The newly improved and OFFICIAL School of Jedi Crashology and Jedi Smooshing.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER--This thread maY contain agents that have been reported to cause "fanfic"-like reactions among some members of the population. If you are opposed to borderline "fanfic" then you may reconsider reading any of these posts because they may contain higher than the recommended daily dosages of fanfic.

The Title says it all. Welcome back, class.

Help Jedi Crashology and Jedi smooshing become a well-known and recognized discipline!

This thread is a continuation of the former Does Jedi Master = Starship Insurance premium hikes? one.

The original starter thread was salvaged for posterity.

The long and arduous path leading to Luke's ascension to Jedi Master has been obstructed by numerous crashes.
Those insurance premiums must be murder! Do you have any idea what they do to repeat offenders irl? You crash six cars and they take your licence, not grant you the title of Jedi Master!

Luke has crashed nearly a kajillion personal starships.

Research isn't complete, but here goes a list of the starships Luke, son of "the best starfighter pilot in the galaxy", has Jedi Master landed.

<OL TYPE=1>
<LI>-pre-ANH---Luke crashes his T-16.
<LI>-ANH---Luke pops the Death star
<LI>-post-ANH---(Courtesy of Dan Wallace, co-author of the Essential Chronology ) Luke crashes an X-wing on Yavin.
<LI>-SotME--- Luke and Leia crash X and Y-wings.
<LI>-ESB--- Luke crashes his X-wing on Dagobah
<LI>-ESB--- Luke crashes his snowspeeder.
<LI>-ESB--- Luke uncerimoniously disembowels an AT-AT.
<LI>-ESB---Luke forgets his X-wing on Bespin
<LI>-RotJ---Luke and a scantily-clad Leia crash Jabba's sail barge.
<LI>-RotJ---Luke crashes his speeder-bike into a tree.
<LI>-CoPL---Scratch another X-wing. Isolder also lost his prized personal starship.
<LI>-CoPL---Luke accidentally wipes out a planet full of "night sats".
<LI>-CoPL--He also swan dives off a cliff and "dies" but thanks to the force he lived to crash again.
<LI>-HttE---Skipray Blastboat with his future wifey-poo.
<LI>-HttE---Smooshed a Chariot LAV.
<LI>-DFR---Luke and Mara slice a hole into another Skipray Blastboat. This is an implied crash.
<LI>-DFR--- Luke intentionally crashes a Katana Dreadnaught into a Star Destroyer.
<LI>-tLC---Luke blows up his frieghter to escape Thrawn's tractor beam.
<LI>-DE--- Luke and Lando crash a freaking Star Destroyer.
<LI>-DE---Luke intentionally crashes a fleet of World Devastators.
<LI>-DE---Luke smoosh/crashes an AT-AT using the force. Also some assasin droids.
<LI>-DE---Luke and sis make clone "paalpy" crash his brand spanking new Eclipse
<LI>-DE2---So much for the Jedi Explorer.
<LI>-CotJ---Luke crashes his body a kajillion times.
<LIoT---Luke crashes his B-wing.
<LI>-tNR---Luke crashes his "newest" modified X-wing.
<LI>-tNR---Luke crashes his body a kajillion more times.
<LI>-BFC---He smooshed his E-wing.
<LI>-BFC---Cold bloodedly murders an r-7. INsurance ain't gonna cover that!!!
<LI>-BFC---Moral crash---Luke and Akanah...
<LI>-SotP---Luke sets off a self destruct in a pirate's asteroid.
<LI>-Votf---The Qom Qae steal his newest "NEWEST" X-wing.
<LI>-VotF---He and Mara then crash the Jade's Fire.
<LI>-VotF--- Luke Does NOT crash two weanie assasin droids that he had no problem with in DE.
<LI>-VP---Luke's relatives cause the crashes of several shieldships.
<LI>-DT---Luke smooshes super-duper-black-hole-generating-troop-carrier-of-doom.
<LI>-DT---Mara goes to Dantooine. Scratch the newest Skywalker honey-poo's pleasure ship. JadeSaber is lost.
</OL>


IN addition to Jedi Crashology, there is also Jedi Smooshology.

-JEDI SMOOSHOLOGY: the study of jedi smooshings.

Just what is a smoosh? A smoosh has been defined as any force mediated smash, crush, or alteration that leaves the smooshee worse off than they were before, most often resulting in a dead smooshee. Recent discoveries have indicated that the smoosher can be smooshed inadvertantly.


---A comprehensive list of Jedi Smooshings---
<OL TYPE=1>
<LI>-TotJ:FotSE---Naga Sadow smooshes a few stars.
<LI>-TotJ:TSW---Aleema the sithy witch smooshes ten stars, thr

 

After much collaboration and corroboration with Qui and Former Grunt, Itrakh has come up with the Theory of Jedi Crashativity

The Itrakh equation:
The injurious potential of a force sensitive or force mastering individual, either to him or herself or his/her vehicle, starship, droid, or anything else in the immediate proximity is directly proportional to the number of times the character is featured in a SW project, factored by the Itrakh constant, which states that the probability of a Luke crash is 1.0 x 10 ^kajillionth, multiplied by kajillion. For any other force user, the constant is divided by halfakajillion.

Former Grunt's midichlorian gravimetric postulate:
The midi-chlorians operate on a magnetism principle. The more you use them, the more likely large objects are going to try to occupy the same space you do

Combined theory of Jedi Crashativity:
It is through the amplification of force potential, either by direct access or by listening to the will of the force as translated by midichlorians, that crashes occur. Such crashes occur either in direct or indirect manners, as the crashativity of one jedi may amplify or nullify the crashativity exuded by another jedi. The translation of the will of the force by said midichlorians creates a magnetic displacement in which all crashable objects will seek to occupy the same space at the same time in a manner directly proportional to the number of times the particular jedi has been featured in either a book, comic, movie, fanfic, or any other Star Wars medium. Said examples will also have adverse affects on starship insurance premiums, as the proportional increase in crashing necessitates an increase in claims adjusting and payment.

 

Itrakh?s modified theory on Luke Skywalker?s Crashativity: Skywalker Crash Mojo.

It is no secret that Luke Skywalker has had more than the usual number of crashes; the sheer number is high even for a Jedi Master. This unique trend has sparked many debates among Crashologists, and this Ganodghri has taken it upon himself to seek resolution to the matter.

Skywalker, whose crashes have directly influenced the New Republic economy, has crashed more times than any other Jedi that has been examined to date. This disturbing trend, the increased magnification of Skywalker Crashativity, shall be examined in detail in order to reach some form of resolution.


When Jedi Crashativity is considered, one needs to be reminded that Jedi Potential for crashing is proportional to the number of times that the particular Jedi has been featured in a SW work (Itrakh, 2000). Also to be considered is the fact that use of the force also causes an unknown and yet to be further studied magnetic disturbance, which somehow causes an increase in crash propensity (Xux and Grunt, 2000). What has yet to be discussed, and is the focus of this work, is how the Skywalker Crash Mojo affects said theories.


Skywalker Crash Mojo seems to be the essential factor when considering Skywalker Crashativity. Simply stated, Skywalker Crash Mojo seems to be an alternate manifestation of Jedi Crashativity. The interaction of normal Jedi Crashativity and Skywalker Crash Mojo seem to act synergistically, increasing the overall likelihood that a crash will occur.


Where and how did the Skywalker Crash Mojo develop? This seems to be the pressing issue. It is well known that the Skywalker lineage is strong in the force (Lucas, et all, 1977 to present). The original Skywalker, little crashy Ani, seemed to display a high affinity towards crashing even from an early age, as evidenced by his early pod-racing crashes. R2-D2, who has been present for numerous Skywalker crashes, reports that Ani also nearly crashed a Naboo Starfigher in a Trade Federation Droid Control ship. Skywalker?s Crash Mojo did not seem to be fully developed at that time, because he managed to fly out of the ship. However, the Mojo was with him, as he did manage to destroy said Droid Control Ship (D2, R2, 1999-TPM).


New details are surfacing concerning the Skywalker Crash Mojo, but they will be described as further details about Skywalker Senior develop. Currently, Itrakh has been collaborating with R2-D2, C-3PO, and the unfortunate remains of the R-7 droid that Luke Skywalker smooshed along with is E-wing. These proceedings will be discussed at a later time.


Skywalker Crash Mojo seems to have developed in Luke Skywalker at an early age. Luke?s crash affinity was evident when he crashed his T-16 skyhopper, but was largely ignored by his insurance company as being ?just a kid phase, he?ll grow out of it? (IA, 2000). But it was not until Luke?s experiences on Hoth that the Skywalker Crash Mojo began to fully manifest itself.


Luke somehow managed to crash his Snowspeeder on Hoth. The pilot who had used the force to single-handedly pop the first Death Star was shot out of the sky by an AT-AT gunner, who, interestingly enough, also happened to be blind, but was afraid to tell General Veers because he knew his uncle and there were some severe family politics involved. So, it was not the skill of the Imperial gunners that managed to bring Skywalker down. Somehow, the Skywalker Crash Mojo caused Luke to pilot his Snowspeeder into oncoming cannon fire.


Luke Skywalker did not seem to fully realize his Crash propensity until his Jedi-Training with Yoda on Dagobah. In fact, as soon as Luke was within sensor range of the swampy world, the Skywalker Crash Mojo took over and caused Luke to crash his X-wing Starfighter into Yoda?s backyard. It was this time period that seems to be linked with all the other documented crashes that Luke has either caused or been part of (Itrakh, 2000).


Somehow, being in contact with the Jedi Master Yoda seemed to fully mature Luke?s Skywalker Crash Mojo. It is the speculatio

 

Itrakh's theory on Qom-Qae crash aversion:
While mildly force receptive, the Qom-Qae seem to be immune from the typical Jedi Crashativity syndrome. This assumption is based upon the fact that communication between the Qom-Qae and "Master Walker of Sky-who also happens to trip and fall out of it a lot" was observed.

This seems like a direct contradiction of the principles outlined in the Modified theory of Crashativity. However, one need remember that the key postulate in this case is the "number of times the individual Jedi has been featured in a SW book, comic, or other form of media".

In the case of the Qom-Qae, their development has yet to be seen, and one can only shudder at the ecological and insurance-related ramifications of an entire race of flighted force-sensitive individuals.

 

The Unique Aptitudes and Deficiencies of Corellian Jedi
by Dewlanna Solo, Professor of Momology, School of Jedi and Rogue Studies, Kashyyyk University, With a grant from the Insurance Institute of Coruscant

The theory concerns the magnetic properties of the midi-chlorians as postulated by Prof. Former Grunt and Ms Qui Xux, If midi-chlorians do indeed have magnetic attributes, then this researcher hypothesizes that midi-chlorians are affected by ambient magnetic environments. Throughout most of the Galaxy the local magnetic aura would be in harmony with the midi-chlorians. The Force, as we know it in this Galaxy, is at one with the Makers Creation (and perhaps may BE the Maker or Her Creation, but that is a philosophic discussion better suited to a different venue). This is true for MOST of the known Galaxy. However, the magnetic properties of Corellian system show positive signs of external tampering. The alignment of the 5 major planets of the System, indeed the actual presence of 5 habitable planets, has long been regarded as an synthetic phenomenon. Recent evidence uncovered by R. M. Allen points to the manipulation of planetary bodies, the actual removal of planets from existing systems, followed by their placement around the star now known as Corell. This fabrication of an entire system severely disrupted the magnetic properties of not only Corell, but also of the 5 major planets. This disturbance of the fundamental magnetism inherent in habitable solar systems would bring about certain transformations in the actions and effectiveness of midi-chlorians.. Chief among these divergences would be the midi-chlorians ability to attract metallic objects (an attribute of midi-chlorians that becomes unbalanced in beings with excessively elevated midi-chlorain counts). In the Corellian System, this aptitude is often drastically curtailed, even among beings who posses several other "Jedi Powers." This researcher submits that the same agent that reduces many Corellian Jedi's "telekenic powers" (to use the vernacular) is also the mechanism that limits the "Smooshing Factor" among Corellian Pilots.

The unusual magnetic properties of the Corellian System may also be the causative agent in the Corellian Jedi's well known "failure to thrive" away from their native environment. The myth of the certain death of any Corellian Jedi who strays from the home system may have a basis in scientific fact. The midi-chlorians, having become accustomed to the unorthodox magnetic fields of the Corellian System, do not adjust favorably in more conventional systems. Whether it is the unadaptability of the midi-chlorians themselves or a reduction in accustomed Jedi Skills that leads to increased mortality of the transplanted Corellians has not been investigated due to lack of funding.

This Wookiee would like to take a moment to thank her colleagues, Prof. Grunt and Prof. Bror Jace for their assistance in this research and in facilitating her connection with this board during the time of her cyber communication catastrophes.

In light of recent evidence, this researcher is applying for an additional grant from the Insurance Institute of Coruscant for an in-depth study of the Effects of Non-Native Magnetic Fields on the Midi-Chlorians of Nomadic Corellian Jedi. Recent evidence seems to suggest that prolonged absence from the Corellian System may increase the "Smooshing Factor" of Corelian Jedi.
The researcher will also seek grants to study the effect of Corellia's aberrant magnetic fields on other Jedi abilities, specifically "Affect Mind."
This researcher seeks input from fellow investigators on a source for such funding.
Respectfully submitted, Dewlanna Solo

 

Ahh. Good to be back. I hope Secutor has managed to relocate our building as well. I'm currently off-site so I'm hoping my offices will survive the move intact. I am doing some Official research and will probably have significant results tomorrow or Thursday. Stay tuned crash fans. This tread cannot die!

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Former Grunt:
This tread cannot die!

As long as there are Jedi there will be crashes.

 

this is just foolishness, but rest assured i plan to return when i have more time and give me opinion.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by darthjarjarbinks:
this is just foolishness,

Not so, this is so much more. At a minimum we provide a humorous distraction for the hard at work Kathy Tyers. What more noble calling could there be.

 

Hey Itrakh

What about starting a thread on smugglers who become generals getting captured (i.e. Han)

Look at the evidence:

Han Solo's revenge: Gets temporarily caotured at tht start

ANH: His ship gets captured on the DS

ESB: Captured and Carbon Frozen on Cloud City

JS: Captured by Moruth Doole on Kessel

JS: Escapes Moruth Doole only to be captured by Daala in the Maw

SOL: Han gets captured by the Duskhan League and beaten to a pulp

AAC: Captured by the Human League

OK so maybe this isn't such a good idea redface.gif

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Former Grunt:
At a minimum we provide a humorous distraction for the hard at work Kathy Tyers. What more noble calling could there be?

Hopefully she'll find this new thread.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by darthjarjarbinks:
this is just foolishness

Crashology and Smooshology as disciplines can no longer be dismissed as foolishness.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Itrakh:
Hopefully she'll find this new thread.



It has been taken care of.

 

It's back!!Halalluah Hallaluah!!(OK so the spelling is terrible. Itrakh I love you man!!!I think I'm going to cry.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by I love Sci Fi:
Halalluah Hallaluah

ARe you from the big island?

Did you see your name on the initial thread?
You're part of the team now. Official even.

 

The time has come for a faculty "meeting".

What else should we bring over from the original thread?

Vote for the most essential pieces.

Do so by email.

The first few posts of this thread capture the "scientific" aspects of the School.

What other "discoveries" should we bring over?

Keep in mind that new "discoveries" are on the way.

ONe other note: When IA is mentioned outside of the School, make sure you spell it out, so that Insane Anakin isn't offended (So he won't think that he is being put down or something like that).



[This message has been edited by Itrakh (edited 05-17-2000).]

 

Yes I saw that. and if you mean am I from Australia(sp?) No I'm not. I just can't spell at all.I just have one question does this mean I have to take tests over this stuff? hehehe

 

Itrakh has case of the "itrakh likes sound of own voice" disease

 

Was just re-reading Dark Forces Rising last night, and noticed you had the following missing...

In DFR,
Though no action is shown, Luke and/or Mara crashes another Skipray (?) or at least that's implied by Imperial discovery of the crash which leads to the near capture of Luke, Mara, and Talon.

Luke cuts a hole in the Imperial shuttle they were using to infiltrate Thrawn's destroyer. They were planning on welding it shut later, but they never got around to it. This, one would presume would cause problems in the shuttle being able to fly in space, and might cause a crash later?

Also, the Millenium Falcon gets scratched up on their way out, though Talon was driving so that might not count against Luke. But Mara was the co-pilot. And he did let them pilot. (shrug)

Frank

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Frank:

Luke cuts a hole in the Imperial shuttle they were using to infiltrate Thrawn's destroyer. They were planning on welding it shut later, but they never got around to it. This, one would presume would cause problems in the shuttle being able to fly in space, and might cause a crash later?

Also, the Millenium Falcon gets scratched up on their way out, though Talon was driving so that might not count against Luke. But Mara was the co-pilot. And he did let them pilot. (shrug)

Frank

That's a good potential crash. It isn't stated outright that it happens but the implication exists.

Kyp performs a similar maneuver in TftNR.
That one DOES result in a crash.

Thanks Frank.

Both will be added to the lists.

 

Greetings, Professors. I'm back to submit another potential addition to the list.

This one is in the much overlooked field of Jedi Smooshing. I noticed that your list fails to mention the multiple battle droid smooshes in TPM by OB1 and QGJ. Especially the Qui Gon smoosh that resulted in the yelp.

Happy smooshing!

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Red-Seven:
I noticed that your list fails to mention the multiple battle droid smooshes in TPM by OB1 and QGJ. Especially the Qui Gon smoosh that resulted in the yelp.

Sometimes the most obvious are the most difficult. How silly of us to forget all those numerous smooshes.

Thank you.

 

Luke rolls some rocks over that bug thing that was torturing Jacen in Onslaught, does that count as a smoosh??

 

hehehe, I love this thread

I think I'll go reread those blasted GoDV books and see if there are decent smooshings and crashings worth mentioning.

or I'd rather die

 

what about those speeders Luke cut up with his lightsaber in Shadows of the Empire?

not only did Mara and Luke destroy Jade's Fire, but...they also destroyed a big hangar on the Hand Of Thrawn, destroying many other fighters inside of it...

maybe this one would count, I don't know...but Luke crashed his x-wing on Dagobah...sure, it wasn't all messed up, but you never know...

because of Luke, R2D2 was shot by Darth Vader...

Luke destroyed many Tie-Fighters with Han while escaping the Death Star.

Luke crashes a speeder thing in Splinter of the minds eye.

while escaping Thrawn in HTTE, Luke destroys an old freighter or something like that.

Luke convinces Kam Solusar to ram in Kam's ship to the Dark Jedi Castle on Empire's End. So it's Luke's fault...hah...

can't think of anything else...