Here's a couple: Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman? A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a bar. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it really has to want to change. A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him. Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, "I hope you don't mind my Little Johnny playing in there." "No, not at all," said the doctor calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison." Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.. Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.