Saga The Lightsaber up his Sleeve (**Final Post** & Author's Note)

Written in response to the news of Darth Plagueis being a Muun.
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P: Life is good. I?ve just destroyed a rebel base and the cafeteria had my favorite soup on special today.

CD: So you haven?t heard?

P: What?

CD: This is a hologram transmission to you from Mon Mothma. Came Speedy Delivery.

P: Ah, probably a formal letter of surrender or something like that. (Presses switch)

Mon Mothma: Hey, Palpy! You missed me again.

P: It can?t be!

Mon Mothma: By the way, I?ve sent you a gift. Consider it your consolation prize.

P: Ooo!! A present! Perhaps I?ve misjudged Mon Mothma. The old girl. Heh!

CD: The package is right here.

P: Give it here old man! Only the Emperor gets to open presents. You know, I think I?ll let those Rebel fools have a few planets, you know. I mean they?re not that bad. Heck, if they give the Emperor a present whenever he loses, I think I?ll continue to lose?..NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

CD: What is it?

P: It?s a letter from my master.

CD: Darth Plagueis? I thought he was dead.

P: Oh, he lives on. He has discovered the Force-Ghost secret thingy. He was going to teach it to me but I wanted the recipe for his fantastic Darth Plagueis Surprise. I mean, if I had to choose between immortality and REALLY fantastic evil cuisine, I?ll go for the Dark Side Sith baking. Like Duh!

CD: Brilliant.

P: Totally.

CD: So what?s the problem then?

P: Plagueis is the most annoying being in the history of the Galaxy.

CD: Oh he can?t be that bad.

----------------------Flashback to Palpatine Sith Training-----------

Young Palpy: What are we gonna do today Master Plagueis?

Plagueis: I was thinking you could wash my speeder and then take my rancor, Fluffy, out for a walk.

Young Palpy: But you promised to show me how to Force-push today!

Plagueis: No, I am far too busy. The Soap Opera?s are on. The young dancer girl is about to leave her abusive husband for the hansom Kaleesh Warlord. I can?t miss it! Now wash my speeder!
-----------------------------------
P: Oooh, I hated that show! Blast anyone who watches the soap ?Warlords and Wonderful Intergalactic Romance of the Unknown Regions? *Shudders*

CD: Oh, who watches that show anymore.

P: Anyway, the letter says he?s coming to visit. The blasted rebels gave him my address. Dooku, leave!

CD: Why?

P: You must not be here when Plagueis arrives.

CD: Oh I?m sure it will be smashing good fun meeting your human Sith Master.

P: Right?human.

Plagueis: PALPY!!! [face_alien_1]

CD: A Muun?!!!!!!! He?s a Muun!!!!

P: Shhh!!!

CD: Oh I?ve got to make a few calls.
--------------------------------
GG: A Muun? *Spit take*
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DV: Hey kids, you?ll never guess what Daddy just heard from his work buddies!
--------------------------------
Trash Monster:
----------------------
Clone Troopers/Stormtroopers:
--------------------
P:

Plagueis: Palpy, go wash my speeder. Oh, and I found this Order. Something about clones and brainwashing.

P: GIVE IT TO ME!!!

Plagueis: Not until after you watch my soaps with me like old times.

P: Never! I'm having that show taken off the air!

CD: But you can't! I mean...who cares?

Plagueis: Fi

 

Hilarious update, Palpy! I'm so glad you finally updated this, I missed all the fun too!

Oh, Palps will never live this down now that everyone knows he has a Muun Sith Lord as his mentor...and he likes soaps too!

I turly hope you continue to update this, this is the most funniest thing I have ever read in fanfic!

 

you're back! yay!

 

Great update.

So happy to see this back.

Oooh, how I've missed your insanity.

Thanks for the pm.

 

Woah that was alot of reading, but well worth it! This fic is hilarious much, in a way only you, Palpy, can write.

I don't know why I didn't read this sooner, oh well, I have now. I like the latest chapter, I hope that's how Plaguis is introduced in the upcoming novel by James Luceno.

I loved how Vader said: Hey kids, you?ll never guess what Daddy just heard from his work buddies! Don't know why I can just imagine it so clearly.

 

DV: Hey kids guess what daddy heard from his work buddies today."

Man i missed this fic.

 

when is the next bleeping update?

 

This is amazing Palpy and really really funny

Great Work

GENERAL-OF-KALEE

 

Dear Readers:

This is the final post for ?The Lightsaber up his Sleeve.? I am sorry to disappoint any of you, but all good and hilarious things must come to an end. I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for your very kind comments, reviews and responses. They kept me going and gave the courage I needed to continue this wonderful comedic extravaganza.

Thanks to you, this Fan-Fic became extremely popular and was even nominated for Best Humor Fic last year. That?s more than I could have hoped for. I was new to Fan-fic when I started this. I?m amazed at how well liked it has become over the months.

It has been an absolute pleasure to share this with you. From the lost Order 66 to the Dark Side of Baked Goods and to the Death 5-Star Hotel, it has been an absolute joy to write this and an even greater pleasure to know that you all found it so funny. I love to make people laugh.

You have been the best audience. I love you guys. And so, as I sign off on this Fan-fic with one final update, I hope that you laugh once more at the very comedic Palpatine. If this story has a moral, I think it would be: Don?t keep a Lightsaber up your sleeve. And I think the Emperor would agree with me now. Maybe not.

Thank You for your support!!!
Regards:

Palpy560


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Darth Plagueis? visit has all but driven the Emperor insane. In an effort to make himself feel better, Palpy plans on throwing a Thanksgiving Dinner for all of his enemies. Little do they know that the Emperor has poisoned their drinks and stuffed the Turkey with Thermal Detonators. This will be the greatest battle of wits ever fought in the GFFA. The outcome if this feast could determine the fate of the Rebellion.
-----------------------------
P: Heh heh hah ha ha!!

CD: What now?

P: I?ve devised the ultimate scheme to destroy the Rebels and seduce young Luke Skywalker to the Dark Side.

CD: Oh not again. I?m far too old for this.

P: Oh you?re too old for Thanksgiving?

CD: Thanksgiving?

P: Yes. I will throw the greatest feast in Galactic History. The Thanksgiving Dinner of Death! I?ve already sent out the invitations. Everyone?s coming.

CD: Thanksgiving Dinner was last month.

P: Not anymore. I?m the Emperor.

CD:

P: And when they ask me what I?m thankful for, I?ll say?..?I?m thankful the kitchen staff poisoned your food.? Then I?ll laugh like this ?Heh heh heh ha ha ha!? You know, all triumphant and evil-like.

CD: Right.

P: And then, after they?re dead?..

CD: Yes?

P:.I thought we could try that new Karaoke Bar, the one that just opened. But come, to the Dining Room. The guests will be arriving. Oh and don?t eat the stuffing.

CD: Why not? I love stuffing. What?s in it?

P: Oh you know, the usual stuff: bread, celery, some carrots, poultry seasoning, Thermal Detonators?.

CD: Hmm?I don?t think they?re edible.

P: Of course not you fool!

CD: What a waste of stuffing. Why not make the Cranberry Sauce explosive?

P: Explosive Cranberry Sauce? That?s so ridiculous! Who would ever make that explosive?

CD: (whispers) Can?t be more stupid than explosive stuffing.

P: What?

CD: I said um?Can?t compare to explosive stuffing.

P: Yes, so delightfully wicked!

Royal Guard: Sir, the guests are here.

P: Excellent.
------------------------
(At the table [Imperial Side])

DV: How does Palpatine expect me to eat like this?

GG: Well I open up like one of those PEZ things and shove the food in.

DV: Lucky. I need all kinds of tubes.

GG: Looks like the Trash Monster isn?t coming.

Trash Monster: Hmm where am I sitting?.Oh here we are. Hello General.

GG: No!

Trash Monster: Oh we?re next to each other. Fancy that.

Luke: Why do I have to sit here? I want to sit with the Jedi. Leia gets to sit there.

DV: You?re gonna sit here with us villains and like it! Leia sits there because she?s?.a member of the Imperial Senate.

 

I've loved every post of this- I've nearly died laughing so many times. You're right up there with BlindMan!!!

Luke: I want to use my Lightsaber.

DV: You turn that thing on and you?re grounded.

Luke: Mom?s Force Ghost says you can?t ground me anymore.

DV: I can just Force choke you then.

Luke: Bring it on! (They fight).

Leia: Awesome!

Mon Mothma: Such violence!

P: Where did I put my Lightsaber? Whoopsy! (Saber falls out of the sleeve)

Mon Mothma: It seems that The Emperor has made a critical error. The time for our attack has come. (She throws a bowl of Mashed Potatoes.)

*Chokes on cornnuts*

Oh so funny! Please PM me if you ever do any more humor pieces!

AF

 

Great, great ending, Palpy! Laughed my butt off, I did! Best Thanksgiving ever!(I so agree with Leia. )

And it seems at the end even the Trash Monster and Grievous finally got along and how he eats like a PEZ dispenser...and the arrival of the Ewoks, perfect!

Well, it's been a great and hilarious ride...if you ever decide to do a LUHS 2, I'm there!

 

ved this man can't say enough about this whole thing. Just that absolutely loved it.

 

I must admit I haven't read all the chapters of LUHS but it's pretty easy to follow each chapter individualy. Have you ever considered doing podcast radio plays, Palpy? The way your stories are written I think they would be excellent, with the right voice actors...I can do a pretty good GG! And I can do a little bit of Luke but Mark Hamill might do it for you. He doesn't do much these days. Lol.

 

Oh my gosh.

Wonderful ending to a wonderful fic...

It will be missed, but will have a lovely place in our hearts...

Great job.

 

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[Rebel Side]

Mon Mothma: Well I never much liked The Emperor. And it?s in such poor taste to have Thanksgiving in December. Leia, I understand Darth Vader?s your father. How?s that working out for you?

Leia: It sucks. I keep having to tell him I?m ?I member of the Imperial Senate.? He has no idea I?m part of the Rebel Alliance and a Traitor. That?s slightly amusing I guess.
----------------
[Imperial Side]

DV: I know Leia?s part of the Rebel Alliance and a Traitor.

GG: Sounds bad. You should split her in two.

DV: I?m not going to split my daughter in two.

Trash Monster: So uncivilized, Grievous.

Nurse Droid: Stop picking on him.

Trash Monster: That?s not picking. This is. (Pokes Grievous in the organ sac thingy)

GG: OOf!
----------------
Luke: I?m also thankful that Ben decided to give me lessons.

P: Ben?

DV: Obi-wan. Lame nickname.

P: Indeed. What sort of lessons. Guitar, violin, piano? I used to play the harp.

Luke: Actually I?ve started my Jedi training.

P:

Luke: What?

DV:

CD: Oh dear.

GG: What, what?s going on?

DV: Luke said the ?J? word.

GG: Jawa?

Trash Monster: Jedi.
----------------
P: OK enough of being thankful, everyone start eating. Make sure Mon Mothma gets a taste of the stuffing.

Mon Mothma: I don?t like stuffing.

P: You?ll eat it! I?m the Emperor and I say so!

CD: Oh yes, that?s going to work.

Mon Mothma: Uh, hello, REBEL Alliance.

Leia: Yeah, the Empire sucks.

DV: Leia?!

Leia: No, I?m tired of this. We both know I?m a Rebel.

P: Without a cause. There is no need to fight.

Trash Monster: Well I?m hungry and we haven?t even carved the turkey yet.

DV: Wait, you?re just a member of the Imperial Senate.

Leia: Please.

DV: What about the Diplomatic Missions?

Leia: Are you serious? Where was the ambassador? Like Duh!

CD: Hmm, that was a red flag.
----------------
DV: Stay out of this! You were just a pawn in Palpy?s sick game.

CD: So are you.

DV: I beg to differ.

CD: Really, what about all the junk he fed you about Sith baked goods and?

DV: I wanted to pursue a culinary career.

CD: Oh the lies!

P: Eat the stuffing!

----------------

Mon Mothma: I?m leaving, this is insane.

P: Seize her!

Mon Mothma: I brought Ewoks.

P: What in the world is an ?Ewok??

GG: Sounds made up.

Ewoks: Ahoowaaa!

CD: Aww, look at the Teddy Bears!

GG: I want one!

-----------------------------Palpatine?s Afterlife-------------
P: My name is Palpatine. And I?m a dead Sith Lord.

Dead Sith Lords: Hi Palpatine.

P: So I have a question. Where?d I put that Clone Order?

Death Sith Lords: Did you check your sleeve? So, why did you keep your saber there?

P: It was cool.

Dead Sith Lords:

P: It was!
------------------

The End

And that is why I will miss your little posts so very much. You were a brightener to my day with this thread, it is a pity its ended and yet it does so on a resounding note. Thank you for the memories. Best of wishes. Best of luck. And goodbye, it was a pleasure knowing you.

 

A fantastic piece of work!!!

I enjoyed every minute of it.

GENERAL-OF-KALEE