This may be my last post from the Carnival Triumph. I have successfully barricaded myself in my room by wedging my lesbian lover's fat yet masculine ass against the door. We made the mistake earlier this morning of trying to venture our way to the one working toilet on our deck. On the port side, we encountered a pack of Indonesian stateroom attendants feasting on a man's leg and were forced to flee for our lives. Luckily, we were able to rig a harness so that we can take ****s off the side of our railing, directly onto the stateroom balcony below us. We have also resorted to drinking our own urine. For the last twenty-four hours, we have not heard much from other parts of the ship, although approximately 50 obese cruisers gathered outside our door two hours ago ahead of a direct assault on the ship's food stores. I can't believe this is happening to us. If I don't post again, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.