Victoria. BC The Pun Thread

A teacher boarding an international flight was stopped and searched by airport security. On his person was found a calculator, a protractor, a compass, and sliding ruler.

The hapless teacher was immediately detained as being suspect of having connections to the terrorist group al-Gebra, as well as being in possession of weapons of math destruction.

 

*cringe*

 

He he

 

Oh man, that's bad!


*Derisa*

 

There once was a pair of twins born in Mexico City, named Juan and Amal. At birth they were separated and Amal was taken to Cancun. Juan stayed at home with his mother.

One day a distant relative of the family's came to the house in Mexico City, and wanted to see Amal. His mother replied- "Well, once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
_____________________________________

Now, was that bad or what?

-Vills

 

*groan* Vills, you should be punished. I know, we'll lock you up in an tower with no door or stairs, just a window, and the only way to get up to visit you is to climb up the long braid of your hair... RaPUNzel, get it?

Arf arf!


*Derisa*

 

<gack>

*waves away the stink from Derisa's comedy flatulance...*

You should enter the Monday Magazine pun contest, like I did last year. They offered a prize of $100 for the best three puns they received, so I entered 10 of the best I'd ever heard, figuring at least one of them would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

In an effort to get the shuttle program going again after the Columbia disaster, NASA did a test launch into a low Earth orbit a few weeks ago. Instead of human test pilots, NASA tranquilized, strapped down, and monitored the vital signs of five Holstein cows spread throughout the empty cockpit, labs, and living quarters. The fully remote-controlled test safely brought the shuttle back down after just a few orbits. NASA officals are calling it the herd shot 'round the world.

 

*plants a bunny sculpture in the middle of the thread...lights a fuse and runs*

FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!!!!!!!



*BOOOOOOOOOOM*

there....I brought down the Pun Thread!

 

I'm torn.

On the one hand: yay, no more terrible stinkers like that last one! Gawd, Rani, where'd you dig that one up?

On the other hand... this is a great thread. I can't wait for other JC punsters to discover it and display their own groaners. It'd be a Shaggy Dog Show!


*Derisa*

 

Is it true that a grenade tossed into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart?

 

William Penn, the founder and mayor of Philadelphia, had two aunts,
Hattie and Sophia, who were skilled in the baking arts. "Big Bill"
was petitioned by the citizens of his town because the three
bakeries in the town had during the Revolution raised the price of
pies to the point that only the rich could afford them.

He turned to his aunts and asked their advice. The wonderful old
ladies were so incensed over this situation that they offered to
bake 100 pies and sell them for 2 cents lower that any of the
bakeries were charging.

They were not only successful in bringing the price of pastry
down in Philadelphia, but they established an historical item for
the reference books.

To this day, scholars still remark about the remarkable
pie rates of Penn's aunts.

 

Did you know the only drink Darth Vader will have is a 5th of bourbon?




He is a Dark Lord of the Fifth afterall.

 

*repeatedly beats head against wall*

PLEASE>>>>>>WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS STOP?!

*wanders back to Injury thread with concussion*

 

When a cow gives birth she not only gives cream, she is de-calf-inated.

 

Joins C4 in the Injury thread...

 

Did you hear about the bus full of prostitutes that crashed into a brothel?

It was a whore-iffic accident!

 

Was it a "professional" driver, too?

- Rani

 

A growing number of Santa's helpers are becoming increasingly depressed as Christmas Eve appoaches. Apparently they are suffering from low elf-esteem.

- Rani

 

A man walks out of a Christmas party at about 5:00am. Still not quite sober he doesn't want to drive home just yet, plus he is feeling a bit hungry. Luckly there is a Dennys open at this time of the morning so he decides to get some breakfast. He is seated in a nice booth and the waitress pores him a coffee and asks him what he would like to have. He looks over the menu trying to decide what he wants. After a few seconds he tells her that he will have the eggs benidect. He then turned to reading a paper from the day before and drinking his coffee.
About 10 mins later the waitress brings out his food on what looks like a chrome hubcap. Our friend looks very confused. He turns to the waitress and asks her why it's on a hubcap.

She says, "Hey, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

Heavy axe mass everyone and goodnight.

 

I'm torn again. On the one hand, that was a terrible pun from DM.

...and on the other hand, that was DM The famous and hilarious Darth Mentos, the Sithmaker himself!

Dude! We've missed you!!!


*Derisa*

 

Yeah, and he's now available in Evilmint!

Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

 

Yes, I may have been gone for a while and I also may not be from Vic but I'm back with more puns.

The Geographist just couldn't decide how to prepare his Christmas dinner. Getting Hungary he just opted to fry his Turkey in Greece.

You can always count on receiving stinky, pointless, sarcastic comments from the pun gent.

 

A cowboy went to a pet store to buy an adorable Dachshund puppy.

He thought it was a darn good idea when he'd heard someone say "get a long, little doggy!"