The Legend of Kevin J. Anderson

To make any sense of Anderson's life and so called "contributions" to the Star Wars: Expanded Universe, we have to go back 20 years.

The year is 1984, the location: a Star Trek convention in Nevada. Only one person knows of the horror about to be inflicted on an unsuspecting universe. An insane Star Trek fan with dreams of destroying the Star Wars universe has nearly completed his plans. He waits for 2 months outside the expected convention area to make sure he's the first person on line. The first to see the man that will set his final plan into motion, William Shatner.

The Trek fan and his group of friends had recently gained access to Area 54 and stolen time travel technology to fuel their plans. Everything was set in their scheme, now all they needed was the Captain.

The Trek fan made his way to Shatner, his palms sweaty from the constant stress in his mind about what would happen. His part in this scheme was almost finished.

All he had to do was brief his Captain and hope he had the resolve to finish what was already set in motion.

"My Captain.." he said in a reverent tone. Shatner blushed and smiled, his concern fading. "I must speak with you privately sir." Shatner's concern came flooding back as he gave a quick glance to the security on either side, making sure they were watching. "I'm afraid I can't do that son." As soon as he ended his sentence he motioned to security. The Trek fan's face suddenly turned white.

In the grasp of 3 of the security personnel, he decided he must get Shatner's attention quickly.
"It's about destroying Lucas and his vision!" he exclaimed desperately. Shatner stood up as soon as the words made their way into his ears and were processed into a logical meaning. "Stop! Leave that man with me!" The security personnel stopped and let the now smiling fan go. A minute later, Shatner and the fan were outside next to a strange go-cart with a cardboard artists rendition of the enterprise surrounding the frame. Over a course of 5 minutes, the Captain was briefed.

"You must go to the future and retrieve some items necessary to the plan. The items include: 1 cloning cylinder and growth acceleration technology. You must
doom the literary future of Star Wars. You must create our savior, Kevin J. Anderson. Go now my Captain." With a wide devious smile the fan gave the Captain one last piece of advice. "And may the force be with you." They both laughed and soon Shatner had buckled himself into the go-cart. He turned the key and it started immediately. He set off down the parking lot and once reaching 30 mph the strange device on the steering wheel activated. With a flash of light he was gone.

Shatner found what he needed, strapped it to the back of his "Enterprise" and was off. His new destination was March 27th, 1962. The day Kevin J. Anderson was to be born. Disguising himself as a doctor he replaces the Anderson baby with another and leaves with his prize. With the growth acceleration technology he has quickly grown to the age of 15 in 6 months. They travel to 1977 and make their home in Oregon. Now that the time machine was no longer needed, Shatner properly disposed of it.

After seeing A New Hope, Anderson is hooked. Shatner begins to teach Anderson how to write very badly. With each horrible literary creation Shatner knows his goal is soon to be completed. At the age of 25 his training is finished. Anderson has mastered Shatner's teachings such as "Talent, skill, a writer needs not these things." Armed with a long developed weapon of mass literary destruction he bides his time. In 1994 Anderson makes his move. He releases the Jedi Academy trilogy and Star Wars fans cry out in anger. One fan in particular, decides to
assassinate the writer. A TFN user by the name of Trell beats Anderson to death with a taped together Zahn trilogy. Shatner knew it might happen and had Anderson cloned just in case. Soon Keevin J. Anderson was fully developed and had resumed the original Anderson's life.

Thus bringing us to present day. March 3rd 2004. The fight against A

 

You forgot the Tarkinscale actrocities prepuated against the Duniverse, and the soon to be realized horror that will be Dune 7.

Fortunately, Shatner had not seen the likes of Stackpole, Zahn, Stover, Denning et al come and overnegate the effects of Anderson. And the inevitable detoriation of the STverse, much like the downward spiral of the Tory party and the USSR.

 

...

Wow.

Give me a few beers and I'll write the sequel

 

Easy Joruus you know how you explode with too many beers. Ahem Last Command ahem

 

I don't think that was beer