The Official "Wow, that was a good line!" Thread

From my D&D group last week:

Player 1: What would happen if you rolled a 1 and then on the roll to determine your critical miss, you rolled another 1?

Me: That would be a critical critical miss.

GM (with evil grin): That's when you drop your sword, it bounces off the ground and hits the guy on your left. The sword then falls out of him and bounces of the wall and ricochets around to hit the guy on your right, going through him and striking you.

Player 2: That's impossible, there has to be a second swordsman. Behind the fence, or over on the grassy knoll.

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New Guy (Temp Player): What should I name my character?

Me: Well, what is he?

New Guy: He's a male Elf. A surprising martial wizard actually.

Me: He's a male Elf, he's a Melf. (By popular demand, the name stuck)

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After leaving the dungeon, we returned the next day to find...

GM: All the doors have been closed.

Player 1: Hey guys, did we close the doors when we were leaving?

Player 2: No, I'm pretty sure we were all born in a barn...

 

Dude, any D&D player should know by now there's no such thing as a male elf. It's pure fiction, like female dwarves. I mean male elves are like the Loch Ness Monster, sure, rumors abound about thier existance, but have you ever actually seen one?

 

Actualy if you ask Gimli about Female dwarfs he would say "Male dwarfs and female dwarfs look so much alike it has made many beleve that there are no female dwarfs and that dwarfs just pop up out of holes in the ground" at least thats what he said to that chick in the two towers, I forgot her name.

any way here are some form our Star Wars the other night

P1:"If you arn't my enemy, why are you pointing a rifle at me."
P2:"If you arn't my enemy, why don't you trust me."
P1:"What do I look stupid or something?"
P2:".......Ummm"
P1:"Don't answer that."


P1:"Look it's a flying rock"
*corel-skipper fires lava*
P2:"It's a flying volcano"
P3:"Actualy it is not flying, my sensors detect a warp in the gravitational field around it, so it is a floating volcano."
P2: "Its still a volcano"
*fires again*
P2: "And its angry"
P3: "Actualy..."
P1: "We don't have time for you to pretend you know what your doing. That rock is trying to kill us."
P2: "What brought you to that conclusion?"
P1: *glares*

more to come next week

 

This was awhile ago, but I thought it was funny.


NPC: Would you like one of these exquisite treats?
GM: The little mounds are completely black, with no reflection. He eats one, and his eyes start to glow a bit.
Me: No thanks.
NPC: Are you sure? They are delicious.
Me: Nah... I'm not hungry.
NPC: Don't you trust me?
Me: Well, I have only known you for like 2 days.
NPC/GM: ... good point.

 

Alright, we had the semester finale yesterday.

A little info so I don't lose you all.

In this game, we've started dimension hopping, and right now, we are in the universe of the Slayers, a hilarious anime. We basically took a little trip into the D&D universe for this.


GM: The woman walks over to you. She looks like one of the water nymphs you...uh, met...last time. Anyway, she starts pushing you back on the bed. What do you wanna do?

Deuce: Ah, back for round two? Excellent.

GM: Alright, make a wisdom check.

*roll*

GM: Alright, she starts to nibble on your neck. Make another roll.

*12 rolls later*

GM: Alright, you finally realize what's happening to you. You have dropped from level 21 to level 7!

All: SUCCUBUS!

Deuce: Get her off me! Get her off me!

*3 grapple checks and one half-naked and one naked friend coming in and driving the succubus off later*

*Washuko walks in*

Washuko: What the **** happened in here?

Deuce: There was a succubus, and she wanted me so bad, because she must have heard about my legendary virility!

Washuko: Uh huh. Well, all I see are you and Audrey naked, and Lars wacthing.

*Audrey and Deuce jump away from eachother*

Audrey and Deuce: I can't believe that you thought that I would ever sleep with him/her!

Lars: Well, all I heard was a shout of "Oh my God, she's trying to kill me!," then I saw these two naked.

Deuce: What?! You were here, you helped fight the succubus!

Lars: I don't know what you are talking about. All I saw was you to going at it.

Audrey and Deuce: WHAT?!

*thrashing of Lars commences, with Audrey doing the most damage*

 

We have a boyfriend-girlfried pair our scenario now, and they are a pair of Chiss scouts. The male had to go EV during a fight with some Vong skips. The girl slowed down and flew by, he roled a dex check, and got a 20, he grabed her ship and said, "now I am sitting on her hull". The tone of his voice and the way he cocked his eyebrow sent everyone, including myself into uncontroable laughter.

 

I always manage to work in "I have got bad feeling about this." Not original by any strech I know. But it has become my expected line.

 

Heh some good ones, I lvoe this one though. its from a D&D game some friends and I played a little while back, we havent played in a while, we should get games going again or somthing.

Anyways, we got ourselves a cleric, a monk, two (NPC) Halflings and our warrior, trying to sneak into an enemey encampment of bugbears. So were sneaking along, suddenly a bugbear is headed towards us, we all suceed in our hide checks, except for our fighter who failed miserably, so the bugbear spots the fighter, who quickly says "Um, I am a tree." We all laughed while figuring we gotta fight this thing now and stop it before it alerts the camp, but for some reason our DM decided, to have the fighter roll a bluff check against the bugbears, now we all talked about it later and even after it just happened we are sure its not allowed, but the bugbear got a 1 on his bluff check against the fighter. The DM went with this, and our fighter managed to convice the bugbear that he was a tree.

Ive tried starting a SW RPG, got all the books and stuff, but we only started one mission and barely got through half of it, I hope to someday get an actuall sw game going and finsihed, because I love playing with the shipbuilding one and desinging all sorts of ships.

 

Had a fighter named "Cano'n Foh'Dor" or Cannon Fodder. He actually lasted quite a while.

Mercenary named "Harry Grunt" with 4d dex, str, and kno.

Ridar theif named Aardvark, who always began dialog or confirmed orders by saying his name in a high-pitched voice. "What the hell is that?" "AArdvark!!!"

In a western game: "Son, take this barrel back to Gary the Cooper." <Groans from the party>

Female Tagorian got knocked into the male refresher during a cantina fight. "I'm playing in the wrong sandbox."

lots of other cute moments escape me.

 

Well we had another session tonight, our female chiss was absent so we had her get drunk and then tossed her into the cargo bay to sleep it off. The Chandra-fan went back to the acadamy and a Squib joined the party, allong with his killer ship. He was in a campain we ran in an earlier era and was the only one to survive. Any way, he was going to Narshada, several fighters began aproching his ship. Not bothering to check ther ID signels, he opened fire with a light turbo laser. After he destroyed them, he looked on the computer logs, the fighters were regestered to Narshada flight controle. When he established comunications with the ground controle, it went something like this:

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!"
"Sorry, slight weapons malfunction."
"Slight?"

He got a force point for that one.

 

I forgot to mention this line, and it was a great one. I was playing a D6 game as a Brash Pilot, a Dash Rendar type. We were going into a bar where a Bith band were playing. My comment?

"I'm not going anywhere where there is wailing jizz!"

Purile, yes, but it worked at the time.

E_S

 

My character (back to the Soldier one), rounding a corner to confront a Dark Force user (10th level Telepath)...

GM: "You see a female Anzati standing there with her eyes closed."
Me (without hesitation): "SOUP'S ON!!!"
//shoots her

 

Our ship confronts six X-Wings bearing the markings of the bounty hunter group that captured, starved, tortured and carbon-froze my character in a previous episode...

Commander: "Give us Darn and we promise to keep him alive."
Me: "Alive... right. I remember that definition."
//fires fire-linked proton torpedoes at neareast X-Wing, rolls 20 then 20 to confirm

 

Check this out for some Famous Last Words. Some are funny some are not.

 

Setting: Darth Vader and his huge band of stormtroopers and Noghri have our heroes in a bind (surrounded in a precarious position). The Jedi Master among the players is speaking for the group.

Vader: Any last words before your death?
Jedi Master: There is no death, there is only the Force.
(Vader ignites saber.)
Vader: Then prepare to feel the Force fool!

 

Wow. That was a good line!

 

PC: I wanna raise the dead for reinforcements.

GM: You don't find any bodies.

On and on he keeps saying he wants to raise the dead, so the GM says;

GM: Fine! You see a graveyard nearby.

PC: Raise the dead!

*GM rolls dice*

GM: There are 32 liches coming toward you.

PC: There can;t be 32 liches, because if there were 32 liches, we'd be dead.

You can guess the rest.

 

Our players are at something of an impromptu award ceremony/press conference for intervening on behalf of a Senator during an assassination attempt at the Coruscant opera. Senator is addressing the media and then shakes hands of players and says a few words with each for the benefit of the cameras. Total publicity thing of course...
One of our players is a bit flustered during this whole encounter, being from a primitive world in the Outer Rim. Later, this same player lived and trained among Wookies, on Kasshyyk. He was NOT raised by them however.

Senator: And you are?

Player: (a bit taken aback by all the lights and people) Uh....Seb-..Seb- (Stuttering).

(Senator smiles patiently while trying to shake player's hand which the player doesn't seem to be picking up on. Senator than leans over to another player and whispers): What's the matter with him?

2nd player: Oh, him. He was raised by Wookies. (keep in mind he wasn't, but this player is saying he was.)

Senator (still whispering to 2nd player): Really?

2nd player: Yes.

Senator (faces first player and firmly grasps his hand while saying quietly just for him): I'm sorry.

The scene that followed was, how shall we say, truly impromptu....not to mention bloody....

*Caveat: I'm well aware the Wookies are an intelligent and advanced species. However, the line just seemed to fit the moment, and maybe this particular Senator is ignorant of Wookie culture. You probably had to be there.*

 

A few years back, I was running a WEG Star Wars campaign, when the players decided to play a little one upmanship game with each other, by seeing who could pull out the biggest gun. There were four characters involved, 3 players, 2 of which were bounty hunters, and one a rebel Specforces sergeant, all of whom were PCs, and one NPC, a Gamorrean, a thug essentially. Well, it started out harmless enough, with one person pulling out a DL-18 sporting blaster and quickly escalated to T-6 Thunderers and Prax Blast and Smash rifles. Well, it finally ended with one of the Boutny Hunters pulling out a full pack of Plasticene Thermite gell. This caused everyone to pause in surprise, the gamorrean squealed at him and then walked away. My brother, asked what he said, since his character unserstood Gamorrean. Just as he was starting to drink some Pepsi, I translated: "I'm shocked and appalled."

 

Playing a game paralleling the Battle of Naboo, SteveD is the Jedi Padawan and my girlfriend is playing a Handmaiden to the Queen. At the dénouement, the Padawan, flushed with the victory, approaches Amidala.

Padawan: Where is Master Qui-Gon?
Amidala: (suddenly despondent) Master Qui-Gon has fallen...
Handmaiden: (under her breath) ...and he can't get up...

My girlfriend was suddenly subject to much applause, saluting, and proclamations of her attainment of GamerGeekness.

SteveD's Buffy game, The Night Watch, is the site of much hilarity in quotage. Start reading the RPG.Net thread and/or the official site if ye're bored.

 

I don't know if this is a good line, but it generated some laughter from the other players.


My character has locked himself in his cockpit to have a private conversation. A dark Jedi that wants something I have is on the other side of the cockpit door, banging, telling me to open up. I tell him I'm busy, so he gets mad, ignites his lightsaber and slices a hole in the cockpit door, gaining access to my domain. What do I respond?

"You're gonna pay for that door, you know."

 

My buddy was telling me about his evil D&D DM.

DM: Roll your Reflex.

(My buddy rolls. As the die is rolling...)

DM: Is it higher than 80?

Buddy: D'oh!

 

Well my gaming sessions with PC's have breed single one liners imitating old Arnie, "Wrong," "I'll be back," or "Consider that a divorce," to more obscure, some even bordering on the absurd.

I mean, its okay to flip a coin in the cantina to the bar keep and say "Sorry about the mess," but to walk out and say "Thank you for a lovely tea party,?!"

I'm still trying to break them on that.

I guess the "line of the month" for my players now is in homage to Legolas of the woodland realm.

You see for those not familiar to the novels, there's many a time whenever Legolas was in battle, or dark deeds were about, the elf would break into some "sissy sonet,"

So, know, wether D&D or Star Wars, whenever my pal kills enmasse, he turns to look away to an imaginary Legolas near the gaming table and invites him in a very BAD impersonation of Aragorn to sing a song...

 

Bravo on the Qui Gon line!

"Son of a Sith must pay."

"Praise Boba."

"The Force can have a strong impact on the weak minded."
"That explains why you constantly are spouting platitudes instead of giving real teaching."

"I am a Jedi, I am calm. I am at peace. I am one with the Force."
"As your master I give you permission to express your feelings."
"I HATE THIS MORON WHOM WE CALL OUR LEADER! WHAT IDIOT THINKS LETTING OURSELVES BE CAPTURED IS A GOOD IDEA!"
"Who is a more fool, the fool.."
"SHUT UP!"

*lightsaber short*
"Darnit, I just changed the power pack yesterday."

"Jedi are not allowed to feel attachment. We can have sex though..."

 

A jedi padawan was injured in our last game and was taken to a local medical facility. When his master paid for the bill, one of my players remarked, "He'll just put it on his Jedi master card."