Before The Name (Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon) Fic Gift for TheMacUnleashed

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Ceillean, Jan 1, 2010.

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  1. Ceillean Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2001
    star 5
    Title: The Name
    Author: Ceillean
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, OC
    Notes: Written for the Holiday FanFic Gift Exchange.

    Request for: TheMacUnleashed

    I would like a story in "Before" featuring:

    1.Hurt/Comfort

    2.A non-canon setting

    3.Angst

    I do not want: a dark ending.

    Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon.

    I have never written either Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon before. This is my third story in Before the Saga, I believe so I hope I did well enough that you'll like the story, MacUnleashed. I filled in for someone who couldn't finish the fic on time.

    Even though, I still hope you enjoy the story.

    Happy New Year.



    Obi-Wan had failed.
    As the fact slowly settled in, the young man became restless. He was horrified at what he had done. Or better yet, at what he hadn?t done.

    He sat alone in the wilderness of the planet Rashi, a small world far away from the core systems. Here, the natives valued life like nothing he had ever witnessed before. They spoke to the animals, to the plants and trees as if they were sentient beings and according to the Rashi, every living thing gave answer.

    Obi-Wan felt the flow of the Force, witnessed it as a tingling sensation along his skin. He breathed in the living energy all around him, bathed in it and let it fill his depleted energy reserves. For it had taken all he had to try and save a life. And in the end, Obi-Wan had failed.

    *

    The boys? name?

    He couldn?t remember. The more Obi-Wan tried remembering the name, the further away it drifted. It sickened him to realize he hadn?t cared enough to value the boys? name.

    He sat back against a withered old tree, its trunk covered in dark blue moss. There was a sweet smell in the air as flying creatures rustled in the trees above ? the fruit the branches harbored gave off a scent that the natives used as incense for their most sacred ritual; the walk of the path of awareness.

    It was the ritual in which a young boy was tested if he was indeed ready to be an adult. He would be welcomed with open arms, allowed to hunt with the elders and begin a profession of his own, he would be allowed to choose a mate and start a family.

    The boy had been ready for the ritual. He had already been garbed in the ritualistic wear of a dark red robe and a large blue headpiece made from the branches of the tree underneath which Obi-Wan sat brooding.

    He would never walk the path of awareness.

    For he was dead.

    If only Obi-Wan could remember the boys? name?

    *

    Orange and red flames tinged with purple cackled as they engulfed the young body lying on the wooden funeral pyre. The tribe stood around it in a tight circle, staring at the ground with their hands clasped behind their backs. They sang a sad song and although Obi-Wan could not understand the words, the meaning was all too clear.

    They mourned the loss of such a young life.

    If Obi-Wan had been quicker, faster and had understood the boys? intentions sooner, perhaps he would still be alive. Perhaps he would now be on the path of awareness.
    ?You mustn?t believe that this is your fault, Obi-Wan.?

    Inwardly, the young Jedi cringed at his Masters? soft and kind words. In a way he knew it wasn?t his fault but had Obi-Wan decided to act differently, he supposed all of this could have been prevented.

    Obi-Wan stared into the flickering golden light and for what seemed like the hundredth time, he wished he could alter fate.

    *

    ?I wasn?t paying attention.? Obi-Wan said quietly later that evening. Qui-Gon glanced up towards his Padawan, patiently waiting for the young man to continue. It had been hours since the funeral and Qui-Gon was honestly surprised that Obi-Wan had gone so long without breaking his silence.

    ?The boy ? I still can?t recall his name ? was fascinated by what I could do with the Force. He followed me everywhere I went.? He shrugged as he stared into nothingness, avoiding his Masters? eyes. ?It was dark and I couldn?t see but??

    He ran a hand through sandy blond hair and heaved a sigh. ?They believe that we are wondrous creatures for being able to tap into the Force but we?re average bei/>
  2. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    WOW great writing and a stunning story.=D==D==D=
  3. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    What a lovely world and fascinating culture. =D= obi-Wan's feelings were totally natural given the circumstances and Qui-Gon's assurances warm but not overdone. :) Very excellently done character wise. Obi-Wan is very sensitive and Qui-Gon can be a warm patient fatherly soul at those times he's not exasperating the Council ;)

    @};-

  4. TheMacUnleashed Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 2, 2009
    star 4
    Thank you so much! This is beautiful -you should try to write Obi-Wan more often, since you got down his character really well. You also managed to create a fantastic OC, and the story was made all the more poignant by the way we knew him only in flashbacks.

    I loved this line:

    He ran a hand through sandy blond hair and heaved a sigh. ?They believe that we are wondrous creatures for being able to tap into the Force but we?re average beings just like anyone else, aren?t we??

    That's just so perfectly Obi-Wan.

    Again, thanks for the beautiful story, and I hope you had a fantastic New Year's!
  5. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    That was so poignant.

    You did a great job capturing Obi-Wan's emotions.

    I'm glad Tey?inar was able to bring him comfort in the end.

    Bravo

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  6. GeneralKenobi7 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2009
    star 4
    Amazing work! I really love it, Obi-Wan is so in character=D= [face_love]
  7. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    That was very interesting.
    You did a great job with this.=D=
  8. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Just - wonderful. =D=

    Just haunting, the way Obi-Wan's inability to remember his name echoed throughout the story...and the resolution. Stunning!
  9. GlindaForJediCouncil Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2009
    star 1
    That was a beautiful story, you captured the characters amazingly, and even though it was just a short one post it really drew me in, I absolutely loved it [:D]

    Thank you for writing it :)

    =D==D==D=
  10. Alexis_Wingstar Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2006
    star 4
    That was breathtakingly beautiful.
  11. littleobiwankenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2009
    star 1
    just found the story, beautiful. I love how Obi and Qui are together,

    please mor of such wonderful storys.
  12. Freia_Li Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2010
    Gosh, this was beautiful! Very well written, wonderful emotions. I loved it :'D
  13. foxsolo Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2005
    First of all, I wanted to say what a fantastic job you did with this story. It's hard to believe you haven't written these characters before!

    Second, forgive my ignorance, but is there a thread dedicated to posting the fic gifts somewhere on the boards? Thanks.
  14. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Wow, Ce, you are brilliant!

    *hopes you got your Christmas greetings via MsLanna in the meantime*

    And I hope you snow in and can not leave for work that you are able to write more gorgeous stuff like this!

    :D
  15. ForceForGood Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2010
    star 1
    Wow - death is not the end. What a wonderful story. Your Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were beautifully in character.
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