Saga The Obi-Wan Kenobi Diaries, Part 1: The Mission; 1/1 Happy New Year and Final Post on This Part!

This story is in the same universe as my previous story, The Anakin Skywalker Diaries. The difference is that I am trying this time to tell the story from Obi-Wan's point of view.

DISCLAIMERS: All characters, except for a few Senators and one Jedi Healer, which are mine, belong to the Almighty God in Flannel. I make no money from this--if I did, I would have fewer grey hairs from teaching middle school.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Thanks to my beta reader, DarthLothi, who is taking time out from new fatherhood to beta my measly fic.

*****

Anakin's alarm went off for the third time, loud enough to wake a sleeping Bantha on Tatooine...and Tatooine was halfway across the galaxy.

I heard a crash as the alarm clock hit the floor, and then from the mouth of my still-sleepy apprentice, a stream of Huttese curse words that could rival Jabba the Hutt after losing a bet on a podrace.

"Anakin!" I called. I palmed open the door to my apprentice's sleeping chamber. The floor was littered with droid parts, dirty tunics, and even dirtier magazines. The Padawan in question was sitting on the edge of his bed, his spiky blond hair matted from the pillows, rubbing his eyes with his large hands.

"Anakin, get up!" I said, exasperated. "We?re supposed to meet with the Council in half an hour to be briefed for our next mission!?

He looked at me, bleary-eyed. "Huh?" he said.

"Now, Padawan. Do you want a shower or do you want to go meet with the Council smelling like you've just been in a training session?"

He stood, wincing as his bare feet hit the cold floor. Anakin's feet had never adjusted to any temperature less than 90 standard degrees. As a matter of fact, neither had the rest of his body. He was always cold.

"I don't smell that bad, Master," he said, heading towards the 'fresher. "That's only after I've had passionate dreams about Padme."

Padme Naberrie Amidala, Senator of the sovereign planet of Naboo. One of the strongest leaders in the Galactic Senate, a strong fighter for peace, a tiny woman who frightened even the Sullustians with her sharp tongue and quick wit. The woman who had my Padawan's heart wrapped securely beneath her elaborate court gowns.

Missions where she was involved in any capacity presented an extra challenge--completing the mission while keeping Anakin's hormones from raging out of control.

Five minutes later Anakin was out of the shower, with one hand running his fingers through his wet spiky hair while downing a hot cup of caf in one gulp with the other.

"Let's go," I said, palming open the door to our quarters.

My apprentice gave me a final bleary disgruntled look as we headed towards the elevator and the Council Chambers.


The Council Chambers, an hour later.

Master Windu was finishing up his description of our new assignment--a simple observation mission, thankfully. Anakin and I had been on three mediation missions in the past two months, disputes between small warring tribes on Inner Rim worlds, but any sort of mediation mission was difficult and taxing. After the last one, Anakin had taken to bed with some twenty-four hour bug...the kid gets sick all the time anyway. Of course considering he lives off nerf steak, fried gundaark legs and ruby bliels, I'm surprised he isn't sick more often.

Right now he was stifling yawns and blinking rapidly, trying to keep his eyes open. Anakin will never learn that one can't be briefed on a mission in only five minutes' time. But I had to give him credit for being patient, rather than trying to liven up the session with one of his antics the way he often has before.

"You and your Padawan will report to Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan," Master Windu said. "The quarterly session for review of planetary defense will be held there. Other Senators in attendance will be Oks Moe from Malastare, Yrros Atmos from Concord Dawn, Sivvo Vela from Sullust, and Padme Amidala of Naboo."

I reached

 

Wohoo!

This should definitely be interesting...wonder how Obi-Wan will keep his sanity...



-Tim

 

This looks quite fun a_g

Is it AU or EU?

"Heard that, I did!"

 

I love this.

I like the part where Anakin says he needed another cup of Caf and then Obiwan describes anakin's tastes for different types of cleansing bars. I got a kick out of that. although I'm not sure or not if that was what you intended. But it was fine with me.

This is going to great.

 

Yay! A new series! I can't wait to see how Obi-Wan handles everything.

 

Obi-wan, dry as toast! Wait until he meets his match in Sabe....

 

WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Oh dear. This is gonna be one crazy ride...

Poor Obi-Wan. As if he didn't have it bad enough in canon, now he has to deal with your version of Anakin.

Can't wait!

 

Tim: Prozac and Valium.

RebelScum: Oh, it's definitely AU--I want everything going well for our heroes.

Crystal: Glad you got a kick out of it--hope it was understand that Obi-Wan was planning on washing Anakin's mouth out with soap for being a smart***--if it wasn't I need to edit. But glad you enjoyed it however you interpreted it.

amidalachick: Thanks!

Breezy: Oh yeah...we're all in for a few surprises...

d_p:

Lex: Fasten your seatbelt--I fly like Anakin...

Thanks, everyone, for reading. I'll try to get on a regular posting schedule.

 

Now, this will be very interesting to be seen from Obi's perspective!

JS

 

Awesome post! At least the cliffies won't be so bad, having read Anakin's diary.

COMPETITION FOR AN OBI DIARY STORY!

I'll take an Ani one, even though I'm of the Y chromosome advantaged half. The Ani one is bigger. More chocolate...

Mmm...

 

Thanks, Jazz and KSA. Here's more.

*****

I had decided that making my Padawan submit to manual labor was much more satisfying than making yet another trip to Coruscant Drugs to try to find yet another brand of soap that he had not tasted.

That, and my bathroom needed cleaning anyway. And while he was scrubbing, I was sure to have his full undivided attention. "Anakin, how many times do I have to tell you that Council sessions are not over quickly? When are you going to learn patience?" I said, exasperated.

Anakin scrubbed the seat of the toilet with a toothbrush, scowling the whole time. "I try, Master," he said.

That's Anakin's standard answer to everything. It translated to, "I know I can't say anything to satisfy you, so I'm telling you what you want to hear so you'll shut up."

It wasn't going to work this time. "If you're tired, try going to bed earlier at night instead of staying up watching Force only knows what on the holonet. Then if you want your caf, you can get up in the morning and make it, and you'll be awake during our sessions. I don't care if you find them boring. Your job is to pay attention to my lead. You can complain to me later about how boring it was if you want, but in the Chambers themselves, you stand still and keep focused on our mission. And next time, Padawan, make sure your brain is in gear before engaging your mouth."

Anakin scowled harder and scrubbed the inside of the toilet bowl.

"Anakin, did you even hear me when I told you what planetary leaders we would be observing?"

"Huh?" he asked, giving the toilet seat one final scrub, then reaching for a wet rag to wipe it off. "Master, when's the last time you cleaned your 'fresher?" he said, scowling again.

I laughed. He should know better. "I'm a Jedi Knight. I don't clean 'freshers. That?s why we have Padawans, and that?s why I?m lucky I have an especially sharp-tongued apprentice who often needs punishment."

He gave me a look that could have splintered me like so many machine parts. I ignored him.

?Anyway,? I continued, ?the five dignitaries are Bail Organa of Alderaan, Oks Moe from Malastare, Yrros Atmos from Concord Dawn, Sivvo Vela from Sullust?and Padme Amidala of Naboo.?

The expression on Anakin's face changed from disgust to pleasant surprise. He stopped wiping down the toilet and looked up. ?Padme?s going to be there? And they?re still sending us??

I cleared my throat. "Anakin, I?m not sure the Council is aware of your?er?friendship with Senator Amidala. And it?s probably best that they don?t find out. I?m comfortable with it as long as it doesn?t distract from your training, but they never would be."

The truth was that Senator Amidala was a good influence on my apprentice. That was the only reason I allowed the relationship to continue despite the fact that it was against about twenty different mandates in the Jedi Code.

Keeping the relationship a secret, however, was another matter. Especially when Anakin couldn't keep his eyes--or his hands--off of her.

Not that the Senator's ongoing affection for my padawan helped matters any.

?Besides,? I added, ?all five senators had a chance to request specific Jedi for this mission. None of them had any preferences?except Senator Amidala.?

Anakin grinned. I knew what he was thinking. I just hoped I could drag him out of the Senator's bedroom long enough to accompany me to the hearing. I patted him on the back. "So why don't you get packing," I said.

Anakin stood, and I turned to leave the 'fresher. On my way out I noticed him going into the medicine cabinet and getting a throat lozenge.

Force, I hope that kid isn't getting sick again.

 

I just hoped I could drag him out of the Senator's bedroom long enough to accompany me to the hearing.

LOL.

Honestly, normally I dislike AUs (trying to understand the real story boggles my mind enough), but sometimes I suppose you really do need a break from the doom and gloom. And some of this stuff I could see actually happening in the "real" lives of these characters. And you're a great comedy writer- I must say.

Maybe I'll stick around

 

Oh boy. Obi-Wan is rather like me, so I'm very glad you're writing this story, even if the dialogue isn't much of a novelty!

 

A very amusing post. I wish I had someone at my house who got into trouble enough so that I could punish them by cleaning the "fresher" instead of me.

 

I didn't know you were writing or posting this! How could you sneak it by me?
What true joy to once again be treated to laugh-out-loud one-liners like this:

Unfortunately for Anakin, he said Dammit, you old troll, it's early... and forgot to shield.

Or this:

He gave me a look that could have splintered me like so many machine parts. I ignored him.

Hooray for a new story!

*Grumps away to set her Active Topic Notification because nobody ever tells her anything....*

 

Congratulations. This is the first story I'm posting to after three months.

Nice story you've going going a_g. I especially love how you made Anakin scrub the toilet seat with a tootbrush. Can't promise to reply at all times, but know that I'm reading.

Aunecah

 

Hmmm, Obi Obi Obi... when will you learn...

I hope you checked your OWN toothbrush carefully after that punishment.

 

I hope you checked your OWN toothbrush carefully after that punishment.

Um.

That's classic!

Aunecah

 

Anakin scrubbed the seat of the toilet with a toothbrush, scowling the whole time. "I try, Master," he said.

That's Anakin's standard answer to everything. It translated to, "I know I can't say anything to satisfy you so I'm telling you what you want to hear so you'll shut up."

I can totally see that in his attitude in both this and AotC. That will be a good answer to remember next time I'm in a tough spot!

JS

 

The truth was that Senator Amidala was a good influence on my apprentice, and the only reason I allowed the relationship to continue in spite of the fact that it was against about twenty different mandates in the Jedi Code.
I think I recall you saying something about this story being an AU... For the life of me I can't figure out why you think that...

 

RebelScum: Thanks--hope you do stick around. I write AU because I think our characters deserve a happier ending than what their maker gives them--but that doesn't discount the value of the real story.

Ish: Well, since I'm telling the same story from a different POV, it wouldn't make much sense to change the dialogue, now would it?

Crystal: Yep, me too.

geo: Sowwy...

*note to self: be sure to PM or IM geo...*

Glad you're enjoying it.

Aunecah: Thanks.

Breezy: Now, would Ani mess with Obi's toothbrush? Sweet little Ani?

Jazz: Can you tell I've used that a few times myself?

Lex: Ahh...just giving my favorite characters the life they deserve...

Thanks, everyone, for reading and replying.

Here's a new post...the term "Tatooine Twit" belongs to CYNICAL21...What, you didn't think I'd call Ani that, did you?

*****

Almost time to leave for Alderaan--we were due at the docking bay in twenty minutes. I was in the 'fresher, finishing getting ready. I let Anakin sleep until the very last minute, mainly because I knew it was easier to do that and let him have his caf on the ship than it was to fight with him any earlier.

I wet my toothbrush, put paste on it, and ran it over my front teeth--and immediately gasped and reached for a water glass, gulping down about four full cups.

The Tatooine Twit had put Sullustian hot sauce on my toothbrush. The transparent kind, which was unfortunately also the hottest. My mouth was on fire. Alright, Skywalker--let's see how many katas I can run you through before you're allowed your caf.

I rinsed my mouth one last time and walked towards my padawan's room. "Anakin!" I called.

Nothing. I hoped I wasn't going to have to use the Force to propel him out of the bed. "Anakin!" I shouted again.

This time I heard sheets rustling, feet hitting the floor, and the unmistakable sound of my padawan blowing his very congested nose.

Damned kid must be sick again. I guess katas are going to have to wait. For the moment, having to be stuffed up for three days with no decongestants would be punishment enough.

I stood in the doorway of his room. He was standing in the middle of the floor, his blond hair sticking up in large clumps, looking miserable...but not so miserable that I could resist a jibe at him.

"Did one of those older model ships land outside?" I asked. "I thought I heard a foghorn."

He glared at me and Force-projectiled the used tissue at my head. I ducked. "Berry fuddy," he said. "Add don't remind me that I can't take medicine on the flight either. I know." Anakin sneezed violently and quickly snatched up several more tissues. Now he looked so pathetic that I actually felt sympathy for him, even though my mouth was still burning.

I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry, Anakin. I'll get some herb tea out of the cabinet. Get your bag. We're supposed to be at Docking Bay 301 in fifteen minutes."

I stopped off in the kitchen to get several bags of "Breathe Easy" herb tea, and we headed for the docking bay area, the silence of the hall interrupted only by Anakin's repeated sniffling.

"Look where you are going, you should, Padawan Skywalker."

It took a measure of the Force to keep me from bursting into laughter. Anakin had slammed right into Yoda, who only came up to his knees.

I saw my apprentice biting his lip to keep from making a smart comment, and I was thankful. I didn't want to make an even longer list of "Punishments for Anakin, Delayed Due to Illness".

We reached Docking Bay 301, where a standard model Republic cruiser was waiting for us to board.

"You're getting almost as clumsy as Jar-Jar," I told Anakin as we climbed the ramp and were immediately hit by a blast of cold air from the ship's vents.

Anakin didn't say anything out loud, but I heard him clearly through the Force. You?re lucky my stopped-up sinuses are b

 

Poor poor Ani.. I'll keep him warm!!

 

Back off, Breezy! Ani's mine!!!!! ***growls at Breezy*** lol! Just kidding! MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Poor, unsuspecting Obi-Wan...first thing in the morning, too...

Now, I have to ask...does Ani fake illness just to get out of punishment?