The Official Mysteries of the Sith hints and tips thread

I'm sure you can find critics out there who liked Star Wars, Roger Roger. I wasn't calling you a liar. I'm sure that YOU believe what you say. I'm just saying that I need more proof than what you believe. And I need more proof than what I've seen so far. If I felt like doing so, I'm sure I could find a critic out there who is just as enthusiastic about TPM, whether it be in a newspaper with a circulation of 800,000 or 8,000. But I still find it hard to believe that the majority of the critics liked the original Star Wars when some movie that people barely remember beat it out for Best Picture. In my opinion, the main thing that the original Star Wars had going for it over TPM was that it was something new and fresh that hadn't really been done before in a movie. Better acting than TPM? Better drama? I don't think so! Very good special effects for its time, but certainly not on the level with what TPM has to offer. But face reality here! The critics hate the idea that any movie becomes popular without their backing of it. They have hated many of Spielberg's films, and many other popular films because of their pompous belief that it is they, not the average Joe who spends his hard earned 8 bucks on a movie, who should be the ones who decide what constitutes a good film. I, for one, SPIT on this idea. I do encourage people to use their brains more and come up with better arguments than "It's good" or "It sucks". But for the most part, I really don't have a lot of respect for critics. Why should we believe that critics have any more integrity than the average viewer who actually had to PAY to see the film?

[Darth Jag turns to address Darth Derringer and his fresh round of snotty, sarcastic comments. He considers taking the honorable route and launching another discussion, but then he decides "The hell with it!" and moons DD.]

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[This message has been edited by Darth Jag (edited 06-27-99).]

 

Darth Jag said:

But I still find it hard to believe that the majority of the critics liked the original Star Wars when some movie that people barely remember beat it out for Best Picture.

Well, the critics didn't give the award for Best Picture to Annie Hall. That would be the members of the academy who are folks in the film industry. I remember watching the awards show in 1978 as a kid and being very upset that Star Wars didn't win. A few years later, I watched Annie Hall on video and found it to be a very smart and hilarious movie. Looking at it now, it comes across as very dated. It was very much a movie of and about that time in America. I prefer Manhatten, but if you get a chance Darth Jag, you should rent Annie Hall if you haven't already seen it...


Just then, a holographic image of Woody Allen appears on the bridge of the TPM Supporters command ship. He is dressed in a black robe and hood -- and glasses -- and is accompanied by a taller, similarly clad figure. His female apprentice.


Darth Woody: If you have trouble finding the video, Darth Jag, then my step-daughter, uh, I mean my girlfriend, er, my wife, Darth Soon-Yi, will find it for you. She will find your lost video.

The hologram shimmers and fades...

(editing note: "Darth" Woody. That's better. Thanks Darth Jag.)

[This message has been edited by Roger Roger (edited 06-27-99).]

 

I love TPM and will probalby see it again tonight.
One challenge I have issued to several TPM bashers that no one has even attmepted to meet is this:
-Name five movies better than TPM that are rated PG and are not produced or dircected by Lucas or Speilberg. Pretty damn hard huh?
I know you won't find five from the 90's. Hell I can't think of one.

 

LOL, Rog! Woody and Darth Soon-Yi??!!?? You definitely have a warped mind!

Hey, Deuce22, what's with your TPM worshippers??? If the obnoxious Darth Jag is the best your lock-step masses can put up against our paltry little basher crew, then we might as well relax and make ourselves at home on this little thread of yours!

 

Is there anywhere where these imbeciles aren't welcome?

Response to someone. I have never flamed anyone on TFN. Whenever someone irritates me enough I simply switch over to the answer to the above question: my own messagaeboard "Flame-U-Like" URL in above post.

This is hardly the same as flaming here. It's neat, secluded and out of the way. The only people who see it are those who are alerted to it i.e the person who it's directed at. There is a season for everything. No one is perfect.

Also I really do not understand why these so called TPM bashers exist. Why do they want to discredit the best movie ever made? Why do they insist on posting unfunny material and cluttering up the place with nonsense? Someone has said that this thread has no heart or something. This is quite true. Most of the posters here are non-fan antagonists.

Choose life

Choose Episode I

 

I'm with you, too!!!!
I am the STAUNCHEST of TPM supporters. I love this movie with all my heart, as much as or more than the original trilogy and the Expanded Universe...I suggest that people who say that TPM is lousy make their own movie, and see if it's as good as my TPM. I want to thank George Lucas for creating my New Favorite Movie. I waited 12 years of my life for it, and it was worth every second.

 

The Scene: The famed Star Wars Academy where Professor Bubba Fishcoat, the Head of the Academy's top-rated Department of Droid Engineering and Gungan Biology is lecturing a bored class of young padawans.
We see the balding Professor wearing a much-to-large, white lab coat and squinting through his thick black spectacles as he prepares to address his class. Let's listen in...]

FISHCOAT: [in a nasal voice] Today, class, I will point out the DISTINCT differences between this forum's Bossk77 battle droids and the Jedi3167 Destroyer Droids...

[The Professor turns on a noisy slide projector and we see a picture of a pencil-necked droid.]

FISHCOAT: This is a Bossk77 droid. Standing 1.91 meters tall, these droids serve as security, ground troops, and highway construction traffic sign holders for Emperor George. Receiving their instructions from a central source about the Jasman Droid Control Ship, these droids are incapable of independent thinking. Armed with mindless banter and attacking in massive waves, they can continuously wear down intelligent opponents to the point where they will retreat from the forum forever.

[The Professor pushes a button on the projector and a new droid flashes on the screen.]

FISHCOAT: This is the new Jedi3167 destroyer droid. These droids are deployed in wheel formation for swift positioning. After rolling into place, they quickly transform into an upright "posting" configuration for battle. The Jedi3167s are more dangerous forum opponents than the bossk77s because they actually form complete sentences. But just like their bossk77 counterparts, they, too, are incapable of independent thought.

FISHCOAT: Now, any questions? Ummm...yes, you! Darth Pantywaist?

DARTH PANTYWAIST: These new droids SUCK! Why can't we study those COOL "pre-TPM" forum droids like... GONK????

[The rowdy class begin chanting "Gonk!" "Gonk!" "Gonk!" as the Professor sighs and shakes his head in weary resignation.]

 

[The scene: Yet another cinema complex. Darth Jag has been captured by the Obnoxious TPM Bashing Federation, led by the EVIL Darth Derringer, who has formed a secret agreement with the SINISTER DARTH WOODY.]

Darth Derringer: You WILL sign this treaty recognizing that our wit is superior to yours, and that our occupation of this thread is perfectly legal.

Darth Jag: ~SIGH~ I will NOT cooperate. A little help here, guys! Remember, this is supposed to be OUR thread! We should at least launch a counterattack to their thread and preserve our superior appreciation of good cinema! You won't get away with this, Darth Derringer!

[Darth Derringer motions to one of the many ROGER ROGER droids]

Darth Derringer [in his best pseudo-Asian accent]: Take him away!

Roger Roger: Roger Roger!

[Darth Jag exits the theater, followed by two Roger Roger droids wielding blasters.]

[This message has been edited by Darth Jag (edited 06-27-99).]

 

Okay, I admit I am guilty!!! I started this thread and then RL got in the way and I spent all day yesterday working on a collapsed 77 Chevy Truck. (Which I call the Millenium Falcon because when it runs, it is fast, but when it doesn't "Its not my fault!!", and it has been known to respond to a fist on the control panel!!)

The Scene: The ever brave Darth Jag is held prisoner by the evil Basher Federation.

Darth Jag: I will never sign the treaty!!!

Darth Derringer: I am afraid that the suffering of your people will force you to view the situation differently. Roger Roger, take him to be processed.

Roger Roger: Roger Roger!!!

(DD turns and walks away to view his visage in the Sarcasm Hall of Fame.)

Enter Padawan Deuce22, he leaps over the concession stand and ignites his purple lightsabre (In tribute to Ki Adi Mundi, who, like Deuce, has unique insight into the Dark (Basher) Side. He bravely moves to defense position.

Roger Roger: Halt

Deuce22: I am Chancellor Lucas' ambassador, I am taking Darth Jag to Skywalker Ranch

RR: Where?

D22: To Skywalker Ranch.

RR: Does not compute!! He called me a liar so I posted a great review of ANH. He must be punished!! (RR takes aim with his blaster)

D22: A great review? The critic praised many of the same aspects of ANH that critics today ripped TPM for. A quote, if you will:

"gives the characters a cardboard stiffness that is appropriate to their symbolic role and is rightly subservient to the visual spectacle the film has to offer." (Deuce22 blocks the blaster fire and decapitates the droid)

DJ: Thank you for finally showing up Deuce!!

D22: Your welcome, but be vigilant!! I sense a greater disturbance in the force, Derringer is out there. (everbody!!) I've got a bad feeling about this.

 

Bringing it back up, and bear in mind that everyone is equal on the forum...even you Darth Derringer!!!

 

Hey, where did all the people go???

 

Still here general! Waiting for our next move!

 

(Flipping back his Jedi hood)

Hello there!

Didn't realize the Empire had mustered their bruised fleet THIS quickly. Nice place you got here. Seems a bit cavernous and hollow, though.

Where are the Bossk77's? Oh, there you are! And the destroyers, yes, yes. Ahhh, and the BOSSK 731, you're new SuperBattleDroid! Good.

So who wants to talk TPM? Hmmm?

ready when U are!

Well this oughtta be fun.

[This message has been edited by Quaff-Down Gin (edited 07-01-1999).]

 

Well, I present this as my "parting shot" as I leave for a four-day holiday weekend. Some of you have read this before, and I paste it here now because it sums up rather neatly the IMMENSE number of problems I found with the movie.

Any of you Loyalists who would like do defend TPM against these accusations, feel free to do so. I welcome your input.

Here she is!

My "inner child's" reaction to TPM:

PBPBPBLLLGGGG!! Okeeday?
Captain Panaka, Ric Olie
Captain Tarpals, Boss Nass
Space battle, piece o' trash
Neimoudian, what he say?
A trade treaty? WHAT THE HEY?!
Just what the hell IS the planet core?
We're supposed to IMAGINE we seen it before?
Qui-Gon Jinn, ahhh, noble one
Uses mind tricks to cheat EVERYONE
Anikin whines about being free
But slavery don't look so bad to me
Our favorite droids are hardly there
There's cartoons running everywhere
I'm SOOOO scared of battle droids
Did I say Jar Jar makes me annoyed?
I got more midichlorians than you!
Jar Jar steps in more poodoo
Anakin's leaving his mom for life
Hardly stops to say goodbye
Yoda's words don't match his mouth
Windu's dialoge's gone south
Darth Maul, well, he's got NOTHING to say
The invasion is a ****ing CHARADE!?!
The land battle brings out heavy sighs
Please let the Gungans frickin' die!
Anikin plays a video game
Hits reactor, can you say LAME!
ONE command ship, I ask you why?
"You can kiss your trade franchise goodbye."
I'm sinking into my movie seat
What did I do to deserve THIS treat?
Seen it 4 times & gotta say
I'm dissappointed, OKEEDAY?

Good luck to you all...

Oh yeah, and I do GET IT, thank you.

 

Editing note: I didn't notice there was a page 2 and I thought the thread had been cut-off. Nevermind.

[This message has been edited by Roger Roger (edited 07-02-1999).]

 

Quaff,

* if you saw the movie 4x you saw the planet core 4x - it's water.

* Who did Master Qui-Gon cheat? Watto may have had to put some effort into trading in those Republic credits, but so what? Jedi are not priests...

* The kid whined about being free?? when? When he asked (rather politely) "Are you here to free us?"

* "Any attempt to escape-"
"And they blow you up - BOOM!"
Still wanna be a slave?

* Sorry to break it to you: Yoda is really a puppet. For Ep. 2 George will have Frank Oz actually in the film, wearing a t-shirt that says "YODA", so the mouth movements will synch perfectly with the words. Just for you.

* Reactor hit: see also ANH and ROTJ. The Force + Extremely attuned to The Force = Anything's possible.
"I-I don't believe it!"
"That is why you fail."

* The other Federation battleships aren't necesary anymore: you don't have to enforce a blockade on a planet you completely control.

Hope you like the next two better...

[This message has been edited by Jedi at Night (edited 07-02-1999).]

 

The Jackdaw and the Fox

A half-famished Jackdaw seated himself on a fig-tree, which had produced some fruits entirely out of season, and waited in the hope that the figs would ripen. A Fox seeing him sitting so long and learning the reason of his doing so, said to him, "You are indeed, sir, sadly deceiving yourself; you are indulging a hope strong enough to cheat you, but which will never reward you with enjoyment."
-AEsop

 

Huh?!?! Now if TPM fans are the Jackdew, then the fable doesn't work, because we are not pretending that the first draft of TPM is the greatest. If Episode II is the fig, then that means that you have given up all hope on SW and so the point is moot. If the Jackdew represents fans that are hoping that TPM will improve with time, then you haven't seen the numerous posts that say that they have enjoyed TPM more the more times they have seen it. A Little Clarification Please!!!

 

Might as well bring my own thread back to the top since I have been responding to everybody else's

 

Okay, this is getting out of hand!! There are more bashers on here then I've seen anywhere else. I think they are purposely making this thread die by posting long, meandering, difficult-to-follow "stories?" that noone wants to bother going through to get to the bottom here.

I believe they are really undercover Trekkie terrorists who have advanced training in how to confuse and discourage others by being a super-nerd!!

I underestimated the power of the Dark Side! But I will never turn. They have failed. I am a Jedi..etc. You get the picture.

 

You forgot to mention that the LA film critics awarded ANH "best picture." Over Annie Hall I might add.

Debating wether or not we enjoyed TPM is pointless. We had really ought to debate wether or not it's a good film.

There is no secret to making good films -- all the audience wants is something emotional. They want to cry, they want to laugh, or they want to be on the edge of their seats. That's all they expect out of it. And the intensity with which you can deliver that is what will be your level of success.

George Lucas said this and it could not be more true. The only other things that matter would be; if the film achieved what it intended to and innovation (the only people who would disagree with this frame of reference are known as "Kevin Smith fans").

I truly believe that TPM has acheived all of these things.

 

CRITICS SUCK!!!! I would just like to get that straight. Yeah, sure, when it comes to asthetically great film, the critics are okay, but when it comes to a good film that grips the normal everyday viewer, their opinion is worth ***t. They are detached from the public, the people that decide what movie to spend their money on, and there have been occasions where the public have defied the critic opinions. So people that think like ROGER ROGER could just shove it. I support the film all the way!

 

I think that the point is that every movie intends to accomplish something, Saving Private Ryan wanted to recreate WWII, Shakespeare In Love wanted to inspire romance, TPM wants to intorduce people to the SW galaxy. I think that is how a movie should be judged

 

Thanks QuiGonJinn,
I forgot about the LA Film Critics Assn. I searched the web and found a list of their winners from 1977. Here they are. Lucas won best picture and John Williams best score:

1977

Best Picture Star Wars, George Lucas
Best Actor Richard Dreyfuss, The Goodbye Girl
Best Actress Shelley Duvall, 3 Women
Supporting Actor Jason Robards, Julia
Supporting Actress Vanessa Redgrave, Julia
Director Herbert Ross, The Turning Point
Screenplay Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman, Annie Hall
Cinematography Douglas Slocombe, Julia
Music Score John Williams, Star Wars
Foreign Film That Obscure Object of Desire (Spain), Luis Buñuel
Special Awards Charles Gary Allison, "for his initiative in organizing the production of Fraternity Row and thus opening a gateway into professional film production for advanced cinema students."
Barbara Kopple, Harlan County, U.S.A.
Career Achievement Award King Vidor
New Generation Award Joan Micklin Silver (writer/director of Between the Lines)


Yep, film critics suck.

 

I think that critics revered SW because it was so new. This was literally the first fantasy movie that didn't suffer from the special effects. Now that anybody with an idea can make a special effects spectacular (Armaggeddon) the critics are not as blown away. As I showed buried in the glowing review from 77, there were many of the same complaints used in 99 reviews.