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Before - Legends The Passing (JA, Obi/Qui) - one shot <A note, and replies>

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Princess_Arulmozhi, Aug 20, 2005.

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  1. Princess_Arulmozhi

    Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 16, 2004
    Title: The Passing
    Author: Princess_Arulmozhi
    Timeframe: JA
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, an OC
    Genre: The opposite of fluff.
    Summary: Every experience is a teacher.
    Notes: I had to write this. And that's pretty much it.


    The Passing


    Large, green eyes, flecked with silver and gold, seeking assurance, peace?and something he could not fathom. It lurked at the edges of his consciousness, like an answer to a question he should have known, but did not.

    Obi-Wan stared at the small being laid on the flat bed, wires and tubes inserted in every possible vein that could be reached?or so it seemed. He sensed the emotions that radiated in the room, carefully taking in the dull sheen of scales on the body, the claws that had curled up on the bed, the torso that rose and dipped shallowly?and finally, those eyes.

    Eyes that would never see again. Eyes that had smiled at him, offered him reassurance, conveyed regret and help when he had been injured, and had transmitted affection when he had felt helpless. And he had felt that a lot in the past fortnight, alone on Ventre III, lost in wilderness, fleeing rapacious natives, waiting for Qui-Gon to trace his whereabouts, and perform a rescue.

    A rescue that should have been unnecessary. A rescue that should not involved a last ditch, bloody confrontation with said natives. A rescue that should not have ended in his friend torn practically from limb to limb, fighting for a life that was ebbing.

    Had it not been for Qui-Gon?s remarkable connection to the Living Force, exhausting the very foliage around them to feed his friend, they would not have been able to bring him back to the Temple alive.

    He felt his friend stare at him sightlessly, seeking to offer comfort.

    Even now. Even at the end of it all.

    Jedi were taught to offer this compassion, but it had to be taught, nevertheless. Rarely did it come naturally, as it did now, from his friend.

    You must save your strength. I am all right. He spoke through a tenuous bond they had shared?for his friend belonged to a species that could touch the Force. Primitive, natural, and in a way that harked back to centuries that had seen peace on their planet. They had managed to hold on to it somehow. That bond would soon be severed.

    You are strong. Stronger you must be.

    I could say the same of you. Why are you leaving?

    There is nothing to keep me here. My people are gone. My culture is no more. Our hills smoulder, razed down by our cousins. They hated us, hate us still. The body heaved slightly, already exhausted.

    Be at peace, he offered, even as he felt deep sorrow clench his chest. Where was Qui-Gon?

    I am, came the answer. I feel my people beckon to me. They are happy, free of the shackles that existed on the physical plane. I share their sorrow at having lost our home?but it now lives on in you. And your Master.

    We should have been able to prevent it. Your people?

    You have done much. You carry us, in yourselves. You use the?the Force to aid others. So have we, but we call it differently. Our time in this plane is at an end, my Warrior. We have passed on our knowledge to you. Worthy successors, you and your Master. Had we searched?

    You must rest now, he urged.

    ?had we searched, we could not have found worthier heirs.

    He bowed his head, his heart melting. I am deeply honoured.

    Dimly, he felt another Force signature?deep, rich and strong?stand by his side.

    The Force swirled strangely, prickling him, touching him one moment, receding the next. He felt a peculiar humming in his ears, and realized it was different. Whorls of energy ebbed and flowed around him, preparing?

    Preparing to receive one of it own.

    He felt the room grow chill, and felt his hand grope automatically for another?s touch. A touch that was granted almost at once, as his Master?s fingers closed over his.

    Farewell, Warrior. M
  2. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 28, 2003

    Awwwwww what a sweet yet sad vig Princess! Lovely lovely work.

    Edit --- Woot I got first review! [face_dancing][face_dancing][face_dancing]
  3. Fluff-Slayer

    Fluff-Slayer Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 12, 2005
    Very well-written. Oh, the angstiness of it all... *Swoons*

    I really liked this OC of yours, especially the description of his eyes. I wonder just how many deathbeds Obi and Qui-Gon have had to stand by in their entire career. Probably a lot more than most of us.

    :_| Beautiful job.
  4. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Lovely prose in this.
  5. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 7, 2005

    Beautifully written. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are both perfect in this--Obi-Wan trying so hard to be strong, but feeling so deeply for the loss of his friend, and Qui-Gon teaching, enlightening, and comforting when the time is right.

    It's just exactly who they are. Great piece!
  6. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    That was extremely touching and lovely for such a sad topic.
  7. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002
    Another masterpiece.
  8. LilQui-Gon

    LilQui-Gon Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jul 29, 2004
    It's so sad... :_| yet very lovley. [face_love]
  9. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Aug 1, 2005
    Aw, that was lovely Princess. I loved everything! =D=
  10. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight star 5

    Feb 9, 2002
    Wonderful concept and beautifully written. Well Done!
  11. Star_Drifter

    Star_Drifter Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 18, 2005
    Very touching...

    @};- @};- @};-

  12. River_Stone

    River_Stone Jedi Youngling star 1

    May 7, 2005
    And may it light our way, when it is our time.

    For in death, you have gained Life.

    Words can not express how good this story was. There were tears in my eyes towards the end. Poor Obi-Wan. Did he sense, that regardless of Qui-Gon's words and comfort, he would be alone? He knew, I think, on some basic level currently without understanding that it would be his path, and this story was all the more sombre because of it.

    And that Qui-Gon would keep his identity in the Force just reflects the love they share even more, as if he was doing it for Obi-Wan's sake, because he remembered the affect the passing had on his apprentice.

    But then when I think that Obi-Wan couldn't hear him, even though he was there... :_|

    You've covered so much with such a simple, short piece. I could talk about the miriad levels for days.

    Beautiful. @};-
  13. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 31, 2001
    very powerful and moving
  14. stormqueen874

    stormqueen874 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 7, 2005
    My gosh, how many of these do you have? Still, this is wonderful! I have tears in my eyes and my heart aches for Obi-Wan. I can't begin to put my thoughts into words properly; your writing is absolutely wonderful.

    Bravo! =D=

  15. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2004

    That was so emotional the way Qui-Gon explained it to Obi-wan
    a brilliant piece of writing.
  16. Princess_Arulmozhi

    Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 16, 2004
    [:D] for all the lovely reviews.

    Note: Just a tiny tidbit about my OC, whom I named Nachi'kketh - I gave him that name for a reason. Nachikethas is the name of one of the characters in Hindu mythology; a young Brahmin boy who wishes to know what happens after death, and what happens to the soul, once death (to the body) has occurred. He questions the God of Death (Yama) about it, meets with a lot of resistence [naturally, since he questions the very basis of existence], and eventually, his questions are answered.

    The story's a part of the Kathopanishad.

    Layren: <joins Layren in her jig> And a lovely first review it is. Thank you. :)

    Fluff-Slayer: Too true. It's one thing to be unemotional and all that, but when you look at the sheer volume of deaths they've gotta witness... :(. Glad you liked my OC. He's...different. :) Thanks!

    DarthIshtar: Thanks, Ish. :)

    maychorian: Thank you, May. It's always a challenge to get those two right. The more you do it, the more of a challenge it becomes, so I'm glad it worked right. :)

    Healer_Leona: <hugs> Thanks, HL! < typos... [face_thinking] >

    LuvEwan: Thank you. [face_blush] From you, that's a great compliment.

    LilQui-Gon: I'm glad it touched you. Thanks! :)

    Katieelessar: Thank you! [:D]

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi: Thank you. :)

    Star_Drifter: Thanks. @};-

    River_Stone: Thank you for that wonderful review, m'dear. <I must have read it four times, at the very least :D >. I think, despite all the remarks that Qui-Gon didn't have visions, he probably did have twinges of warnings, about what might happen - that perhaps, his destiny was not going to be the same as every other Jedi. You could say that he was the real Nachikethas of the GFFA - he wanted to know how death could be defeated - and ultimately did defeat it, by teaching it to his student. And perhaps Obi-Wan, with his genuine gift for prescience, had an inkling of what was to come...

    Thanks again, Master Reviewer. :D

    PadawanKitara: Thanks, PK. :)

    stormqueen874: You poor thing, reading and reviewing them all at a stretch...sweet of you. It hits you all at once (as I've no doubt other fanficeers will tell you) and you've *got* to write it down, or the moment is lost.

    Thanks a bunch!

    Gkilkenny: Thank you. Glad you liked it so much. :)

  17. Seven

    Seven Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 20, 2000
    ~sigh~ I seem to be late to the reading again. Rats.

    Well, I suppose that I shall have to make up for it with a really nice review, huh?

    This was stupendous. It was so eloquently written that it has stolen my breath away. Master this is wonderful.

    The emotion displayed by Obi-Wan was very powerful. Just stunning. His respect for the passing was just as spectacular.

    It's truly very very graceful, and it makes my heart sad that somethings need to be learnt in such ways.

    Beautiful Master. Just beautiful.

    You've outdone yourself again.

  18. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    That was very sad. Both were perfectly in character - Qui-Gon ever the gentle teacher and Obi-Wan still learning that he needed to let go. Loved the slight foreshadowing there. And the descriptions were lovely.
    Great job.
  19. Charmisjess

    Charmisjess Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 31, 2003
    :eek: so...absolutely...beautiful...

    Oh, wow. *shakes head* This is possibly one of the freshest, most insightful, instinctively written fics I've ever read. I can't think of one thing I would have changed. It was so original, and creatively written, like following Obi's thoughts in the beginning, with the eyes, and then slowly drawing in to the situation. Marvelously done!

    Geez you are such a good writer! *shakes head*
  20. stormqueen874

    stormqueen874 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 7, 2005
    You poor thing, reading and reviewing them all at a stretch...sweet of you. It hits you all at once (as I've no doubt other fanficeers will tell you) and you've *got* to write it down, or the moment is lost.

    Well, not so poor thing, because I enjoyed every minute of it! :D

    And as for it hitting you all at once, I know what you mean. When a bunny bites me really badly, I just have to write, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. My roommate thinks I'm nuts because I'll leap from whatever I was doing and race to find some pen and paper (or my computer, if it's turned on) and I'll sit for hours sometimes, just writing. What can I say? It's something I can't escape from, but I love every second.

  21. River_Stone

    River_Stone Jedi Youngling star 1

    May 7, 2005
    "Thank you Master Reviewer" It's your own fault for writing so well! You have no-one to blame but yourself. [face_shame_on_you]
  22. raisedbywolves

    raisedbywolves Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jul 1, 2005
    Princess, that was incredible.

    And I knew I recognized the OC's name from somewhere! I love the Katha, that's my favorite Upanishad. What is that... "Like corn the mortals fall/ Like corn they rise up again" ... I'm sure I'm misquoting, but oh well. Lovely story.
  23. Princess_Arulmozhi

    Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 16, 2004
    Padawan: Thank you so much. [face_blush] Your words, as always, mean so much to me. [:D]

    dianethx: Thanks, m'lady. Glad you thought they were both in character. I'm always worried about writing them right.

    Charmisjess : <blushes again> Wow, thank you. I'm glad you liked it so much. You made my day.

    stormqueen874: Lol, how I understand the writing fits. I too, enjoy every moment of it. :D. Thanks again! [:D]

    River_Stone : :D And where've you vanished to? I need cake. And some lovely mush, from you.[face_love]

    raisedbywolves: Wow. You like the Katha, eh? Great. [:D] Am so glad you liked this fic. And you recognized the OC!!! <falls on rbw in ecstasy> Thanks again!

    TRADMIC Jedi Knight star 5

    Jul 24, 2005
    Absolutely perfect
    I am so glad for the things you just have to write

    You touch on so many emotions and philosophical themes that I love

    Excellent work as always
  25. Princess_Arulmozhi

    Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 16, 2004
    TRADMIC: Thanks so much. Feedback like yours is what makes me keep writing. [:D]
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