The Official Romance Thread: Where all you need is LOVE!

Hi swb!

Thanks for clearing up some "details" . I didn't wanted to offend you or anything, but I'm quite confident that I'm from a very good christian (catholic, it is) family too. With no low standards of ethics, values and moral, but with differences regarding personal freedom, individuality, expression of one own's needs or feelings. And noone needs to look down how I (or countless others) decide to live my life. But it's now obvious to me that there are many cultural differences in certain ways between our families/peers/surroundings.

I don't intend to judge or anything, it's very ok with me and even old-fashioned romantic the way you (right now) decided to live your life. "Suum cuique", like that old latin proverb means: everyone should decide for him-/herself. I often wish that several people I know would have waited longer with dating and everything involved, so they wouldn't have had so much (emotional) trouble.

But in my understanding you would like to be closer to him (meant non-sexually), like it was between both of you in the camp. I am right, am I? And it's your family/society that's the problem, isn't it? Not "problem" per se, but "obstacle". Of course it won't be your intention to hurt your family. If your Mum thinks Seth's "not the guy" then that's pretty much her opinion - which doesn't count very much in this case: it's you not her who should like him. On the other side your Mum's definitivly right with you/him being in an age of "discovering the opposite sex".

It's very probable that you won't see him again in some months or years. But he could be the right person now helping you defining yourself as an independet, mature person. Or at least help starting this final process of adolescence. Important things going on, development of self-confidence, "testing" your ability for relationships, testing things like making compromises and so on. All that could be a great experience and a very fond memory later in your life, even if you don't break many rules (or rules at all) your faith and your society demands.

Don't get me wrong. You're definitivly too young to date like grown-ups, and I don't mean that in an insulting way. Especially when you're from an very conservative background. It takes longer making experiences if (smaller or bigger amounts of) guilt is involved. I know what I'm speaking about . But nothing should hold you from living a happy life. You don't have to become anything like an "easy" girl or whatnot. You can stay faithful to all your religious beliefs and also having a deep fulfilling friendship. Even if your Mum doesn't like him (yet) as "your" choice. If she trusts you, she will be ok with it.

Do you trust yourself? Because this is clear: if you start playing with fire it will burn you. Or him. This might not be as bad as you (or your local priest) may think right now, but you're not quite old enough to see/understand every consequences that could follow (I'm thinking of problems with parents, friends, school ... emotional, personal stuff like that. The rest should be no secret to you at your age.)


If you are afraid of a relationship or being close to him in public - what about this: both of you could join a common group of interest (sports, astronomy, church, arts, theater, ...) where you could meet quite casual in public without making people suspicious and without risking being alone together too much - you (and him!!) might not be as strong-willed as you think. So both of you could learn about each other and grow a little bit older together, till you both reach a point of decision of intensifying or slowing your relation-ship.

There's nothing greater than being together with a person you love and who loves you, trusting each other with his/her own life, undividing forever, no matter what anyone is thinking about it - and found a familiy with healthy kids.

But all people age, all people evolve or change. The guy you think is your destiny today could very well be your worst nightmare in 10 year

 

Thanks BDS for your advice! My mom just messed everything up though!

She talked to me and told me that I needed to quit acting the way I was with Seth and that if I didn't she was going to start making lots of rules!

I guess I will just have to wait until my parents trust me, before I do anything with Seth!

Thanks again!

 

Excellent advice, BDS! Definitely something I, as a college freshman need to keep in mind as I become independent.

It's interesting to see a different perspective on dating, SWB. I was raised in a home where a person goes on dates for fun without possibly considering that guy for marriage, so my mom doesn't really care if I show interest in a guy as long as I'm not flirty or anything. It's more of a "I like to spend time with so and so" kind of thing. My parents' only request was that I get to know the guy pretty well before going out with him, and hang out in groups with him for awhile before going on a date. It's quite interesting, though, because one of my close friends comes from a different background where a person dates when he or she is ready to contemplate marriage. We actually had an interesting discussion last night, as a matter of fact, and it's interesting to see the diffrences of opinion. I only hope, though, that she doesn't think less of me for my opinion of dating. I feel that each person should decide for themselves based on their faith and how he or she was raised how to approach relationships with the opposite sex. We're all different!

 

Serious question:

How do you get a girl who you really really like, but she's two years older than you and she has a boyfriend?

I'm not kidding, my friends. I need advice.

 

Oooh. I think I know the answer to this.

Pull a Peter Parker on her.

What I mean is, just be there for her when you can, and talk about her, not you unless she asks.... but don't stalk her. In time, she'll realize that you're the only one who actually indeed cares for her, and doesn't want her for her looks or whatever, and she'll....

 

That's good advice, Bacon. Just be there for her, LDD. If it's meant to be, the relationship will work out. Don't stalk her or aggravate her or anything. Just be a good friend.

 

Thank you, my friends. I shall see what happens.

You almost sound like you thought I was stalking her.... afraid not. Haven't seen her in a few weeks.

 

Nope. I just have an issue with hangin around people when they don't want me there, so that's tough when dealin with girls...

 

You both are too young to worry about girls...



Okay, I need advice now. What do you do when one of your friends is getting married next summer, the other ones are dating and you're single?

 

You don't care and continue on your way and keep lookin.

 

Wait,how old are you LDD?

 

It's not that easy. The friend who's getting married has completely dropped me -- she doesn't call or return my calls and she's been acting really weird. And the other friends just sit and talk about their boyfriends all day long...

 

WLOR, I know how you feel! Well, with the friend who is getting married, if she doesn't want to continue your relationship then that is her loss and you need to focus on other friends.

With the ones who are dating, I don't know! I am still trying to figure that one out!

 

With friends who are dating/getting married, you do have to accept that you won't see them as often. However, if your friend really isn't making any effort, it's perhaps best for you to move on. If you really don't want to lose her, talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. It's understandable that people want to spend time with and talk about their partners but there's no reason they should neglect their friends.

I've no idea if that's any help, but it's just my thoughts on the matter.

 

WLOR Listen to the above posters, that's what I would of said.

 

Not sure.

Jango, if I just told everyone how old I was...

 

I mentioned before about my best mate's fiancee and how she's decided she doesn't like me based soley on the fact that I'm female although we haven't met. Well now she does want to meet me! I know this is a good thing as it will allow me to talk to her and straighten stuff out but suddenly I'm really nervous. After all this time the idea of us meeting has built up so much. I feel like I'm meeting the in-laws. Help!

 

And the meaning of this thread is?

 

Love.

 

I asked a girl out who I've known for awhile and am good friends with. She said no. Now I'm worried we won't be friends anymore and I sit next to her in my history class so that will be ackward. Plus I really like her. What should I do?

 

Ok. You might want to ask her why she said no, its always good to have that talk since it clears lots of things up and the interactions with her will not be awkward. In a relationship it is important for one to be brave. Not to the extent of stalking but to the extent of expressing their feelings in words. The truth is that any guy has the opportunity to sweep any woman off her feet, he just has to have it in him to do that, it takes courage. The most important thing is to LISTEN to your date, don't stare at her you know what, don't think about what she looks like undressed, LISTEN TO WHAT SHE IS SAYING, so when she asks you something about what she said, you have more to say then "i like your mouth". Also make sure your attracted to her for the right reasons, or your relationship will end before it starts. If your looking just for a one night thing then go to a party. And with that I'm out, I myself have a date to go on to tonite.

 

Hey kyp, D_A said the right things. Find out why she said no, but in a respectful way. That should clear things up again. If your friendship is strong, it'll make it through this. Best of luck to you kyp , and D_A

 

She said she was "sort of" going out with someone. Not quite sure what she meant by that. And thanks for the advice. I think I'm attracted to her for the right reasons. She isn't just all looks.

 

That's an excuse. You haven't even gotten to be in high school according to your profile, give it some time.

 

Well if she's going out with someone then she can't just go out with you....unless you are a true playa and can sweep her off her feet. Spend some time with her, just be like lets hang out, DON"T say this is a date, just go and hang out, and if it works then she might she your more worth while than that other guy.