Beyond - Legends ~ The reason I didn't update...~ finished on ff.n, part II started

Title: The reason I didn't update here...
Author: MsLanna
Timeframe: TTT, maybe after
Characters: Me, everybody else alive then
Genre: Self insert, humour, AU
Keywords: horrible, hilarious, humbug
Summary: I just wanted to get into the third storey. No need to end up in Star Wars But since I'm here already, why not have some fun? Or at least manage not to get killed?
The longest excuse for not updating ever. Hilarious, horrible and ultimately - sad.



One

Well, I am sure some of you got the reason telling I had stress at work, special exhibition and all that blah blah. Well, forget about it. That's just cover up. The true reason is horrible, hilarious and ? ultimately - sad.

It all started with elevators. You know those tricky ones. You have to wait ages for one to come, the doors open and you get run over by a crowd that can't wait to escape the tight confines. Brilliantly lit, fortunately, no music. I was just going to the third floor, checking on something for the exhibition. I didn't have much time since the shop was left without supervision while I was gone, but the hall had looked empty when I left and it was not as if this could wait.

Storming out of the elevator, I almost knocked a guy over, but he should have known better. You're letting people out first. The third floor had changed rather dramatically. No, I'm not talking of the exhibition things, I meant the huge windows which suddenly showed stars behind them and the trenches running through it at both sides of the walkway ?

I knew this set up. By heart. But it was not our third floor. Except, if the exhibition about numbers had been cancelled last minute and substituted by a really life like imitation of a Star Destroyer.

It hadn't.

An elderly man in one of those crisp Imperial uniforms turned to look at me. He expression was incredulous, which I could understand. My current work outfit includes a blue Tee with the cute drawing of a dormouse on it. It looks stupefied but happy, the dormouse, I mean, where as the Imperial seemed to be more the stupefied but angry version.

I turned back and made a lunge for the elevator doors. Even made it, but as it is with elevators, you have to wait forever until they arrive. The guards were a lot faster. All in those tasty uniforms, I could have drooled. Only that my shop was without supervision and I was high on some kind of drug, hallucinating good looking Imperial officers, and guards, and, I squinted, probably Captain Pellaeon. I was tempted to stay and see if my mind came up with a yummy kind of Thrawn.

It didn't. Instead, it came up with a good imitation of pain, as hands like clamps closed around my arms. Those guards did look hot in those tight tunics. They were not soft though. Each took hold of one of my arms and I was turned around unceremoniously, and dragged towards the Captain. Hot damn! That was Pellaeon. Maybe I'd get to see some Thrawn before somebody found me. Or the whole building exploded. What happened to you when you inhaled too much gas? I didn't know. Something like this, I guessed.

I offered no resistance, which would have been difficult anyway. My feet were barely touching ground and my arms were almost numb. But Pellaeon was a sight: short greyish hair, the obligatory uniform, which always looked as if you had a bunny stashed away in each pocket, but he could wear that. And still look good. I decided to write a fic about that.

"Who are you?" that RP accent made shivers go up and down my spine. This was much better than watching the scene in the Imperial senate on permanent-repeat. I must have been staring, probably with my mouth open. But I didn't get such trips often.

"Do you hear me?" He sounded annoyed.

"Yes, Sir," I answered brightly. "And I am-" I hesitated. Would I give my real name, or could I just assume my officials Star Wars alias? I cocked my head slightly. Would it be worth it? How long until all this faded into numbers and the Fibonacci pineapple? I could get awa

 

WONDERFUL! Love this OC. Please put me on the PM list!

 

Hilarious!

I was tempted to stay and see if my mind came up with a yummy kind of Thrawn.



If you're planning on writing more (I know with you schedule and all it might be difficult), would you please PM me?

Let's see if Mellana (I love the name, by the way) finds her yummy kind of Thrawn.

 

Vadey! Welcome to a silly nightmare. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Well, Ceillean, I think, I will meet him. No need to let such a chance go to waste. Might take me some time, though.

---

[u]Two[/u]

I have only seen Imperial detention in ANH so far. This was - about it. Smaller, and more sterile when you were actually in it than it seemed in the movie. And anyway, this was just a Star Destroyer and not the Death Star. The two guards dragged me along, and communications here seemed to work. The officer on duty was already informed of my arrival, which made it rather unlikely that this was my work place. Communication there tended to be one sided. And take years to get anywhere.

The cell itself was small, and grey. I love this Imperial grey. The bed was hard, I got no blankets and I think I'll have to ask somebody where to find the loo, too. I can wait a little though. It's not as if I drank much tea today. I sat down on the bunk, kicked of my shoes and then pressed my ear to the durasteel. It was actually vibrating very softly, humming and thrumming in my bones. Such a delight. I like it when my hallucinations turn out the way I want them.

Well, almost. I was still sitting in detention. Probably the emergency room in the cellar, I just wondered why my brain kept insisting I was far, far away. Maybe it was, but there was no way my body could follow. Except if I could travel through time and space. In which case a closed door should be no problem at all. I got up and walked into the door. Not a wall. What if there was but space behind it?

The metal gave a nice solid bang and my head swam from the impact. Determination was probably not going to get me anywhere. I would end up in a nuthouse. And who would take care of my job? Though, maybe it wasn't that bad - if I really believed to be in Star Wars - [i]that [/i] had possibilities. Only, that I would have to get on without my family and friends. A huge drawback. No, I'd rather get my shrink and be out, even if I never got to see my rendition of Thrawn. [i]Too bad.[/i] I was sure my inner fangirl would have done a gorgeous job on him.

After a while, I got bored. Usually, I can use my imagination to tide me over boring situations like this, but I was obviously already using too much of it. That shrink took quite some time. I began to seriously worry about the shop. I tried to focus myself, and remember who I was, and more importantly, where. Sitting down on the bed cross-legged I closed my eyes and began to breathe slowly.

I am not good at it. I tend to breath slower than is good for me and end up gasping. I tried nevertheless. Calming myself was important. Getting home was important. There was Hot Chicken Ajam for dinner tonight? I managed to breathe in a way that did not suffocate me. I tried to clear my mind, which was not easy with Chicken Ajam and Thrawn occupying large portions of it. Still, I did my best to visualize the small room with its couch, the medication cabinet, the small sink and dust bin in one corner.

I wished I had been down there more often. But I had seen it only once so far, when a stupid, ToS-violating tick had decided to feast on me. The tick was dead now, but I was afraid, I remembered it more clearly than the room. I sighed. When I saw the room as well as I could remember, I tried to merge that picture with the one my eyes insisted on seeing. It was difficult, because my brain was inclined to believe my eyes instead of me.

I was getting a real bad headache on top of that, when the door opened again. A man stepped in, probably a doctor, but my eyes kept telling me he was Imperial. At least he had some medical equipment with him.

"I am sorry, I don't recognise you," I said, "but I seem to be hallucinating badly." I rolled up my sleeve and let him draw some blood. I hated needles, but in case of need, I pulled myself together.

"Did anybody else get hurt?" I asked. He was already on the leave again.

"By what?" he asked, cautiously.

"I don't know." I shrugged. " But whatev

 

Cool. But were not related to each other are we

 

He had just turned and left. Some people. I hoped he was just getting somebody more competent. I looked around. Should have asked him how to find the loo. He did not come back immediately, and neither did somebody else. I sat down again, moping, and wondering why my trip did not include the Grand Admiral. It seemed that Murphy's law had me.

And had me and had me and had me. Man, it was so boring sitting there waiting. I just hoped somebody had had the idea to alert my colleague and also my family. Since there was nothing else to do, then, I laid down and tried to sleep.

And that is the reason why I didn't update here.

 

Wonderful! The fan girl heart will be pleased once the Grand Admiral comes to see her. Or the other way around, I suppose.

Great job!

 

Gee, i wonder how often you would update here if you would stop figuring out excuses for not updating here.

Sorry, couldn't resist. Great update.

 

No, morri, we're not. I am waiting for the right moment to do a bad pun on the two Mr. morrisons I know, though.

Glad, you're enjyoing yourself, Vadey. That way, at least somebody is having fun.

You can bet on that, Ceillean. Or not. I won't tell how that meeting goes...

With 'here' I mean the boards in general, Alexis. Readers of my other stories can assure you, that I do not update there. Often. And I hope you managed to introduce fudge ripple to SW...

---

[u]Three[/u]

I managed to fall asleep but not for long. I had no blanket and no cushion and the room temperature was suboptimal. I woke up feeling cold all over and not rested the least. Besides my back hurt from the hard bunk and I was still grumpy because - well - I still was in the cell, not in the medic's room. Rubbing my head, I sat up, but nothing happened. At least, the headache seemed gone. I wished I could follow it to warmer regions. My stomach took the general bad mood as a reason to rumble and demand food.

Resigned, I got up and knocked at the door. I did not expect much to happen, and it did just that. Just great.

"Hello?" I called. "Can I get something to eat, please?" I could not think that going hungry would improve my precarious state any. "And a psychiatrist would be nice, too." I did not want to be bonkers for the rest of my life, and as far as I knew, immediate therapy was the way to go. If my sister's doctor had reacted right, she would not?

The door opened and a man came in carrying a tablet. I think it was food on it, but I identified it because it lay on a plate. And there was a glass with some liquid in it. And an injector.

"Finally," I grumbled.

The Imperial touched a place on the wall, and a small table extended. Now that was interesting. I wondered if I would manage to find the toilet, by randomly touching every available inch of wall. I would find out later. Rolling up my sleeve I sat down.

"I hope the shot doesn't go into the butt?"

It would have been nice to say he looked a little shocked, but no. True to Imperial form, I might have said nothing at all. With a shrug I held out my arm, trying to look away, while keeping an eye on the needle. God, how I hate needles! Injections are an absolute horror. And so is donating blood. I clenched my teeth and steeled myself for the pain. That is the worst part, waiting for the needle to break the skin. The nurses at my blood donation place already know that and humour my quirk. There is even one which handles the needle so skilfully, I hardly feel anything.

I waited. And waited some more. And then peered around to see the man was already backing to the door. I looked at my arm which showed no visual marks and not even a drop of blood. Now that was impressive. Since it was too late for thanks, I began to examine the food. It looked a bit like porridge or milk rice and tasted - salty. In a nice way salty; and as if somebody knew how to use glutamate. Probably the easiest way to feed people that you need alive, but don't want to pamper. I hoped it was not some kind of diet. There are approaches that try to heal the whole person, including the eating habits.

The drink was not even that interesting, it was sweet in a very [i]un[/i]sweet way, and just tasted like a drink that tasted like a drink that tasted of about nothing. I drank it all, though. More motivation to find the loo. After I finished, I began to pat the wall more or less systematically. It did feel silly, but so what? And I was successful. At the foot of the bed, a panel swung out, granting a scarce protection from sudden visitors. And it looked like something I had seen before, so I was sure I could handle it. Could have been worse, I thought, remembering [b]Alexis_Wingstar's[/b] problems with the sonic shower.

I sat down on the bed again, putting the tray beside me and trying to get the table to retract. It didn't. I tried soft touches, and even hitting the wall aimlessly, then I wondered if the features of the room were coded

 

I got bored.

Again.

The spoon and plate were not very amusing, even when I took the cup, too, and improvised a set of drums. I was tempted to start singing. I was sure somebody would come to stop me. But before I could bring myself to torture the poor Imperials like that, one of them returned.

Have I already mentioned how I love those olive uniforms? Well, I'll do so again. And those guys keep in shape.

I've been that bored! Another great post!

 

I am feel for you, Vadey. It is not a nice kind of boredom.
Though I am not sure the following 'action' is any better.

---

[u]Four [/u]

After I while I became impatient. I mean, I was still a patient, or hoping to be, but my patience ran out. Maybe theirs had, too, and they now had to do with the ones left over, like stretching the hours they treated them.

So where was that shrink? I began to pace the room. And behind which wall was the observation room? I began to knock and listen for differences in the sound. That was the right move. I had just moved to the second wall, when the door opened and an Imperial in black came in. And here I was, believing doctors wore white.

I sat down again, rather nervous. Thus was my first session with a psychiatrist and I had no idea how it would go. He got a pad out, and placed something on the table that looked like Bones saltshaker-turned-tricorder. I watched him, because he was the only thing moving in the room.

"Let us start with the preliminaries," he finally said. "Your full name, habitation, and current employment."

I stared at him. "Erm. Does that mean nobody informed anybody about my state yet? My family -"

"Just answer the questions."

"Mellanna Morrison," I repeated. If they were too stupid to ask the girls at the information desk my name, or even too stupid to look it up on my ID - bad luck for them.

"The truth."

"If that's not the truth, you tell me," I snapped. "My ID is still in the shop, so go and get it, if you don't believe me."

He made some notes. "Habitation and employment?"

"Bielefeld and saleswomen."

"Bielefed being on which planet?"

"Earth?" this was getting silly. "Listen. I can understand you want to help me but, I think, my imagination is -"

"Your imagination is currently neutralised," he said in a pretty monotone.

"I don't think so," I objected. "I still believe I am in Star Wars."

"In what?" He seemed interested.

"Don't tell my you never heard of Star Wars, " I gasped. "You know, those movies, Darth Vader, huge guy with a black -"

"I know who Darth Vader was," he said flatly.

"Good, that's Star Wars for you then." Now it would become difficult. How many people on earth knew about EU? "And I believe I am in the part that is only in books."

He did not answer. I gave him some time. Still, he did not answer.

"I will try to explain," I finally said. "After the movies were finished, there were many books, continuing the story."

"You think you are in a story."

"Yes!" I almost jumped up. "I was in the third storey, and I don't know what was leaking there, but now, all I see is Star Wars." I rubbed my forehead.

"There is no third storey," he said. "Nothing you say can be verified the least. Is there anything else you want to lie about?"

"This is ridiculous."

"So being in Imperial detention is ridiculous?"

"No, [i]believing [/i] to be in Imperial detention, that is ridiculous." I stopped rubbing my forehead. "I mean, I like Imperials, that accent, those nifty uniforms, I like Vader, and I am pretty fond of your Grand Admiral, but -" I didn't know how to finish. How did you tell somebody he was completely fictional?

"I don't think the Admiral shares that feeling," the Imperial said.

"Oh, I am sure he doesn't," I agreed. "But none of that matter because - well - it's just fiction. Nothing you say or do has any effect on reality."

Considering that I just told him he was just a figment of my imagination, he took it rather well. He seemed to cough it a little, but caught himself quickly.

"So, how does the story end?"

"When? I mean, there's so much," I shrugged helplessly. "This campaign ends with the Grand Admiral's demise, then there's Daala, and somebody I forgot, a lot of bigger and smaller crisises, and in the end, the Vong invasion and much after the Fel Empire."

"I have never heard of any of those before."

"Well, ask your Grand Admiral, I am sure some of those names ring a bell with him." I decided to get to see Thrawn. Full stop. My

 

hehe

That was great. Grand Admiral Thrawn vs Earthling...

 

Bielefeld
Home, sweet Home. Honestly, I wish the Imperials would seriously come invade Bielefeld. It would at least give us something more to do. I'd fight them though, being a Rebel and Jedi in disguise.

"Well, ask your Grand Admiral, I am sure some of those names ring a bell with him." I decided to get to see Thrawn. Full stop. My dream, my rules. "Maybe he'd be more interested in news about the Vagaari, though. Or drop the names Thrass and Car'das." I barely managed not to bat my eyes.


I bet Thrawn would be overly interested in what you'd have to say.

Great update!

 

Man, this is great!! More soon please!!

TWIN_SABER

 

Indeed not? How shocking. Tell me about it.
I don't know how I managed to keep a straight face. Maybe, I didn't. "In which case you'd still have to convince me that this is real," I just replied.

He seemed to consider that for a moment. "Tell me about 'reality' then," he finally said. "What do you think, is real?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

Now that was just stupidity from his side. How could he ask me to talk about myself and my life exclusively? Did he not know a woman wouldn't find the end of such a tale? His bad luck, because I would take him up on his word. I began to tell him about my life, everything, as he requested, which took forever.

And that is the reason, I didn't update here.

Loved it!

 

Can you add me to the PM list, please?

 

Thank you Lightasber123. Though Thrawn has yet to make an appearance. And I don't think there can be any other outcome but that he wins.

Well, Ceillean, we might meet each other on opposing sides of that fight. Let's hope he's interested, or I might never get to see him....

Glad, you like it, Twin_Saber. And here is more.

I am doing my best, Vadey. Not that it helps any in that situation. I act like a dork.

Ask and you shall receive, moose.

---

[u]Five[/u]

I told him about my job, my family, my new flat, and my pets. Then I moved on to recent history, my plans for the future, leaving out the Jedi Con just in case, about reading, writing and watching TV. He did not interrupt me once. My mouth became dry, and I began to run out of interesting things to tell about me. That was an all time first, it was amazing.

"Could I get some water, please?" I finally asked.

"That won't be necessary," he replied. "We will be through soon. If you would now get to the less agreeable points like your trust issues."

"Trust issues?"

I stared. It was not that I didn't have any, I am not that naïve, but I wondered why he should be interested in that, and in which part. I tend to trust everybody until they disappoint me, while at the same time, I am pretty sure my natural trust was shattered years ago. It was not making much sense, even to me. Add my fear of loss and no matter how easy I tried to be, I always ended up being very complicated still.

But then, this was therapy, right? It was supposed to help me, maybe trust issues had something to do with that? I didn't see that, but then, he was the expert. I would have to trust him, wouldn't I? Oh, the issues!

"Why would that be of any importance?" I wanted to know.

"We are assessing your mental state as well as possible problems that might occur in the future. Your usefulness, potential dangerousness and the further procedure."

"And what are you going to do about my hallucinations? Does it not matter the least that I believe to be stuck in a story?"

"Maybe you should take into consideration that your belief is of little importance to us in relation to what we [i]know [/i] to be true. Elaborate as it might be, your life story is not convincing."

What can I say? I was dumbstruck. I know that my life is far from exciting, even if I do an edition of the interesting parts, but not credible? What did he think? It was the only life I [i]had[/i]! And one I did want back. Even if that meant having to face Darth Colleague every day.

"Not convincing," I finally got out. That was so ridiculous. [i]This [/i] was not convincing. And hadn't they given me funny drugs anyway? Who did they think I was? Some kind of fancy Jedi?

"And what was it you gave me?"

"A cocktail of several veritas drugs, since we did not know which might work on you. Additionally, everything there is to ensure your compliance and obedience."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Only a little. There are some severe side effects, but most of them take effect only after a longer period of use. So, if we could come back to your trust issues now."

"I am not trusting any of my senses right now." I gesticulated helplessly.

A second later, I was cupping my hurting cheek. The Imperial had chosen a rather physical way to ascertain reality. Too bad, it seemed to be his and not mine.

"Do you need any other help finding out about reality, or will that suffice for now?" His tone was as monotone as ever.

"Enough," I snuffled. "But I have no other story, I could tell you, and if I am really as fuddled with drugs as you said, you should know."

"There are ways to deceive even memory," he said. "We will find out sooner or later. There are many ways to gain information from an individual, and most of do not include any scruples about the possible amount of suffering they inflict."

Of course, I had known about the less amiable ways of the Empire, but sitting on the receiving en

 

lol.

no more horror pink
no more degus

 

No more friends.
No more family.
No more boyfriend.
No more boards.
No more fanfic.
No more degus.
No more Horror Punk.
Home, no more.

The list of all the things I wouldn't see or do any more grew until it turned into the realisation, that I might never see anything I ever knew again for as long as I lived.

I am not strong. Oh, I like to think of myself as a strong woman, independent and ready to take on things, but actually, I am pathetically weak. Curled up under the Imperial blanket I cried.

And that is the reason, I didn't update here.

Wonderful update, even though she didn't update here.

 

Aw *hugs*

I'm sorry you couldn't update here.

 

That's really sad.

 

Heey, I'm being all sad and you laugh about me, Darth_MU? You did scare me into thinking, I had indeed typed horror pink instead of horror punk. Though, IMO, pink is indeed horror.

Yes, she's very vocal for somebody who's not even here, Vadey. I bet she got kicked back here for too much whining.

Me too, karebear214. I'm glad you found the time to read, though.

And not about to get better, moose. Or maybe a little...

---

[u]Six[/u]

And that turned out to be not such a good idea. Not that I could have helped it much, and I had already calmed down a little, mostly because I was too exhausted to cry on, when the door opened again. I tried to appear calm, though my puffy face was probably a telltale sign for how I felt. The Imperial did not bring food. He did not want to perform any tests either. It was much worse.

"The Grand Admiral will see you now."

[i]The horror.[/i] Red-eyed, puffy-faced, and wearing a shirt with a stupid-looking fat dormouse, I was going to see the Grand Admiral. The scenario of my dreams come true, it was so unbelievable. But you didn't keep that one waiting, especially not, if he turned out to be real. And I still had a fangirl in me. Somewhere, I was sure she'd be happy at least.

So I got up, trying to wipe the traces of tears from my face as well as possible. Nothing could be done about the interesting shades of red my face showed though. I had experimented often in vain to find a cure. This was not really how I had envisioned a meeting with the Grand Admiral. In my daydreams it had always been a bit more - pleasing.

Now, plodding after the Imperial, I could think of many things I would have rather done. Root canal treatment, for example. We took a slightly different route and ended up at a slightly different room. I braced myself. There was nothing I could do to avoid this, so I might just as well smarten up and make the best of it I could. Where was a dentist when you needed him?

The room was a bit bigger, and at the table sat Grand Admiral Thrawn. His presence was filling the whole room, though. The books give a pretty good description of him, though, whoever did that picture on OBF should have ToS-violating things done to him, because he was so far from the truth. This man was - he was -

There I was, out of words when I needed them most. Not that it mattered. Nothing I could have said would have had any impact on him. Oh, he certainly was gorgeous and all that. Enough to make my inner fangirl faint and slobber (yes, both at the same time.) But - it did not matter.

No, it did not matter, nothing mattered, and I felt a little like Sam with the elves, only much sadder. It did not matter what I thought of him, he was most certainly above that. And he was even above realising it. Sitting there, watching me almost stumble over my own feet as I approached, it didn't matter that my face was all red and puffy; that I was wearing a silly shirt with a silly dormouse on it, or that I was probably misplaced though time and space.

I tried to take everything in, as I went to my seat; from the impeccably white uniform and the way it contrasted perfectly with the pale blue skin and the black hair. Somehow, I missed my squealing inner fangirl, she would have had a million ideas right now, but some research found her curled up in a corner of my subconscious, weeping. I tried not to look at his eyes, I had the bad feeling that something really stupid would happen in that case, and that I would be the perpetrator.

But how difficult is it, not to look at a person you are about to meet? I worked my way around the eyes slowly. The broad forehead, definitely, my kind; distinctive jaw line, just what I liked, not to mention that his brows looked picture-perfect. And then, his eyes had me. Man, those eyes do burn. Right through you, and the wall behind you, too. Still, I didn't feel uncomfortable, which was probably thanks to my inner fangirl, getting her act togeth

 

You forgot to ask Thrawn how Dae'rey'ath, Thrawn's daughter, is doing.

How could you????!!!!!

But whatever, meanly, I just wanted to say it was a groB job!

Looking for more.

 

"Say, do you know fudge ripple?"

Okay, it was not a question you'd ask a Grand Admiral. But if Alexis_Wingstar had managed to introduce it to the GFFA, he should know about it. I hoped. And that would prove, to me at least, that I was not completely insane. Just pretty much.

Loved it!

 

I thought I had responded to your last update. Well both were great.

LOL I could just see that minute change in Thrawn's eyes when you asked about fudge ripple.

Could you please put me on your PM list for this, just in case I spaz out and forget to keep up on this story?