The Pub 2 ( The Wickerman Pub Remake )

It has been approx 2 years since the first series of pubs and I think you'll all agree that they have stood the test of time..But what with the climate in the entertainment industry for remakes...I think we should do a remake of that lost classic The Pub 2 Wickerman edition....

So without further-a-dooo

//Arun steps into country pub and orders a pint of the local ale and watches from the pub window the local children dancing around a 6ft wooden penis

 

*Poodu enters the bar and the locals all turn and look at him in an intimidating manner....

Poodu shuffles to the bar and asks for a pint of the finest and slinks into a quiet corner where he hopes no-one will sacrifice him*

 

//Arun decides it's best not mention he's a policeman from the mainland looking for a missing 15 year old girl..he checks his breast pocket to check if he's pocksized New Testament Collins Bible is still there after the choppy boat crossing..

 

//bursts through the door

Jeez...its pelting outside...

//sees Locals staring at her

What?

//nods to Arun and Poodu

 

you baint be from round these ere parts be yea?

 

Um...

What makes you say that?

//checks to see if mohican hairdo is still intact

 

Locals turn to notice Cass wearing a long, pointed hat...

//orders a pint and keeps an eye on the newcomer...

 

Thats not a hat...infact its not me.

I have a mohican...

Can I have a gin & tonic, barkeep?

 

we baint be doin no jeen an tonik if yous be wantin fancy drinks i su-jest yee head back t' mainland

 

//Claps hands...

So I'm looking for Rowan Morrison....anyone seen her?

 

*Walks in*

*checks the place out*

*leaves*

 

I'll have half of your local ale then...

//goes to toilet and brushes mohican out but is left with pillarbox red hair

What?

 

arf a wife beater it is then

 

Yeah okay, if thats yer local brew.

Are there lodgings here? I'm here for the festival...heard its a bit like Glastsonbury.

 

//goes on his preaching tip

you heratics Stella is The wifebeater of beers..

Barkeep I'll have a one your christian ales..mmm I'll think I'll try the Cider..a pint of Strong Arm Of The Lord please

 

//notices locals still staring

//sips Wife Beater

//makes face cuz its boggin

//notices locals glaring

Nice stuff, this...

 

ere yea be, that'll be 5d or 89p in your new fangled money

 

leaves pub to sabotage Arun's plane

 

Checks out the locals...

So is nakedness compulsery in here then?? BTW Rowan Morrison...any ideas?

 

//watches a rabbit hopping across the bar

Weird...

//watches Gav run out giggling

//whispering to Arun

The locals are a bit weird in here.

 

//Whispers back

Have you seen what's written on the beer mats?

Flesh to touch...Flesh to burn! Don't keep the Wicker Man waiting!

 

//whispering

Who's The Wicker Man?

 

I think she was an eat 'er
// shouts out back.//
Ere Rab wha'd we do we thar young 'un a while back she was an eat er werent she?

 

*Poodu gets scared as one of the locals starts singing some weird local song*

 

Oh good gracious god above they're all FOLKIES!!!!!