretakers at Varykino set up a simple altar out of a table, and they created dressing rooms out of the adjoining rooms.

When we got to Varykino early this morning, I was amazed at how lovely the villa was. There were flowers everywhere -- long drapes of green ivy, delicate silver and pink capra blooms, and bright yellow and red roses in crystal vases. The sun glowed through gorgeous bevel-cut glass windows where gauzy white curtains fluttered in the warm breeze. Beautiful tapestries, antique furniture, and delicate handmade decorations completed the rooms. The caretakers really did a wonderful job.

Zara came out for the wedding, and she volunteered to help with my hair and make-up. She spent an inordinate amount of time in Blue’s antechamber fixing his hair, but then again he does have a lot of it to tend to. Finally she came over and began applying my make-up, doing her best to cover the scar on my cheek. Then she and an assistant curled and pinned my hair. Before I knew it she was done, and it was time for Mom and Jaina to help me to get dressed for the ceremony.

I’d worn probably a hundred other gowns before, but this was the gown that counted. I had picked it out a month before, right after we announced our engagement, and had it altered to fit. It was a simple look, in the classic style – a straight white gown with small flowers embroidered in white and gold on the hemline. A sheer drape, embellished with subtly glittering gemchips, gathered at my shoulders then fell in a pair of long panels down my back. As for jewelry, Mom had tried to convince me to wear the heirloom chaledron necklace, the one she had worn at the ceremony on Yavin, but I decided to wear the simple shuwan crystal and gold necklace that Blue had bought for me from a street vendor on a space station years before.

I couldn’t sit down, I was so nervous. “Just tell me I look okay,” I said to Jaina.

She stood back for a moment, then reached out and readjusted the white embroidered headband that held back the fall of dark curls that Zara had so carefully arranged. “You look beautiful, Bree. Stop worrying. He’ll be there waiting for you.”

I kept picking at my fingernails, my old nervous habit coming back. Then my mom came over and took my hands in hers. “Breha, you are beautiful. You’ll take his breath away.” I let out a long breath. She hugged me, her eyes glittering as she kissed my cheek one last time. “I love you, Bree. We’ll see you in the receiving room.”

Jaina hugged me too, then they both exited the anteroom and I was alone. I stood there, listening to the thrum of my heart pounding in the silent room. Then I turned toward the double doors, put my hands on the door handles, and took a deep breath. It was time. I opened the doors to the altar room.

The square room was large and completely empty of all but essentials. The only structure was a small table covered with a white lacy cloth that stood in the middle of the room. An older Barolian gentleman, the master cleric, stood behind it, his light blue hair streaked with white. And there, standing in front of the table – there was my Blue.

He looked so handsome. He wore a long gold-trimmed white tunic over white trousers, and Zara had braided his hair into multiple strands, each crimped closed with a small gold bead and gathered in a neat tail by a gold band. He turned around to face me and stared. I bit my lip and hoped it was a good stare. He smiled, then held his hand out, palm up, for me to take. I walked up to him and placed my hand in his outstretched one. He kept looking at me and it was making me anxious. Gently, he touched the curls of my hair. “You’re gorgeous,” he whispered.

I felt my face grow uncharacteristically warm, and I smiled back at him. “You are, too,” I murmured in reply. I wasn’t just being polite. He looked amazing.

We stared at each other for a few moments more as if we were suddenly overwhelmed by the enormity of what we were about to do, then the cleric announced that it was time to proceed. At that, Blue smiled at me, then he reached over to the stone table. On it, next to a plate bearing our wedding rings, were two garlands of white flowers that had been strung together. I looked at them quizzically, and, seeing my expression, he picked up the garlands and turned to face me again. “I thought if I was going to wear a wedding ring in honor of your Corellian customs, then maybe you might wear a lappau – a wedding garland – to honor mine,” he explained. “It’s a local tradition from where I grew up. I had them custom made for us.”

“They’re lovely,” I said. “Of course I’ll wear this.” Smiling at me, he placed one garland around his neck and draped the other one around mine. He kept looking at me as he adjusted my garland to make the ends even.

We must have gotten caught in the moment again because the cleric smiled benevolently, then cleared his throat to call our attention back to the ceremony. Blue and I held hands as we turned toward him respectfully. The clergyman began the rite of consent. “Do you come to this marriage as willing and consensual participants? If you are not, you may leave at this time and no repercussions will follow you.”

Blue and I both indicated our consent and the clergyman began to recite the bonding prayer. Our ceremony was brief; a prayer, then a blessing -- such a short ritual for such an important event. At that point, our ceremony deviated from a traditional Barolian service and we observed a ritual that reflected my Corellian background: the exchange of rings. Blue took one of the silver rings from the table and placed it on the third finger of my (non-dominant) left hand as he spoke a traditional Barolian vow. “I will respect and honor you for the rest of my life as my equal, the one who balances me.”

I smiled, finally relaxing, and took the other ring and slid it on the third finger of his right hand. “I will respect and honor you, too, for the rest of my life. You are my equal, the one who balances me,” I recited.

“I love you, Breha,” Blue said, his voice tremulous. “Promise me that wherever you go, you will always come home to me.”

“I love you, Blue. Promise me that you will always be there for me.”

After we exchanged our promises, the elderly clergyman beamed. “In our faith, each person is part of an equation. A marriage acknowledges that you have found that person who balances your life, the person who is your equivalent. I hereby declare you married to each other. May you always find love and comfort in each other, and may the gods grant long life and happiness to you.”

I raised my hand to my heart, and Blue did the same. “To honor Minnah, ruler of the underworld and the God of War,” he said in the flowing rhythm of the Ancient Tongue. “May I have the courage and fortitude to fight for what is right and just.”

Blue moved his hand from his heart to touch his fingertips to his lips, and I mirrored his movements. My mastery of the Ancient Tongue was not as fluent as his, but I had practiced many hours to say the words properly. “To honor Keturash, keeper of fire and the Goddess of Power,” I said. “May my words and actions bring balance in my life.”

We placed our fingertips on our foreheads as Blue continued the prayer. “To honor Basht, master of waters and the God of Compassion. May my thoughts always consider the needs of others.”

Lastly, we raised our open palms to the sky and I concluded the Salutation to the Elementals. “To honor Saras, guardian of the winds and the Goddess of Safety. May I protect others through acts of wisdom and justice.”

We lowered our hands and then reached over and held them, as seemed natural. I’m not sure if what happened next was supposed to be part of the ceremony, but he leaned in towards me and I tilted up my face to meet him. My arms went around his neck and his arms wrapped around my back and we kissed, a gesture so full of love that I never wanted it to end.

Eventually we broke away to complete the last thing we had to do: the renaming ceremony. The clergyman placed the datapad in front of us and I picked up the stylus. Where the form read “Former name,” I wrote “Breha Amidala Solo” in high galactic script. Where it read “Married name,” I repeated my signature. I handed the stylus to Blue. In his blocky aurebesh characters, he wrote “Parolee 735204 sector 544 BarSecDoC” as his former name. Since he is not legally allowed to use his real name, and since he cannot disavow his legal status, in the space for “Married name” he repeated his parole number. However, he added “Blue Solo” as his legal secondary name. Now, finally, Blue has a last name.

We thanked the clergyman for his kind service. Then, once again, Blue took my hand in his. The wedding rings touched when our fingers interlaced as my husband and I walked side by side toward the double doors to greet our family.

The celebration took place immediately after the ceremony. We danced, we ate, we laughed. Most of my family made it in for the ceremony; even Tenel Ka was there. The event was tightly secured and I think I even spotted a Noghuri once. Blue danced with my mother and I danced with my father, and mostly we danced with each other. Although Zara came with a lovely young lady who was clearly smitten with her, it seemed that Zara danced with nearly everyone. My great aunt Sola sat in a place of honor, along with my mother’s cousins, Ryoo and Pooja and their families. Then there were messages from people who could not be there in person: Uncle Lando and Aunt Tendra sent their love and a generous financial gift. Lark sent a message with Fillion (my cousin Ben was impressed), and Fillion sent us VIP tickets to his concert next year at the Wheel. We heard from Thom, who has recovered very nicely from the attack on the ship, and who, along with many of Captain Sia’s crew, is now working as members of Talon Karrde’s operations. (Yes, I asked Aunt Mara to pull in a favor. I owed Captain Sia that.)

Before we knew it, the evening was over. We had one last dance, an Alderaanian waltz we picked out in honor of my heritage. When the dance was over and the final movement left me encircled in his arms, I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted the night to freeze like this, with all the ones who love us around us, and his arms around me. But it was time to go, and we said our good nights. As part of her wedding gift to us, Aunt Sola has given us a week to stay at the villa. We are so blessed to have such generous family.

I wish Blue’s family could have seen it. I laughed and said how they would never believe it – he is now the brother-in-law to an empress, the son-in-law of a princess. He counted Jedi among his best friends. He had danced with the Queen of Hapes. General Solo helped him with the final details of his wedding attire. Blue said that the thing they wouldn’t believe is how an idiot like him ever got so lucky as to convince a woman as fantastic as I am to marry him. It’s ironic how they have no idea how his life has turned out. When he earns his name and his citizenship rights back and he can finally contact them, there will be so much to say. Blue assures me that his family will love me. I’m looking forward to the day when I can finally meet them.

Tomorrow we make the trip to the temple for the final part of our wedding rite. An escriver will mark the inside of our forearms with matching tattoos, which is what Barolians traditionally use to indicate married status. The tattoo will take up about a third of my forearm. The markings, which we designed ourselves, integrate the symbol of Ianos with the symbol of the entwined spirits of air (the symbol of the Royal House of Alderaan). Beneath that are three moons, representing the three moons of Corellia. I guess this means I officially give up any attempt to keep our relationship covert when I’m literally wearing my declaration of love for my Barolian husband on my arm.

It’s late evening now, and we are finally relaxing in our room in the villa tower. I’m sitting on the bench beside the window, writing all this down before I forget one moment of it. Blue’s sitting on the bed, weaving the two strands of the lappau together to make one chain of white flowers – he tells me that back home someone else would have done this for us and placed it over our marriage bed, but since he’s the only one here who knows how to do it... I’m exhausted but so very, very happy. Once I finish this entry I am putting this journal away for a while. After all, it is my wedding night, and although we’ve been intimate for years, this night is still special. Tonight, I am with my husband.

 

Exquisite and wonderful details of the ceremony rituals and Bree's and Blue's reactions to each other and exchange of promises. I especially liked the garlands, has a very Polynesian tone to it.
I was glad they controlled the media coverage. An excellent strategy for a high-profile occasion.

Quite the memorable and splendid beginning to their life's journey.

 

Another beautiful entry. You're spoiling us!

I loved, loved, loved all the details about the ceremony and Barolian religion -- I'm amazed at the sophistication of what you created there -- but also the contrast with Jaina's betrothal a few chapters ago. Here everything has been thought out to be meaningful on a personal level for the couple that is getting married, and while it's a ceremony there's no pomp involved.

There was something bittersweet however -- of course it's wonderful that Blue has a second name now, but he was alone in the sense that his family was not there, there was no one to weave the garlands for them, and he had to sign in blocky aurebesh while she signed in high galactic script But they've come a long way since they first met. It was really a fantastic idea to write the journey between the last chapter of True Blue and the epilogue -- the meaning of 'second chances' appears on so many levels in this story.

 

Thank you! They put a lot of thought into the wedding, and it’s a real blending of both of their heritages. They are finally finding their footing in this life of theirs.

Intentionally so – another nod to the island boy that Blue is at heart. He comes from the city that’s a blend of a little Tokyo, a little Miami, and a little Honolulu.

Thank you! This story really took on a life of its own, and the world building was an interesting aside. It does contrast with the severe, almost military acknowledgement of Jaina’s ceremony. While Jaina’s is all practicality and protocol, Breha’s is lush and intimate.
Blue is alone in many ways, but without Bree he’d be even more isolated. He handles it well; he knows this is his fate and he’s accepted it, but he still tries to assert his personality where he can (like with the garlands). The class and social difference between them remains but they are merging more now than ever. They are learning to live a new life together, creating their own path.
This story actually overshoots the epilogue of True Blue. You’ll see!

 

(A/N 1: Because I misnumbered my chapters, I wound up with an extra chapter. The best way to fix this is to post two chapters today.
A/N 2: Thank you very much to Chyntuck, who has graciously allowed me to borrow her character Simon Kerevic from her work! )

[46]

It’s been a few weeks since our wedding and I have never been so happy. I’ve been doing well with my classes, and Blue’s maintained his sobriety for nearly a half a year now. Everything would be perfect except that Blue has run into so many difficulties in pursuing his career.

Blue is still trying to complete his education and receive his medical license as a doctor. He needs to complete his undergraduate classes, of which he only has a few more credits to complete, but hasn’t been as easy for him to enroll in school as it was for me and he gets discouraged sometimes. He loves working at the hospital, no doubt about that, but it isn’t what he wants to do in the long term. Although his certification allows him to be a medic, because of his particular background the only job he could find was that of a sub-medic, and he only got that because of his recommendations from Captain Sia. His role is much more restrained here in the hospital than it was when he was a ship’s medic. He is bound by rigid chains of command and uncompromising limits to his authority. He was the only medic on the Alisander, so he made his own decisions on the ship. Blue is used to being able to diagnose, treat, and follow through on his own. Here, he can suggest a diagnosis but it means nothing without the approval of a certified doctor. He may only treat injuries and illnesses up to a certain level of complexity, then he must turn the case over to another staff member. He may not prescribe medications or treatments. And he never gets the chance to revisit the people he’s helped.

He dreams of becoming a general practitioner. (He still suffers from trembling hands, a persistent neurological side effect of his addiction, so becoming a surgeon is just not going to happen for him. He was disappointed but he understands.) The problem that holds Blue back from pursuing his education is the same problem that caused him to be hired well below his ability: Blue’s legal status.

It’s not fair, but that is how it is. He goes for enrollment interviews, and they look at his skills resume and they’re impressed. They may even recognize him for what he did on the Alisander to save so many people. (It was in the news.) But then they ask him why he didn’t finish his undergraduate work when he was so close to getting his degree, and he has to tell them it’s because he was arrested and sent to prison. They ask if this means that he is a convicted felon, and he must answer yes. For what offense? He tells them the truth: negligent homicide, dealing in illegal substances, vehicular theft, and illegal possession of controlled substances. He tells them his sentence was reduced because of the terms of the atonement, which he has met and fulfilled. They nod in approval, then they ask him about the charges – was he under the influence when he was arrested? Yes. Then they ask if he has taken any non-prescribed controlled drugs in the last year and he has to answer yes, and then tell them that it was severe enough for him to do a month of rehab. Then they frown and confer, and say, “Thank you for coming in, Mr. Solo. However, we do not feel that you are an appropriate fit for our program.” No one wants to be responsible for what might happen if they allow a recent-drug-using, paroled convicted felon to be on their campus or in their medical centre.

He comes back and tries to be upbeat, but I can tell he’s disappointed and frustrated. I feel guilty that I can take out my assignments and work on my classes while he can’t. I wish there was something more I could do for him. I know that something better will come for him. It’s only a matter of time before someone recognizes the amazing man that I know so well and gives him the chance that he deserves.

Sometimes, to cheer him up, we go for walks along the river in Theed, or we go to art shows or exhibits on our days off. There is so much to do here, so much culture. Luckily for me, Blue is willing to go out and explore with me.
We went last week to tour the Royal Palace, just for something to do. It was a fascinating place, especially for me. So much of my own personal history intersects with the planet’s history that when I go to places like these I feel like an exhibit sometimes myself. The palace was an amazing place, part working edifice, part museum. It echoed with history. This was almost a sacred space to me; it was where my grandmother’s body lay in state when she was brought back home by my grandfather, Bail Organa. She worked here, she walked these very floors.

When we came to the Grand Anteroom, a wide open, vaulted area where the portraits of the great rulers of Naboo were displayed, we saw a prominently displayed portrait of a young woman about my age, maybe a little younger. I stared at the portrait. We had the same dark eyes, same serious expression; we even held our posture the same way. In the portrait, Padmé had long, wavy dark hair that she wore in a complicated design whereas my own wavy dark hair was much shorter and simpler, but otherwise we were eerily similar in appearance. Blue and I grew quiet as we studied the painting.

“She looked just like you,” Blue whispered, taking my hand.

I linked my fingers through his and felt the reassuring pressure where our wedding bands touched. “There is one difference, my love,” I said. “Nobody knew that she and my grandfather were married.” It seems so futile a thing now, to try to deny our love when it seems to have been so clearly predestined. No good can ever come of denying such a fundamental relationship. When Padmé and Anakin hid their marriage, they attempted to disguise something that yearned for honest, open acknowledgement, and so the falsehoods and omissions compounded. Their disavowal of their bond was, in reality, a type of lie, and love should not be a party to lies.

I took my husband’s other hand in mine so that we stood facing each other, our hands joined. One pair of hands bore our wedding rings, the other our marriage tattoos. I stared at these symbols, then I drew him closer and held him tightly. We would not make the same mistake as my grandparents did. We will love in the open.



[47]

Last week Blue and I celebrated the Feast of Moon Lights. This holiday, one of the most festive of the religious year, celebrates the unity of the Barolian people under one faith and philosophy.

The moons hold a special significance for the people of Baroli. “Wait until you see them,” he told me, his eyes faraway and gleaming. “I remember when I was a little kid, we went off-planet. I don’t even remember where we went or why. But I remember my dad holding me up so I could see out of the viewport as our ship began to slow for re-entry, and we wove our way through the moons. They were magical, so big and so colorful.” I assured him that some day we will both see those moons together.

We went to the temple to celebrate. Blue and I wore strands of beads and bracelets that bore the colors of the moons – silver, yellow, green and red. Everyone at the temple was so nice to me. I was nervous; honestly my education in the faith is still ongoing and I wasn’t sure how well I would be received.

As soon as we got there, a lovely middle aged lady gave Blue a hug and then embraced me, wished me holiday blessings, and then gave me a little gift of a bracelet with discs suspended from them, each disc a different moon color. Her beautiful, elaborate tattoos scrolled around her neck and chest and down her shoulders, identifying her as a temple high cleric. We mingled with people and Blue really loved talking about the world he misses so much. We all sat down for a dinner, sharing the food together, followed by a short ceremony to honor the Elementals.

(I was so proud of Blue. During the dinner, the man next to him offered him a glass of wine. Blue politely declined, saying, “Thank you, but I’m an alcoholic and I can’t drink wine for medical reasons.” The man nodded in understanding, and in fact, he switched his own wine to a nonalcoholic version out of respect for Blue’s condition. There would have been a time when Blue would have taken the alcohol to avoid looking different and just not consumed it, even though holding the glass and seeing it in front of him can trigger a setback. He knows himself so much better now.)

Everyone was so sweet and tried hard to make me feel at home. Although I was welcomed and embraced, it was still an unusual experience for me. I was definitely in the minority as the only non-Barolian there, the only person without blue hair or facial tattoos, the only one who had no memories of the planet. It gave me a little taste of what Blue deals with every day, being a variant human so far from his home.

The holiday and the celebration was a lovely break from the very busy lives we’ve both been having. His work at the hospital is steady and he is still applying to different universities and colleges in Theed and the surrounding cities, hoping that he can get into a pre-medical program.

I have scheduled my classes so that at least twice a week Blue’s lunch break at his job at the hospital coincides with mine. There’s this little restaurant by the hospital where we meet. A lot of the staff from the hospital go there; I see many of the same faces at lunch and have become familiar enough with some of them to exchange a smile and a greeting. Sometimes when I get there before Blue, I talk with them. They’re really nice people. I know Rosella, the owner, and Morrie, my usual waitress, makes my tea just the way I like it. They have become like my second set of friends. I like it here. It’s comfortable, the people are kind, and I can relax. It’s not a big place, only about ten tables and one long booth, but the food is good and they don’t mind me taking up a table while I study and wait for Blue. (Admittedly, I do tip very well.)

One of my new friends is an older doctor from Coruscant. His name is Simon, and we clicked immediately as former Coruscant residents. When I told him about my work with refugees, he was moved by their plight. Apparently, he had been involved with an underground movement during the days of the empire. Those people who had been victims of the xenophobic policies of the empire came to him for help. He was such a brave man. Eventually the imperial police caught up with him and he went to jail as a political prisoner for a number of years, only released with the fall of the empire. His passion for helping the downtrodden reminded me so much of how Blue worked so hard with the refugees that I told him about my husband’s work and how caring he was.

When Blue comes in he gives me a huge smile as he walks over to our table. Even though he has access to the hospital supplies, he still carries his own medpack with him when he is working, a hard habit to break from his years on the Alisander. Blue greets me, leans over and kisses my cheek, then sits down. If we are sitting next to each other, since he’s left handed he sits to my left and, since I’m right-handed, I sit on his right; otherwise we would be bumping elbows the whole time. Sometimes he helps me with my class work before our lunches come out. (Have I ever mentioned that he is brilliant? Seriously. I have never met anyone so intelligent. That man can do math in his head that I would need an hour to figure out on my datapad.) We usually share a light lunch, then we leave together, and I take the transport to my afternoon classes while he walks back to the hospital.

So here’s the point I am slowly getting to. Blue and I were eating lunch together about a couple days ago, and Simon was a few tables away, quietly reading his datapad while sipping a caf. Suddenly, we heard a crash and a shriek. We all looked up to see Rosella holding her hand and wincing. Both Blue and Simon stood up and moved to help her, but I reached over and softly put my hand on Simon’s arm as he came by, stopping him from advancing. I wanted Simon to see for himself how competent and caring Blue was. “Let him do it,” I said quietly. “If he doesn’t care for her the way you think he should, then you can take over.”

Simon paused, then sat down again, watching Blue carefully. Blue’s medic’s training took over, and he expertly examined Rosella’s scalded hand then treated the wound with the supplies from his medpack. All the while, he spoke encouragingly to her and reassured her. I watched Simon’s reaction and I could tell he approved of how Blue treated her.


I know that Blue has struggled to get ahead in his work. No one seems to want to give him a chance. They only see what he was, an addict and a felon, and not the hard work he’s put in to stay clean and out of trouble —and he feels so frustrated. I wanted someone like Simon to understand that while legally Blue is just a parolee, he’s also a talented, caring healer. Who knows. One day Simon may be willing to attest to that fact.

 

#46:

What a sad and realistic slice of life here about Blue's predicament. The admissions personnel can see that he's forthright and trying to set his life back on track but they don't want the responsibility and liability etc. I love Bree's reflections toward the end about love never being burdened with lies.

#47:
The Feast of Moonlights - ah, how exquisite and exotic. I love how caringly compassionate the Barolians as a whole seem to be, welcoming Bree and being considerate of Blue's sensitivities.


I love how Bree and Blue share stuff of everyday, like the tours mentioned before and lunch. That diner sounds marvelous: cozy and consistently delicious.

Simon! Oh yes. He is definitely someone to have in Blue's corner.

 

Double chapter and Simon? I'm triply spoiled today!

Entry 46

The entire passage about Blue's difficulties at work and in pursuing his education was very sad. After all the work he did on the Alisander it's obviously very difficult to find himself relegated to a subordinate, 'filler' role, and the repeated rejections must be hard to swallow after all the effort he put in rehabilitating himself. On the other hand, dealing with such experiences is part of the Barolian idea of justice and atonement, and it's impressive to see him handle it with such commitment.

LOVED THIS. Bree has come such a long, long way since the beginning of this story. I went back to the original entries where she refused to marry Blue, and all I can say is that you managed her change of mind so artfully. It's really one of the strengths of this story

Entry 47

More Barolian world-building with the Festival of Moon Lights! Seriously, that Fanon post is going to reach the size of an encyclopaedia Beautiful description of the tradition with the trademark divapilot attention to detail, as always.

One thing that struck me in this scene is how it shows the compassion that is inherent to Barolian culture but also highlights the downside of their understanding of justice. It explains perception of crime but at the same time shows the limits of their approach -- one would expect that being surrounded by people who show such empathy would help a person with Blue's condition to recover. On the other hand, as I said earlier, having to deal with such situations is no doubt part of the process of atonement -- but they sure as hell don't make it easy!

And yay, Simon! Like Ny said, he's definitely someone to have in Blue's corner. I can't wait to see how this works out. As a side note, I loved how you implied that he's something of a loner with the scene when he sits alone and reads his datapad over lunch. That's exactly the sort of thing I imagine him to do at this point of his life.

 

Replies November 24

Thank you for replying! Blue has to deal with a lot of ancillary difficulties as a result of his legal status, and this is one. There is a stigma about being incarcerated and people are slow to give him a chance. But he has Bree on his side. And yes, Bree finally sees the truth about love. It can’t be healthy to keep it out of the light.

I would think that the beautiful moons would be very inspirational to the culture. Bree has a kind of odd experience; she is used to being part of the majority and for a change she is the minority. She gets a taste of what it feels like for Blue.

As for the diner, the hospital near to me has a great little restaurant right next to the property and lots of hospital staff and patients’ families go there, so that’s my inspiration.

Thanks so much for your comments! There are so many people who, because of the circumstances that life has thrown them, wind up working below their capabilities. One thing that this whole ordeal over the years has done is to teach Blue humility, and he has to accept that it will not be easy for him. He truly wants to be forgiven, and that is what drives him to endure the slings and arrows that come his way.

Thanks! Yes, she has come a long way from the young woman who refused to marry him out of fear and kept his very existence a mystery. Eventually she realized that there wasn’t much she could do anyway, and they work much better as a team. Being honest about their relationship only makes them stronger.

Aw, thanks! They deserve to have a good party. Who knew this whole thing would become so complex?

I wanted to put that in to show how far Blue’s come. This is actually the first time either Blue or Bree admits that he isn’t just a recovering addict, he is an alcoholic, too. (The boy’s got issues…) But the fact that Blue does admit it shows how far he has come. This is a scene to mirror the one where he and Bree got into a huge fight because he was holding an ale while watching a sports program. He is finally being honest and realistic about his limitations. Besides, Blue has to learn to navigate such social situations. He can’t expect others to automatically dovetail their events to cater to his condition. He has to advocate for himself, which he does. And Bree is so proud of him.

Yes, Simon is finally showing up. He and Blue have a lot in common – compassion for the oppressed and disadvantaged, the experience of imprisonment, and having to deal with mental health issues (Blue’s issues and Simon’s wife’s issues). I can see how Bree would gravitate to someone from Coruscant; after all, it’s still her homeworld. They would connect, I’d think. And yes, I too see Simon as a bit of a loner, the older gentleman who sits quietly and observes but doesn’t necessarily interact much. A part of him probably never recovered from his losses.
Thank you for your reply!