The Monty Python Star Wars Parody Thread

Discussion in 'Star Wars Community' started by lumberjedi, Sep 4, 2002.

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  1. lumberjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2002
    star 5
    hello pretty ladies...and guys too...

    WHO HERE LIKES MONTY PYTHON!!!!

    i started this thread for my joy of monty python and star wars! here is my first opening post...

    *Harmonica* MUMBLES:yes...right pitch..*clears throat*

    Senator:
    I'm a lumberjedi, and I'm okay.
    I sleep all night. I work all day.


    Jedi:
    He's a lumberjedi, and he's okay.
    He sleeps all night and he works all day.

    Senator:
    I cut down sith. I eat my lunch.
    I go to the lavatory.
    On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
    And have buttered scones for stim-tea.


    Jedi:
    He cuts down sith. He eats his lunch.
    He goes to the lavatory.
    On Wednesdays he goes shopping
    And has buttered scones for stim-tea.

    He's a lumberjedi, and he's okay.
    He sleeps all night and he works all day.


    Senator:
    I cut down sith. I skip and jump.
    I like to press wild flowers.
    I put on women's jumpsuits
    And hang around in cantinas.

    Jedi:
    He cuts down Sith. He skips and jumps.
    He likes to press wild flowers.
    He puts on women's jumpsuits
    And hangs around in cantinas?!

    He's a lumberjedi, and he's okay.
    He sleeps all night and he works all day.

    Senator:
    I cut down sith. I wear high heels,
    Suspendies, and a bra.
    I wish I'd been a girlie,
    Just like my dear Mama.

    Senator and Jedi:
    I (He) cut(s) down Sith. I (He) wear(s) high heels,
    Suspendies, and a bra?!
    Senator:
    I wish I'd been a girlie,
    Just like my dear Mama!

    u get the idea?

  2. LeeKenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2002
    star 6
    Darth Maul: "He's a Jedi! He chopped me in half!"

    Palpy: "In half?"

    Maul: "I got better!"
  3. lumberjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2002
    star 5
    im savin my dead bantha 1 for tommorrow ya'll
  4. AdamBertocci Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2002
    star 7
    I've got a whole page of Monty Python song parodies under "Non-Hand-Related-Humor" at my site (check the sig).




    Rick McCallum loves you!
  5. LeeKenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2002
    star 6
    Dooku to Yoda: "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberry! I fart in your general direction!"
  6. lumberjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2002
    star 5
    A customer enters a pet shop.
    Mr. skywalker: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

    (The owner does not respond.)

    Mr. skywalker: 'Ello, Miss?

    Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

    Mr. skywalker: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

    Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

    Mr. skywalker: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this bantha what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

    Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Tattooine Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

    Mr. skywalker: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

    Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

    Mr. skywalker: Look, my young padawan, I know a dead bantha when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

    Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable creature, the Tattooine Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful coat!

    Mr. skywalker: The coat don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

    Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

    Mr. skywalker: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Barry Bantha! I've got some lovely fresh Fodder for you if you show...

    (owner hits the cage)

    Owner: There, he moved!

    Mr. skywalker: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

    Owner: I never!!

    Mr. skywalker: Yes, you did!

    Owner: I never, never did anything...

    Mr. skywalker: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO Barry!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

    (Takes bantha out of the cage and thumps its head with his foot. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

    Mr. Skywalker: Now that's what I call a dead bantha.

    Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

    Mr. skywalker: STUNNED?!?

    Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Tattooine Blues stun easily, major.

    Mr. Skywalker: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That bantha is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

    Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

    Mr. skywalker: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

    Owner: The Tattooine Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable creature, id'nit, jedi? Lovely coat!

    Mr. skywalker: Look, I took the liberty of examining that bantha when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

    (pause)

    Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bantha down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its horns, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

    Mr. skywalker: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bantha wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!



    Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

    Mr. skywalker: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This bantha is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-BANTHA!!



    (pause)

    Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry jedi, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of banthas.

    Mr. skywalker: I see. I see, I get the picture.


    Owner: I got a space slug.

    (pause)


    Mr. skywalker: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

    Owner: Nnnnot really.

    Mr. skywalker: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

    Owner: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Correllia, he'll replace the bantha for you.

    Mr. skywalker: Correllia, eh? Very we
  7. JD Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 21, 2000
    star 3
    "Listen, if I went 'round saying I was a Jedi, just 'coz some swampy dwarf told me I was good, they'd put me away!!"
  8. LeeKenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2002
    star 6
    Maul: "I am going to kill you you upstart, pathetic weak sorry-excuse-for-a-Jedi!"

    Obi-Wan: "Wait. I came here for an argument!"

    Maul: "Oh. Sorry. This is abuse......arguments are two doors down..."
  9. lumberjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2002
    star 5
    guy: so, does padme get around? know whatamean know whatamean, nudge nudge, wink wink! a nods as good as a blink to a blind mynock!

    ani: excuse me? yes she travels.

    guy: SAY NO MORE JEDI! SAY NO MORE!

    ani: i wasnt going to
  10. SirLancelot Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2002
    star 4
    ok, im going to write a Black knight skit so dont anyone else!
  11. LeeKenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2002
    star 6
    Umm...
    There already was a black knight skit somewhere.
    It featured Ganner Rhysode. NONE SHALL PASS!



    Dooku's Minstrels....
    He is Brave Count Dooku!
    Who bravely ran away!
  12. AssassinDroid21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    star 4
    Obi Wan chops Maul in half.

    Maul: Come back here I'll bite your kneecaps off!
  13. LeeKenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2002
    star 6
    Anakin Skywalker:

    "I'm a Padawan, and I'm okay.
    I sleep all night and I work all day.
    I like to dress in Padme's clothing
    Ang go out to the bars......."
  14. Lieutenant Piett Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 1999
    star 4
    <Count Dooku enters the hangar, kicking each leg up high then shaking each foot>

    Dooku: Master Yoda . . . I'm sorry I'm late but my walk has become quite silly as of late.

    Yoda: Silly indeed your walk has become, Dooku. The Looney Side, I sense in you.

    Dooku: I've become sillier than any Jedi -- even you, Master Yoda.

    <16-ton weight drops on him>

    <CUT to scene of Naboo Ladies' Club applauding>
  15. Benny_Blanco Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2002
    star 4
    Schmi : He`s not the Chosen One, HE`S A VERY NAUGHTY BOY!!
  16. Benny_Blanco Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2002
    star 4
    Leia : Rebel Alliance?! F*%£ off!! We`re the Popular Alliance Rebels Front!!
  17. jango_joe Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 4
  18. lumberjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2002
    star 5
    The world today seems absolutely crackers,
    With death stars to blow us all sky high.
    There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
    It's depressing and it's senseless, and that's why...
    I like ewoknese.
    I like ewoknese.
    they only come up to your knees,
    Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please.

    I like ewoknese.
    I like ewoknese.
    There's nine hundred million of them in the galaxy today.
    You'd better learn to like them; that's what I say.

    I like ewoknese.
    I like ewoknese.
    They come from a long way over the trees,
    But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.

    I like ewok food.
    The waiters never are rude.
    Think of the many things they've done to impress.
    There's the shield, threepio, and nothing less.

    So I like ewoknese.
    I like ewoknese.
    I like their tiny little trees,
    Their hats, their kids, and tribe in the trees.

    I like ewoknese thought,
    The wisdom that threepio taught.
    If Artoo is anything to shout about,
    The Ewoknese will survive us all without any doubt.

    So, I like ewoknese.
    I like ewoknese.
    They only come up to your knees,
    Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please.

    All together.

    [verse in ewok]
    Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like ewoknese.)
    Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like ewoknese.)
    Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like ewoknese.)
    Nihaoma; nihaoma; nihaoma; eyooo! (How are you; how are you; how are you; goodbye!)

    I like ewoknese.
    I like ewoknese.
    Their food is guaranteed to please,
    A striped, a black, a yellow like cheese.

    I like ewoknese.
    I like ewoknese.
    I like their tiny little trees,
    Their hats, their kids, and tribe in the trees.

    I like ewoknese.
    I like ewoknese.
    They only come up to your knees...
  19. lumberjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2002
    star 5
    Ackbar: Trouble at mines.

    Mon Mothma: Oh no - what kind of trouble?

    Ackbar: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.

    Mon Mothma: Pardon?

    Ackbar: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.

    Mon Mothma: I don't understand what you're saying.

    Ackbar: (slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent) One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle.

    Mon Mothma: Well what on earth does that mean?

    Ackbar: *I* don't know - Mr Windu just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mines, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of imperial Inquisition.

    (JARRING CHORD - The door flies open and Darth Vader of Imperial Center enters, flanked by two junior sith. Darth Tyranus has goggles pushed over his forehead. Darth Maul is just Cardinal Fang)

    Vader: NOBODY expects the Imperial Inquisition! Our chief weapon is suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Emperor.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (Exit and exeunt)

    Ackbar: I didn't expect a kind of Imperial Inquisition.

    (JARRING CHORD - The Dark Lord of the Sith burst in)

    Vader: NOBODY expects the Imperial Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Emperor, and nice red Lightsabers - Oh damn! (To Darth Tyranus) I can't say it - you'll have to say it.

    Tyranus: What?

    Vader: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'

    Tyranus: (rather horrified) I couldn't do that...

    (Vader bundles the Sith outside again)

    Ackbar: I didn't expect a kind of Imperial Inquisition.

    (JARRING CHORD - The dark lord of the siths enter)

    Tyranus: Er.... Nobody...um....

    Vader: Expects...

    Tyranus: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Imperial...um...

    Vader: Inquisition.

    Tyranus: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Imperial Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -

    Vader: Our chief weapons are...

    Tyranus: Our chief weapons are...um...er...

    Vader: Surprise...

    Tyranus: Surprise and --

    Vader: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ...our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Maul, read the charges.

    Maul: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--'

    Tyranus: That's enough. (To woman) Now, how do you plead?

    Mon Mothma: We're innocent.

    Vader: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

    (Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER')

    Tyranus: We'll soon change your mind about that!

    (Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL ACTING')

    Vader: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- (controls himself with a supreme effort) Ooooh! Now, Tyranus -- the rack!

    (Tyranus produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Vader looks at it and clenches his Lightsaber in an effort not to lose control. He breathes heavily to cover his anger)

    Vader: You....Right! Tie her down.

    (Maul and Tyranus make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack)

    Vader: Right! How do you plead?

    Mon Mothma: Innocent.

    Vader: Ha! Right! Tyranus, give the rack (oh dear) give the rack a turn.

    (Tyranus stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders)

    Tyranus: I....

    Vader: (gripping his Lightsaber) I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.

    Tyranus: I...

    Vader: It makes it all seem so stupid.

    Tyranus: Shall I...?

    Vader: No, just pretend for the Forces sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

    (Tyranus turns an imaginary handle on the side of the rack. The doorbell rings. the Ackbar detaches himself from scene and answers it. Outside there is a dapper Rebel man with a suit and a beard, slightly arty.)
  20. TallChewie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2002
    star 1
    Vader: Luke come join in the Dark Side of life (whistles)

    Palpatine: Yes, you should join in the Dark Side of life (whistles)

    Vader: Listen to me son, life is much more fun, when you get to choke the folks you hate.

    Palpatine: Yes, listen to your dad, it?s awesome being bad! It is your destiny, it is your fate?.soooo?.Luke come join in the Dark Side of life (whistles)

    Vader: Luke you?ll love it on the Dark Side of life! (whistles)

    (Repeat until Luke gives in or until he is destroyed by blue lightning shot out of fingers)
  21. lumberjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2002
    star 5
    Obi-wan~ and now i will teach you how to defend against fresh fruit!

    luke~ but i've been doing this all week!

    obi-wan~ strawberries

    luke~ done it

    obi-wan~ pears?

    luke~ done it

    obi-wan~ bannanas?

    luke~...no

    obi-wan~ ah yes, the bannana. take this (hands Han a bannana) now attack me!

    Han~ um...roar?

    obi-wan~ no, no, no! vicious!

    Han~ RAAAR!!! (charges at obi-wan)

    obi-wan~ (pulls out blaster shoots han) thats how you defend against fresh fruit!
  22. ATEAMchick Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2002
    star 1
    oh my god, you are my hero...
  23. Benny_Blanco Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2002
    star 4
    Obi-Wan (while chained up in the arena) : You lucky, LUCKY B*&!%*D!!!
  24. Benny_Blanco Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2002
    star 4

    Palpatine : You find that....amusing?.....when I say the name......Darth..............Tyranus?!!?

    (stormtrooper collapses in fit of giggles)
  25. TallChewie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2002
    star 1
    Qui Gon: Coruscant!

    Obi Wan: Coruscant!

    Jar Jar: It's only CGI.

    :D
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