Before - Legends The Great Today (Dear Diary Challenge 2008) (UPDATED 1/13)

Title: The Great Today
Author: saichen aka Juli
Genre: AU(ish)
Timeframe JA / 33 BBY
Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars I wouldn't be here posting this, now would I? But I do own Saila.
A/N: Written for the Dear Diary 2008 Challenge.

The whole thing might be a bit confusing, at first. I have muchos of back story, but revealing everything at once would be tacky. ^____^ Basically, Saila is a Jedi Padawan who had a brush with the Dark Side. This thing picks up at that. I've tweaked the timelines, so 'nuh' on you.

PM list:
Myriad_Daydreams
silverfighter

*

0.1

This is how it ends, then.

Not with calm acceptance. Not nobly. Not how I was told to go. Not even with fear.

(There's no anger, there is peace. There's no anger, there is peace. There's no anger -)

With the sudden insight of this is not how it is supposed to be, with lightsabers coming to life, with this is not how it is supposed to be being washed away, replaced by fire that burns and burns and -

Then it's over.

Not how I imagined it. Letting go was always the hardest lesson, fear I could have expected. But not hatred, burning and burning and -

It's all gone now. The fire exhausted itself, burnt away the reasons and died. Only a valley of ash remains inside me, cold and grey and oppressive. What were Komari's last words, before the horror took over? I can't remember what -

The Force is at work here: the Mandalorians are gone, now, and soon so will I. Not dead like them, but there are things that are just as final. And worse. And inside, where the valley of ash is silent, all is dead. It is strangely fitting. Perhaps Silas was right. Perhaps it is our blood that defines us, that shapes us. At the crucial moment I was not a Jedi but -

Master has not said anything. She has no questions, only a silence that stretches between us undisturbed. Rather like a living creature, I think, like -

Perhaps she knows I have no answers. The metallic wall of the cabin is cool against my back. It's familiar, and so is the low hum of the engines. Their voices were audible above it earlier. ("Unforgivable," Master Dooku snarled. "Unforgivable. Inexplicable. Inconceivable." Sharp and precise as always. You can understand a Jedi by looking at how he fights.) They sounded angry, but -

(There's no anger, there is peace. There's no anger, there is -)

It started to snow again when we left. The signs of the battle must be covered now.

 

Interesting... very interesting.... This is very well written- your descriptions are very realistic and vivid! And I'm also liking this character already! I'm a bit confused, but I'm trusting you on where this is gonna go May I have PM's please?

 

WoW, lovely descriptions, and it's an intriguing character you're building up here. I'm glad I peeked in.

 

Myriad_Daydreams: Thanks for the praise! It will all be revealed - eventually. I have one year to do that, haven't I?

Lilith Demodae: Thanks. I'm glad you peeked in, too!

*

0.2

Some time later I realized a thing. I had been looking for a word. (I tend to misplace them. Numbers I can understand. Words ? not so much.) From the white noise of the ship, from the long hours of the infinite night that is space it came back: detached. It?s a better word than dead. Essentially the same, but better.

We?re back in Coruscant now. The ice-cold evergreen forests of Galidraan fade away in the face of polished skyscrapers. Not glistering in the sun ? it has been raining. The Temple is like it always is. Peaceful. Bairdon and the other initiate bounced past us in the corridor. Happy. And me ?

Detached.

The Council is in session. I still think I should be scared. Master seems to think so too - her eyes were dull when she told me we were landing. (It was the first thing anyone has said to me since - Galidraan.) Empty and grey, but not like how it is inside me now, with the valley and the ash.

I tried very much to be afraid, then. But ? the valley. There?s nothing else. And Master averted her eyes and left, and I couldn?t tell her.

Things aren?t like they?re supposed to. There?s too much fear, and all those things they say about fear and anger and hatred? They?re true. But I?m not scared, not even though I almost always am. Not even though I have every reason, every justifiable excuse.

(?For an exceptionally rational being you can be exceedingly irrational sometimes, Padawan,? Master told me once. It was about fear, then, too. But she smiled when she said it.)

And Master ? she is scared. And the Jedi are killing - murdering. Massacring. Committing genocide. Killing people because of politics. (Again with the words.) And me, I?m burned down by hatred, and my lightsaber?s glow colors the cabin?s metallic walls blue, and the sneer on Komari?s face is frozen when ?

(There?s no emotion, there is peace. There?s no emotion, there is peace. There?s no emotion -)

No. I?m not scared. In the end, I got five years more than I expected.

 

Oooh, this looks good! I'm really curious what this back story is... What did she do, I wonder?

(There's no anger, there is peace. There's no anger, there is -)

(There?s no emotion, there is peace. There?s no emotion, there is peace. There?s no emotion -)

I loved those parts...

PM me when you update!

~Silverfighter