The Life of a Fire Fighter

Journal #536

Date: Tuesday, April 04th, 2006


I didn't go to the Fire House today. I called in. I went to go lift weights with Jarrod and then we went to Church. And Church was God's Will tonight. I'll keep this as short as I can. But long story short, I'm finding my Faith again in God. I'm needing to find who I really am. I lost who I really am to peer pressure, both from friends and work and at the Fire House. But, I'm finding myself again and Jarrod has been a blessing beyond words to describe. God has the answers that I was looking for all the time right in my face. Jarrod just had to come along and show me God's Word, show me God's Will.

And I'll be honest tonight. After Church, Jarrod and I talked about sex. It's the big issue I'm facing right now. To or not to have sex with a woman. And to give a little background on Jarrod, he use to be the partier, the one who use to have sex with women when he wanted. He was living the life. Then life came around and slapped him across the face, or God did and probably very well indeed did, and woke him up. He's turned his life around and now I feel that he was put in front of me to answer my questions to God's Will.

In High School, I use to respect women a lot. Respect and honor women. I lost that to peer pressure both from friends and at the Fire House from my fellow Fire Fighters. But, I found tonight that I still have that desire in me to be the best honest and truthful person I can be.

And I'm going to do it how God and how I want it and we both want it the same way.

Jarrod and I talked and it came down to peer pressure and what's right and what's wrong. It came down that, at the end of the day, can you go to bed knowing that what you did was the right thing. And I've been stressing, worrying, and overall just concerned about my life as of late. But tonight, I made a decision. I'm going to be me again. I'm going to be Jason. I'm going to be the person that I'm supposed to be. And I feel so much better saying that, I can sleep tonight, I actually can stop stressing over alot of the things that were stressing me out.

I'm fighting a battle right now. Good against Evil. Right now, inside of me. We all are. And it's a battle that is raged everyday. We win and we lose. I'm deciding to win this battle. It's a neverending battle, one that will always be ragged inside ourselves. The question is, are you strong enough, do you have enough will power to stand up and do what you beleive deep down inside your heart is the right thing to do?

I say yes for myself. Jarrod told me that I'm starting the biggest struggle I will ever fight in my life.

The battle with myself. To rage war against myself.

And it's a battle that will go either way, but one that will keep going on.

I've made my decision. I'm going with my heart. I'm going with what I know is right.

I'm waiting to have sex until I'm married.

I'm not saying that this will be a easy battle to win. Like Jarrod said, this will be the hardest battle of my life. The most diffucult battle ever fought. I'm fighting for the very thing that is me, I'm fighting for me. I'm not saying that I won't fail. I might fail, but, if I do fail, I do so knowing that my aim, my goal, is to not have sex until I'm married. And with that goal in mind, if I am ever tempted to or I am about to fail, I hope and pray to God that He will help me through those times. And when I remember what I am doing, when I remember what is true and what I know what to be true in my heart, I will win the battle.

Tomorrow night I'm going out with Brook. And I'll need to find a way to tell her this. To let her know this who I am. That I am here to renew my Faith in God and in myself and to say that I respect women more then just a toy, more then just a fun night out. I am here to respect women for what they are, to give them the respect women deserve. And if she wants to stay with me or leave me, then that is how it is meant to be.

On a interesting note. Jarrod and me were talking tonight on the phone afterwards as he went to

 

Journal #537

Date: Tuesday, April 04th, 2006


I woke up feeling great today! I felt like I was flying today when I woke up, so free of the wprry and guilt that had been surrounding and consuming me for the past few months.

But, the war has started. And I'm telling you, evil is pretty pissed off at me. Alrighty temptation, lust, and some of those thoughts along those lines entered my mind. Even going on AOL today, the start page, there were three or four ads about dating and sex. And not to mention some thoughts have entered my mind alrighty from evil. I'm telling you, when evil gets pissed, it gets pissed.

But that's why I have God and good. I'm telling you, it was a struggle this morning waking up. The inside battle with myself between Good and Evil was a tough one today, but with God and Good on my side, I'll win this war and win this battle.

I finished my application for the full-time job. I'll be turning it in today. On other news, I edited my MySpace profile last night. I added in my true thoughts, my true feelings. I made my MySpace profile how I wanted it, editing a few other things too.

 

Journal #538

Date: Thursday, April 06th, 2006


Jarrod and I have been to the gym Monday through Wednesday. Jarrod couldn't make it today, but I went, and boy am I sore after four straight days at the gym. Jarrod and I are going to keep a routine at the gym now. I ran a mile and just under a half yesterday on the treadmil. While today, I ran a mile before lifting some light weights and ran a mile after lifting weights on the treadmil. Man, do I feel good! It's funny when you can't even lift your arm above your shoulder in the shower to wash yourself. It's funny when you have to take the other hand to lift the arm up.

On other news, Brook and I talked today. We went out Tuesday night and... No, before anyone gets any ideas, it wasn't that. It was just a...fun night. We're going out again Friday night, Jarrod will be coming too because he wants to meet Brook.

A course, we all know where my Mother is on the issue with Brook. Lets just say that I'm going to God, the Bible, and to my friend Jarrod for answers when my Mother bewilders me. Ever since I got back into contact with God, I'm so happy. I love God.

 

What about the football thing you had planned or something like that?

I so confused, **** I get confused too easy.

-Donovan

 

Journal #539

Date: Saturday, April 08th, 2006


Yesterday, Donovan and I just walked around. Went to the bank and then dropped by our old High School and then walked around some. Donovan was talking about cheese almost the entire way home. Well, for ten minutes, Donovan is talking about cheese while I'm talking to him. Then he says that he's hungry. Well a course you'll be hungry, your talking about food. Then, a few minutes later, he says that he's craving to eat some cheese. Well Donovan, if you talk about cheese for like fifteen minutes or so, a course you'll want some cheese!

For other news, we all know how my luck with women and for years I've been lonely. Well, I'm no longer lonely. I now have a girlfriend.

 

HMM... cheese

now i want cheese

-Donovan

 

Journal #540

Date: Wednesday, April 12th, 2006


Good news. I got a new job. Part-time, but the added money per hour and more hours will help greatly. I'll keep working for Blockbuster to keep some extra money coming in.

I've been asking God for help and God is helping. I love you God, I really do.

Jarrod and I have been to the gym three straight days now including today. I got my mile time down to eight minutes and fifty-six seconds. Does anyone remember those days back in my old journal during my Senior Year in High School? Well, we're going to be starting those tracking of my running times and weights again. This is going to be fun.

 

Journal #541

Date: Thursday, April 13th, 2006


Worked at my new job today. Didn't have to go in today, but decided to go in so I can earn some extra money and show my new job that I want to work for them. Great people to work with! Meet some really cool people today! Everyone is nice and everything!

Now I have to balance out my Blockbuster schudle. I'm going to talk with Brook tonight about what days she would like to have me off so we can go hang out and such, see what my new job wants come Monday, at least what they want in more detail, and then I'll see what the gym and the Fire House needs. Now, if my new job gives me full-time hours, I'll keep Blockbuster for three months or so and then I'll have to give it up for time reasons.

And onto other news today, it's Brook's birthday. I couldn't get her much in the way of gifts, I just don't have any money, but I hope that my replacement for a gift will do nice.

 

where are you working now?

-Donovan

 

Good to see you're thinking positively and getting yourself where you want to be. Hope we can talk again soon, unless our belief differences are getting in the way *shrugs* You're a good mate, glad to hear you're doing well.

 

*hugs*

I hope that life is still treating you well

EDIT: I'm gonna be in your state starting the 17th of May and thru the end of the month. Let me know if you might be able to hang out.

 

Journal #542

Date: Wednesday, May 17th, 2006


Okay, wow. In the past two months, I've lived life. Done things, been places, seen things that made me look at and truely enjoy life. I love my new job and despite some rough spots at first, I like going to work and my co-workers are really nice and stuff. I've had a girlfriend, moved out of my house, broke up with my girlfriend last night and moved back to my parents house today. Brook was a great gal, I'm not here to say anything bad about her. Things just didn't work out between Brook and I. As someone told me today, everything happens for a reason. I'm sad, yeah, I'm depressed, a little, but life goes on and there's someone out there for me, it'll just take some looking. With God with me, as long as I walk with God, nothing is out of my reach.

Over the past two to three months, I've got in great shape. I have my mile time down to eight minutes and twenty-eight seconds as of Monday and I'm feeling great. It's a nice feeling to know that you can eat anything you want and eat as much as you want and when you go to the gym, you keep your shape and get into even better shape. Goig to the gym and being in shape again, really good shape, makes me a better person and makes me happy.

Now, to put a Star Wars term for my life the past few months or so. I have been getting closer to God with each passing day since I found Jarrod and I am feeling great for that and I love God and His plans for me for that. But, as Jarrod told me, when I get closer to God, the devil tempts me as well. And tempt me the devil did. But God, the Holy Father, the pure heart of the pure hearted, has been by me. Even still, the devil attacked closer, getting at my weak points. And God was there. To put it short, I traveled the path of the Force in a sense, going down both the Dark Side and Light Side of the Force and I did fall. I fell to the Dark Side. But, I learned today, that God was there afterwards to pick me up and He spoke to me. So, I got back onto the Light Side. I fell to the Dark Side of the Force and came back to the Light Side. I have tasted the Dark Side, with all of it's lust and desires, it's promises of hope and false imagines of what there is. And then I also saw what happens, the Dark Side leaves you once it has conquered and one. But the Light Side remained afterwards. And when I had fallen, when I had not listened to God's teachings and to the Word of God, God was there afterwards today, offering His holy hand to me and welcoming me back into His grace and love. As the devil fled after it had won the battle, God remained afterwards, ever watchful and patient, offering His hand and love to me. And if Faith in God is the tester of all, which it is, then although the devil has won this battle, God has won the war.

Back to Star Wars, I am the Anakin Skywalker, falling to the Dark Side for love, or what is previced and viewed as love, and by lust, and I have fallen. I had power, I have desire, I had what I was tempted to have. And then, as Anakin turned into Dark Vader and then saw what he had really done, I am also the Anakin Skywalker in Return of the Jedi, returning from being Dark Vader, returning from the Dark Side and coming back to the Light Side of the Force. I have tested the waters of Faith and Belief, much like Ankain Skywalker did with the Force, and now, like Anakin Skywalker, I have come to the realization that the Light Side of the Force, God, is the path to go and is the only path to go where you will be truely happy.

My Faith and Belief in God have only been strengthen today as everything was taken away from me, He was standing there with a welcoming hand, speaking to me, not leaving me. In God, our Holy Father, do I trust and love.

 

Journal #543

Date: Sunday, May 21st, 2006


I'm riding the whole depression wave of breaking up in a relationship right now, remembering the good times, regretting the bad times, etc. Her and I went on a date on Friday night, the night went all good except for one clumspy (sp?) move I made. But, she's been all busy this weekend and stuff. I think it's over, our relationship, but I'm trying my hardest to win her back. Now I'm just debating on wheather I'm settling for her now just for the fact that I don't want to lose her. Like I said, we broke up, and I don't really know if we're together or not anymore. I hope we're still together, I want to give it another shot at the relationship, we'll just see.

However cruel and mean this might sound, I'm glad that I'm not the only one going through relationship problems right now. Two of my friends, one of them just broke up with his girlfriend and the other one is in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend. It just goes to tell you that your not alone when relationships break up.

Let's see, to other news. I'm going to go apply for another job, a fourth job, to bring in some extra money so I can move out of my parent's house. I ran a mile on Friday in eight minutes and four or five seconds, can't remember, and I had to hold onto the handle bars twice for really brief moments to keep up since I was running so fast, but next time I plan on just trucking it all out and not cheating on it. It wasn't really cheating, it was more like when you force a rep when lifting weights and your partner forces the weight up with you, that's what this was, forcing my legs to go for that extra bit besides them wanting to quit. Either way, a good mile time. Great being in shape, I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, as long as I go to the gym and strive to get in better shape and stay in shape.

Onto more news, my new job might be offering me full-time, but I'm not sure. It's one of those things where they asked me if I wanted to go full-time. The only catch is, it's all the way up in Commerace City (sp?), so it's a bit of a drive from where I work at now in Denver, considering I'm driving from my parent's house. I want to go full-time since it would bring in the much needed extra money I need to move out of my parent's house and get my own vehicle and start to get my life setteled down and on track.

And finally, onto some more news. Went out Friday night with Kelen and Nick, had a great time. Ate a bacon cheese burger with fries, Oreno Sunday (sp?), three capocennios (sp?), and two waters. I was so full once I got back to my parent's house that I wanted to throw up, but I ended up falling right asleep, which was nice. Went out and played poker with Kelen on Saturday night, have a place to stay in case stuff goes bad at my parent's house, since Kelen and I are looking for a place of our own to move into. We just nedd to save up money first. I want Donovan to move in with us once we move out, I just need to talk it over with Kelen first about it. And finally, onto RPG's. I missed being online, but I didn't miss being online. I need to do some major catch-up with the Jedi Outcasts, although I'm thinking about throwing out my other two characters and making a new character all together to start a fresh for say, to help characterize a fresh start in my life. And I'm looking into starting a new Fan Fic, with said new Jedi Outcasts character in it, and I want to join a Jedi Knight type game as well.

 

Journal #544

Date: Monday, May 22nd, 2006


Still riding the depression wave about my relationship with Brook. It's pretty much over, done with. So, I guess, I'm single again. I could act like Austin Powers and dance around and say like that I'm free!

 

Journal #545

Date: Monday, May 22nd, 2006

Ah. Well, it's over. Done with. My relationship with Brook has come to an end as of tonight. I'll miss the good times, look on the bad times as a time to learn from mistakes, and look forward to the future to finding someone else who is more in tune with a person like me. My experiences with Brook have taught me a lot. But it has also opened up my eyes. I did the same thing with Brook as I did with Riley, I ignored my friends. And for that, I can never be sorry enough for. And I was changing myself for Brook. Doing things she liked, to make her happy, but losing sight of who I was, of who I wanted to be.

I'll miss her, as I had feelings for her, but the feelings will pass with time and understanding. I'm confident now that I'll find someone else, since I prayed to God for guidence and help with Brook, I know that God will guide me to the woman who is meant for me one day soon as I have prayed for his guideence and help in finding the woman who is meant for me. He showed me to Brook as a learning experience, as a time to reflect on life and learn from good and bad times, and for that, I thank God. God will be with me and guide my foot steps to the woman who is meant for me.

 

Journal #546

Date: Thursday, May 25th, 2006

Last night at the Fire House we did Search and Rescue with Primary Searches and boy was it fun! I did the Primary Search like three or four times. Primary Searches are my strong point, since I'm more of a Truck guy then a Engine guy, I lkie breaking stuff more then I do putting water on stuff. I was at the Fire House on Sunday as well as Monday also, and I'll be back at the Fire House this Saturday for RIT (Rapid Intervention Team---we go after our downed Brothers) training. Primary Searches and RIT is what I want to do in my Fire Service Career, along with High Angle Rescue, basiclly all Truck and Heavy Rescue stuff.

This Sunday, I'm going up to Ft. Collins (sp?) to see my Best-Friend Brennan and I'll stay up there until mid-afternoon on Monday.

 

Journal #547

Date: Monday, May 29th, 2006


Wow. What a weekend! Saturday, we did RIT (Rapid Intervention Crew) training all day long. Got back to Station 2 around 18:00 Hours, didn't go to work because they were slow that night and I would have been late and only had worked a few hours, like two hours or so. So, Chris and I go into Castle Rock to go grab some dinner. We're eating dinner and we drop tones for a MVA. So we drop our food and head-up to Station One. We're put on Stand-By status since they already had a crew up at the patient and they launched a helicopter as well to get the patient out it looks like.

Well, we're on Stand-By at Station One and we drop tones for a Wildland Fire. Mind you, we drop this Wildland Fire call at 21:06 Hours. So, we head-down to Sttaion Three, grab Brush Three (formly known as Scat Three, still called that sometimes) and we head-out. Our Fire Department only had Chris and I to spare at the moment, so Larksburg Fire (sp?) came in. Then West Douglas Fire (sp?) and then Castle Rock Fire, then more off-duty Jackson 105 Fire Fire Fighters started to get deployed onto this Wildland Fire. We had a army of trucks, lights and serins going, screaming up and down the highway at night trying to find this Wildland Fire. You had four Fire Departments and tons of vehicles and personell. Just when the search for this fire was going to be called off, one of our Fire Fighters reporting to Station Two for deployment orders stopped by us and told us he had spotted the glow. Then we had a civilian come and report to us the same thing. So, that's when things got going. Command was set up and Task Forces were assigned. Chris and I were assigned to the first Task Force (Two Brush Trucks, one Engine) and we went searching for this fire. We had seen the glow earlier from when our Fire Fighter spotted it.

Everything is handy and then we find out we can't reach the fire in our vehicles. Command doesn't want to deploy us to march onto this fire. It's dark out and the terrian is unknown, even though, if we marched in on it, we could of reached it forty plus minutes earlier. So, we get re-assigned to search up and try to get behind the fire. Command deployes another Task Force to handle the North end of the search, our Task Force took the South end of ther search, trying to find a way to get to the fire and flank it. Our Task Force is reniforced with another Brush Truck and a Chief's vehicle for command of the Task Force (one Chief's vehicle, three Brush Trucks, and a Engine). At this point, we go searching. Earlier on, as we were trying to find our first access to the fire, we had dust rolling up everywhere from our Task Force deployment. Oh baby, was it cool! Seeing the lights of a fully equipped Task Force bouncing off of the dust and playing around in the dust filled air! It was just so cool! So awsome! So, just good look'n!

So, we're searching up and down the back way. I'll call our Task Forces, my Task Force Force, Task Force South, the other one Task Force North to make it simple. Task Force North was assembled after one of the Tenders doing a search up the North side of the fire was stopped by a civilian on a four wheeler who knew where the fire was at. Command deployed Task Force North to follow the civilian. At this time, Task Force South was split. With-out any luck finding access to the fire, Command ordered Task Force South to split vehicles and going searching up further in different directions. The Chief Vehicle went one way, the three Brushes all split and we went different ways, and the Engine took a search pattern. On our search to find access, Task Force North went right by Chris and I's Brush Truck. That's when I looked at Chris and said this is getting interested and everyone is lost. Task Force North was unable to find access either and was re-deployed to go search another side of the fire. Meanwhile, Command ordered Task Force South to re-group and await further orders.

Just as we re-assembled to await orders, Task Force North, from the best of my u

 

Journal #548

Date: Wednesday, June 07th, 2006


I was on shift at the Fire House Monday night, we had training that night, when we dropped a Wildland Fire call. The Battalion Chief ordered Richard and I to go to Station One to go get Brush One. We were almost there when the call was canceled when the watch-out tower dispatch figured out the fire was in the district over from us. A National Forest Wildland Crew was then ordered to march in on it and Richard and I returned to Station Two for training.

Training was fun, I took our new Probie Kevin under my wing for the night as the Battalion Chief put me in command of Medic Two. So, if we have dropped a medical, Kevin and I were on the Medic as well as anyone else who would go, which would be two more Fire Fighters or so. Then, Kevin and I were medical support during training, making sure no one got hurt or anything. But, the Battalion Chief soon ordered me to assist Engine Two's crew and I found myself backing up my Senior Fire Fighter John on the nozzle, which was pretty cool. Made a stupid mistake while on the hose, but besides that, John said I did a really good job.

Just found out today that I'll be doing a shift with Chris and Jason at the Fire House from Saturday night over into Sunday morning, which will be really cool.

 

oh god what was the mistake you did on the hose?

-Donovan

 

Journal #549

Date: Monday, June 12th, 2006


The weekend was busy. Got a few hour sof sleep Friday night, woke up early Saturday morning and started picking up dog poop and cutting the grass around 7:30 AM in the morning, waking up the nebiors and all probably. Then I went to the Fire House after that. Our overnight shift got canceled and moved to Sunday morning, so after our shortened shift was over, my shift and I went out to a community event thingy with rides and candy and a concert and everything else. Then after that, we ended up back at one of my Fire Fighter's condo. Got no sleep until like after 4:30 in the morning, getting like an hour or a hour and a half of sleep at best, maybe two hours. Then I was back on shift at 07:00 Hours Sunday morning.

Sunday I was put in the position of Line EMT (Wildland EMT-Basic position) as we packed up, got equipped, and marched up Devil's Head on patrol where civilians and such like to hike. It was also some training for us. Arphaoe (sp?) Search and Rescue was training that day and we beat them up the mountain, all except for one of their members which was a veteran member judging by all her badges and stuff on the uniform and stuff.

I had the heavist pack of the shift, carrying the Medic Pack since I was the EMT-Basic of the shift. The pack rode nice on your back, nice and low, and despite the overall weight, was a very nice pack to carry. It was my first time up Devil's Head and we got it done in around 45 minutes, pretty good for a first time and being fully packed and geared up. Climbing up to the Forest Service Watch Tower, by the flights of stairs, drained the energy both out of Jason and I, who were on shift that day, since we didn't stop (like they usually do when we hike Devil's Head) from the mountain to the flight of stairs, just kept on going and climbed right up, the last three flights of stairs we were just barely making it up, our legs completely jello by then. The last flight of stairs, I just booked it up with the last of my energy and the rest up top after the stairs was nice.

 

Journal #550

Date: Wednesday, June 14th, 2006


God works in mysterious ways, He really does. Although all you need is faith and you'll be able to see better at what He is doing. Even then, it's amazing what God the Lord is doing. I would have never seen myself doing this, not in all my years. Yeah, when I was a kid, I thought about becoming a Priest when I was around Father Ben and it's always been there.

Okay, so don't get all worried. I'm not becoming a Priest or Pastor or anything. I'm a Youth Group Assistant right now, as of tonight, and over the enxt three weeks my Church is going to see where I'm at and what direction the Church and I want to go in. So, in short I guess, I'm in training to become a Yoyth Group Leader, something I want to do.

Becoming a Youth Group Assistant and hopefully later down the road a Youth Group Leader is about as close I can get to becoming a Priest without being a Priest or Pastor.

 

Journal #551

Date: Sunday, June 18th, 2006


Okay. So, I meet this woman on MySpace. And, well, meet her for the first time last night. It was just on the fly, we both got off work at the same time and I just happen mention if she wanted to grab something to eat. Ended up going out with her and her best-friend. She is hot.

And I'm taking her out to a movie tonight.

And yes, don't worry. I learned my lessons with Brook, my ex-girlfriend. I'm not going to change myself---or my morals---for a woman. The devil is going to try his best to make me slip up, but I'm going to have God with me the entire way, walking with me and protecting me because...

I have faith.

I was at the Fire House today, Chris and I were. We cleane dup the Fire House today, I reviewed some of my Denver Metro EMT-Basic Protocols, and I searched for some Wildland Fire jobs. I also started reading Betrayal, finishing The Swarm War yesterday. We didn't drop any calls while on shift today.

I got the heart for Wildland Fire Fighting. I'm now also looking towards full-time positions in the Wildland Fire Service as well. I just love Wildland Fire Fighting!

 

Good luck with this new girl, hope to talk to you again some time, seeing as I don't see you much these days

 

Thanks Jessie. I'll keep in touch, no worries.

Journal #552

Date: Tuesday, June 20th, 2006


I've been on stand-by for Wildland Deployment to Teller County since 11:05 AM today. No Deployment Orders have bene issued, just on Stand-By. I'm here at my house, my Deployment Bag next to me, watching the clock click by, every minute, every second, waiting for orders. Check the pager now and then, check the cell-phone, called Chief for an update. Waiting is the hardest part. I can be ordered to Deploy anytime from now to anytime in the morning, even 2 AM in the morning; I have one hour to report to the Fire Station upon Deployment Orders being issued. Deployment becomes less likely after 18:00 Hours, regardless, it's still there. I can be deployed tomorrow morning as well. I'm able and ready to Deploy the rest of the week, I let Chief know that today.

My Mom called me at home today after I got home from work and was getting ready, said that Dad has been ordered to evac from the property down south because of a Wildland Fire.

 

wish you dad the best of luck.

So this best friend of your gf? PM

-Donovan