So NV The Onion reviews Underworld.

Here's The Onion's review of Underworld. I thought some of you would like to read it. Underworld Review

 

Wow, is that review dead-on the money, I couldnt agree more.

 

I don't agree with that....I found the movie very enjoyable. Especially the part where she's in the black leather suit....oh wait that's the whole movie....my bad. But anywho I disagree with the Onion. It's just I don't have the vocabulary to disprove it....it's like that one guy who said, I may not know art, but I know what I like.

 

I actually agree with the review. It was very cookie-cutter. Also, why did she have to either fling or smash every door open? I don't think she actually opened a door like a normal person even once. Terrible trite movie.

 

Does that guy like any movie that he has ever watched? What a lame site.

 

What movie reviews did you disagree with Fosche?

 

he liked pirates of the caribaeen (i have no idea if i spelled that right, but probably not) but otherwise i do agree he is pretty cynical when it comes to movies. It seems to me that he is one that wants every movie to move and excite him, me on the other hand i pay $5-9 and expect to get 2 hours worth of entertainment, and i usually do. sure there are movies that when you break them down you can end up hating them, but why do that? why not keep the movies at face value and enjoy them on a shallow level instead of breaking them down and end up hating them... but then again I'm not a movie critic, i guess thats his job...

 

I'm suprised I thought all of you would love it. I personally enjoyed it to it's fullest extent and will probably pay much more money to see it many many many more times...

=D

 

Yes well next time they make a Vampire movie they should, I dont know, put some vampires in it or something

 

I really liked Underworld, too. I agree with Jeremy. Petra knows that I will sit and say, "hey, that's not right!" throughout the entire movie, but in the end, it's just a movie! I don't have to get any kind of spiritual meaning or insight into life to enjoy it. It was cool, I am entertained, I am happy. However, when a good plot comes around (as in Matrix 1) I am even more happy.

I didn't like his review of Underworld because I don't think that it is "another lifeless clone of The Matrix". It had nothing to do with The Matrix. Is no one allowed to wear leather anymore? Is no one allowed to use wire kung fu fighting anymore because they did it in the Matrix? What on earth would we do without kung fu movies?!!

There were a few things that I personally would have changed about the Vampires, but, hey, I don't make movies and it was their creative thing. Who am I to criticize? (sp?)

 

I don't think that it was a vampire movie at all. It was a werewolf movie and there are never enough of those. The issue with the vampires that they explained in the beginning was that they had grown weak because of the lack of discipline and focus on self-indulgance. The vampires turned soft with the exception of the elders and the death dealers. It is not the fault of the movie if werewolves are more powerful. Why shouldn't they be? When you try to enslave a people too long, they eventually revolt and take over. Such is life.

 

or they procreate with the leaders daughter

 

Yeah I have to say that I was disappointed with the super monster at the end. It just wasn't cool enough.

 

Okay I didnt like the movie. I could list all the reasons but yet again hollywood has delivered exactly what I expected, nothing. If you'd like me to list everything wrong with this movie then I will but I thought Id spare you all

 

I liked it, but I don't know that I'd spend money to see it again. Maybe a renter. Maybe.

My chief gripes:

1. Vampires were underpowered. Yes, they grew weak, but at least have the elders or deathdealers do more cool vampiric stuff. I mean, c'mon... put Daredevil in a leather trenchcoat, and you couldn't tell him apart from them. Acrobatics and big jumps are cool, but where was any of the classic vampire mythos powers?

2. The werewolves were... dirty. Grimy. Filthy. Yes, they were forced to live in the sewers or whatever, but they were just kinda gross. It was like much of the homeless population of that city were werewolves. Even when they turned into wolves, they were all kind of mucousy and sinewy and gross. Werewolves can be very cool, and it would have been nice to see at least a few of them make it look good. And yes, I am a werewolf fan as well, Gerson.

3. I agree about the end fight. Kind of anti-climactic. I am talking about the one with the elder and the main guy. The problem was, even if the main guy had an edge on him in power and that's why they were closely matched, we had no point of reference for the power of the elder becuase the never really showed his true power in comparison to anything. Follow me? It's like this: You walk into an alley, and see Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan fighting. They each land some hits, they each dodge even more... the fight looks boring. Now, if you had earlier seen Bruce Lee exercise his skills against an array of opponents, and had seen him issue forth mighty Jeet Kun Do butt kickings, then when you see Chan holding his own against him, you would say "Wow, Jackie Chan is really good!" Now, in the case of Underworld, I felt like there was not enough of a point of reference to really show the elder as being 'all that'. Thus when he goes agains the main male lead, I just wasn't that impressed. It just made the main male lead look like he wasn't that big of a deal. "ooooooh! he can beat up an old man!"

4. Unless you are a deathdealer, it looks like being a vampire means you wear black velour or leather, and sit around posing in a dimly lit room. What the heck was that?

[/rant]

 

"Not since Battlefield Earth pitted overacting, nine-foot-tall Psychlos against puny man-animals has there been an interspecies match-up this perversely uninteresting."

Talk about a bad review... anytime a movie is compared to Battlefield Earth, you have to wonder whether the reviewer is trying to be mean or just really hates the movie.

 

He wasnt saying it was as bad as Battlefield Earth just as uninteresting as Battlefield Earth, and that movie was pretty uninteresting.

 

Comparing anything: plot, effects, acting, direction, etc.; to Battlefield Earth is an insult.

 

I never saw Battlefield Earth and it sounds like that was for the best.

What I didn't like about the movie was the fact that I only saw a vampire bite someone once. MORE BITING, MORE BITING!! The vampires needed to change into mist or bats or rats or something! Maybe they will make a sequel. I know Axia was wincing when he read that! hahaha!

 

I have always been under the impression that vampyres do not cast a reflection in the mirror. but when that one vampyre chick that ended up on the ceiling was fixin her hair or whatever in the MIRRROR you could see her reflection. or am I completely wrong and vampyres could always cast reflections? That's my only problem with the whole movie. I was very much entertained other than that.

 

Look at my movie...

 

standard Vamp lore has them not casting reflections. This was my problem, vampires are not a virus its a curse, they bite, they turn into mist, they mezmerize victims, they bite, they feed, they dont have hearts that pump blood and they arent impregnanted by werewolves becuase they are DEAD, DEAD, DEAD.

werewolves dont chnage on a whim, sorry I need a better explantion then "oh they can now."

and Fosch Im already wincing becuase they are planning not 1 but 2 sequels to this shlock. I miss good movies or at least having not seen as many movies to be able to tell the difference.

 

WEEE-HOO! Maybe the next ones will have biting Vampires!!

 

Hi! Well, I really liked the film...and I am not even a big fan of the whole Goth, vampire, werewolf genre. I enjoy The Matrix films and The Crow. Not really a Blade fan. Never even liked the old Blade comics. Edit: I only enjoyed The Crow because of Brandon Lee and was familiar with James O' Barr's tragic story from Kitchen Sink Press comics. He personally sent me a cool Crow postcard and black t-shirt around the time the film was released.
UW reminds me of the old cool Fox show "The Kindred", which I enjoy more than *cough* Buffy or Angel. UW was a great ride and wouldn't mind seeing it again. The IDW comic made the perfect comic book souvenir.

 

Jaded: very funny movie, i laughed