JCC The Münchausen by Internet Fanfic Thread

Discussion in 'Community' started by Jabbadabbado, Feb 14, 2013.

  1. Jabbadabbado Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 1999
    star 7
    This may be my last post from the Carnival Triumph. I have successfully barricaded myself in my room by wedging my lesbian lover's fat yet masculine ass against the door. We made the mistake earlier this morning of trying to venture our way to the one working toilet on our deck. On the port side, we encountered a pack of Indonesian stateroom attendants feasting on a man's leg and were forced to flee for our lives. Luckily, we were able to rig a harness so that we can take ****s off the side of our railing, directly onto the stateroom balcony below us. We have also resorted to drinking our own urine. For the last twenty-four hours, we have not heard much from other parts of the ship, although approximately 50 obese cruisers gathered outside our door two hours ago ahead of a direct assault on the ship's food stores. I can't believe this is happening to us. If I don't post again, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
    jp-30 likes this.
  2. Jabbadabbado Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 1999
    star 7
    It's time to come clean with all my good friends on the JC. Some of you may remember last year that I was diagnosed with a terrible case of flesh-eating bacteria. I was hospitalized for almost six months, and all of my limbs were amputated. In order to keep you up-to-date with my condition, I learned to type all my posts using only a stylus held in my teeth. When I swallowed that accidentally, requiring several hours of additional surgery, the loss of my colon and a very long and painful recovery, I learned to stay in touch by typing posts with my tongue, using the changing of my colostomy bag to mark the passage of time. I know that many of you wept tears of sympathy about my courage in the face of overwhelming odds against my survival.

    Well, you've probably guessed what I'm about to tell you: it was all a lie. The truth is that all my posts from the intensive care ward were complete fakes. I did not learn to type at 60 wpm using only rapid and penetrating tongue thrusts.

    I know many of you feel betrayed, but I owe you an explanation. A week after I was hospitalized after the infection, I went into cardiac arrest on the operating table and died. My disembodied spirit found its way here. It is a strange place, with people in glowing suits and helmets walking around, and gladiator-like combat overseen by the mysterious and autocratic MCP. I still can find time to post occasionally despite my new and confusing life. I know this isn't an excuse for my actions, but I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
    jp-30 likes this.
  3. Jabbadabbado Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 1999
    star 7
    Today I Lost My Best Friend

    It hardly seems like eight months ago that we got our new puppy, Ruffles. The trials and tribulations of housebreaking and leash training gave way to the pure joy of Ruffles and his boundless energy and unconditional love. Last week, it all came to an end. God saw fit in His wisdom to take Ruffles away. Normally I take Ruffles out for his evening walk, but I just got my period with cramps something awful, so my husband Bob agreed to walk Ruffles. They had just reached the corner of Ridgeland and Divison and stepped out into the intersection when some ***hole in a HumVee swerved around the corner, hitting Ruffles and killing him instantly, along with my husband. There is so much guilt. If only I had been there, I might have been able to do something to save Ruffles.

    I've been curled up on Ruffles's pillow ever since, holding his leash and empty, blood-stained collar. I don't know if anyone has ever experienced the loss of a pet, but I am dying inside right now. I don't know where to turn. Can someone please help?
    Last edited by Jabbadabbado, Feb 14, 2013
  4. Lady_Sami_J_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 6
    Methinks it strange that you are more upset over the loss of your pet than the loss of your husband.