Beyond The Journal of Talon Tantiss (DDC 2013 ) Updated 22 Dec 2013--Complete.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jedi_Lover, Jan 1, 2013.

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  1. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    My reviews and/or the SQUEES will give me away every time LOL
  2. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

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    Love Talon and his new revelations.
  3. Jedi_Lover Force Ghost

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    Thanks @Hazel, @EmeraldJediFire, @Nyota's Heart, and @earlybird-obi-wan for reading and taking the time to review.
    ~JL~
    ___________________________
    Entry 57

    After five weeks on Coruscant the Queen announced the situation on Indupar had stabilized enough for her and Ema to return. I am heartbroken about saying goodbye. Ben and I accompanied Queen Kaie and Ema to the docking bay where the Queen’s ship was berthed. Ema and I stood outside the ship holding each other in our arms. She was crying and I was choked up also.

    She buried her head against my chest while sobbing. “I’m going to miss you Talon.”

    “I’m going to miss you too. I know we are early in our relationship, but,” I paused for a moment knowing I was going way too fast, but I didn’t want her to leave without hearing the words from me. “I think I love you.” I took a shuddering breath. “No, I know I love you.”

    “I love you too, Talon.”

    My heart swelled with joy at the words. I grabbed hold of her shoulders and gazed at her earnestly, pleadingly. “Let me come back with you. I can finish my Jedi training or go to college anytime. I don’t want to leave you.”

    She reached up and cupped my face with her hands. “Talon, I can’t let you throw away everything you have worked toward since you were a boy. If I encourage you to do so your family would hate me…and I couldn’t live with myself.”

    I shook my head adamantly. “My parents will understand, especially my father. To him love and family are the most important things in the world.” My mind was racing as I tried to figure out a way to get aboard that ship. “I could work as security. Having a Force-user would be helpful.”

    “Yes, it would, but not now.” She stood on her toes and kissed me on the lips. “Please Talon, don’t make any major decisions at this point in your life. We can still arrange to see each other and talk on the HoloNet. After my sister has her baby and things settle down I can take a leave of absence and come to Coruscant. But I don’t want to leave her so soon after the death of her husband and while she’s pregnant with his son.” Tears fell from her eyes and I could feel her anguish. “I also don’t want you to throw away all your plans. Finish your training, please.”

    I dropped my head dejectedly. I knew I wasn’t going to change her mind. “You’ll keep in touch?”

    “Yes, I promise. I’ll contact you once I get to Indupar.” She gave me a sad smile and then kissed me goodbye.

    With a shuddering sigh I watched her walk up the boarding ramp of her sister’s royal star yacht and within minutes they were gone.

    A hollow, left-behind feeling crept through my body and despite living on the most populated planet in the galaxy, I felt totally and utterly alone.

    I looked up and saw Ben watching me from the other side of the dock. He started walking over probably to give me words of encouragement but I waved him off. I was crying and feeling miserable and in this case misery didn’t want any company. Ben nodded and walked away leaving me to my grief and memories.

    I reached up with a hand and touched my lips as I remember Ema’s kiss. I will always remember that kiss. It was so tender and sweet.

    Unfortunately… it was our last.


    Entry 58

    Ema kept her word. After she arrived to Indupar she did contact me…unfortunately it was to break up. She didn’t even bother sending me a holomessage. It was written text. I got a TEXT MESSAGE!

    It was a typical ‘Dear Soldier’ letter…you know, the type troopers get from their secondary-school girlfriends when they are halfway through Basic Training.

    Dear Talon,

    I know I should talk to you personally or by holonet, but I don’t have the courage. I am a coward when it comes to affairs of the heart.

    I had the most wonderful time on Coruscant and you are an exceptional man. Under different circumstances I think we could have had a future together, but I am living on a planet halfway across the galaxy and you are on Coruscant. You have your entire life in front of you. You talked about attending University and acquiring your Jedi Knighthood. I would only hold you back.

    I was telling you the truth when I said I loved you.

    Please forgive me, but I need to end this relationship before both of us are hurt beyond repair.

    May the Force be with you.

    Love,

    Ema

    I felt my heart breaking. I often heard the term, ‘he died of a broken heart’ and thought that was a stupid saying. How can somebody die from heartbreak? Now I know it’s true. I felt like something died within me—something died within me and then a horrible evil reached into my body and pulled the decaying carcass out through my heart. Kriff!

    After reading the message, I remember throwing the datapad across the room. Luckily my brother was in our quarters and used the Force to keep it from shattering against the wall. I must have caused a major disturbance in the Force because the next thing I know my father is at our door.

    I explained to him what had happened and he pulled me into a hug and tried to comfort me, but nothing he could say or do would take the sting out of the loss of love. My father means well, but he never had his heart broken. He often said my mother was his first, last and only. He never dated anybody else. He is one lucky man. Why can’t I meet the right woman?

    I tried contacting Ema, but contacting somebody living in a royal house is impossible if they don’t want to talk to you. After trying for two weeks, I gave up.

    My thoughts about her had become obsessive and the Grand Master had me go see the Jedi therapeutic trauma healer, or as I call her, ‘The Head Shrink’. Jedi Healer Rogek is supposedly an expert on human and near human psychology, but I found her clueless. Yes, I was depressed and heartbroken, but I don’t need therapy. It isn’t like I was depressed and heartbroken for no good reason. I had a reason. I loved and I lost. It is going to take me time to heal. That’s what I told the counselor before I stormed out of her office.

    I am pissed. I know that the Grand Master wants to make sure I don’t go all darkside over this break up, but I’m not crazy. I’m hurt, I’m sad and depressed and there is nothing wrong with that.

    What is worse is I have no idea why this happened? Why? What the kriff did I do? The only thing I can think of is the baby comment. I must have scared her off…but she said she understood. I wish she would at least talk to me so I can get some closure.

    Kriff! Kriff! Kriff! Kriff! This is so kriffed up!

    I know it was a short fling, but it was my most intense relationship. The break up was emotionally and physically painful. I never want to feel like this again. I am never going to fall in love again. Never!

    Nothing is worth this much pain!
    Last edited by Jedi_Lover, Jul 17, 2013
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  4. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    Wow!!!!! =D= Their parting conversation was so tender and earnest, then :shock: !!! I can see her point and that she felt/believed she was acting unselfishly in ending things before they got too far, except for Talon :( he felt like he was used, abused, and his heart was stomped on. His emotions are completely understandable; but it'll be quite the while, if ever, he can approach a relationship with a sense of joy and trustfulness. :(
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  5. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

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    Aug 21, 2006
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    Poor boy. He will have a hard time going through all of those emotions
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  6. Hazel Force Ghost

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    Poor heartbroken Talon! :( @};-
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  7. Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic Manager

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    Oh Talon. It'll be a while before he gets over this one.
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  8. EmeraldJediFire Jedi Grand Master

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    Feb 23, 2012
    star 4
    Poor baby. *wipes tears away* I just wanted to cry at the end.
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  9. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    EJF, and JL, now we kinda know why he swears off older women. :p :(
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  10. Demendora Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 9, 2010
    star 2
    Poor Talon. But first love, first sex, first closeness and first break-up are stuff which everyone pass through. That's how we grow up and learn.
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  11. Jedi_Lover Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2004
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    Thanks @Demendora, @Nyota's Heart, @EmeraldJediFire, @Briannakin, @Hazel, and @earlybird-obi-wan for reading and taking the time to write. I am sorry to had to do that to Talon, but if you read Sacrifices he is a bit of a womanizer after having his heart broken more than once. Plus we all know who he ends up with. I am hoping to get to the time period of STN:Sacrifices by the end of this diary. I am still considering doing another STN for my NaNo, but I am still struggling with a plot.

    ~JL~
    ___________________________________

    Entry 59

    I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. My parents are getting worried about me. My Dad recommended that I attend some military training to get my mind off things. He had put me in for Jump Trooper School, but I’m on a waiting list. The Jedi Academy usually gets only two slots for the school per year and there were five Jedi on the list ahead of me. My dad said he would get me in another way so I am not bumping any of the Jedi already on the list. He said there are sometimes slots held for ‘legacies’.

    I asked him what he meant by that and he told me a legacy is a child of a current or honorably discharged Jump Trooper. There are military families who consist of third or fourth generation of Jump Troopers and that can be done because of these slots held for legacy children. He said he would get some of his Jump Trooper buddies to see if a legacy slot was available and, if so, expedite my application. I needed something to get my mind off of Ema, so I told my dad to go ahead and make the arrangements.


    Entry 60

    I have been lousy at keeping my journal. I know it has been weeks since my last entry. I am still a little heartbroken. I hope dad is right that going to Jump School will help get her off my mind. But I doubt it. He got me a slot and I will be flying off to the planet Null soon. Meanwhile Ben and Jaden have been trying to cheer me up. We go out to the clubs but I mostly pout in a corner while nursing a drink all night. Nalli’ti, the cute Zeltron I met months ago, often comes by to see me and tries to perk me up…in more ways than one. I think she is using her pheromones and abilities to project soothing emotions to ease my pain. I have to admit when I am around her I sometimes feel almost normal…almost. I told her I just got my heart crushed, so I am not interested in a relationship.

    She said, “Neither am I. Let’s just have fun together.”

    Maybe that is what I need to do from now on…don’t get romantically involved. I can tell the women that upfront. I just want some fun together, but no romantic entanglements. Of course when I tell myself that I feel like a royal sleemo womanizer…but I can’t go through another heartbreak like I just did. I don’t think I would survive. It’s better to never love again than have so much kriff’n emotional misery.


    Entry 61

    I’m off to Jump School. Mom cried when I left. Dad was smiling broadly and looking proud. Jaden was smirking and told me he would watch over Nalli’ti while I was gone. I punched him.

    After I am done with the training I’m expected to work as a military/Jedi asset upon request for a period of five years. It is not continuous service. My dad said he usually spent five or six weeks per year working with the Troopers.

    I only hope dad is correct about Jump Trooper training taking my mind off my woes.


    Entry 62

    Stang! Dad is right. Having half dozen drill instructors in your face and screaming at you does take your mind off a myriad of things. My torture started almost immediately. I arrived at the school and was standing in formation as the Platoon Sergeant called out our last names. We would respond with ‘here’ when we heard our surname. My introduction to Jump Trooper School went something like this:

    “Tantiss!”

    “Here, Sergeant!” I popped off.

    The sergeant paused. “Tantiss, get over here, front and center.”

    I didn’t know why I was singled out, but I exit the formation and jogged up to the Sergeant. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the clone trooper military flash training that my father had when he went to jump school. Therefore, I was never taught that the proper way to exit a formation is to take a step back with the left foot, look to the left and right, and then exit by the shortest route. I instead left the formation by stepping forward and out.

    That got an immediate response from the Sergeant. “Tantiss! Don’t they teach you drill and ceremony where you come from?!” The Sergeant was about ten centimeters from me and I could feel wayward spittle splash my face.

    “No sir.”

    “Sir!” he screamed hysterically like a deranged mental patient. “I work for a living Tantiss! I am a non-commissioned officer. You will address me as Sergeant!”

    I was caught off guard by the confrontation. I wasn’t sure what to say now, so I simply said, “Sorry Sergeant.” Which I immediately found out was the wrong answer.

    “Sorry! You are a sorry piece of bantha dung! That is not one of your approved and proper responses. The only thing I want to hear from you is ‘Yes Sergeant, No Sergeant, No excuse Sergeant and Sergeant, I do not understand!’”

    “Yes Sergeant!”

    By now a couple other Drill instructors wandered over to where I was standing at attention.
    “What do we have here?” a short muscular sergeant said as he came up to my drill instructor.

    The irate man turned to the newcomer. “I have a Jedi Spook called Talon Tantiss that doesn’t know how to exit a formation or how to properly address his drill instructor!”

    “Tantiss!” The newly arrived sergeant eyeballed me walking around me and scowling. “Are you any relation to Mark Tantiss?”

    I almost let out a sigh of relief. I hoped they knew my dad and would give me a break. “Yes Sergeant, he’s my father.”

    “I can’t believe a pathetic piece of skidcrud like you could be related to him.” He came around and stared me in the eye. “I served with the man. He is a decorated Jump Trooper. We are going to do right by your father and send you back to him as a qualified Jump Trooper and by the looks of you it is going to be a long and painful process. Do you understand?”

    I swallowed hard. “Yes Sergeant.”

    He took a step back allowing my senior drill instructor to get back in my face. “Tantiss unless you find yourself in a life or death situation I expect you to not use the Force. If I catch you not sweating or breathing hard…I’ll know you’re cheating and I will kick your sorry ass out of this school. Do you understand?”

    “Yes Sergeant!” I reply loudly.

    “Get back in formation!”

    I turned and moved to join my platoon, but unfortunately I also didn’t know that the proper way to leave my position of front-and-center is to do an about-face pivoting motion instead of just turning around like a normal person. That caused another barrage of screaming.

    And that is pretty much how my first day went. Fun, fun, fun…and I mean that sarcastically.
    Last edited by Jedi_Lover, Jul 20, 2013
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  12. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    Very much ran the gamut of emotions and very realistically too =D= A Zeltron and jump-trooper training -- too very different but effective forms of distraction ;)
  13. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

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    Aug 21, 2006
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    He sure should be distracted with those military screaming sergeants
  14. EmeraldJediFire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2012
    star 4
    I've only heard about stuff like this from my cousin, needless to say, I wouldn't do well. Hope Talon can tough it out
  15. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
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    I might feel even sorrier for Talon now. :p
  16. Demendora Jedi Grand Master

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    Apr 9, 2010
    star 2
    Nothing can heal a broken heart better than strict discipline and severe physical, psychological stress. By the end of the day there's no thoughts left. You fall into bed and it's like somebody switched off the light.
  17. Kahara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2001
    star 3
    Way to cure your broken heart, Talon. Just add some other misery to take your mind off it. :p Like how his dad was so excited and figured he would love the Jump Trooper training. Well, maybe he will, but not yet. Should be interesting.
  18. Jedi_Lover Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2004
    star 5
    Thanks @Kahara, @Demendora, @Hazel, @Nyota's Heart, @earlybird-obi-wan, and @EmeraldJediFire for reading and taking the time to review. I am not going to go heavy into Talon's training since that is what I did with his father's journal. I usually base the training stories heavily on my own experiences, so I do enjoy writing the stories. My son talks about going to military school and Airborne school because that is what both of his parents did. I think there is a reason that most of my Army buddies had family members who were in the service. You hear the stories and you want in on the adventure. My father joined the Navy at 17 years of age during WWII. I joined the Army at 17 following in his footsteps. I wouldn't be surprised if in four years my son will do the same. Therefore I would think Talon would be attracted to the same things his father is into. I have Jaden as the opposite because for some reason siblings usually like to be different from each other...at least in my experiences with my brothers and sisters and my own sons.

    I am working on fast tracking this journal to 40 ABY. That means it will cover eight years. Hopefully I will be able to pull this off.

    Thanks everybody for reading.

    ~JL~

    ________________________________________________________________________


    Entry 63

    My life is pure misery. It appears that all the instructors know my father and none want to be accused of showing favoritism so they all decided to be extra hard on me, which meant a lot of push-ups. Luckily, I was a gym regular at the Temple and lifted a ton of weights with Ben and my brother. I am lucky that I worked out so often because the instructors appear determined to break me. I don’t think I will have much time to write in my journal. I rarely have free time. When everybody else is given a break in training I am in the latrine cleaning the toilets with a toothbrush. I sometimes wonder if Dad asked the instructors to keep me so busy that I couldn’t think about Ema even if I wanted to. If so, it’s working.

    Entry 64

    I feel like death warmed over. Today is the twentieth anniversary of my birth. Happy kriff’n Naming Day. My mother did send me a huge care package full of food and treats. For an hour after I opened the box I became the most popular Jedi-spook on the planet. I wish I had gone to Jump School incognito like my father. Enlisted soldiers are not very fond of Jedi. They like us just as much as the like officers—which isn’t much. We’re seen as ‘get-overs’…meaning the enlisted guys do all the work while the officers sit back and give orders and I supposedly relax and let the Force do all the work for me. I try to tell them I haven’t used the Force, but they don’t believe me. You would think my sweat soaked uniforms and blisters would be proof enough that I am telling the truth, but that’s not the case. The good news is I am getting close to graduation. I was told my parents were going to attend. It will be nice to see them again. I’m exhausted.

    Entry 65

    Finally I have time to write! I am on my Master’s ship, Jade Shadow. I graduated from Jump Trooper School…and with honors surprisingly. After being told I was lower than pond scum for four months it is hard to believe that I would be honored in that way.

    My father was EXTREMELY proud. At the graduation ceremony he gave me a big hug and then to my horror the drill instructors came up to me to shake my hand like we were buddies and they didn’t actually torture me for the last four months.

    “You did a great job,” said my senior instructor as he stuck out his hand for me to shake. I reluctantly shook his hand. Maybe a year from now I won’t have a desire to Force choke this sadistic jerk, but right now I really dislike the man. I was surprised when my father greeted my tormentor with a shake of the hand and slap on the back.

    “I hope you got him sweating,” my father said with a grin.

    “You better believe it,” my instructor replied.

    I glared at my father. I am now positive he asked these instructors to be extra tough on me. For the next half hour my father moved along the cadre shaking hands and reminiscing. It appears that my dad is friends with almost all the cadre at the school. Jump Troopers are a small elite group within the Galactic Alliance military so it is not unusual that most of the men know each other.

    My mother then embarrassed me greatly by hugging and kissing me and crying about how much she missed me. She was also horrified at how much weight I lost. She said she would make sure I had a good meal when I got home.

    My brother came up to me and said, “Better you than me.” Jaden is a pretty good Jedi fighter, but he prefers the healing arts. He often told me he has no desire to be cold, wet and miserable when he could work in a sterile clinic.

    My Aunt Mara and Uncle Luke were also there. Everybody was congratulating me. I felt pretty good about my accomplishment. I can really understand why my father likes working with the Jump Troopers. I have to admit that doing drops are awesome. I love the armored jump suit. I look forward to going out on missions with my Jump Trooper brothers.

    Maybe things are going to go better for me from now on.
    Last edited by Jedi_Lover, Jul 24, 2013
  19. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    Love the celbratory feel. :) Talon's mom is totally transcending all spaces and times: [face_laugh] You've lost weight; let me fatten you up ;) ... Glad to read Jaden has found his niche, also.

    *

    Talon sounds like he's found an extended family with his trooper mates. :D I can already tell there'll be a lot of pranking, etc.
  20. Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic Manager

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    It looked like his father's plan worked. I think Talon is over Ema. Great job.
  21. EmeraldJediFire Jedi Grand Master

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    Feb 23, 2012
    star 4
    Well, Talon, you know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Guess that's proven so.
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  22. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

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    Aug 21, 2006
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    Love his writing about his training, very realistic and with the right feeling.
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  23. Hazel Force Ghost

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    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    Oh poor Talon! But I'm sure down the road, he'll remember those four month fondly.
  24. Kahara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2001
    star 3
    Heh, lucky Talon. He got to be the one singled out for really-not-special treatment. But it looks like he has grown to enjoy parts of working with the Jump Troopers and he's done well in spite of everything. Now, what will he go on to next...
  25. Jedi_Lover Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2004
    star 5
    Thanks @Kahara, @Hazel, @earlybird-obi-wan, @Nyota's Heart, @Briannakin, and @EmeraldJediFire for reading and taking the time to review.
    This is so true. Some of my favorite stories that I tell my sons are the most physically miserable times of my life. There is a difference between emotional misery and physical misery. If you get devastated by a break up or death of a loved one, you almost never want to bring up that subject again. But you can go through the roughest, most physical demanding training and HATE it...but a few years down the line you are bragging about it. I am sure Talon is going to be happy with his training.

    The next post is a short one.

    __________________________

    Entry 66

    I arrive home to my apartment that I share with my brother and get the surprise of my life. My brother acquired a service droid to clean our living area while I was gone. I guess he realized that he’s a slob and I am the one that cleans up the apartment most of the time.

    Like my father, I don’t like droids. My dad never had a droid that could talk. He always unattached the vocalization mechanism for any droid he worked with unless it was absolutely imperative that speech was needed. Dad had once bought a cleaning droid for my mom and it wasn’t more than ten minutes before the droid’s chatter got my father’s nerves and he took his tool kit to the little machine. I still remember the droids plaintive cries. 'Master Tantiss, what are you doing? Why are you touching me there? Oh my!!!' Then silence. I almost felt bad for the droid. After that the little droid would go about cleaning my parents’ apartment in a sulking manner.

    Getting back to my story…I walk into the apartment and I am greeted by this silver droid. The torso is humanoid with proportions similar to See Threepio, but its manner of propulsion is one wheel with the droid staying upright by way of a gyro.

    “Good evening, I am 3-B-99 Service droid at your service. You must be Master Talon. I am very pleased to meet you.” The silvery droid said in the most irritating voice. It is worse than Threepio’s clip Coruscanti accent. This one has a strange high-pitched twang to its speech. It followed me around the apartment waiting for me to make a mess. It picked up my coat I tossed on the couch and hung it in the closet. When I walked into my room it followed. My brother’s pitten, Fuzzy, was on my bed and got all puffy-tailed when the droid came in. Fuzzy made a part growling, part hissing noise and then scampered out of the room.

    “Oh dreadful creature that pitten is,” the droid lamented. “It seems determined to increase my burden in life. Twice she has urinated on my recharging unit. She’ll be the death of me.”

    I went to my closet and pulled out my mechanic repair kit and threw it on my bed. I opened it up and took out a number of droid overhaul tools. “No,” I said to the droid. “I bet I’ll be the death of you.”

    I then opened up the droid’s back panel. He didn’t like that very much and protested profusely until I disconnected his vocalization mechanism. 3-B-99 doesn’t like me very much now, but that’s okay. I told him to stay out of my way and out of my room or I will disconnect something else. And stay away from Fuzzy!

    I missed the pitten while I was away at Jump School. I think she missed me too. She slept on my chest all night making a happy rumbling noise.

    It’s good to be home.
    Last edited by Jedi_Lover, Jul 28, 2013
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