Saga The Jedi's New Clothes (RotJ AU / Luke vig)

Title: The Jedi's New Clothes
Author: Lazy K
Timeframe: RotJ
Characters: Luke
Genre: AU vignette
Keywords:
Summary: What if Jabba made Luke wear G-strings?
Notes: Because men are objectified, too.



[h2]The Jedi's New Clothes[/h2]

As a child growing up on Tatooine, Luke had been taught two very important lessons. One: stay clear of the Hutts; and two: keep as much of your body covered as possible.

Unfortunately, sometimes you didn't have a choice. Like, for example, when your best friend had been taken captive by a Hutt who wanted him dead or worse. And when attempts to negotiate with said Hutt had led to his own incarceration, and after he'd been strip-searched for weapons they'd neglected to return his clothes - and when the apparel they'd given him was not suited for desert wear.

So here he was now, flying over the sands of Tatooine to meet his doom, protected from the elements by nothing more than a handful of golden fabric covering his nether regions. He suspected the shackles were more helpful in that respect. If he actually got out of this alive, he was going to have one hell of a sunburn.

He felt his cheeks growing warm, not just because of the sun. And not just those on his face, either. Although it was hard to tell with some alien species, he was fairly certain one of the Weequays was taking more than an academic interest in his backside. Not to mention the enormous grin Lando had to fighting to keep off his face right now. Or maybe not. It would be entirely in character as one of Jabba's guards, after all . . .

He turned around to see how Han - who, he couldn't help but noticing, had been allowed to keep his own clothes - was doing. His eyes were unfocused, but aside from that he seemed to have no ill effects from being frozen in carbonite. "Are you all right, Han?"

"I think my eyes are getting better," Han quipped. "Instead of a big dark blur I see a big light blur."

Luke wondered - briefly - whether or not this was a jab at the black garb he'd worn the day before, as opposed to the paleness of his present state. "There's nothing to see," he replied. No, absolutely nothing to see at all. "I used to live here, you know."

"You're going to die here, you know. Convenient."

Not dressed like this I'm not, Luke swore silently. "Just stick close to Chewie and Lando," he said. "I've taken care of everything."

He missed Han's sarcastic reply as he tried to focus on his inner calm. It was difficult, to say the least. Say what you will of Jabba, you had to admit he had an excellent grasp of human psychology, or at least what made them suffer. By stripping away his clothes, the Hutt had taken a Jedi and turned him into a nobody. Luke knew that he was still the same inside, but everybody else now treated him like he didn't matter. And since humans were fundamentally social animals, he had to fight the impulse to believe what the others saw.

It's good that they underestimate me, he told himself. I will take them that much more by surprise. And I need all the help I can get.

He thought he saw Leia peering out at him through the window of the sail barge. She raised a wry eyebrow at him, as if to say, Welcome to the club.

 

Now, that was funny.

"I think my eyes are getting better," Han quipped. "Instead of a big dark blur I see a big light blur."

PRICELESS.

Spoiler

 

Oh. My. Goodness.

This is amazing. I never knew I needed this fic till I read it. I'm giggling insanely.

Bravo!

 

Oh. I laughed so hard at this line: "I think my eyes are getting better," Han quipped. "Instead of a big dark blur I see a big light blur."

Great alternate scene.

 

"She raised a wry eyebrow at him, as if to say, Welcome to the club."

Yup. Men are objectified too.

 

Oh, price-less! No one reading this will be able to watch RoTJ in the same way again. Thanks for sharing the zaniness.

 

I don't LOL at much stuff on here, but

Not dressed like this I'm not, Luke swore silently.

was just the ticket.

Well done.