Saga The Only Way Out (Post-TPM Obi vignette)

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The Only Way Out
Author: KrystalBlaze

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Summary: Obi-Wan is dealing with Qui-Gon in a very bad way and is thinking of a way out: suicide.

Notes: My greatest thanks go out to my betas: DarthVegas and obaona. Thanks for all the comments, especially you, oba! *hugs*

And btw, this is probably considered a repost taken as when the board change took place I posted it on the wrong board.

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Obi-Wan hopped around the punching bag. He stabbed at it, his head whirling and spinning, lost in the exhilaration of simply sparing. He punched, whirled around on his heel, and slammed his foot into it. He moved around it, faster and faster, his gloved hands making small indentions where he hit.

He heard murmurs from the crowd gathering around him and felt their disbelief; apparently astounded at his endurance. He had been sparring for at least two hours, but to him the minutes had slipped by in a haze.

He paid them no heed, just hit and hit the bag. He felt the sweat dripping off his bare shoulders. He pressed onward, his breath coming in short breaths. He threw his anger and sadness at the bag, throwing his whole body into the punches. If he missed, if the bag moved, he?d land on the floor, dazed, and the thought of not moving paralyzed him with fear with for a reason he did not want to face.

If he stopped, he would have to remember his promise to Qui-Gon Jinn, and the feeling of wrongness which accompanied the thought of it. He would have to face the shock and hollow feeling of grief.

He gritted his teeth so hard it that it hurt, and hit harder, the bag swinging and almost slamming into his face.

He punched and punched, lost in his body?s exhaustion, but refusing to give into it. He couldn?t. He refused to. He had to keep punching, had to keep driving and driving himself. He could feel the tiredness lapping behind his mind, and it rang like an ocean in his ears. He slammed and slammed, letting his anger drive over and over into the bag in the form of his fist.

He had to let the anger out somehow. He had to let the grief out, the disbelief. His eyes shut; he stabbed the bag with his hands again, pouring out his hurt. How dare he? How dare he give the boy to him? How dare he leave him with a boy who he felt no bond with and who he foresaw bringing the downfall of the galaxy?

Qui-Gon Jinn was dead. His beloved Master was dead. He threw his body into the bag, slamming his head into it and swinging it, sweat soaking the tank top he wore. He started to punch it again, his rage leaking into it.

Qui-Gon was dead. Qui-Gon was dead. It was like a mantra in his head, over and over again. Qui-Gon was dead. Qui-Gon was dead. It caused flames to lick at his mind, made his stomach feel raw and torn, made him want to vomit his inner organs up. He executed a chop to the bag, using his elbow and forearms to make it swing in circles around him.

Qui-Gon was dead. His Master was dead. The only father he had ever known was one with the Force. He had left Obi-Wan an array of responsibilities, as well as hate and sadness and depression. He charged the bag, his head hitting it and making his headache jump at him harder. He almost screamed as the Sith?s face ran through his mind.

The Sith, the murderer, the evil one. He kicked the bag and felt his foot cry out from the force of the impact. He ignored it, as he ignored the murmur of the crowd, as he had ignored the young boy who watched him quietly from the sidelines, his face frightened.

Obi-Wan didn?t care. He had been Knighted just a day ago, and he pounded the bag as he pictured the image of him kneeling before the Council as Yoda used one of Qui-Gon?s daggers to cut off his braid.

He hated Qui-Gon Jinn. How he loathed his dead Master, how he wished it had been him delivering the killing blow, even after all the comfort his Master had provided, all the knowledge and the wisdom he had handed down.

Because Qui-Gon had left him. Had forced Obi-Wan into a vow that he didn?t w

Sad! Obi kills himself? Suicide is horrible!

But, aside from all that, a very well written piece. It seemed like I was there. All the descriptions, I could see what was going on. All Obi's thoughts, I could see through his eyes. I've never seen anything like this! Lot's of people write about Obi being frustrated with being forced to take on Anakin and not wanting too, but no one has taken it this far and had him completly hate Qui-Gon, at least not that I know of. I loved it. There was so much emotion. Obi hated Qui, but I could tell it came from the loss of losing him. But suicide? I think you're brave to take it that far.

I know there's people out there that don't like Qui-Gon a whole lot. I think they need to read this.

Great, awesome, job.

JB

I really enjoyed this - well written, showed Obi-Wan's fury and despair with himself for not being able to save his Master, blaming himself and Qui-Gon for the dilema of training Anakin when all Obi-Wan could see was darkness.

Great stuff!

Wow! This was so well written! You portrayed Obi-Wan's emotions great! The sadness and anger and darkness he was feeling was put into one vignette by you and it was awesome! But wait...HE KILLED HIMSELF?!?! NO!!! You know, you could turn this into a story! It would be so cool! And did he kill himself? Ok, I feel stupid asking this, but what's a jaguar vein? I'm 12 and I have heard of a jugular vein, but not a jaguar vein. A mistake? Oh well! I'm sure everyone got the point- no pun intended!

jedi_bounty: What a wonderfully thought out review! I couldn't ask for anything more!

But suicide? I think you're brave to take it that far.

Thank you. In truth I never thought of the reaction people would have to him comitting suicide. It just popped into my mind one day that he would be caught up in his grief and try to end the pain. Thank you so much for the review!


dianethx: Thank you for the praise! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thought it was well written; it's what I strive for as a writer! *hugs*

diamond_pony: *is blushing furiously* I meant jugular vein. *hollow laughter* Oops. *shoots herself* Hehe...

You know, you could turn this into a story!

Would you care to elaborate on that? I was under the impression it was a story.

no pun intended!

No problem, thanks for pointing it out. Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Hmm...i seem to remember this story from a while back. I think i might have betaed it...i don't know, i could be wrong. Anyways, i really love this fic.