Beyond - Legends ~ The reason I didn't update...~ finished on ff.n, part II started

Alexis - Sacrificing Arn? Wherever did you get that idea? I'd never endanger the cute little guy! And I don't know if Cherez is in any position to play liason between C'baoth and Thrawn. Maybe I won't even get to know the guy? *hopes*

Amanda - Thrawn. Let's hope he likes crazy old women. Okay, probably not. But let a fangirl dream....

Ale? I'm probably hallucinating. Move along, move along...
Btw, of course, I'm brilliant.

Vadey - I'd certainly like more Thrawn-time. Maybe I can get some once C'baoth is gone.

---

[u]Twenty-nine [/u]


If I had thought that C'baoth would take some time to teach me the machinations of interstellar politics, I had been wrong. Instead we were back at lightsabers. It seemed that his way of teaching was as erratic as everything else about him.

I held the hilt with both hands, trying not to be afraid of the blue blade. It hummed angrily as I waved it in the general direction of C'baoth. I expected him to scold me any moment, telling me not to hold it like an umbrella.

"No!" C'baoth said. "Don't hold it away from you like a bura-snake. It is an extension of your arm, of yourself." He demonstrated the figure with practiced lightness.

I tried again, but didn't get far.

"No, no, no!" He batted my blade away with his. "You look as if you are afraid of your own weapon. How do you intend to project certainty like that?"

"But I [i]am [/i] afraid of it," I answered helplessly. "I don't think a klutz like me should handle something that dangerous."

C'baoth shook his head in disapproval. "Concentrate on the beauty of it, not the danger," he advised.

I tried. I really, really tried. Staring into the bright blue blaze, I tired to see only the beauty of it. Blue, what had blue been for? Green for duty, blue for - reliability? No wonder I had problems with blue. I stared at the blade. Maybe it was a hint; not that I like the idea, it scared about as much as the blade.

Darn, this didn't work at all. Might as well watch Rome burn and think it pretty.

"No!" C'baoth's voice cut into my thoughts. "You are still afraid. That is all wrong. And you will change your attitude towards the saber. Now!"

Easier said than done. "But I can't -"

"You can. And you will." He looked frighteningly determined.

"Or else?" I hoped it didn't sound as squeaky as I felt.

"Or you stay." He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me pointedly.

And he did have a point. I wanted to get away. I knew, and obviously he knew, too. I looked from my saber to the Dark Jedi and back. I was so doomed. Again. But I could see he meant it. He'd keep me cooped up here until I had made peace with the weapon in my hands.

I swallowed and closed my eyes. It was marginally better, now that I didn't see the lightsaber anymore. But that couldn't last forever. Where was Mary Sue when you needed her? I reached out for the memories when I had been there, the lightsaber wielding uber-girl. That would have been really helpful now. Of course, my imagined lightsaber fighting had always been rather restricted to sparring. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But then, what was the worst that could happen? I brought the bald closer to me, holding it up vertically before my body. The trick was not to cry from stress. And who knew? I might just end up at home again. And not shake with terror, that was important, too. I clutched the hilt with both hands. Home sounded like a good idea.

I brought the blade up to my face slowly, feeling the heat, smelling the ozone, hearing nothing but its hum thundering in my ears. This weapon is my life; might as well be my death. I opened my eyes and stared into the white furnace right in front of my nose. I had to squint to see it, really, it was so close.

The trick was not to start shaking now. Though, I never really liked the shape of my nose, might be a perfect time to change that. I exhale

 

Just don't think.
Just don't think.
Just. Don't. Think!

Easier said than done, girl.

Great post! I really like this concept.

 

The problem with telling yourself not to think is you begin immediately to think about not thinking. Am I right?

I can't wait until you don't update again.

 

Yeeah... telling yourself not to think is not going to help, methinks. You'll end up thinking one way or another.

I started cracking up at the Clone Wars film reference. I wonder how they would react if you mentioned it.

 

great update Lanna.

 

"No, no, no!" He batted my blade away with his. "You look as if you are afraid of your own weapon. How do you intend to project certainty like that?"

"But I am afraid of it," I answered helplessly. "I don't think a klutz like me should handle something that dangerous."

C'baoth shook his head in disapproval. "Concentrate on the beauty of it, not the danger," he advised.

I tried. I really, really tried. Staring into the bright blue blaze, I tired to see only the beauty of it. Blue, what had blue been for? Green for duty, blue for - reliability? No wonder I had problems with blue. I stared at the blade. Maybe it was a hint; not that I like the idea, it scared about as much as the blade.

 

Tell me about it, angry_bendu. Glad you like it. It still comes as a surprise. Self-insert and all that, you know.

Better than thinking of stuff, Alexis. Probably. But once you try to remember what you did not think of a second ago - it can be rather vicious.

I could ask them interesting stuff, Idri. Like: What happened to Captain Rex? And: Where is Rotta now? I'm just wodering if it's a good or bad thing that I didn't see the movie.

Thank you Amanda.

Well, a real lightsaber would be scary, Vadey. One wrong move and you end up - generally about the place.

---

[u]Thirty[/u]



[i]Get your sorry ass out of bed and do something for the Empire!

Go, go, go! This is not a pleasure cruise!

Move it!![/i]


I rolled over, not wanting to get up at all. So much for initiative. But I might have affected something, and that might just be enough. Positive thinking, that was it. And wishful thinking, I was even better at that.

My breakfast stared back at me for quite a while before I gobbled it down just in time to avoid getting blared at by my pad. I so was in no mood to do sports of any kind. Maybe I should 'accidentally' knock out Arn and be done for the day. The only drawback of the plan was that I had no idea how hard to hit him and I didn't want to risk hurting him permanently.

Bugger.

"Nice lightsaber you have there," Arn commented when I arrived at the gym.

"C'baoth made me carry it so I'd stop being afraid of it," I grumbled. "At least, it hasn't gone off until now and cut my leg off."

"Afraid of your own lightsaber?" He raised a brow rather eloquently.

"A weapon that can cut through almost anything is a bit big for me," I said. "Id rather have a vibroblade; or maybe a fish knife."

"We can adapt the training with the sticks so you could use it for the sabre, if you'd like. Won't be too difficult."

"By all that's beautiful and good, don't!" I burst out. "I'm having enough sabre-stuff already. Let me have some fun for a change. I sure do need it."

Training was fine, especially since it included the complete lack of anything connected to lightsabers. It felt much better to wield a simple stick. Oh, I could still inflict damage, but it was rather unlikely that I got through the floor or walls of the room, not to mention the hull. Not in a lifetime. Maybe I was just not used enough to the idea that all around me big chunks of nothing and vacuum tugged at the eggshell environment of the ship.

"So," I wanted to know as we ate lunch, "can you tell me when Thrawn will launch his attack to grab the mole miners from Calrissian at Nkllon?"

"Strange that you should ask," Arn replied. "It is scheduled for tomorrow."

Tomorrow, my day off. How very considerate. It would certainly spare me having to watch yet another battle. Not that I remembered many dying during that attack, but that didn't mean anything. How high was the body count in an average action movie? How many of those did you actually realise as people who die and are no more? Same difference.

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Oh, just curious," I said. "It will go well and bring in about fifty mining thingies. Not sure how many the Grand Admiral wanted, but it should be fine. You want to know what he wants them for, too?"

He shook his head. "I already do, but thanks for asking."

Well, it seemed that there was more to Arn than him being my personal babysitter. I would have to be a bit more careful around him. An intermediary to Thrawn was a nice thing, but I had not intended for that to run smoothly in both directions. Stupid, actually, when you came to think of it.



C'baoth was back to politics, mostly how come so much of it was in the end fought out with armies. And how to make sure your armies were the winning team. He had obviously seen my complete lack of strategic intelligence and decided to do something against it. Brave move, a

 

Mel, mein Liebling... I fully understand!

*hugs fellow German Fanforce member!*

 

I'm picking up an awfully subtle vibe that you would like to never see a lightsaber again.

Awesome update, Lanna.

 

Wow, this is amazing. I stayed up all night reading it. However, one would think you could just turn the lightsaber into training mode for the sparring matches...

 

It's been so long since I read the books all this refers to, but will what Mel is doing change what happened?

If so, how much?

Good cliffie.

 

This is awesome! Great job, Master!

 

nice job Lanna. sorry no more on comments I'm not in a very commenting mood

 

Yet another stellar entry!

 

What the hell is she - you - thinking???? Playing C'Boath against Thrawn like?!?!

But great update!

 

It's never easy, azure.

Well, Idri, I am the Master of subtle! And I believe we should keep stupid people away from dangerous weapons.

Welcome Kev. Here's hoping you managed to catch up on your sleep.
I am sure you can, but that would not be very C'baoth, I think. He's a sink or swim type of guy.

Alexis - It will change - something. But some of the effects may not be seen until oh, 15 years from then? Cliffie? Oh, the pay rolls. That was supposed to be a joke.

Thank you Rex.

That's okay, Amanda.

Vadey - Stellar? Thanks.

Me, thinking? Aw, come on Ale, you of all people should know better than that! But it's nice to hear that everybody thinks I am now capable to do things.
*sniggers*

Note: lyrics by Trent Reznor, may he not sue my ass off.

---

[u]Thirty-one[/u]


[i]Geddiyup, Mellanna!
Time to play, so rise and shine![/i]


Sounded like Jes and Sey having the time of their lives. I should have been happy. Somebody cared enough to play those little jokes for me.

I pulled the blanket over my head. I did not want to. Not at all. I hadn't slept long in how long now? Too long,; since I had come here. In the cell it had been too uncomfortable, and now - now I had my personal assembly of shout-me-awakes. I curled up with my back to the room. No, I would not get up. I didn't have to, this was my free day. I'd just go to sleep again.

Closing my eyes, I tried to relax. There was nothing I had to do. Everything could wait. Just one day, just one day I wanted for myself. That was okay, wasn't it? It had to be. This was my life after all. Who would I be if I couldn't even decide about my free day?

An Imp.
Most likely.
Well, I didn't want to. Right there and then, I just didn't want to. And who'd notice anyway? Toris. I sighed. That was not good. I liked Toris, it would be unfair, it was not his fault after all. And then there were Sey and Jes; wasting their time was not a nice trait either.

Ah, there I was again, nailed down nicely in the net of not letting somebody down. Very convenient. But I would not let it happen. I would. Not. Let it happen. I banged my forehead softly against the wall. Sometimes a small amount of pain was a good reminder of the fact that you could still feel anything, even if you didn't believe it. I did not want this.

[i]I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this [/i]

And what about the others? Jes and Sey were just making the best of it. They took it in stride, a joke on them, but they would enjoy it at least. And Arn. I sighed, there was [i]always [/i] Arn. I was sure that was on purpose, I had to be anchored somewhere. There had to be somebody who understood.

[i]And don't you tell me how I feel
Don't you tell me how I feel
Don't you tell me how I feel
You don't know just how I feel [/i]

I kept banging my head against the bulkhead. It would not be the first time I didn't want this. It would not be the first time this got me through. It was probably the end; it was [i]always [/i] the end. Burying my head in my hands I laid very, very still.

****!




I arrived at the simulators at eight sharp and was only a little out of breath. I hated everything in general; me and my life especially. Toris did not look any friendlier than on day one. Whatever he thought privately, did obviously not apply once you were a private again. I snapped to attention.

"You don't look fit to fly an Imperial fighter," he shouted at me.

"Sir, yes, sir!" I bellowed back. "I don't feel fit to do it either."

He looked me up and down. "Too bad the Empire can't take that into consideration. Off you go!"

"Sir! Yes, Sir!" I saluted and jogged off. What had I expected?

The lessons went okay. A part of me huddled up in a corner snuffling while the rest of me tried to ignore it an fly. I

 

seems like you had a bad day. hey at least you had people trying to cheer you up.

great update

 

Fine day in the Empire? *raises brow* Seems more like a bad day if you ask me.

Aww, poor Mel. Your morning didn't go very well, did it?

I kept banging my head against the bulkhead.

Ouch. Does that feel worse than fanfic authors going *headdesk* all the time?

****!

Okay, that one got me. I love how that with this fic you can get away with Earth swearwords... though they have to be starred out. We'll know you've gone native when you start using SW swearwords instead.

"You don't look fit to fly an Imperial fighter," he shouted at me.

"Sir, yes, sir!" I bellowed back. "I don't feel fit to do it either."

He looked me up and down. "Too bad the Empire can't take that into consideration. Off you go!"

"Sir! Yes, Sir!" I saluted and jogged off. What had I expected?

No rest for thw weary. That's almost like me with my Spanish class last night:

PROF: You don't look fit to write a Spanish quiz.
IDRI: (with no voice) Yes, Profesora. I don't feel fit to do it either.
PROF: Too bad, you're here, so you get to write it.
IDRI: *headdesk*



Sey and Jes crack me up. Poor you, having to withstand their comments.

 

"Right," Jes say patting me on the back. "For a girl, you're radiating an uncanny amount of testosterone."

"And that is very attractive to Jes here, who's actually a girl, too, only stuck in a man's body." Sey sniggered.



Yes, I've had those 'bang your head' days, though it wasn't to remind me what feeling someting feels like, but to get my mind off pain from somewhere else.

 

Awwww, your day sounded so terrible! Lucky for us, though, cause this chapter was hilarious.

 

If that's a fine day, I'd hate to see a bad day!

 

Well, look at it this way: At least you have friends in the Empire!



Oh, and don't worry, I have a very easy schedule, and I only stayed up til around 2300 hours reading the whole thing.

 

I read it days ago but I forgot to comment. Sorry!


"And that is very attractive to Jes here, who's actually a girl, too, only stuck in a man's body." Sey sniggered.



I like Sey already and Jes is interesting too.
Yummy characters.

 

Sey and Jes remind me of Face and Ton, I love it!

But how could you ever say being an Imperial under Grand Admiral Thrawn was like another boring day at work?!?!? All that Imperial regulation and what-not, must really be a blast...