JCC The Pope, The Board And The Invitation

what, not plonka?

 

Very 'golden Robocop on a motorcycle', this.

 

With a hundred brown lightsabers?

 

a thousand!

so yeah, i got this call from the most insane freaking woman. she calls up, and she has the craziest voice, sounds exactly like a man doing a very poor high pitched imitation of a woman. i thought for sure it was a friend of mine pulling a prank, and i almost started laughing. but it wasn't. so she's going on and on about this book she swears she turned in but she's still getting overdue notices for. she sounds pretty fantic about it, so i tell her i'll go look for the book and when i find it i'll call her back and i'll waive the fines and everything will be fine. well i go upstairs and the book's not there. so i call her back to explain the procedure, how we'll hold the fines and keep looking for the book for six months, and i calmly suggest like i always do that she keep looking for the book just in case she's mistaken. and then this lady just complletely ****ing loses it, starts screaming and cursing. i try to calm her down and her response is "i'm going to call the dean tomorrow and tell him you're an *******", then *click* she hangs up on me. jesus.

anyway this all happened last night. and what happens today? she brings the book back. you couldn't make this stuff up.

 

LOL. That book was the Necronomicon or something?

People are stupid (generally speaking, of course; I'm not)

 

Not the Necronomicon, worse, a book on thermodynamics.

I only hope that she now feels as stupid as she is.

 

Thou Shalt Obey The Laws Of Thermodynamics.

What did you say when she brought the Thermonomicon? "Thanks, Ms. Stupid" sounds about right.

 

Sadly I wasn't here to witness "the return". But had I been here to say anything at all I think she probably would have slipped right over the edge.

 

Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.

Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

 

plonka called the local library doing a poor high pitched imitation of a woman and asking about a science book he swore he turned in but he was still getting overdue notices for. the librarian told him to get lost and die. plonka started screaming, crying and cutting himself with a butter knife.

 

Archibald was the kind of guy who doesn't smoke, but nonetheless drives a car and continually goofs around with golf clubs.

 

I accuse this woman of being my wife!

 

Oh, you stepped in some puke?

 

No hands, no cookies.

 

Howaha.

 

Tequila!

 

Terrorvision!

 

Theresienstadt.

 

Tricycloplotz.

 

Teatralización.

 

Testosteroni.

 

Turgescence.

 

Truganini

 

Teotihuacan

 

Tito.