Saga The Price--REPOSTED

This is a fic about what I think was going through Anakin's head during the confession scene in the Lars garage. All characters belong to Lucas.

*****

Anakin Skywalker felt like he was carrying the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. It oppressed him, wore him down, suffocated him, caused him to walk very slowly, as if he were reluctant to enter the homestead.

Which he was--reluctant to go to his stepfather and admit that he had failed. He could not do what he had set out to do.

And the body of his beloved mother said more than any words ever could.

He had been too late. He could not bring her home alive.

Anakin stepped off the speeder bike and lifted Shmi Skywalker Lars from the back, holding her tenderly in his arms as he had in the Tusken encampment.

How light she was, how frail--and how beautiful, even with her face bruised and bloodied from the beatings she had endured at the hands of the Tuskens. Perfect, inside and out--in death as in life.

Anakin's eyes locked with Padme's, and the concern and sadness on her face caused his eyes to fill with tears. But he quickly blinked them back--weeping was a luxury that he did not deserve, not after what happened.

He looked at his grief-stricken stepfather, trying to convey a message of "I'm sorry" without saying a word. He did not trust his voice.

He entered the homestead, followed by the others, and walked straight to his mother's bedroom, where he laid her gently on the bed. For a few brief moments no one moved, or even dared to breathe, as if something very fragile would shatter at any moment. Finally, Anakin placed a last kiss on his mother's forehead, and, still not trusting his voice, said quickly, "I've got to fix the speeder," and dashed from the room.

The shifter on Owen Lars' speeder bike had broken when Anakin accelerated too quickly and abruptly in his mad dash to the Tusken encampment. He had not even discovered the problem until he was on his way back to the homestead with his mother's body. It was an old speeder, but the break could easily be fixed, and Anakin was actually thankful to have a distraction.

He could use it to avoid thinking about the events of the worst day of his life. He could avoid thinking about the fact that his mother died because he was too late to save her. And he could avoid thinking about how he acted afterwards.

He was a total, complete, utter failure as a Jedi.

Anakin had, up until this point, been quite proud of his sharp tongue and quick temper, in spite of Obi-Wan's attempts to teach him restraint. When he lived in Mos Espa, he had needed those traits to survive the harsh environment. In the Temple, he had often thought the Jedi were weak fools for "knowing no anger". "Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering," Master Yoda said. Yoda had also been against Anakin's training due to Anakin's anger and attachment to his mother. He had sensed danger in Anakin. Anakin had been determined to prove him wrong.

He had failed at this, too.

Anakin didn't regret slaughtering the Tusken men who had tortured his mother. He took pleasure out of the surge of power his rage fueled in him, out of the horrified shrieks of the men lunging at him, just before he thrust his lightsaber through their bodies.

"The Force is to be used for knowledge and defense, never for aggression," Obi-Wan said.

Did Obi-Wan have any idea what he was going through? Or did he know--did he know what kind of power Anakin's rage, combined with his short fuse, would ignite in him, and therefore wanted to keep Anakin from ever sensing this rage, in order to further oppress him?

Anakin's eyes narrowed and he resisted the urge to pick up the nearest object and throw it across the room. Instead, he used the wrench in his hand to further tighten the lug nuts on the nearly-repaired shifter, taking his aggression out on machinery that would never know who and what it transported.

The Tusken screams and shrieks continued to echo in his head. All of them.

The visual images came--the innocence of

 

Man, after this I need to go find some appy fluff fic......


Lovely and sad...

 

Well, Breezy, there's always TASD...

And thanks.

 

Again, anakin_girl. What a powerful writer you are! Honestly, I had never thought about what Anakin might be thinking through both of those scenes. It's just amazing how much more powerful the story becomes when you have the whole inner monologue. It's like you can better feel the grief and sadness of the character. I liked how you characterized Padme too. Great writing. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

 

Wow!

This is amazing (ly sad ), I liked how you got into Anakin´s head. Very well done!

 

Heartbreaking, and so well-written, I want to cry now!

 

So sad that he realizes his failures here, only to repeat them later at Geonosis. That he could not see how destructive his anger is.

A wonderfully tragic vignette.