Beyond - Legends The Jedi Saga: A Maylan Ador Story

Title: The Jedi Saga: A Maylan Ador Story
Author(s): Woodlebert1
Timeframe: After ROTJ (not connected with any EU whatsoever)
Characters: Darth Valor and Darth Yugal (Yugals name as a Jedi was Maylan Ador)
Genre:
Keywords:
Summary: The Sith apprentice turns on his master...
Notes: Just something i cooked up. the characters will be foreign but try to bear with me ok? the lack of descriptions is due to the fact it is taken from halfway through the story.

This is just a snippet of the story im writing. what do you think? its the scene where the Sith apprentice, in true Sith style, kills his master. any feedback, positive or negative (constructive ctriticism please, no flamers!) would be appreciated. (and by the way yes, i do realise the name Yugal sucks. if anyway has a better name post away.)

The two hooded figures meandered through the chamber as if they hadn?t a care in the world, their black robes hung loose off their backs and trailed on the ground behind them. The smaller one spoke, ?Now my young apprentice, our legions will finally see their Master, of whom they have been taking orders these past years.?
?What is it you will be doing??
?Only waving, greeting them. I will appear and they will cheer no doubt.? The old man chuckled to himself. If only they knew what he had done to get to this position. ?Then I will smile, and give one last wave and return back in here. You know how pointless these things are. Only my appearance is necessary, the real speech is being given now by Commander Viale.? The elder man stepped forward toward the archway to the balcony where the Commander was giving his speech.

?Master.? The Master turned to his apprentice. ?What is the point of this appearance? After all they all know you are the leader??
?Well, my young servant, they have never seen my face, they have no idea what I look like, this appearance was the thinking of my Chiefs, they thought an appearance would make our organization appear more real to the masses and would quash any ideas of a rebellion.?
?And where is my position in all of this??
?You, my young friend, are my faithful servant and apprentice.?
?And you are the Master.?
?And I am the Master.? The older man turned yet again and headed toward the archway, however this time it wasn?t words that stopped him. He felt a sudden surge in the Force and a huge tightening on his throat and lungs.

The apprentice?s outstretched fist was crushing his Master?s lungs and windpipe through the Force. Servant? Apprentice? I?m more powerful than you will ever be! He gripped and clenched as hard as he could wanting to cause as much damage as possible before his Master recovered from his surprise attack. He watched as Valor fell to his knees and his hands flailed at his chest, trying to breathe. Darth Yugal knew he would have to vary the attack if he were to remain on top, he swung his right arm as fast as he could, keeping his fist clenched, high and to his right.

The struggling body of Valor was jerked off the ground and thrown into the ceiling of the chamber, he hit the ceiling hard with his head, the next thing he knew was that he was plummeting down toward the floor. He lay there, writhing to break free of the fatal grip of his apprentice. Finally, mercifully it stopped, he couldn?t withstand much more of that.
Yugal relaxed his fist and wondered at his power as he looked at his handiwork, the so-called most powerful man in the Galaxy lay cowering in the corner of the room and all because of Yugal?s power! He decided to try a new attack and approach, he extended both hands so all his fingers pointed at the limp, lifeless body of his Master. He let all his angry feelings and hate swell up within him, he let go of all he new, or could remember of kindness, he fully immersed himself in the Dark Side and as he did so he began to realise only a fraction of his true potential power. The air between the two Sith was filled with vicious, murderous Force lightning, the electric charges flew from hand to body, and as they hit the Master?s body t