Saga The Lightsaber up his Sleeve (**Final Post** & Author's Note)

P: : $$$$$$$$$$$$$
*EMPEROR PALPATINE! *
P: Mom?
*No, I'm the Ghost of..(cough cough, hack) Christmas Past.*
P: Oh brother. Dead and he still coughs.
GG: What's that?
P: Nothing.
GG: You said something.
P: No I didn't.
GG: Yes you did.
P: na-uh!
GG: Fine! Come Palpy, we have to go look at your sorry little life up til' now. And The Nurse Droid wants me home by 11:00. So, move out!
P: I don't think so.
GG: Watapatatatapa!!!!! (picks up the Emperor)
P: Stop it!
GG: You're going to feel sorry for yourself and others if it's the last thing I do.....tonight. Now shut up and hop in the wheel bike.
P: pish, fine!

awesome update palpy the update was really funny.cant wait for the next update,pm me

 

Very funny update palpy looking foward to more.

 

Hey everyone!!!!
I'm back, big as life and...*hopefully* just as funny.
The Lightsaber up his Sleeve has been nominated for the current Fan Fic Awards. I am so thankful to all of you for making it a sucess.
I have new material. So look for future posts.

GG: Look Palpatine.
P: Where?
GG: Through this mystical thingy that shows you your pathetic *hack* past. See?
P: It's wonderful! All the money and funds!
GG: And your High School sweetheart.....Oola the Dancer.
P: Yes. I miss her.
GG: Let us look at the break up.
P: No, I don't want to.
GG: (Growls) Shut up and look!
-----------
Oola the Dancer: I'm breaking up with you Palpatine.
P: Fine...go! ............. NOOO wait! Come Back! I didn't mean it sugar plum! Wait!!!!!
------------------
GG: Sad, sad isn't it? Don't you feel....sorry?
P: NO, she deserves to be alone.
GG: But she isn't alone.
--------------------
Oola the Dancer: Life is good.
Boba: Put captain Solo in the Cargo hold.
Oola: OK.
--------------------------------
P: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! But I still don't feel sorry. I feel angry! Angah!
GG: But look, another lost love (cough).
--------------------
Yaddle: Palpy
P: Yaddle ?
Yaddle: You're too tall for me.
P: What?
Yaddle: I'm leaving you. It must end.
P: Never!
Yaddle: I'm going back to the Jedi. Yoda says it is wrong to love Sith Lords.
P: Blast him! But you will not leave!
Yaddle: Goodbye, leave you, I must.
P: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
--------------------
P: No, I can't stand it any longer! Leave me alone Past Ghost GG!
--------------------
P: ....Must have been a dream. Oh, that's much better. Now I can continue to enjoy my cash and stolen Senate Funds.
Voice: Palpatine!!!!!! Wake up! Wake up and know me better!
P: .............Sounds like James Earl Jones.
Darth Vader: No, just his voice.
P: Who are you?
Darth Vader: Why, I am the Ghost of Christmas Present.
P: oooh gifts!
Darth Vader: No, time.
P: Whatever.
Darth Vader: Come, Palpy, let us look at what is happening now.
P: Nah, boring.
Darth Vader: The ulternative is death by Force Choke.
P: Well....OK.
Darth Vader: Look into my breathing control thingy and you will see images of the here and now.
P:
------------------------
Padme: Set the table Leia.
Leia: OK....Where is Dad?
Padme: He had to take Little Luke to the Medical Droids again.
Leia: Oh my, I hope he's alright.
-----------------
P: This is pathetic.
Darth Vader: Shh!
P:
--------------------
Anakin: Hello everyone.
Padme: Hi honey.
Luke: Hi mom.
----------------
P: What is wrong with that one?
Darth Vader: Oh, much.
---------------------------
Anakin: Let's eat our pathetic lack of dinner.
Kids: Yay!
----------------
P: Why can't they find anything to eat?
Darth Vader: You have all the cash and are cheap.
P: I know. So what?
Darth Vader: Thanks to you, that boy, will grow sicker and sicker. He might even think he's a Jedi.
P: Oh, No, that can't be.
Darth Vader: Oh it is. And unless you give back the money that would have helped him, Little Luke will become a Jedi thanks to his sick mind.
P: That's not going to happen...it can't!

P: Spirit! James Earl Jones' Voice? Hello?
Voice: Palpatine.
P: Yes. Wait, you're me!!!!!
Emperor Palpatine Clone: No, I'm your 500th Clone, just across from the 495 you didn't use in the future. I am the spirit of Christmas Future. Your future.
P: Well, I should like

 

Congrats on your well-deserved nominations!

Anakin: Let's eat our pathetic lack of dinner.
Kids: Yay!

Oh, poor poor Palpatine, going over his lost loves Oola and Yaddle And then the piece de resistance.... Dark Empire Series

Great job! Looking forward to more

 

Anakin: Let's eat our pathetic lack of dinner.
Kids: Yay!

Gods, someone beat me to the quote, oh well, it was funny!

Great way to wrap up the Christmas Carol...and yes, I can't wait for more hilarity with all the LUHS cast!

That and I wish you success in the fanfic awards!

 

Yippie-yaaay!!! LUHS lives on! Finally we got to see how the Christmas Carol in the GFFA ends! WH00T!!!

Heh! I had the feeling ol' Palps wouldn't feel like changing anytime soon!
That is until EU comes along...

Looking into X-mas Present through Darth Vader's respirator! Priceless!!! LOL!
Oola and Yaddle: Score! / Palpatine: Zero!
500th Palpy Clone...Yikes! Noice! Hehehehe!
GG...sweet as always!

Oh and you brought Boba along! Sweet!!! LOL!

Ah! Wonderful job Palpy! You really deserve your nomination! Congratulations and lots of luck!!!
Can't wait to see more of this HILARIOUS GFFA!!!

 

Darth Vader: Thanks to you, that boy, will grow sicker and sicker. He might even think he's a Jedi.

P: Oh, No, that can't be.

Darth Vader: Oh it is. And unless you give back the money that would have helped him, Little Luke will become a Jedi thanks to his sick mind.

P: That's not going to happen...it can't!

That is too funny!

P: GASP! It's Christmas!!!!!

Guard: No, actually it's about 2 months past.

P: Oh sithspawn! Well, maybe next year I'll think about turning over a new


Well, at least he is safe for another year!

So glad to see you back, Palpy!

Thanks for the PM!

Star

 

Great update...I like it. Keep up the grat work...

 

Yaddle: Palpy
P: Yaddle ?
Yaddle: You're too tall for me.
P: What?
Yaddle: I'm leaving you. It must end.




I suppose there is a bit of a height difference, lol.

Great work! I is wonderful to see you back!

Ani-maniac

 

P: No one cares that I blew up?
Emperor Palpatine Clone: Wait, there's more!
P: How could there be more? I'm dead.
Emperor Palpatine Clone: Observe!! You live again!!!!
P:
Emperor Palpatine Clone: You have finally found the secret to imortallity.
P: Yay!
Emperor Palpatine Clone: But wait, no glorious deaths for you. Only this........ *Dark Empire Series*
P: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOO!!!! I'll change. I'll give back my funds! Just don't let me be some 17 year old EU thingy!!
Emperor Palpatine Clone: HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
P:

LOOOOOVED it! Great update! Glad to see this up and running again! G'luck on the awards!

 

This update finds the Emperor once more looking for the Order to destroy the Jedi. Naturally, things don't go well.
Enjoy.

------------------
P: Drat the luck, Dooku must have taken my guide to Ice Fishing again. And to think I had a nice weekend on Hoth planned. Oh well, I suppose I'll amuse myself by destroying a rebel base or something. If only there was some way to destroy the blasted Jedi fools. Hmmmm...... (Picks up phone)
Sexy Tele-Voice: Welcome to Sidious Inc Tele-com.
P: Ooo, it was smart to hire this chick.
Sexy Tele-Voice: Are you ready to make a call?
P: Indeed.
Sexy Tele-Voice: Then make it you sicko.
P: Fine. (Dials Phone)
DV: Yes, Master.
P: Lord Vader. I have come up with yet another plot to destroy the Jedi.
DV: *sigh*
P: I've decided to build yet another super weapon. The Galaxy Gun!!
DV: The what?
P: Galaxy Gun.
DV: It shoots Galaxies?
P: No that's what it's called.
DV: Sounds lame.
P: Does not.
DV: Does too.
P: Take it back.
DV: No.
P: Fine, I'm gonna take away the keys to your TIE.
DV: Whatever.
P: Impossible man. (slams down phone)
Grand Moff Tarkin: Majesty, I've found the key to sucess.
P: I've had the locks changed fool. You won't be able to enter that club anymore.
--------------------What went on at Club "Sucess" Last Week--------
Grand Moff Tarkin: Palpatine Sucks
Everyone Else: Yeah, here here.
-----------------------
Grand Moff Tarkin: No, I mean I found the key to Victory.
P: Face it Moffy your club days are through! That club was destroyed last week by my AT ST 77 Division.
--------------Club "Victory" Last Week-----------
Grand Moff Tarkin: Wow, Palpatine looks funny in red.
AT ST Division: Fire.
----------------------------
Grand Moff Tarkin: No, I'm talking about the Plan to destroy the Rebels.
P: Fine, at last we stop talking about clubs and move on to Theme Parks. Turbolazered last week.
Grand Moff Tarkin: That was a Theme Park?
P: Sly Moore's Pet project.
Grand Moff Tarkin: Anyway, here's the code for the Clone Order. I found it in my Turkey Sub today at lunch.
P: Yes, gimme! At last! Order.....Eh.... Fool! This is covered in Dijon Mustard!
Grand Moff Tarkin: My lunch was drippy.
P: Drippy?! My subs are no-mess masterpieces! Take that back!
Grand Moff Tarkin: No.
P: Then Die!!!!!!
Grand Moff Tarkin: No, wait, Aaaaaahh!!!!!
P: Die, die!!!!!
Grand Moff Tarkin: Stop!
P: My subs are not drippy!
Grand Moff Tarkin: No, they're awesome.
P: Then how did it drip!!! You've messed with my cooking. DIE!!!
Grand Moff Tarkin: Mon Mothma gave it to me!!!!!!!
P: What? NO! That wench has fed you Rebel sandwhiches. It must be part of a plot to gather secret information. Well, it won't work. She must have placed a bug in that drippy mess of a sub you ate for lunch. Which means, you have the bug inside you. We must extract it.
Grand Moff Tarkin:
P: I should have known it was Mon Mothma and her low price Good-for-the-Galaxy trash. Drippy Dijon! Hah!
Grand Moff Tarkin: It wasn't that bad.
P: Traitor......GASP!!!! It all makes sense! You've been smuggling Rebel Food into the Kitchen all month. That explains the clubs and the bad mouthing of me. Double Agent!!!! You've poisoned my cooking with Rebel Dijon for the last time.
Grand Moff Tarkin: I'm sick of your no-mess compact lunches. Either you change the food or we walk.
P: Walk?
Grand Moff Tarkin: Yes, I even have the people from Media sales on my side.
P: NO, not the media. GG DVD's have been flying off the shelves. I'll be ruined!
Grand Moff Tarkin: Change the lunches, Palps.
P: fine!
Grand Moff Tarkin: Nice doing business with you ole' buddy.
P: Smug fool! Enjoy Dijon!
Grand Moff Tarkin: I Will.
P: My pet Monkey Lizard, Dijon, that is!
Grand Moff Ta

 

P: I've decided to build yet another super weapon. The Galaxy Gun!!
DV: The what?
P: Galaxy Gun.
DV: It shoots Galaxies?
P: No that's what it's called.
DV: Sounds lame.
P: Does not.
DV: Does too.
P: Take it back.
DV: No.
P: Fine, I'm gonna take away the keys to your TIE.
DV: Whatever.

Ah yessss, the master of comedy...Palpy 560, we've been waiting for you!

Dijon mustard and subs, those rebel insurgents!

Hmmm, I thought Tarkin was dead?

 

Gasp! A plot hole! Woopsy! Sorry everyone.

 

LOL! That was great! Poor Palpy! Mon Mothma scores again!

Ice fishing... niiiiice! Only did it once. A lil too cold for my taste, but it was fun nonetheless!

 

its about time the great palpy 560 decided to update his story! now how about more updates?

 

Hilarious! Thanks for the update, Palpy is just great!

 

P: Drat the luck, Dooku must have taken my guide to Ice Fishing again. And to think I had a nice weekend on Hoth planned. Oh well, I suppose I'll amuse myself by destroying a rebel base or something. If only there was some way to destroy the blasted Jedi fools. Hmmmm......



Nothing like a little fun when you're bored!

Star

 

P: I've decided to build yet another super weapon. The Galaxy Gun!!
DV: The what?
P: Galaxy Gun.
DV: It shoots Galaxies?
P: No that's what it's called.
DV: Sounds lame.
P: Does not.
DV: Does too.
P: Take it back.
DV: No.
P: Fine, I'm gonna take away the keys to your TIE.
DV: Whatever.
P: Impossible man. (slams down phone)
Grand Moff Tarkin: Majesty, I've found the key to sucess.
P: I've had the locks changed fool. You won't be able to enter that club anymore.
--------------------What went on at Club "Sucess" Last Week--------
Grand Moff Tarkin: Palpatine Sucks
Everyone Else: Yeah, here here.
-----------------------
Grand Moff Tarkin: No, I mean I found the key to Victory.
P: Face it Moffy your club days are through! That club was destroyed last week by my AT ST 77 Division.
--------------Club "Victory" Last Week-----------
Grand Moff Tarkin: Wow, Palpatine looks funny in red.
AT ST Division: Fire.
----------------------------


glad i found this again! this is hallarious as ever

 

I played catchup in this in the nomination thread, and I must say, the cooking competition had me laughing so hard I was crying. It continues to impress. Good job, Palpy.

 

LOL this is great man. Congrats on the Nomination for this thread. I wonder who nominated you.

 

Great work.

edit:Palpy, can you please update?

 

more darn it! MORE!

 

I have heard you my fellows!

More will come. I wasn't aware people still liked it.

But again, I am so touched that even after so long, people still want even more. This thread still lives on.


I will update this very soon.
Keep an eye out. I will answer your requests. I promise.

I did not win the Best Humor award. But I am still so touched that it was nominated. I thank you.

So the Best Humor Nominee will return with a new update.

 

Ahem...

It's later...isnt' it.

Just kidding.

But could use some laughter.....

 

I will update this very soon.
Keep an eye out. I will answer your requests. I promise.

YAY!! I thought you were going to let this die ...can't wait!