Before The Quiet One--A Vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LuvEwan, Mar 10, 2005.

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  1. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    The Quiet One
    A Vignette by LuvEwan

    G

    (Disclaimer) Nothing belongs to me.

    Qui-Gon Jinn defies the Council and Obi-Wan is forced to see, yet again, the things that separate him from his mentor.


    --

    Dusk bled in feverish mandarin, tinting the sky and lengthening shadows.

    Obi-Wan was braced by the sultry palette as he burst from the door of the Council Chamber. The glare of the disappearing sun caught in his eyes and he squinted against it, legs pumping and young face intent. His focus was trained on the retreating form of his Master, ever graceful, even under the current circumstances. He needed to catch up with the man, but he couldn?t compete with the long, determined strides.

    Breaking into a brisk jog, Obi-Wan shortened the distance between them, until he was only a step behind the other Jedi.

    ?Master!? The apprentice was nearly breathless, though not from any overexertion of his body, ?Master, where are you going??

    ?I don?t know.? Qui-Gon replied gruffly. He cut a quick line across the bridge, to the lift.

    Obi-Wan?s forehead creased with his budding frown. He followed him inside. The cylinder sealed, and they began to descend, down several floors.

    Qui-Gon stood in absolute, steely silence, his face a hardened composition of stoicism.

    But Obi-Wan knew him too well to be fooled by the mask. He detected the slightest clench of the powerful jaw that told of the maelstrom brimming beneath the well-schooled façade. To say his teacher was upset would be a gross understatement. The cramped space was dense with Qui-Gon?s simmering indignation.

    And all at once, Obi-Wan was confronted by a sense of isolation, as though he were trespassing. A swallow struggled down his throat. He glanced at the tall, venerable silhouette of Qui-Gon Jinn?and his eyes dropped, of their own accord.

    The lift opened on the ground level, and Qui-Gon thundered out. It would have been plainly evident he was taking leave of his apprentice, if not for the simple words, spoken in a low tone, ?I?m going for a walk.?

    There was really no question whether or not his apprentice would join him.

    --

    The fading light softened the path. Their robes were mere whispers through the cooling grass.

    Obi-Wan inhaled the purity of the air. He hoped the natural scents surrounding them would aid his mentor in gleaning some clarity. But, as they continued the quiet sojourn, the stalwart shoulders did not ease. Tension remained knotted around the pair, for the deepest fibers of their psyches were entwined, and the two were connected in a way that surpassed the thickest of shields. There was little emotion that Qui-Gon experienced that Obi-Wan, in turn, did not also feel. It was the wondrous, aggravating, precious, invasive constant, in lives comprised of upheaval.

    Currently, those mental ties were infused with the elder?s outrage. It was dizzying in strength, but not unfamiliar. This was far from the first instance in which die-hard maverick Qui-Gon Jinn had gone against the rule of the Council. And it certainly wasn?t the first time the Council had shot his defiance down.

    But it never settled into routine for the Master, or his pupil.

    Obi-Wan gazed out at the fire-bright horizon. Frustrated words sparked on his lips, but he couldn?t chance speech. He couldn?t be the one to break the silence. It just? He shook his head. It just wasn?t his place.

    After a few agonizing minutes had passed, Qui-Gon sighed. ?I?m sorry, Obi-Wan.?

    The young man?s head shot up. Of all the things he had expected to hear??Sorry, Master??

    Qui-Gon compressed his lips. ?I?m sorry that I drag you down with me. It isn?t fair to you.?

    ?Drag me down?? Obi-Wan?s smile was one of surprised incredulity. ?Master, you?ve never?.? He studied the distinct, leonine features, searching eyes that were suddenly bereft of their usual serenity. ?Why would you say that??

    Qui-Gon loosed a weary breath and ran fingers through his hair. The first tinges of nightfall settled in the lines of his face. ?Because it?s the truth. When
  2. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww LE ... I felt so bad for poor Qui...but that was so beautiful! Lovely lovely work!!! You portray both of them so well!
  3. Princess_Arulmozhi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Bravo. The last line, especially. Forced to walk the road, alone. And yet, Obi-Wan wouldn't have wanted it any other way. And glad that Qui appreciated Obi for what he was, and his duty as a master too.

    Beautiful.
  4. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Oh, I loved it. Not for the language which was exquisite as always but for the emotions, Qui-Gon furious and then guilty for dragging Obi-Wan down with him, Obi-Wan for realizing that he would be walking the road alone.

    Great job.
  5. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Wow! As always, you paint a vivid picture with your words. But the emotions in this one were exquisitely done. I mean... WOW! I don't know what else to say.

    Obi-Wan inhaled the purity of the air. He hoped the natural scents surrounding them would aid his mentor in gleaning some clarity. But, as they continued the quiet sojourn, the stalwart shoulders did not ease. Tension remained knotted around the pair, for the deepest fibers of their psyches were entwined, and the two were connected in a way that surpassed the thickest of shields. There was little emotion that Qui-Gon experienced that Obi-Wan, in turn, did not also feel. It was the wondrous, aggravating, precious, invasive constant, in lives comprised of upheaval.

    Currently, those mental ties were infused with the elder?s outrage. It was dizzying in strength, but not unfamiliar. This was far from the first instance in which die-hard maverick Qui-Gon Jinn had gone against the rule of the Council. And it certainly wasn?t the first time the Council had shot his defiance down.


    You captured the personality and heart of both men so clearly and perfectly. Lovely. I wish I had more superlatives but I can't think of any right now!
  6. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh excellent!! =D= Loved this one! Wonderfully well written there about Obi's thoughts/musings on his Master and his defiance towards the Council - he follows the Force and goes where it leads him.

    Great work!! :D And a lil mush at the end! [face_love]
  7. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Augh! This just kills me! So much love and loyalty and pain in a few quiet moments. Seriously, I have a little pain in my chest right now, it hurts so much.

    Wonderful, wonderful insight on these two. One alone in his defiance, the other alone in his steadiness. They're perfect for each other, of course. And Qui acknowledges how hard it is for Obi, yet how much he needs him.

    And him wishing he could have held on to Obi as a child, wishing he could protect him from these emotional tumults as well as physical dangers. So sad.

    Do you write these wonderful things every single day? Bravissimo!
  8. AnakinsHeir Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 2, 2004
    star 3
    I don't know how you do it, but this is amazing. =D=
  9. LilQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2004
    star 2
  10. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Grrr... I envy the vivid details. Dusk bled in feverish mandarin, tinting the sky and lengthening shadows... The cramped space was dense with Qui-Gon?s simmering indignation.


    The bones in his chest seemed to flex and squeeze his heart within the splintered cage. , that is painfully exquisite!

    It's amazing in the way you described the two character. Obi-Wan thinking himself inferior to Qui-Gon and Qui-Gon determining that while others stray, Obi-Wan is on the road alone.

    Stunning.
  11. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Layren Thanks! [face_love]

    Princess_Arulmozhi Aw, thanks. :)

    diane As I was writing this, I thought I was being sparse with the language, because I was really just thinking about what Obi-Wan would be thinking. I wanted it to be longer, though. I hate writing short fics, because I know I myself like reading long ones. :D Thank you. [:D]

    VL Thanks. :) I worry that when I write Obi-Wan before TPM, but still in his twenties, that I make him seem too young, and kind of mess up his personality. Glad to know you think I did better than that. ;)

    Kynstar Thanks. :D

    maychorian Ahhh, it's always so nice to know your work has caused others physical pain. *puts on hat and swings coat over arm* My job here is done. :D

    AnakinsHeir Thank you. :)

    LilQuiGon ;)

    Leona You're very sweet. Thank you. :)
  12. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Wow...I'm just speechless...that was simply beautiful!
  13. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  14. AnakinsHeir Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 2, 2004
    star 3
    So beautiful and elegant, but that seems to be a trademark of your work! :)

    Lovely, simply lovely.
  15. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Arwen Thank you. [face_blush]

    PK ;)

    AnakinsHeir Thanks so much for reading. :D
  16. LukesTheMan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 30, 2004
    star 3
    This one was just as beautiful as I expected. =D=
  17. Gabri_Jade VIP

    VIP
    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2002
    star 5
    Wow, what a beautiful story! :eek: I rarely venture into Before, but I'm very glad that I did and found this vignette. I love Obi-Wan's reflections here, and your writing style is beautifully descriptive and evocative. [face_love]

    ?You?ve always been able to see more than the rest of us. You?re steady on the road, my Padawan, while we all stray.?

    That might be my favorite part. The second sentence is a perfect brief summation of Obi-Wan. :D

    Per the suggested guidelines, I wanted to let you know that I've reviewed this story in the Review Challenge. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful story with the rest of us! :D
  18. JediVeloJinn Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 23, 2003
    star 1
    Oh, wow, LuvEwan

    As soon as I saw your name, I knew I had to read it. Your writing just leaves me without words.

    Even though it?s a vignette (which I generally don?t like), you?ve written a really beautiful piece.

    I just love the way you describe everything ? the way Obi-Wan catches up with Qui-Gon, how Obi-Wan feels in the lift, Qui-Gon in the different moods that he experiences?.just everything.

    I think that it?s interesting how Obi-Wan saw his position so differently from Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan?s was so much more negative than Qui-Gon?s perception, but then he sees the truth of it in Qui-Gon?s words.

    After reading so much fanfic where Qui-Gon?s strong will is important to the story and the relationships between the characters, it?s nice to read a vignette about Qui-Gon?s and Obi-Wan?s feelings about it, and how it affects their relationship.

    What more can I say, except ?exquisite?.

    ~Velo
  19. Jenn-Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2001
    star 3
    Hi! Yes, I still alive. I just haven't been on JC in years. {In case you don't remember me, you posted a reply to my story Vision.}

    I enjoyed this fic. I have to be honest, it was my first fic I read of yours (as well as the boards), and I have to say it was enjoyable and thoughtful.

    It's weird, 'cause I had been thinking of the scene from TPM about Obi-Wan asking Qui-Gon not to go against the Council earlier today.

    Your line about Obi-Wan on the road alone, while everyone else strayed; I couldn't help but thinking about Anakin and how Obi-Wan/old Ben was in OT.

    Once again, wonderful job with the fic! :D
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